priest threatening to deny 7-year old FHC-help!

[iamrefreshed]

If this were an issue of the OP just wanting her parish priest to follow Canon law then she should report it to the bishop and let him handle it.

It seems the issue is more about the girl wearing white, thus the push to settle this before FHC day.

Where were the reports to the bishop before the white dress fiasco? The OP said numerous abuses were going on. Why did she not report those if all that was desired was following proper liturgy?

From what I have read, this is all about wearing a white dress, not about abuses of liturgy and canon laws.

 

[cotaface]

If this were an issue of the OP just wanting her parish priest to follow Canon law then she should report it to the bishop and let him handle it.

It seems the issue is more about the girl wearing white, thus the push to settle this before FHC day.

Where were the reports to the bishop before the white dress fiasco? The OP said numerous abuses were going on. Why did she not report those if all that was desired was following proper liturgy?

From what I have read, this is all about wearing a white dress, not about abuses of liturgy and canon laws.

I have reported it to the bishop. He has agreed with me fully. He is also aware that FHC comes prior to confession along with the other items I described. Now, the priest has thumbed his nose at the Diocese and essentially said he’ll do what he wants and if she doesn’t comply-she’ll be rejected. So…I asked whether or not this violated my rights. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not about wearing white. It is about being denied the Blessed Sacrament.

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

I have reported it to the bishop. He has agreed with me fully. He is also aware that FHC comes prior to confession along with the other items I described. Now, the priest has thumbed his nose at the Diocese and essentially said he’ll do what he wants and if she doesn’t comply-she’ll be rejected. So…I asked whether or not this violated my rights. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not about wearing white. It is about being denied the Blessed Sacrament.

And how does this violate your rights?
I’m pretty sure no one has a “right” to the sacraments, especially the Eucharist.

It is the “source and summit” of our life, but we are not entitled to it.

If the Bishop is sympathetic to your cause, ask if your child can receive from him in the Cathedral at a Mass.

If not, and the Bishop does not “reign him in,” all you can do is be obedient to the Church, even if the pastor is wrong.

 

[cotaface]

And how does this violate your rights?

I’m not saying it does, I’m asking if it does.

If not, and the Bishop does not “reign him in,” all you can do is be obedient to the Church, even if the pastor is wrong.

Well, that’s not “all I can do”, but that is one of the more disturbing comments I’ve read thus far.

 

[iamrefreshed]

I have reported it to the bishop. He has agreed with me fully. He is also aware that FHC comes prior to confession along with the other items I described. Now, the priest has thumbed his nose at the Diocese and essentially said he’ll do what he wants and if she doesn’t comply-she’ll be rejected. So…I asked whether or not this violated my rights. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not about wearing white. It is about being denied the Blessed Sacrament.

I have no ‘bubble’ to burst. I have no skin in this game.

You original posts does not mention any abuses, just the fact your daughter can’t wear a white dress. Where did you mention reporting the other abuses?

From here it looks like it’s all about a white dress.

If it’s not about a dress, why don’t you let your bishop handle it instead of looking for a canon lawyer so she can wear the dress?

 

[cotaface]

I have no ‘bubble’ to burst. I have no skin in this game.

You original posts does not mention any abuses, just the fact your daughter can’t wear a white dress. Where did you mention reporting the other abuses?

From here it looks like it’s all about a white dress.

If it’s not about a dress, why don’t you let your bishop handle it instead of looking for a canon lawyer so she can wear the dress?

Because the bishop, while he has stated full support for my position, he has been ignored (defied) by this priest. So, now we have a priest saying “I’ll deny her FHC” and the bishop saying “don’t you do it!” and we are here, caught in the middle of their game of chicken. The bishop has stopped short of offering to do the ceremony himself. Quite frankly, I am told by others within the chancery that they are just praying this will go away and that the next 3 years (when the priest reaches mandatory retirement age) will pass by quietly and quickly. My letters to the bishop did indicate the other violations-they are fully aware. I didn’t bring them up in this post because they are not necessarily relevant to my daughter being denied FHC.

 

[iamrefreshed]

Because the bishop, while he has stated full support for my position, he has been ignored (defied) by this priest. So, now we have a priest saying “I’ll deny her FHC” and the bishop saying “don’t you do it!” and we are here, caught in the middle of their game of chicken. The bishop has stopped short of offering to do the ceremony himself. Quite frankly, I am told by others within the chancery that they are just praying this will go away and that the next 3 years (when the priest reaches mandatory retirement age) will pass by quietly and quickly. My letters to the bishop did indicate the other violations-they are fully aware. I didn’t bring them up in this post because they are not necessarily relevant to my daughter being denied FHC.

Firstly, your daughter has not been denied FHC. She has yet to receive.

Secondly, why would you interfere with the bishops discipline of his priests? That’s his job, not yours. Unless of course you feel that he isn’t doing his job so why not move up the chain of command? What’s next, a letter to the pope?

I’m sorry but it really seems to me you are interested here in one thing…a white dress.

 

[Sarabande]

I have reported it to the bishop. He has agreed with me fully. He is also aware that FHC comes prior to confession along with the other items I described. Now, the priest has thumbed his nose at the Diocese and essentially said he’ll do what he wants and if she doesn’t comply-she’ll be rejected.

Oh, wow. Originally, one of the suggestions I made was that you could perhaps still have the FHC at that church and then take it up with the priest afterwards. I still feel depending on what your daughter is like, it might be better to keep her from the controversy until she is older. (As someone who taught young children for a couple of years, I know that some could handle it very well, but others can be affected in a bad way – I don’t know your daughter’s personality, though.)

Now, I would say, definitely have her make her FHC somewhere else. If the Bishop knows what is happening and sees that the priest is thumbing his nose at the Bishop and the diocese, your Bishop may already be in the process of handling the situation. In the meantime, you and your family do not need the frustration and pain, nor does your daughter deserve any kind of humiliation – which I know you are fully aware. I know that you have tried hard in finding another parish which will take her to make her FHC, but I would persist more. Persistence can be done gently and diplomatically.

If it is true that this priest is going against the Bishop and the diocese, how can one be “obedient” to him and do as he says, if he, himself, is being defiant towards his superiors?

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

Well, that’s not “all I can do”, but that is one of the more disturbing comments I’ve read thus far.

No, it isn’t. The most disturbing comment on this board is “I’m putting up a huge fuss over the fact that my pastor won’t let my daughter wear a white dress.”

This occasion is where your daughter receives our Lord Jesus Christ for the FIRST time in her life. What color clothing she wears should not be this big of a deal! ALL of this focus should be spent on making sure she knows that she is receiving He who gave Himself for us.

You have made this whole situation from something that could easily been accepted and moved on with, but now it’s gone into a whole “OMG!!! My daughter can’t wear X dress.”

Grow up, and be a responsible adult here.

Edit: Spare your daughter the drama, controversy, and humiliation, and accept what your pastor has done. As other posters have stated, the Bishop is likely dealing with this situation, and doesn’t want outsiders involved. You are sticking your nose into his business, if he’s already in the process of discipling this priest.

 

[cotaface]

No, it isn’t. The most disturbing comment on this board is “I’m putting up a huge fuss over the fact that my pastor won’t let my daughter wear a white dress.”

This occasion is where your daughter receives our Lord Jesus Christ for the FIRST time in her life. What color clothing she wears should not be this big of a deal! ALL of this focus should be spent on making sure she knows that she is receiving He who gave Himself for us.

You have made this whole situation from something that could easily been accepted and moved on with, but now it’s gone into a whole “OMG!!! My daughter can’t wear X dress.”

Grow up, and be a responsible adult here.

I don’t know who you are quoting, but I never posted "“I’m putting up a huge fuss over the fact that my pastor won’t let my daughter wear a white dress.”
I am sorry you are such an angry person and feel the need to insult me. I’ll pray for you.

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

I don’t know who you are quoting, but I never posted "“I’m putting up a huge fuss over the fact that my pastor won’t let my daughter wear a white dress.”
I am sorry you are such an angry person and feel the need to insult me. I’ll pray for you.

It may not be a direct quote (sorry if it came across that way).

You did post this:
I need some guidence. The pastor at our church prohibits us from dressing our child in white for her First Holy Communion. We have been warned not to “test” this policy as it may lead to our daughter being rejected. In other words, denied FHC because of the color of her clothing.
The Diocese has instructed the pastor that the church does not support this and that not only does it violate the church policy, but it violates our civil rights. The pastor has essentially defied the bishop at this point and continues to ban white.

That looks like it translate it “Huge fuss over white dress.”

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

I don’t know who you are quoting, but I never posted "“I’m putting up a huge fuss over the fact that my pastor won’t let my daughter wear a white dress.”
I am sorry you are such an angry person and feel the need to insult me. I’ll pray for you.

Also - you should be more worried about the fact that your daughter will be receiving her First Communion, and not focused solely on what she wears for it.

 

[iamrefreshed]

I don’t know who you are quoting, but I never posted "“I’m putting up a huge fuss over the fact that my pastor won’t let my daughter wear a white dress.”
I am sorry you are such an angry person and feel the need to insult me. I’ll pray for you.

Why would you assume this person is angry? What does he/she need to be angry about? I think that shows more about your feelings rather than his/hers.

When you solicit opinions, don’t expect everyone to be in agreement with you. If you’re not prepared for opposing opinions don’t ask.

There are some here who believe you should let the bishop do his job. I’m one.

 

[cotaface]

Why would you assume this person is angry? What does he/she need to be angry about? I think that shows more about your feelings rather than his/hers.

When you solicit opinions, don’t expect everyone to be in agreement with you. If you’re not prepared for opposing opinions don’t ask.

There are some here who believe you should let the bishop do his job. I’m one.

You are right. “Angry” was the wrong description. Rude would have been more appropriate. That’s how I would describe someone telling me to “grow up” and be a “responsbile adult”.
And-it sounds like you are in the know. Tell me, what job is it the bishop is doing?

 

[iamrefreshed]

You are right. “Angry” was the wrong description. Rude would have been more appropriate. That’s how I would describe someone telling me to “grow up” and be a “responsbile adult”.
And-it sounds like you are in the know. Tell me, what job is it the bishop is doing?

The bishop is running his diocese. Do you think they just make anyone a bishop? Do you appreciate the dedication it takes for a vocation? These aren’t ‘jobs’. You don’t ‘ask for the manager’ when you are not happy.

Going to the bishop should be an absolute last recourse. And certainly not over the color of a dress. If you have issues with abuses of the liturgy you should approach your priest humbly, assuming YOU are mistaken, and ask for clarification. And only when you are certain they ARE abuses and have not been changed should you approach the bishop.

Then step back and let him do his job.

I’m sorry if you don’t like my opinion but it is what it is…stop complaining over dress color.

 

[cotaface]

The bishop is running his diocese. Do you think they just make anyone a bishop? Do you appreciate the dedication it takes for a vocation? These aren’t ‘jobs’. You don’t ‘ask for the manager’ when you are not happy.

Going to the bishop should be an absolute last recourse. And certainly not over the color of a dress. If you have issues with abuses of the liturgy you should approach your priest humbly, assuming YOU are mistaken, and ask for clarification. And only when you are certain they ARE abuses and have not been changed should you approach the bishop.

Then step back and let him do his job.

I’m sorry if you don’t like my opinion but it is what it is…stop complaining over dress color.

Sigh. I’ll say it again. This is not about a dress, it is about my daughter being denied the Blessed Sacrament.

 

[Brendan]

. If you have issues with abuses of the liturgy you should approach your priest humbly, assuming YOU are mistaken, and ask for clarification. And only when you are certain they ARE abuses and have not been changed should you approach the bishop.

Then step back and let him do his job.

But that is exactly what Cotaface did.

She went to her priest, and there certainly ARE abuses.

If the priest will not rectify them, then the OP has every Canonical right to go to the Bishop.

 

[iamrefreshed]

Sigh. I’ll say it again. This is not about a dress, it is about my daughter being denied the Blessed Sacrament.

Sigh. I’ll say it again. Your daughter HAS NOT been denied the Blessed Sacrament.

Has she?

 

[iamrefreshed]

But that is exactly what Cotaface did.

She went to her priest, and there certainly ARE abuses.

If the priest will not rectify them, then the OP has every Canonical right to go to the Bishop.

And now she should let him do his job.

I don’t think she should stand over the bishop and say “hurry up”?

 

[Marauder]

Sigh. I’ll say it again. This is not about a dress, it is about my daughter being denied the Blessed Sacrament.

The point that several people on here are trying to make is that your daughter is not being denied the Blessed Sacrament. The only thing that would be causing that is your fight with the pastor over a dress. Yes the pastor is wrong about not allowing your daughter to wear a white dress, but what is more important here, your daughter receiving the Blessed Sacrament or your daughter being in a white dress?

Maybe you should listen to the readings this week about what is important in regards to fasting, not the external wearing sackclothes and appearing in pain, but what is inside. Both you and your pastor are wrong in this situation. Your pastor for making the rule in the first place, and you on following a tradition just for the sake of following a tradition by insisting that your daughter MUST wear a white dress.

If the Bishop will not act and you want your daugther to receive you have two options, put her in a different outfit or seek the sacrament from a different priest.