Lisa N:
Steve, you responded to my comments directed at Tlaloc.
I know . Your post seemed to imply that a person was either completely on the straight and narrow or out looking for Mr. Goodbar
As in most things…most of us reside somewhere in the middle
Lisa N:
However I do want to call you out for the use of the words 'b**tard children…
It is a perfectly legitimate (no pun intended) word (Alright maybe a little bit of a pun intended but come on, you throw up a meatball like that and I just have to swing at it)
Lisa N:
…… Even if YOUR encounters are limited to that special group you admit to, you have no control over their partners and the partners of their partners etc.
As Tlalco pointed out, no one has complete knowledge or control over anyone
Whether you have 1 or 100 partners it is all a matter of trust.
Lisa N:
… The point being that there IS an inherent risk in having multiple partners …
Life is all bout risk management.
From driving down the street, to deciding to get married, to eating those old leftovers from the back of the frig…every decision we make carries some risk.
That is what adult life is all about.
You places your bets and you takes your chances
Lisa N:
I didn’t comment on your life.
I didn’t say you were. I was responding to Lisa4Catholics not Lisa N.
Lisa N:
… I think there is ample evidence that having multiple sexual partners dramatically increases risk of STDs and unplanned pregnancies… Would you disagree?
It seems reasonable to state that increased number of partners and or increased sexual activity would raise the probability of STDs, pregnancies, etc
but I haven’t seem any numbers that would support or refute whether they were “dramatic” increases or not I suppose that it would depend on what your definition of dramatic was and how risk adverse you are
Clearly to avoid any of those problems you would have no sex
But (again without seeing any numbers and this is probably something that it would be very difficult to obtain numbers on) the marginal increase in risk seems like it would be fairly small
Lisa N:
You are aware that statisically speaking those who live together prior to marriage are MUCH more likely to divorce?
I have heard those statistics but I don’t know the source and it isn’t my field so I couldn’t comment.
Lisa N:
… if your commitment is so tenuous that it could be broken by the experience of dirty sox or flautulence, then it wasn’t much of a commitment in the first place.
Sigh. We are literal minded aren’t we? No my commitment isn’t that tenuous. I was using socks et al as metaphors of the day to day realties of life. (You’ll note I also included family members and financial responsibilities on my list)
Like you and the health problems you’ve encountered, I base my opinions/feelings on my personal experiences.
Lisa N:
And what would having sex with multiple women prior to marriage have done to provide knowledge of your first wife’s expectations? IOW you haven’t connected the dots. It sounds as if you didn’t know each other well and had problems communicating expectations before marriage. Again, how would multiple sexual partners or living together help what was obviously a problem in communicating? Maybe you were both simply too young and didn’t even know yourselves well enough to understand much less communicate your expectations…
I didn’t say that multiple partners would have helped.
I said that if we had spent more time together learning each others habits and needs we might have avoided getting married in the first place
And no we weren’t too young….we were both very much of age. We were just ….incompatible. Tragically so.
Lisa N:
It sounds like you are going into this marriage with more maturity and understanding of youself and each other. I wish you well.
thank you
Lisa N:
There you go…commenting on MY life. You think I have small self esteem? Huh? What would give you that illusion?
I wasn’t trying to say anything personal. You had said something about possibly not feeling special or just one in a multitude if your partner had had other experiences.
Lisa N:
Frankly I wish I’d had the self esteem now that I didn’t have when I was when I was a teenager. …’
Lisa N:
That’s why teenagers shouldn’t have sex. Like I said it is all about risk management.
If you can’t play a the table with the big kids then keep your chips in you pockets
Just because you can’t understand her faith OR self-control does not mean she is not using LOGIC!SHAME:tsktsk: Maybe you ought to listen to her,she seems to have a lot of wisdom.She doesn’t look at people as appetisers to graze through.
Tlaloc:
How the heck would you know if they were honest?
Maybe the virgins you knew were just boring in general. Myself and my 2 closest friends in highschool (who are still my bestfriends now) married the only guy we ever slept with. We’re pretty open in discussing things and I’ll bet ya all the tea in china none of guys thought/think we were/are boring. The one friend I have whose sex life really sucks is the one that had multiple partners before marriage.
