Pretty much had it with my wife

[midori]

I just wanted to revisit this thread. As the messy half in my relationship, I gave Fly Lady a try on the recommendation of some posters upthread, and that’s exactly the sort of thing I’ve been looking for for years! I’ve got her emails coming in on my phone, and so it’s like having someone over my shoulder making suggestions as to what I should do, and yet it’s approaching my problem areas in small bites and manageable bits.

DH is on a weeklong trip. If I continue with as much improvement over the course of a week that I’ve made in just a couple of days… he’ll be quite pleased.

I’m looking forward to staying on the bandwagon as long as I can.

And back to the OP… good luck with finding something that works with your own family.

 

[Justin_Swanton]

This made me laugh. I don’t think it’s a cop out either. But as a twin mother who measured 9 months PG at 3 MONTHS , I know for a fact it can be wildly difficult to even move. If you’d like to try, strap a 30 lb beach ball to your belly and get to basic chores… Report back. This experiment should be done over a 7 day period MINIMUM without removing the weight. It would be good to know how well you sleep (have someone punch you once in a while when your SOUND asleep, just for effect), I gained 40 lbs with my twin pg, I lost 30 lbs in 4 days! it’s ALL in the front!

Which should tell you, she’s not NOT HELPING… She’s living life as she understands it. You probably look like a crazy neat freak. Perhaps with a bit of OCD to her. I bet she even finds your cleaning habits annoying. Live a little!

I imagine she either feels overwhelmed… PG, toddler, ADD??? Or thinks it’s all good, and you’re just a nag.

I’d be super curious as to what made you ever think she’d be a good housekeeper?

You’ve had lots of very good advice and sympathy…think give the above a try and get back to us in 7 days

 

[Dee_S]

This made me laugh. I don’t think it’s a cop out either. But as a twin mother who measured 9 months PG at 3 MONTHS , I know for a fact it can be wildly difficult to even move. If you’d like to try, strap a 30 lb beach ball to your belly and get to basic chores… Report back. This experiment should be done over a 7 day period MINIMUM without removing the weight. It would be good to know how well you sleep (have someone punch you once in a while when your SOUND asleep, just for effect), I gained 40 lbs with my twin pg, I lost 30 lbs in 4 days! it’s ALL in the front!

Which should tell you, she’s not NOT HELPING… She’s living life as she understands it. You probably look like a crazy neat freak. Perhaps with a bit of OCD to her. I bet she even finds your cleaning habits annoying. Live a little!

I imagine she either feels overwhelmed… PG, toddler, ADD??? Or thinks it’s all good, and you’re just a nag.

I’d be super curious as to what made you ever think she’d be a good housekeeper?

You’ve had lots of good advice and sympathy so far. I’m super curious to know if you are serious enough about this issue to take the “Ball Test” as suggested above?

Perhaps you should see a professional, as it may be that (as I mentioned in my earlier post) perspective and priority has been lost somewhere along the way! Is it all really about housekeeping??

 

[hurting]

I can partially answer. Her parent’s house is like a disaster. I’m not exagerating–it is a disaster. It would make most outsiders cringe if they walked into the house. No, her father did not do most of the work around the house. Her father cooked more than probably most men, but other than that, he is pretty much a slob. Her mother doesn’t really keep house at all, but that is partially because she feels defeated that everyone else was so sloppy. I’m sorry to use such strong language here, but their house is really pretty bad. I can’t speak to what kind of chores she had as a kid.

Clearly not as much as we should have.

I’ve actually been thinking about doing that. My work also has an employee assistance program, but is probably better to start with the Church. I have to be honest, though–from my perspective, most marriage counselors side with the woman. And, with her being pregnant, I’ll just look like a big, insensitive monster when this stuff has really been going on for much longer.

Yes, you will be portrayed as an insensitive monster, probably to an unfair extent. My marriage is unravelling as we speak because, in large part, of the resentment I did not channel properly for what I perceived as an unfair balance between the sahre of the load around the house. The only domestic chore I did not perform in meaningful amounts was sewing. The more I did to “help”, the less my wife did.

I would predict that your children will come to see you as the servant your wife has.

 

[hurting]

Your situation isn’t unique from what I’ve seen. My cousin has a similar situation, I have a friend who recently got divorced over issues like this with her husband.

Counseling makes sense, but both parties have to want to change.

The thing here that is most important is your children, though. Would you die for your children? (it’s a rhetorical question) A couple of years ago, my wife went off on me in front of about fifty of our friends at family at a party over something I’d forgotten to do. Even when I fixed the problem and came back, I saw her still going on about it.

That night, we went home and I told her that if she ever did anything like that again, we were done, at which point she said “Go ahead, get out.” I caught my breath for a second, remembered our kids and how much it would impact them, and abandoned the idea. Not the first or last time that’s happened. So, I sympathize.

I know it’s no fun to deal with a spouse that is being lazy, mean, pick something. Jesus Christ hung on a cross for us, and we all have our own crosses to bear. One of our friends committed adultery, his wife bears the consequence of his sin, but did not divorce him.

I’ll pray for you and your family.

This is the best advice yet. For whatever reason, your wife will not (aside the preganancy-imposed “can not” aspect) hold up her end of the bargain. If you were as derelict in your income-earning work, you’d have been fired many times over and would be the subject of scorn from all corners. The only person who could fire your wife is you - and you should not do this.

You can only change yourself. Lay down the resentment (it’s only going to get worse) - now.

 

[joshkt79]

I feel for you as I was in the same boat. Now, your wife is pregnant so I will give her the benefit of the doubt, but I know your situation all too well.

Two weeks after my wife had our daughter, she was back up and running at close to full speed. I worked 12 hour days, 5 days a week. Now, I didn’t expect a hot meal when I returned home, or the house to be spotless, but I expected her to do SOMETHING. Every day I came home, laundry was piled up, dishes were out of control, our kitchen table was filled with papers. She kept complaining she had no time, being a full time mom is rough, let’s see if you could do it, blah,blah blah.

Well, the time came to where I had to her challenge. I was laid off from my job the same week my wife went back to work. Luckily, I was able to find something else and they wanted me to start the following Monday. So, here I am, all alone for 4 days. Just me and the baby. Every day when my wife got home at 5:30pm, the house was cleaned, dishes were done, laundry was done and folded, beds were made. A newborn baby sleeps alot! The only thing I didn’t do, was cook, because I don’t really know how.

Now, my wife is a stay at home mom. Sometimes when I get home, the house isn’t always clean, but atleast something is done…and that’s the only thing I ever asked from her.

 

[EasterJoy]

I feel for you as I was in the same boat. Now, your wife is pregnant so I will give her the benefit of the doubt, but I know your situation all too well.

Two weeks after my wife had our daughter, she was back up and running at close to full speed. I worked 12 hour days, 5 days a week. Now, I didn’t expect a hot meal when I returned home, or the house to be spotless, but I expected her to do SOMETHING. Every day I came home, laundry was piled up, dishes were out of control, our kitchen table was filled with papers. She kept complaining she had no time, being a full time mom is rough, let’s see if you could do it, blah,blah blah.

Well, the time came to where I had to her challenge. I was laid off from my job the same week my wife went back to work. Luckily, I was able to find something else and they wanted me to start the following Monday. So, here I am, all alone for 4 days. Just me and the baby. Every day when my wife got home at 5:30pm, the house was cleaned, dishes were done, laundry was done and folded, beds were made. A newborn baby sleeps alot! The only thing I didn’t do, was cook, because I don’t really know how.

Now, my wife is a stay at home mom. Sometimes when I get home, the house isn’t always clean, but atleast something is done…and that’s the only thing I ever asked from her.

You did, I hope, concede that you weren’t postpartum when your end of the experiment was run! I mean, the woman knows where you sleep, and I assume she owns cast iron skillets.

You did illustrate a common problem, though. A stay-at-home mom often starts out her “career” as a stay-at-home mom immediately after she gives birth, rather than when her children have gotten older. If she is physically and emotionally taxed from being postpartum, it isn’t surprising (or inappropriate) that not much gets done during these first days and months. This may also be the first time in her life that she has had whole days with no exterior source of a to-do list: no school deadlines, no work deadlines, only the immediate and unpredictable needs of her new child. This is also the first time in her life she’s felt this exhausted, or felt a responsibility of such a relentless nature. Add a little ADD removed from its former state of having an outside party holding one somewhat accountable to daily deadlines, and you have to know the level of accomplishment will be erratic, at best.

Some women have that pioneer resilience and are back up and running very soon after birth, but not all are. The ones that aren’t can get off track. Unlike in some former times, today’s new stay-at-home mother doesn’t have the motivational factor of being surrounded by seasoned mothers working with her who can alternately validate or challenge how much she is pushing or resting herself. Unlike when her husband questions her activity level, she cannot object that these women do not know what she’s going through! New moms these days are unusually isolated and the ones with support are encouraged to an umprecedented amount not to worry too much about housekeeping. So much has changed in the way infants are to be raised that even the woman’s mom and MIL can lose their “authority” about “what it is like” to care for an infant. (Sheesh, the woman doesn’t even believe in carseats or sleeping on the back or well-baby checks or natural childbirth; what does she know?)

A habit of lower accomplishment that was appropriate when a new mom was physically recuperating can become a permanent habit, particularly since not accomplishing anything and not having an adult to talk to for a month can get depressing. I wouldn’t exactly encourage your method of exposing this problem, joshkt79, because it could be hazardous to the husband’s health. (The only thing worse would be having the demonstration put on by her MIL! ) Still, challenging that habit some way does sometimes need to happen, for everyone’s well-being.

 

[EasterJoy]

The other thing I might suggest is to find out if there is some way the wife needs to get out of the house, with or without the baby, whether for mental, social, or physical stimulation. A regular exercise class, for instance, can really improve mental outlook, social outlook, and physical vitality, even during pregnancy, if it is a pregnancy-geared class. Finding a postpartum walking partner can give two moms time to chat and exercise, at virtually no cost…with a stroller, it could even be her husband. Time to walk and talk together can really make the difference. Sometimes, though, one spouse wants to do this, but hesitates to ask a busy spouse with an outside job for what it will take to make it happen. (Almost every treatment plan for ADD that you’ll ever run across will include regular exercise as indispensible to managing this type of neurological make-up in the modern world.)

 

[Musician]

To the OP:
I completely empathize with you in this situation. While it is at times tiring and difficult to be pregnant and to also have an older child to care for, in a normal pregnancy it is not too much to ask your wife to do her fair share. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for women who don’t do their housework when they want to be a SAHM. Housework, cooking, etc. is all part of the job.
I am NOT saying that the breadwinner shouldn’t help, but why be expected to do everything that needs to be done? Not with a fulltime job!
I was a military wife with four children born very close together in various parts of the world. I had no one to come in and help me most of the births. It would’ve been easy to sit around and feel sorry for myself, but there was too much to do!
Is there some way you can explain to your wife that this issue is important enough to you that you really mean business? That it is nonnegotiable?
We have been married for 26 years and there have been times that one of us has been the one to explain our innermost feelings that were extremely important. It didn’t kill our love. It made it stronger.

 

[faithfully]

Dee S… I am confused by your response to me… All bolding and underlining mine…

You’ve had lots of good advice and sympathy so far. I’m super curious to know if you are serious enough about this issue to take the "Ball Test" as suggested above?

Perhaps you should see a professional, as it may be that (as I mentioned in my earlier post) perspective and priority has been lost somewhere along the way! Is it all really about housekeeping??

Why would I, A FEMALE who has been PG with twins -carrying nearly an extra 30 lbs in front of my body NEED to take the ball test? I did it FOR REAL! I quit measuring my stomach around 53". I used to have a 24" waist. Balance is an issue. I completely understand just how difficult it was to stand with insane pressure on my pelvis nearly seperating it! My suggestion, sarcastic at that, was in response to the post way below (NOT TO THE OP, BUT TO Rhuarc, that suggests being PG is being us ed as a cop out to not do some housework). The OP mentions he does all these things (not to mention all that he probably didn’t mention)… but the ones he mentions a PG woman SHOULD NOT do. Lifting garbage bags, cleaning cat boxes etc. Now, if a PG woman is carrying twins or is unusually large, I GUARANTEE it’s quite difficult to even bend over and pick up a rag. Let alone reach around her belly to carry a laundry basket (with twins that is). Or stand in front of a stove for any length of time. Granted I don’t know how such a person could make much of a mess anyway. When I was THAT PG, I wouldn’t have been able to lift a toddler. But that’s just me. I understand and have compassion for an unfair distribution of work. I get tired, however of men suggesting that the wife is copping out, just 'cause she’s pregnant. JUST HOW EASY IS IT TO GROW A BABY??? It actually takes energy. And although there are plenty of women who LOVE being PG, and feel great, there are probably 10x’s more that hate how they feel. The ONLY thing I miss is feeling my babies move around in me. I do not miss ANYTHING else…My body is a WRECK!

NO ONE KNOWS the real situation here. This guy is just tired of doing all the work. I don’t understand what she ever did prior to marriage that suggested she was going to keep a clean home, and that marriage would somehow be different. And I do think it’s unreasonable to expect her to improve AT ALL while PG.

Why should I SEE A PROFESSIONAL??? I’m full of prospective and priority. LOL! Who are you actually talking to? Do you really mean to be so insulting and condescending? I’m going to assume not!

My point is… WALK IN THE OTHER PERSON’S SHOES… And his wife could do the same. I assume she is a realatively cognizant adult??? Here’s an example. I have TERRIBLE vision without correction. I could not make out the features in your face within a foot of mine without correction. Correction that takes me to 20/20 btw. I can not TELL you how many times in my marriage, where I have gone to bed (removed my contacts), and then got up for a drink of water. Now I can see everything just not DETAIL. I’ll pass through the living room and DH will stop me… “Hey watch this… you’ve got to see this.” Then I say, “I don’t have my contacts in.” And he says… “Ok, just watch for a second.”

UMMMMMM HELLO!!! I CAN’T SEE THE TV!!! So I have to walk up to the television, and get my face right in it, which is now blocking his view. And I STILL can’t see the detail. What I would really like. So he could get a clue. Is for him to wear a pair of glasses for a few hours that brings him the inability to NOT SEE the Big E on the wall, like me. It’s just a round shaded blob. Then I’d like to “show” him things. Not as a punishement or anything. I just would LOVE for him to see the way I do. So he could realize, TRULY that he’s asking an impossability of me. I’m not, NOT seeing what he wants me to on purpose. I’m not copping out. I have a REAL situation that he does not fathom because he’s the type of guy that needs to experience things for them to be REAL! Which is also probably why he has alot of FAITH issues.

The OP’s wife has some sort of problem. Either she’s a princess, has something like ADD, or she’s a slob! Which is it? And how come he doesn’t know that already? If he did know that, why did he expect her to change? And MOST IMPORTANTLY, if this is ADD related (un dx’d), HE NEEDS TO BE A LOVING HUSBAND… and help her seek HELP! She’s living in misery, and now she has a husband to tell her she’s not a good enough wife (in so many words). If she had cancer, he’d see to she got medical attn. And he would NOT be upset at all if he did EVERYTHING while she got better. It’s what we do as loving spouses.

For your reference:

I don’t think this really needs any counseling like many are suggesting. All you need to do is sit down and talk with your wife. Present your side and tell her she needs to pick up some slack. Having to do all of this work at home and then having to go to work everyday is stressing you out completely. Her being pregnant should not be a cop out to not do some house work. When you talk to her you don’t have to be confrontational about it just talk to her one night while watching tv or something.

This made me laugh. I don’t think it’s a cop out either. But as a twin mother who measured 9 months PG at 3 MONTHS , I know for a fact it can be wildly difficult to even move. If you’d like to try, strap a 30 lb beach ball to your belly and get to basic chores… Report back. This experiment should be done over a 7 day period MINIMUM without removing the weight. It would be good to know how well you sleep (have someone punch you once in a while when your SOUND asleep, just for effect), I gained 40 lbs with my twin pg, I lost 30 lbs in 4 days! it’s ALL in the front!

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Dee S… I am confused by your response to me… All bolding and underlining mine…

Why would I, A FEMALE who has been PG with twins -carrying nearly an extra 30 lbs in front of my body NEED to take the ball test? I did it FOR REAL! I quit measuring my stomach around 53". I used to have a 24" waist. Balance is an issue. I completely understand just how difficult it was to stand with insane pressure on my pelvis nearly seperating it! My suggestion, sarcastic at that, was in response to the post way below (NOT TO THE OP, BUT TO Rhuarc, that suggests being PG is being us ed as a cop out to not do some housework). The OP mentions he does all these things (not to mention all that he probably didn’t mention)… but the ones he mentions a PG woman SHOULD NOT do. Lifting garbage bags, cleaning cat boxes etc. Now, if a PG woman is carrying twins or is unusually large, I GUARANTEE it’s quite difficult to even bend over and pick up a rag. Let alone reach around her belly to carry a laundry basket (with twins that is). Or stand in front of a stove for any length of time. Granted I don’t know how such a person could make much of a mess anyway. When I was THAT PG, I wouldn’t have been able to lift a toddler. But that’s just me. I understand and have compassion for an unfair distribution of work. I get tired, however of men suggesting that the wife is copping out, just 'cause she’s pregnant. JUST HOW EASY IS IT TO GROW A BABY??? It actually takes energy. And although there are plenty of women who LOVE being PG, and feel great, there are probably 10x’s more that hate how they feel. The ONLY thing I miss is feeling my babies move around in me. I do not miss ANYTHING else…My body is a WRECK!

NO ONE KNOWS the real situation here. This guy is just tired of doing all the work. I don’t understand what she ever did prior to marriage that suggested she was going to keep a clean home, and that marriage would somehow be different. And I do think it’s unreasonable to expect her to improve AT ALL while PG.

Why should I SEE A PROFESSIONAL??? I’m full of prospective and priority. LOL! Who are you actually talking to? Do you really mean to be so insulting and condescending? I’m going to assume not!

My point is… WALK IN THE OTHER PERSON’S SHOES… And his wife could do the same. I assume she is a realatively cognizant adult??? Here’s an example. I have TERRIBLE vision without correction. I could not make out the features in your face within a foot of mine without correction. Correction that takes me to 20/20 btw. I can not TELL you how many times in my marriage, where I have gone to bed (removed my contacts), and then got up for a drink of water. Now I can see everything just not DETAIL. I’ll pass through the living room and DH will stop me… “Hey watch this… you’ve got to see this.” Then I say, “I don’t have my contacts in.” And he says… “Ok, just watch for a second.”

UMMMMMM HELLO!!! I CAN’T SEE THE TV!!! So I have to walk up to the television, and get my face right in it, which is now blocking his view. And I STILL can’t see the detail. What I would really like. So he could get a clue. Is for him to wear a pair of glasses for a few hours that brings him the inability to NOT SEE the Big E on the wall, like me. It’s just a round shaded blob. Then I’d like to “show” him things. Not as a punishement or anything. I just would LOVE for him to see the way I do. So he could realize, TRULY that he’s asking an impossability of me. I’m not, NOT seeing what he wants me to on purpose. I’m not copping out. I have a REAL situation that he does not fathom because he’s the type of guy that needs to experience things for them to be REAL! Which is also probably why he has alot of FAITH issues.

The OP’s wife has some sort of problem. Either she’s a princess, has something like ADD, or she’s a slob! Which is it? And how come he doesn’t know that already? If he did know that, why did he expect her to change? And MOST IMPORTANTLY, if this is ADD related (un dx’d), HE NEEDS TO BE A LOVING HUSBAND… and help her seek HELP! She’s living in misery, and now she has a husband to tell her she’s not a good enough wife (in so many words). If she had cancer, he’d see to she got medical attn. And he would NOT be upset at all if he did EVERYTHING while she got better. It’s what we do as loving spouses.

For your reference:

I think she was referring to the OP and quoting your post for the OP. That’s how I read it.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I’m single and I still find it hard to keep up after myself. I’m pretty clean being a bug phobic plus I have two cats but honestly most of the mess is mine. If you just added a toddler to the mix I can how things can get messy real fast. Cats should be that much to clean up after by the way. I have two and I’m the messy one. I clean them twice a day, they each have their own litter box but then tend to use one till it’s full then start on the other. All you should really have to do is keep the house vacumed. I would advise counceling on the rest.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I have one thought on this out of left field. From my own experience of choosing a wife, and what I’ve seen in others, some (or many) men prefer a woman who is coquettish, impractical, light hearted, romantic, etc, to a woman who is more self sufficient, purposeful, practical, etc. During courtship we care almost nothing about whether she will be a good home maker, assuming that that this will sort itself out further down the track. Then, once we are married and have children, we are surprised and frustrated when our lovely wife can’t run the house properly, and isn’t particularly interested either. We are actually wearing the consequences of our choice.

On the other hand, I’ve heard it said that dating is mostly a woman choosing the man… perhaps women who intend to sponge off a man choose the sort of men who can be sponged off…

 

[faithfully]

I think she was referring to the OP and quoting your post for the OP. That’s how I read it.

Well, that’s even more confusing. But - Ok! Like I said. I assume she didn’t mean to come off rude and such.

 

[Bklynguy]

You’ve had lots of good advice and sympathy so far. I’m super curious to know if you are serious enough about this issue to take the “Ball Test” as suggested above?

Okay–no. Why should I do this? If you read my post, you would see that this stuff went on before she was pregnant. So what exactly would be my point in doing this?

Perhaps you should see a professional, as it may be that (as I mentioned in my earlier post) perspective and priority has been lost somewhere along the way! Is it all really about housekeeping??

Actually, it is.

 

[Bklynguy]

Is there some way you can explain to your wife that this issue is important enough to you that you really mean business? That it is nonnegotiable?

Well, I did tell her last night that I was thinking of hiring a part-time housekeeper. I came home today and the house was relatively put together, the kitchen wasn’t a mess, and she did laundry. BTW, this is all I really expect–I don’t expect to come home to a spotless house, with a hot four course meal on the table. I just don’t want to come home to a wreck everyday with dinner sort of thrown in as an afterthought (like, oh, can you just cook eggs or put this or that together).

Now, tomorrow could be completely different. And I did tell her that I don’t expect a lot out of her when she is pregnant anyway; however, there is an unbalance outside of that as well. She said she disagreed, but I could tell she was fishing around–in other words, she was trying to deny something that she knew because she didn’t argue very forcefully.

 

[faithfully]

I think she was referring to the OP and quoting your post for the OP. That’s how I read it.

Thanks Mary Gail… I re read it again with a fresh mind… I suspect you’re VERY RIGHT!

Sorry Dee… I totally misread you! I must need a nap!

 

[StarFireKK]

If it really is just about housework why not take a different approach.

You complain the laundry is sitting out for days before it is put away. Why don’t you just pick up a basket set it down in front of both of you and you both fold the laundry and have a pleasant talk?

You don’t want the meal to be “thrown together” why not get a pad of paper and sit down with your wife and take five minutes to plan the meals for the week? This can help you shop and it’ll help her prepare the meal that day.

I know you feel you “shouldn’t have to” but I kinda think that is a silly attitude. What are you going to do? Divorce her? Then you are going to be going to work, taking care of the kids and cleaning the house all by yourself anyways…

Try to stop thinking about it in terms of “fair share” because that just builds resentment. Instead of thinking “I work all day and I have to come home and do all the work at home. Why can’t she take care of this so I don’t have to!” Try thinking “Ok, my wife has never really gotten to live in a nice clean house. She doesn’t have the habits to help me keep the house clean. What can I do to help her learn what to do to create a pleasant home and to build the habits to keep on top of all the work?”

As spouses we are suppose to try to help each other be better person and get to heaven. So think of it as helping you wife be a better wife and mother and helping her teach your children how to have a happy, clean home.

Is it easy? No. Is it fair? Probably not. Is it what we are called to do as spouses? I think so.

 

[twoangels]

I don’t know you’re wife. I have no idea what she does when you’re at work. I do know that growing up my parents struggled to keep up with things. Things would break and my parents would not get to them for a month or so because other things took priority. Many times we’d grab clean laundry off the laundry table before it ever was put away. Things would get clean when we had to make time for it because guests would be coming for the holidays or something like that.

I can say throughout my adult life I’ve struggled to keep up with cleaning, and I do work hard. I’ve met people who are much tidier than I. They seem to have skills I don’t have. Often when I’ve talked to them, they seem relaxed about cleaning and comment that its just a few minutes here or there, but in my life its not that way at all. Its a huge struggle and often times I feel like a failure.

I can tell you that if I had a husband who took it upon himself to fill in the gaps I wasn’t able to get done, I’d feel loved. However if he resented me for having to do such things, and accused me of not doing my share, I’d be terribly hurt. I’d feel discouraged because I’d feel like he was failing to recognize the work I do to love him (its not good enough) and that he’d be expressing more discontent with who he married than in whether or not I’m loving him.

I can tell you that many of my friends who have children have admitted that they’ve had to give up some on a clean house. Pregnancy can take your energy levels away, taking care of children can do.

 

[graciew]

The only question I ask myself is why you come to “pretty much have it” with your wife when she is about to have your second baby.
It is probably the less realistic moment to expect any woman to cope with all she has not apparently been able to cope with till now plus a toddler plus a baby.
I would be seriously thinking of hiring sb to help at home and looking for a nearby cleaner´s,AND you two enjoy each other and the babies!