Potential atheist boyfriend

[emilyk123]

Thanks for all the feedback. I do have a date in a couple days, and I’ll update you all. Will be cautious and put God first.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

Well if it doesn’t work out, I’m single

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Let’s break this down. You have two issues going on here:

1. The guy is an atheist, so there is a religious difference/ possible difference in values between you.
2. The guy got handsy on the second date, which made you uncomfortable because you don’t know if he is going to want to go even further later and you don’t seem to totally trust yourself to put up the stop sign.

Regarding (1), the question for you is whether you want to pursue a relationship, which could potentially get serious, with someone whose religious beliefs aren’t just non-Catholic, but are more like polar opposite of yours. Speaking for myself only, I would have dated an atheist in a non-serious way (and did a couple times when I was young and single), but at that point I was not looking for a marital partner and was more interested in just going out with different people and getting to know them, not having a monogamous relationship with one person, atheist or not. So the fact that they were atheists didn’t bother me much.

Since you are already seeing this relationship in terms of becoming “monogamous”, I would suggest that the atheism may be a more serious issue for you, and that you have a good long talk with Mr. Atheist about your religious differences before you get into anything deeper with him. If what you want is a serious relationship leading to marriage, it would be much simpler to date a Catholic or at the very least, a baptized Christian whose baptism is accepted by the Church.

Regarding (2), guys who are not seriously committed to “no sex before marriage” are usually going to “explore” or see where the limits are with each new girl. This is partly because their hormones are encouraging them, and partly because some girls expect a certain amount of romantic “interest” to be shown or else they put the guy in the friend zone or think he does not find them attractive. You are responsible for putting up the stop sign loudly and clearly when the guy’s actions begin to cross the line for you. Also, this may not have anything to do with his atheism because there are Catholic and Christian guys who do the same thing for one reason or another.

Again, if you see this as possibly developing into a serious relationship, you need to be able to put that stop sign up firmly and know that he will respect your wishes in not trying to push boundaries you have set. And again, this is something you need to have a frank talk with him about - definitely letting him know what is okay with you and what is not okay, because he has shown he does not have a good sense of setting limits on his own.

 

[Miri]

I’m scared that if months later we’re falling for each other, and we begin having arguments about it.

Take it from someone who has been there and back. It won’t take months - it will take a couple of weeks, max. Your best bet, as everyone else has already said, is to end it now.

Do you want a relationship that’s a constant battle? When I was in my 20s I dated an agnostic and he would mock me for going home early on Saturday nights so I could get up at a decent hour to go to church on Sundays. Eventually he got on my case about everything. Ditch him now and find someone who is more compatible.

 

[redbetta]

Perhaps there was not as much sexual harassment/assault paranoia back in your day.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

Yeah. It was easier to ask people out for sure. And honestly most younger women don’t appeal to me anyway

 

[DignumEtJustum]

Actually, you are right. We are all susceptible to mistakes.

 

[ChunkMonk]

Kissing and ‘moving hands’ on the second date?

Good luck.

 

[ConstantLearner]

This really isn’t fair. Plenty of atheists are good, upstanding people. Just as there are good Catholics and bad Catholics, the same goes for atheists

That’s true. Some atheists are nicer than some Catholics, but if she’s looking at the man as a potential husband and father, then it would probably lead to discord if their views about God (or no God) were polar opposite. I tried to be friends only with an atheist once, and it was a nightmare, and I’m not even what I call a devout Catholic. But I believe in God, the Holy Trinity, and I do have a moral compass. To be fair, the atheist had a moral compass, too, but he didn’t ascribe any of it to God.

 

[QwertyGirl]

That’s true. Some atheists are nicer than some Catholics, but if she’s looking at the man as a potential husband and father, then it would probably lead to discord if their views about God (or no God) were polar opposite. I tried to be friends only with an atheist once, and it was a nightmare, and I’m not even what I call a devout Catholic. But I believe in God, the Holy Trinity, and I do have a moral compass. To be fair, the atheist had a moral compass, too, but he didn’t ascribe any of it to God.

All valid points. I have always felt it is important to make sure your value systems align. Can be difficult when matching an atheist with a catholic. Actually a catholic with anyone other than a catholic can be pretty difficult. That doesn’t mean the athiest is amoral or immoral. Just different.

 

[OsculeturMeOsculo]

Hope everything goes well!

 

[dochawk]

We’d only been on two dates,

There are strong secular expectations about what happens on a third date . . .

I’m actually more concerned about the difference between 18 and 21; it’s bigger than the difference between 35 and 50 (says a grandfather supposedly a bit past the latter . . . )

The big thing I have to suggest is to discuss this outside of a date, and before the next one. If he has trouble with the absolute line, then it’s not where you want to go.

My grandmother married an atheist who never converted, but was supportive. I mentioned something about not being able to conceive of dating a non-Catholic, and she called me on it . . . but, again, he was very supportive, to the point of driving her to church (and hung out at the back for all of our Baptisms, etc., and once quipped about being the only atheist to watch the pope’s coronation [JPII, or maybe JPI]).

and as for the notion that no-one waits for marriage anymore, all I have to say is: “How ignorant!”

Conversely, dating a Catholic is no guarantee that there won’t be undue pressure in that regard . . .

hawk

 

[rcwitness]

We are not suppose to marry a non-believer.

1 Corinthians 7
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whomever she wishes, provided that it be in the Lord.

Footnote:
“Application of the principles to the case of widows. If they do choose to remarry, they ought to prefer Christian husbands.”

2 Corinthians 6
Do not be mismated with unbelievers.

There is a danger in dismissing the sin of unbelief by anyone, no matter how nice they are. Im not attempting to compare people, in fact quite the opposite. Each person is personally accountable for their own response to the Gospel. To reject the Good News of Jesus is a grave offense to His Father!

Hebrews 11
But without faith it is impossible to please him, for anyone who approaches God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

 

[ChunkMonk]

That doesn’t mean the athiest is amoral or immoral. Just different.

The fool hath said in his heart: There is no God, They are corrupt, and are become abominable in their ways: there is none that doth good, no not one.
Psalms 14:1

 

[rcwitness]

I took this from a post by a CAF member:

“Catholic view of marriage to a non-Christian, an atheist. Well, mixed marriages are discouraged but tolerated if the Catholic unwisely insists on marrying the non-believer. However, a mixed marriage requires a dispensation from the Bishop. There must be reasonable assurance that the Catholic will be free to practice their faith and the Catholic must promise to raise their children Catholic. The non-Catholic must be informed of the promise. The Catholic is bound by the Catholic form of marriage- i.e., in a Catholic Church-- unless they receive a dispensation to marry elsewhere. If marrying a non-Catholic they would have the Marriage Rite outside of Mass. Both the Catholic and non-Catholic would have to attend all diocesan required marriage preparation programs/meetings. Of course, the Catholic would be obligated to adhere to ALL Church teachings.”

 

[Tis_Bearself]

We are not suppose to marry a non-believer.

The Catholic Church will marry you to a non-believer as long as he agrees to raise the children Catholic and fulfills the other pre-Cana process requirements. We go by the Church teaching, guidance and requirements on this matter, not by our personal interpretation of Scripture. If someone wishes to not date an atheist, it is their personal choice to keep themselves out of difficult situations and possible sin, not a requirement of the Church that we can only date believers.

 

[rcwitness]

Yes, the Church will suffer it so. Yet it cannot be a Sacrament.

A Sacrament requires the lawful consent of BOTH priestly spouses. An atheist does not share in the priesthood of Jesus.

 

[QwertyGirl]

The fool hath said in his heart: There is no God, They are corrupt, and are become abominable in their ways: there is none that doth good, no not one.

Psalms 14:1

Suit yourself my friend. If that is the way you choose to see the world and the people in it, I feel sorry for you.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If marrying a non-Catholic they would have the Marriage Rite outside of Mass.

There are a number of errors in that post but this one really jumped out at me.

We marry non-Catholic baptized Christians at Masses all the time nowadays. I married my Presbyterian husband at a Nuptial Mass and he was even permitted to receive Holy Communion at the wedding. We did not push for this or even ask as I assumed it would not be allowed - the priest, who was an older man and quite conservative, decided to do it on his own after speaking with my husband.

 

[rcwitness]

rcwitness:

If marrying a non-Catholic they would have the Marriage Rite outside of Mass.

There are a number of errors in that post but this one really jumped out at me.

We marry non-Catholic Christians at Masses all the time nowadays. I married my Presbyterian husband at a Nuptial Mass and he was even permitted to receive Holy Communion at the wedding. We did not push for this or even ask as I assumed it would not be allowed - the priest, who was an older man and quite conservative, decided to do it on his own after speaking with my husband.

I wont tell you that you are wrong. Though excuse me for not assuming this priest was acting lawful. I have been around long enough to witness many errors by priests.

Since this was a quote from a poster I respect, I will check with them.

Thanks for sharing.