Premarital Sex - Regret

[eleusis]

bapcathluth:

It sounds quite hypocritical to me.

Negative, to be hypocritical would be to currently live a life of “free love” but to regret our actions of our youth is to have the wisdom of hindsight. And for us to keep this wisdom from our children is to doom them to repeat our sins, and that would be…a sin.

 

[mommy]

bapcathluth:

It is very interesting to me that 66% of the people who replied to this poll have had premarital sex. Oh, but most of them are so sorry. Sure, you all got your groove on and now you expect this generation to straighten up and fly right. It sounds quite hypocritical to me.

Would it be best if people didn’t learn from their mistakes?

Or would it be best to say Ok, I did it, I know now it was wrong, but since I did it, you might as well do it, too.

And I think it also shows that as people come to faith, their perspective changes, their priorities change, and obviously your life can change.

 

[chevalier]

I have heard people say this. I know people who are married to people who aren’t interested in sex or who can’t perform sexually and they wished they had not waited. Then they would know about this problem before marriage.

Perhaps they are not actually married. See Canon 1095: vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3Z.HTM

 

[Steve_Andersen]

Dredgemate:

I hate to blast you here, but that’s an ignorant statement

I never claimed to be smart

Dredgemate:

….I fail to see how two unmarried people can give of themselves fully and completely….

Yes, you fail to see.

(sorry, old joke…I just had to)

Dredgemate:

……Second: Because premarital sex is a selfish act, the participants want to be “responsible” to ensure that pregnancy is not a result of this act. Therefore, the creation of life is thought of as a burden.

That is quite a generalization on your part.

Very uncharitable to assume the worse about someone you don’t know.

 

[Alterum]

Dredgemate is merely stating the obvious. Premarital sex cannot be anything but a selfish act, and by in large, the parties seek to prevent the conception of a child.

 

[cainem]

eleusis:

I was exposed to sexuality too young (toddler age). As a result I developed a very early interest in sex. By the time I married I had been with between 20-30 partners. I was never in love. I was never seeking intimacey I wanted the release and then the freedom to move out and find another or would remain with the same partner until committment was demanded. But somehow with my wife I was really and truly smitten. She wouldn’t “put out”, she actually dumped a full big gulp type drink in my lap one night to cool my jets. Oh, she was a challenge and I was taken aback to have to suddenly respect the word “No”. She was, is, a good Catholic girl and I am the only man she has ever been with. When we finally married and experienced true love and all the blessings the Lord intended with such intimacy I was and am overcome with regret. Love making was intended for marriage because of the incredible fulfillment that one can find in it when one is free to give totally and unreservedly emotionally. And it is this emotion that I learned as a man that was the missing vital component. Men between 15 and 30 are mostly hormone driven dogs on the prowl and shouldn’t be left unattended with the sheep. They will say and do anything to earn the trust to get the object of their affection and once they have it be off like a shot. Tell her that regardless of what the promise boys will lose respect for ANY girl that “puts out”. It is just the nature of the biological status-quo. Feminists have conviced the media to sell the idea of free sex to women but its the women who usually find themselves left alone in the delivery room while Johnny boy is off trying his lines on another father’s daugther. It is the exeption among boys to find one who may be true gentlemen in control of their hormones but DONT YOU BET ON IT. I am a father of three girls and any boy ringing that door bell is going to have to get passed me and my years of attention to detail in their education at home. And if that fails I am a black belt in taekwondo and an Illinois State Taekwondo champion and an Army trained expert marksman, my girls will demand and have respect. And so should all of our wonderful little Catholic darlings. Watch your girls dads, remember all those thoughts you had as a boy and multiply them because today’s boys have the free porn on the internet and the media convicing them its all right to objectify the image of Mary. Ok, I am venting at this point so I will sign of.

i too was introduced to sex before my teens, also went off the rails big time, only regret is the the girls i used and left behind once i’m done, also regret taking revenge on the gay community at large

 

[jimmy]

bapcathluth:

It is very interesting to me that 66% of the people who replied to this poll have had premarital sex. Oh, but most of them are so sorry. Sure, you all got your groove on and now you expect this generation to straighten up and fly right. It sounds quite hypocritical to me.

Its not hypocritical, its realizing that you have done something wrong and regreting it.

 

[jimmy]

Steve Andersen:

I never claimed to be smart

Yes, you fail to see.

(sorry, old joke…I just had to)

That is quite a generalization on your part.

Very uncharitable to assume the worse about someone you don’t know.

It is a selfish act. Love is sacrifice. to be unwilling to wait is not showing love at all.

 

[wabrams]

I have no regrets about having premarital sex or anything else I’ve done. Some things I wish I had done differently, but to me it was all a learning experience.

 

[JimO]

wabrams:

I have no regrets about having premarital sex or anything else I’ve done. Some things I wish I had done differently, but to me it was all a learning experience.

Are you saying that you have no regrets about offending God or hurting others? I hope not.

 

[wabrams]

JimO:

Are you saying that you have no regrets about offending God or hurting others? I hope not.

I don’t believe living a life filled with regrets. If you mess up, ask God for forgiveness and the strength not to do it again, and keep moving forward. It’s as simple as that.

 

[Dredgemate]

Steve Andersen:

I never claimed to be smart

Yes, you fail to see.

(sorry, old joke…I just had to)

That is quite a generalization on your part.

Very uncharitable to assume the worse about someone you don’t know.

If I seem uncharitable I’m sorry for the offense. But, Is it a generalization to say that sex for pleasure is a selfish act? I don’t think so. The sexual act is an affirmation of a married couples bond; of the “two become one”. Sex outside the confines of marriage is only for one purpose, pleasure. There is no bond to celebrate.

As to the bapcathluth’s comment about hypocracy, is it hypocrytical to want the younger generation to learn from your mistakes? I have a two year old son. Would it be hypocritical to tell him not to touchthe hot stove, even though in the past I’ve touched a hot stove? I doubt it.

 

[JimO]

wabrams:

I don’t believe living a life filled with regrets. If you mess up, ask God for forgiveness and the strength not to do it again, and keep moving forward. It’s as simple as that.

There is a big difference between “having regrets”, which I don’t advocate (in fact it could be considered despairing of God’s forgiveness), and wishing I hadn’t committed a particular sin because of the damage it might have done to another and because it hurt God. I’m not trying to sound harsh but your response sounded a bit cavalier. We do learn from our sinful behavior (hopefully), but we are never better off than if we had not sinned.

 

[wabrams]

JimO:

There is a big difference between “having regrets”, which I don’t advocate (in fact it could be considered despairing of God’s forgiveness)

I agree with you 100%.

JimO:

and wishing I hadn’t committed a particular sin because of the damage it might have done to another and because it hurt God.

That’s where asking God for forgivness (and meaning it) comes into play.

JimO:

I’m not trying to sound harsh but your response sounded a bit cavalier. We do learn from our sinful behavior (hopefully), but we are never better off than if we had not sinned.

I have to disagree with your last statement, sometimes we are better off after committing the sin (not all of them, though). We learn the difficulties of life and the struggles it involves. I do have respect for those who learn w/o committing the sin, but most people aren’t like that.

 

[JimO]

wabrams:

II have to disagree with your last statement, sometimes we are better off after committing the sin (not all of them, though). We learn the difficulties of life and the struggles it involves. I do have respect for those who learn w/o committing the sin, but most people aren’t like that.

Please don’t mistake my comments - I’ve messed up pretty good in my life and I don’t typically learn by not having sinned, but, there are sins that I committed with full knowledge that hurt others and threw me off track. If I could do it over again, I would make a different choice. It’s like innocence. It is a beautiful thing and once it is lost, its full beauty cannot be retrieved.

On the other hand, you make a good point about learning from sin. I am convinced that God makes us with specific imperfections that are specifically designed to make us turn to Him regularly because we realize that we can’t do it ourselves. Those imperfections are usually related to some sin area in our lives that we struggle with. Not that God creates us to sin, but we all struggle with certain recurring sin that humbles us and drives us into His arms for repentance.

I guess where I draw the line is between mortal and venial sin (I know you would probably differ with me on this, being that it is a Catholic concept). I would never want to learn by committing serious (mortal) sin (which is what sexual sin usually is) because that kind of sin wounds the soul and separates us from God. Also, it is committed with full knowledge and consent; therefore, we are basically looking God in the face and saying, “I know this is wrong, and I know it will hurt you, but I want to do it anyway.” I never want to “learn” that way.

Blessings

 

[JimO]

test

 

[mommy]

Well perhaps I framed the question wrong. It seems the word ‘regret’ isn’t well received. I guess the main question I was trying to ask was Knowing now, what you know, do you wish that you had not had premarital sex. I suppose you can call that regret, or not. But I really wanted to get across to younger people who may be contemplating it, or think its no big deal, that they just may well think differently later in life, and to think twice NOW while they have the chance.

Honestly I have a whole laundry list of things I would have done differently with faith in my life. I know I can’t change them, nor can I spend the rest of my life fretting over it. But if my thoughts can help someone who’s in that boat now, then I suppose that’s a good thing.

 

[wabrams]

JimO:

Please don’t mistake my comments - I’ve messed up pretty good in my life and I don’t typically learn by not having sinned, but, there are sins that I committed with full knowledge that hurt others and threw me off track. If I could do it over again, I would make a different choice. It’s like innocence. It is a beautiful thing and once it is lost, its full beauty cannot be retrieved.

On the other hand, you make a good point about learning from sin. I am convinced that God makes us with specific imperfections that are specifically designed to make us turn to Him regularly because we realize that we can’t do it ourselves. Those imperfections are usually related to some sin area in our lives that we struggle with. Not that God creates us to sin, but we all struggle with certain recurring sin that humbles us and drives us into His arms for repentance.

I guess where I draw the line is between mortal and venial sin (I know you would probably differ with me on this, being that it is a Catholic concept). I would never want to learn by committing serious (mortal) sin (which is what sexual sin usually is) because that kind of sin wounds the soul and separates us from God. Also, it is committed with full knowledge and consent; therefore, we are basically looking God in the face and saying, “I know this is wrong, and I know it will hurt you, but I want to do it anyway.” I never want to “learn” that way.

Blessings

I pretty much agree with you on this. Sometimes it’s hard to get your thoughts across typing on a message board versus face to face talk.

 

[GoodSamaritan]

I would like to know why so many people say that
they had premarital sex, but wish they had not.

Personally, I had a really inadequate concept of what sex and our bodies were for. I bought into the lie that society pushes–that sex is good, great, and merely a satiation of animal reflex. I was 16–hormones were pumping, my friends were doing it, and i really thought that, as long as i loved my girlfriend (nevermind that a 16 year old wouldn’t know self-giving love if it bit him in the leg!), then God would approve.

I didn’t realize until much later that sex is not good, great, or chocolate for the libido. Sex is HOLY. And when you treat something that is holy as though it was merely good or even great, you desecrate it. This may be a bad analogy but it’s one that I heard which impacted me. Suppose I’m givng a talk at a Church. In the middle of it, I get hungry so I make my way to the Tabernacle and start gobbling down hosts. You’d likely be horrified. Would it make things better if I said, ‘Thank You, they’re good!’? No. The Eucharist is holy and designed for a specific purpose and state of grace. So is sex. The purpose is to give yourself wholly, exclusively, and permanently to your spouse (and the result is that you may have to name the result in 9 months time). The state of grace is called ‘Sacramental Marriage’.

There is something inscribed on our bodies that tells us sex is holy. We just don’t pay much attention to that in our sex crazed world, but it’s there. I learned that when I had sex with my girlfriend, I was lying with my body. I was telling her that I was hers completely, exclusively, and permanently, even though we had no tangible or sacramental tie to each other. In marriage, we are joined together by God–we become ONE. Outside of marriage, we are merely two entities telling a lie to one another with our bodies.

Looking back, the lack of reverence for the sexual act was what doomed me. Society told me that, to be cool, I had to be having sex. Unfortunately, the other side was never explained in terms that were understandable, much less actually do-able.

Sorry for the ramblings…

 

[James_2_24]

Very uncharitable to assume the worse about someone you don’t know.

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither* fornicators**, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals. (1 Cor 6:9)

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:34)*

I guess the St. Paul and the writer of Hebrews are uncharitable as well? He makes no qualification about WHICH fornicators are mortally sinning. He states very clearly that fornication is wrong.

God doesn’t say fornication is wrong just to say it is wrong.
It is objectively self-centered and destroys.

It is not assuming the worst about someone who willingly fornicates, the worst is obvious and speaks for itself, no assumption is made. Can you imagine someone saying: “Its very uncharitable that you assume the worse [about this murderer] whom you don’t know.” But you have done exactly this, you’ve just inserted fornicator where there is murderer.

The Bible tells us not to fear the one who can kill the body, but rather the one who can kill the soul. I would submit that the one who causes another to sin by fornication is more dangerous than the one who would shoot you on the street. Because one will kill your soul, the other your body.

Love can’t wait to give, lust can’t wait to get. Love is sacrificing for the sake of the beloved. Wanting and pursuing sex with someone before marriage involves no sacrifice. It invovles uncertainty – is this person going to leave me in the future? Am I going to get pregnant out of wedlock? etc. etc. Love doesn’t put anyone in that position.

Read - Jason Evert’s book: “If you really loved me”
and booklet: “Pure Love”

you can get them here from Catholic Answers.

God Bless you.