Premarital Sex - Regret

[Steve_Andersen]

Actually I was first

but we won’t bicker an aurgue about that

besides, you asked the question

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

I’ll help you Lisa.

Ok. On my left ring-finger there’s a ring. Inscribed is ‘True Love Waits’ and a little heart. A chastity ring.

I’m not going to have sex before I’m married. Because I’m going to be chaste and loyal to whoever my future husband is. For all I know, he’s my best friend, or I might not even know him yet. But I know God knows him and God knows me.

Wedding gowns are white, right? White is purity. Because you’re supposed to be a virgin when you get married. ‘Unwrapped goods’ if you will.

Maybe, for all those that arn’t virgins, we could change the color. Red maybe?

God made sex. Everything He made is good. So, sex is good. And holy! Meant to be shared between two, married, people. Sex binds you and makes two people one. Why would you give something like that away to anyone? More so to a person you know has already given themselves away to someone else? It doesn’t make sense!

I’m fifteen, I get this logic. I understand it and listen to it. What I don’t get is why some adults, can’t.

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

Steve Andersen:

Actually I was first

but we won’t bicker an aurgue about that

besides, you asked the question

Steve he first killed me on Terrie Schaivo and the soul of America in the moral theology section and then you and he did it again here.Very depressing.God Bless

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

Pro-Life_Teen:

I’ll help you Lisa.

Ok. On my left ring-finger there’s a ring. Inscribed is ‘True Love Waits’ and a little heart. A chastity ring.

I’m not going to have sex before I’m married. Because I’m going to be chaste and loyal to whoever my future husband is. For all I know, he’s my best friend, or I might not even know him yet. But I know God knows him and God knows me.

Wedding gowns are white, right? White is purity. Because you’re supposed to be a virgin when you get married. ‘Unwrapped goods’ if you will.

Maybe, for all those that arn’t virgins, we could change the color. Red maybe?

God made sex. Everything He made is good. So, sex is good. And holy! Meant to be shared between two, married, people. Sex binds you and makes two people one. Why would you give something like that away to anyone? More so to a person you know has already given themselves away to someone else? It doesn’t make sense!

I’m fifteen, I get this logic. I understand it and listen to it. What I don’t get is why some adults, can’t.

Thankyou Victoria, I have a son who is 17 and one who is 15 and both of them are too virgins and neither have gone mad contrary of what Tlaloc says.Steve perhaps if you had waited you standards of what sex is “supposed” to be would not have been set and would be set for your wife and only your wife.God Bless

 

[JCPhoenix]

wabrams:

I don’t believe living a life filled with regrets. If you mess up, ask God for forgiveness and the strength not to do it again, and keep moving forward. It’s as simple as that.

I made that mistake and I regret it. To Bapcathluth it’s not hypocritical to realize your own mistake and to try to help others NOT follow your steps off the cliff.

If you happened to take a misstep while hiking, and fall headlong down into a cavern, bloody yourself up and maybe break a few bones, would you suggest everyone else follow you. Or by your definitiion would it be hypocritical to suggest to those behind you to watch their step so they don’t wind up in the same place?

Now, to wabrams…it’s not ALWAYS that simple. There is such a thing as temporal punishment. Now for my indiscretions, I am suffering a good possibility of cervical cancer, ongoing OB appointments and follow up, etc. This is uncomfortable, embarassing, painful, and the increased risk of cancer due to my condition is very scary.

One can change their lives, their outlook, and they can be chaste followers of Jesus. But Confession does not erase the physical scars that can be there for life. The past cannot be changed, actions cannot be taken back.

Yes I regret my poor decisions, and I will try my hardest to help others to NEVER land themselves where I have.

And you know…it only takes 1 to really wreck your life. I’m just happy I didn’t contract HIV or Hep B or C.

 

[Steve_Andersen]

Lisa,

I’m a little glib by nature and my sense of humor runs form the farcical to the absurd
I accidentally offend sometimes……sorry

God gives each of us something
Humor is my blessing/curse
So when you read something from me assume that my tongue is in my cheek (probably a poor choice of words for this thread…)

I’m mostly harmless
I’m not out to steal anyone’s soul and despite what Lisa N might think I don’t have “1000s” of lovers and a host of bastard children and STDs
(What does she think goes on in the world?)

(1000 lovers! I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended…probably offended…yeah definitely. I can count my lovers on my hand and they all mean something very special. Not that I couldn’t have 1000s…you know…like if I really wanted to… )

Anyway

You don’t know me from Adam
I don’t know your life and you don’t know mine

I would never dream of commenting on your life

I’m no kid. I’ve seen a lot and done and lot and hopefully learned a little

And yes I know what adult life is “supposed” to be like

My first marriage unfortunately failed

I hung in there like a trooper (death do us part and all that) for 11-12 years
And then she left me

We married too quickly. Too soon after both of us had heartbreaks
We never had the time to really know each other
And if there is anything I “regret” is that we didn’t live together ahead of time
We entered our marriage ignorant of each others expectations.
Tragedy
We could have discovered that ahead of time and save us both the heartache

Fortunately life goes on
My fiancée is a wonderful woman. She’s even the one who encouraged me to go back to church
We’re doing this the right way. We’re spending time to learn about each other

We’re business partners, friends, lovers, confidants and soon to be spouses. I already know about the dirty socks and the flatulence and the checkbooks
And her past
Despite what Lisa N might think neither of us feels that we aren’t special or just “one in a multitude”. I don’t know why she has such small self esteem or such fear of competition but love isn’t a zero sum game.

As for “prolifeteen”…… Her attitudes and behaviors are the right thing for a 15 year old
But……well they arrest men my age who discuss such matters with girls her age so we’ll just leave it at that
(I was being funny again, just there, in case you didn’t notice)

 

[rayne89]

Tlaloc:

You get tested, and you don’t sleep with people who won’t be honest about their history.

How the heck would you know if they were honest?

Tlaloc:

I certainly hope so. Virgins are dreadfully boring lovers.

Oh pleeaassee. Maybe the virgins you knew were just boring in general. Myself and my 2 closest friends in highschool (who are still my bestfriends now) married the only guy we ever slept with. We’re pretty open in discussing things and I’ll bet ya all the tea in china none of guys thought/think we were/are boring. The one friend I have whose sex life really sucks is the one that had multiple partners before marriage.

Tlaloc:

Indeed. You are also sharing the lessons they’ve learned from every past lover and reaping the benefit of all their experience. Yummy!

Oh yeah real appealing. You know what my husband got fro sleeping with mutiple woman before we were married, chlamydia and crabs. Isn’t that “yummy”?

Tlaloc:

While not 100% many forms are close enough as to make no real difference. I’ve been with my current girlfriend for about three years and we’ve had no accidental pregnancies.

Try being married for 7 years and having her husbands ex-girlfriend accuse him in a paternity suit. After spending thousands of dollers in legal fees ya find out the the test comes back negative. Now if he would have kept it in his pants we’d never have had to go through that.

People that don’t have sex before marriage are not sexually repressed, or fridgid. They’re not mentally damaged. This is a modern liberal myth. And those that wait til marriage have longer stronger marriages statisically.

How about a little dose of reality with all your “enlightened” remarks?

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

Steve Andersen:

Lisa,

I’m a little glib by nature and my sense of humor runs form the farcical to the absurd
I accidentally offend sometimes……sorry

God gives each of us something
Humor is my blessing/curse
So when you read something from me assume that my tongue is in my cheek (probably a poor choice of words for this thread…)

I’m mostly harmless
I’m not out to steal anyone’s soul and despite what Lisa N might think I don’t have “1000s” of lovers and a host of bastard children and STDs
(What does she think goes on in the world?)

(1000 lovers! I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended…probably offended…yeah definitely. I can count my lovers on my hand and they all mean something very special. Not that I couldn’t have 1000s…you know…like if I really wanted to… )

Anyway

You don’t know me from Adam
I don’t know your life and you don’t know mine

I would never dream of commenting on your life

I’m no kid. I’ve seen a lot and done and lot and hopefully learned a little

And yes I know what adult life is “supposed” to be like

My first marriage unfortunately failed

I hung in there like a trooper (death do us part and all that) for 11-12 years
And then she left me

We married too quickly. Too soon after both of us had heartbreaks
We never had the time to really know each other
And if there is anything I “regret” is that we didn’t live together ahead of time
We entered our marriage ignorant of each others expectations.
Tragedy
We could have discovered that ahead of time and save us both the heartache

Fortunately life goes on
My fiancée is a wonderful woman. She’s even the one who encouraged me to go back to church
We’re doing this the right way. We’re spending time to learn about each other

We’re business partners, friends, lovers, confidants and soon to be spouses. I already know about the dirty socks and the flatulence and the checkbooks
And her past
Despite what Lisa N might think neither of us feels that we aren’t special or just “one in a multitude”. I don’t know why she has such small self esteem or such fear of competition but love isn’t a zero sum game.

As for “prolifeteen”…… Her attitudes and behaviors are the right thing for a 15 year old
But……well they arrest men my age who discuss such matters with girls her age so we’ll just leave it at that
(I was being funny again, just there, in case you didn’t notice)

I am sorry you were hurt by your first wife.And I pray for everyone here I am not immaculatly concieved I just see the fruits of not doing it Gods way and it stinks,that all.We have a world in a mess and wounded hurt people everywhere and it is not because we do what we are suppose to I hope one day more shoot for the supernatural ways of God instead of our own way,we would be much happier I am glad you came back to the Church.God Bless

 

[cainem]

sorry my mistake i thought the post said pre marital sex regret, not lets slaughter those who have had sex outside of marriage, i’m sure they must feel better now that some posters have stamped their smugness/superiorority all over them

 

[Lisa_N]

Steve actually you are responding the points I made to Tlaloc regarding his smug conviction that he KNOWS everything about all of his sex partners. How could he? This is an area where people are not always honest. Further once you have sex with someone, in effect you are exposing yourself to everyone they had and everyone they had etc. While I never said you or even Tlaloc had 1000s of partners, think about it. Say an adult has had five partners in their lifetime. That’s apparently not a lot these days is it? Well if each of those partners had five and each of those had five, you can see how easy it is to in effect have exposure to literally hundreds, if not thousands of potential encounters with an STD.

STDs are apparently a HUGE problem in our young people these days and that is in effect what this thread is about, young people having sex before they are mentally and emotionally ready even if all the parts fit together nicely. Much damage to society has resulted in the explosion of premarital sex. I am not ancient but I do remember a time when no one had heard of HPV, much less AIDS. I also remember a time when an out of wedlock pregnancy was something rare, not something that barely raises an eyebrow.

I don’t think our society has improved greatly with all of this indiscriminate premarital sexual activity.

As to Tlaloc’s comment that virgins are ‘boring,’ how utterly tasteless. But I guess I wouldn’t have expected anything else.

Lisa N

 

[mommy]

Pro-Life_Teen:

I’ll help you Lisa.

Ok. On my left ring-finger there’s a ring. Inscribed is ‘True Love Waits’ and a little heart. A chastity ring.

I’m not going to have sex before I’m married. Because I’m going to be chaste and loyal to whoever my future husband is. For all I know, he’s my best friend, or I might not even know him yet. But I know God knows him and God knows me.

Wedding gowns are white, right? White is purity. Because you’re supposed to be a virgin when you get married. ‘Unwrapped goods’ if you will.

Maybe, for all those that arn’t virgins, we could change the color. Red maybe?

God made sex. Everything He made is good. So, sex is good. And holy! Meant to be shared between two, married, people. Sex binds you and makes two people one. Why would you give something like that away to anyone? More so to a person you know has already given themselves away to someone else? It doesn’t make sense!

I’m fifteen, I get this logic. I understand it and listen to it. What I don’t get is why some adults, can’t.

Wow - you are quite a young lady! I sure hope I can do for my children what you’re parents have obviously done for you! You are a great hope for our future.

 

[Fashina86]

Well, I am not voting because I am not yet married, but I have been told that premarital sex not only is morally wrong, but it is a great chance to get STDs. It also, since there are emotional bonds formed, a good way to bring unwanted baggage into a marraige. Finally, I have been told that one’s virginity is a special gift to one’s spouse through marraige. It makes the marraige even more special. One partner has always proven to be best in one lifetime.

God Bless–JMJ
Laura

 

[Lisa_N]

Steve Andersen:

Lisa,
think I don’t have “1000s” of lovers and a host of bastard children and STDs
(What does she think goes on in the world?)

FWIW Steve, you responded to my comments directed at Tlaloc. However I do want to call you out for the use of the words 'btard children. I think that is incredibly offensive and deems the innocent party guilty. There is no such thing as a btard child. The term might be more reasonably directed toward the irresponsible adults who had sex when they were unwilling to accept the natural consequences of sex, the possibility of a pregnancy.

You may have an STD Steve and not know it. I got HPV and cervical cancer and I assure you I did not have 1000s of lovers either. All it takes is one who was contaminated by one other person.

As to the reference to 1000s of lovers, please respond to what I actually said. Even if YOUR encounters are limited to that special group you admit to, you have no control over their partners and the partners of their partners etc. That’s what has spread STDs including some real nasty ones. The point being that there IS an inherent risk in having multiple partners and given that this thread is on premarital sex, that is the point in most people’s lives that they HAVE multiple partners, BEFORE marriage.
Steve Andersen:

I would never dream of commenting on your life)

I didn’t comment on your life. You are right, I know nothing about you. For all I know everything you’ve posted is a complete lie. But I was commenting on your apparent philosophy of life regardless of whether or not you’ve actually lived that philosophy. I think there is ample evidence that having multiple sexual partners dramatically increases risk of STDs and unplanned pregnancies among other consequences. Would you disagree?
Steve Andersen:

We married too quickly. Too soon after both of us had heartbreaks
We never had the time to really know each other
And if there is anything I “regret” is that we didn’t live together ahead of time)

You are aware that statisically speaking those who live together prior to marriage are MUCH more likely to divorce? Intuitively it sounds like it might be good to have some sort of trial period so you can encounter each other’s annoying habits. But frankly if your commitment is so tenuous that it could be broken by the experience of dirty sox or flautulence, then it wasn’t much of a commitment in the first place.
Steve Andersen:

We entered our marriage ignorant of each others expectations. Tragedy
We could have discovered that ahead of time and save us both the heartache)

And what would having sex with multiple women prior to marriage have done to provide knowledge of your first wife’s expectations? IOW you haven’t connected the dots. It sounds as if you didn’t know each other well and had problems communicating expectations before marriage. Again, how would multiple sexual partners or living together help what was obviously a problem in communicating? Maybe you were both simply too young and didn’t even know yourselves well enough to understand much less communicate your expectations. I think time and maturity would have done more for that marriage than more sex partners.
Steve Andersen:

Fortunately life goes on
My fiancée is a wonderful woman. She’s even the one who encouraged me to go back to church
We’re doing this the right way. We’re spending time to learn about each other

It sounds like you are going into this marriage with more maturity and understanding of youself and each other. I wish you well.
Steve Andersen:

And her past

Despite what Lisa N might think neither of us feels that we aren’t special or just “one in a multitude”. I don’t know why she has such small self esteem or such fear of competition but love isn’t a zero sum game.)

There you go…commenting on MY life. You think I have small self esteem? Huh? What would give you that illusion? Frankly I wish I’d had the self esteem now that I didn’t have when I was when I was a teenager. That was the time that I could have used more self respect and respect for the great gift of remaining chaste instead of considering sex as just another thing that was expected when in a ‘committed relationship.’
Steve Andersen:

As for “prolifeteen”…… Her attitudes and behaviors are the right thing for a 15 year old
But……well they arrest men my age who discuss such matters with girls her age so we’ll just leave it at that
(I was being funny again, just there, in case you didn’t notice)

On that we agree. The whole point of this thread is those of us who WERE never told to wait, that we could only give the gift of ourselves one time, can applaud those like Prolife Teen who really has her act together. She sounds like a blessing to her family and will be a blessing to her future husband.

Lisa N

 

[Bill_Connors]

Point to ponder. The Federal Center for Disease Control (CDC), recommends for people who have substantial exposure to bodily fluids from others…For Doctors, surgical hats, plastic face shields, face masks, outer protective garments and shoe covers…The (CDC) recommendation for teenagers…condums. For concerned parents and others check out these 5 informative web sites. Pamstenzel.com enlightencom.com medinstitute.org purerevolution.com and lastly lovematters.com

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

Lisa N:

FWIW Steve, you responded to my comments directed at Tlaloc. However I do want to call you out for the use of the words 'btard children. I think that is incredibly offensive and deems the innocent party guilty. There is no such thing as a btard child. The term might be more reasonably directed toward the irresponsible adults who had sex when they were unwilling to accept the natural consequences of sex, the possibility of a pregnancy.

You may have an STD Steve and not know it. I got HPV and cervical cancer and I assure you I did not have 1000s of lovers either. All it takes is one who was contaminated by one other person.

As to the reference to 1000s of lovers, please respond to what I actually said. Even if YOUR encounters are limited to that special group you admit to, you have no control over their partners and the partners of their partners etc. That’s what has spread STDs including some real nasty ones. The point being that there IS an inherent risk in having multiple partners and given that this thread is on premarital sex, that is the point in most people’s lives that they HAVE multiple partners, BEFORE marriage.

I didn’t comment on your life. You are right, I know nothing about you. For all I know everything you’ve posted is a complete lie. But I was commenting on your apparent philosophy of life regardless of whether or not you’ve actually lived that philosophy. I think there is ample evidence that having multiple sexual partners dramatically increases risk of STDs and unplanned pregnancies among other consequences. Would you disagree?

You are aware that statisically speaking those who live together prior to marriage are MUCH more likely to divorce? Intuitively it sounds like it might be good to have some sort of trial period so you can encounter each other’s annoying habits. But frankly if your commitment is so tenuous that it could be broken by the experience of dirty sox or flautulence, then it wasn’t much of a commitment in the first place.

And what would having sex with multiple women prior to marriage have done to provide knowledge of your first wife’s expectations? IOW you haven’t connected the dots. It sounds as if you didn’t know each other well and had problems communicating expectations before marriage. Again, how would multiple sexual partners or living together help what was obviously a problem in communicating? Maybe you were both simply too young and didn’t even know yourselves well enough to understand much less communicate your expectations. I think time and maturity would have done more for that marriage than more sex partners.

It sounds like you are going into this marriage with more maturity and understanding of youself and each other. I wish you well.

There you go…commenting on MY life. You think I have small self esteem? Huh? What would give you that illusion? Frankly I wish I’d had the self esteem now that I didn’t have when I was when I was a teenager. That was the time that I could have used more self respect and respect for the great gift of remaining chaste instead of considering sex as just another thing that was expected when in a ‘committed relationship.’

On that we agree. The whole point of this thread is those of us who WERE never told to wait, that we could only give the gift of ourselves one time, can applaud those like Prolife Teen who really has her act together. She sounds like a blessing to her family and will be a blessing to her future husband.

Lisa N

God Bless you LisaN,I did not do the right thing as a teenager and have aways regretted it.THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD IS NOT SIN,IT IS THE DENIAL OF SIN-ARCH BISHOP FULTON J. SHEEN

 

[Tlaloc]

felra:

Assuming they are devoutly Catholic, they have the Cross of Christ and the model of Mary and Joseph available to them. They are not left to their own limited resources, but can avail themselves of supernatural helps via God’s grace to grow profoundly in their love for each other.

By the saving power of the Cross, they can live the rest of their years growing in virtue and more perfect love for each other. As devout Catholics, they have the chase love of Mary and Joseph to draw upon as a model for their marriage.

Without faith, self-absorption and despair are a logical outcome for such a couple, as you readily point out. Only the faith and the saving power of the Cross can save such a couple from this outcome. A radical paradigm shift for those who only believe in themselves to save themselves from difficult situations.

So let me get this straight,
Not only do you want people to play russian roulette marriage by marrying blindly with no capacity to know how compatible they are as lovers but if they happen to guess badly for their lifetime commitment you want to hold them to the standard of Christ’s parents?

No pressure or anything.

 

[Tlaloc]

felra:

I totally agree, it’s called courtship. And the best thing is that when properly done it is guilt and sin free and has worked for generations…at least before this media indoctrinated, “enlightened” and sophisticated generation came along.

For preview of what courship entails, see Dr. James Dobson’s book “Making Love Last for a Lifetime”.

No amount of courtship will ever let you know what it’s like to live with a lover. Just as no length of friendship will let you know what it’s like to have the person as a roommate.

We all have little foibles that nobody outside of those we live with can see. Furthermore since your idea of courtship precludes intimacy that whole huge aspect to the relationship remains obscured until the wedding night.

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

Tlaloc:

No amount of courtship will ever let you know what it’s like to live with a lover. Just as no length of friendship will let you know what it’s like to have the person as a roommate.

We all have little foibles that nobody outside of those we live with can see. Furthermore since your idea of courtship precludes intimacy that whole huge aspect to the relationship remains obscured until the wedding night.

If you do not run around sleeping with people,you would have the “problem” of comparing one “lover” with another.

 

[Tlaloc]

Pro-Life_Teen:

I’m not going to have sex before I’m married. Because I’m going to be chaste and loyal to whoever my future husband is.

Having had lovers in no way indicates disloyalty to a future spouse.

Maybe, for all those that arn’t virgins, we could change the color. Red maybe?

Some choose not to wear white out of the old meaning of the color but for the majority these days that’s considered as passe as not wearing white shoes after labor day.

God made sex. Everything He made is good. So, sex is good. And holy! Meant to be shared between two, married, people. Sex binds you and makes two people one. Why would you give something like that away to anyone?

Why would you restrict it to only one person? No one said give it away to anyone. Trying to sleep with as many people as possible is just as unhealthy as trying to avoid sex. There is a middle course.

More so to a person you know has already given themselves away to someone else? It doesn’t make sense!

It makes perfect sense. By having lovers you explore your own sexuality and gain experience. You form wonderful relationships and enjoy moments of pure bliss. You become a more complete human being. By having an experienced lover you not only have someone who is much more likely to be good in the sack but also a more rounded human being as a friend and partner.

I’m fifteen, I get this logic. I understand it and listen to it. What I don’t get is why some adults, can’t.

That’s not logic, it’s faith. You have faith that remaining a virgin is for the best despite the logic to the contrary. That’s fine, you are certainly entitled to believe whatever you want, just don’t confuse the two.

 

[Mac6yver]

I have to give you credit Tlaloc, it takes some brass to state that opinion on these forums.