priest threatening to deny 7-year old FHC-help!

[BayernAnhaenger]

The point that several people on here are trying to make is that your daughter is not being denied the Blessed Sacrament. The only thing that would be causing that is your fight with the pastor over a dress. Yes the pastor is wrong about not allowing your daughter to wear a white dress, but what is more important here, your daughter receiving the Blessed Sacrament or your daughter being in a white dress?

Maybe you should listen to the readings this week about what is important in regards to fasting, not the external wearing sackclothes and appearing in pain, but what is inside. Both you and your pastor are wrong in this situation. Your pastor for making the rule in the first place, and you on following a tradition just for the sake of following a tradition by insisting that your daughter MUST wear a white dress.

If the Bishop will not act and you want your daugther to receive you have two options, put her in a different outfit or seek the sacrament from a different priest.

Megadittos, in addition to iamrefreshed.

 

[puzzleannie]

I have reported it to the bishop. He has agreed with me fully. He is also aware that FHC comes prior to confession along with the other items I described. Now, the priest has thumbed his nose at the Diocese and essentially said he’ll do what he wants and if she doesn’t comply-she’ll be rejected. So…I asked whether or not this violated my rights. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not about wearing white. It is about being denied the Blessed Sacrament.

yes your child’s rights will be violated if she is refused the sacrament based on what she wears. you are correct in identifying the issue. the ensuing discussion provided various alternatives and suggestions as to what your response should be for the good of your daughter, yourselves, your parish, the priest and the diocese and all were offered in the spirit of help and charity.

This identical issue arises in this diocese in an ultra-conservative parish that requires white dresses and suits purchased from an extremely expensive retailer, and has a dress code for parents, godparents and guests as well. I might add the way first communion is done in this supposedly orthodox traditional parish reflects as little emphasis on real Eucharistic catechesis and understanding of the sacraments, as do the antics of the liberal parish described here.

for more complete info on how to pursue an abuse allegation contact the vicar general of your diocese, and see the lay witness protocol on the Catholics United for the Faith website cuf.org.

 

[pnewton]

I thought of another option. There is the parable of the unjust judge. Set an appointment to talk to the priest about it. Be nice and explain your position. Try to understand his. Keep at it. Ask again. Ask because of family, because of tradition. Be a pest. Maybe even if he doesn’t agree with you, he’ll give in to shut up. Since this priest is probably doing the power trip thing with clothing, threatening will not work as well as persistence.

Besides, why should married people be the only ones who have this done to them.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

I believe the OP although we do only have here side of the story. I do not understand why some on here are jumping in her. You may not think that is a big deal, but to her and the family involved the fact that this Priest is stating the if the little girl were a white dress she will be denied FHC and the priest can give no other reason that he does not like it he is wrong. Unfortunately she does need to keep on the top of this as the date of the sacrament will arrive and if she follows some of the advise here the Bishop ( who is more than likely a very busy man) may not get this settled before that date arrives. There is a time frame to be looked at here.

If we are being told the truth by the OP and I have no reason to think we are not she needs to keep in contact with the Bishops office.

She also needs to be prepared to have her daughter another dress in case it is not settled in time.

 

[bear06]

I noticed nobody bothered to comment on whether they’d have a problem with this pastor if he told a bride she was not allowed to wear white at her wedding. Why?

I’m sure the reason would be that you would look quite hypocritical because I’m pretty darn sure that if someone told your daughter she was risking being denied the Sacrament of Matrimony for wearing a white wedding dress that you’d gladly take on the pastor.

I personally think that if the OP dressed her child in white the pastor would problably just give her Communion. He knows that canon law is on mom’s side. He’s just going to try and inforce his stupid theological opionions all he can. If he denies Communion, he would not have a canonical leg to stand on.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I noticed nobody bothered to comment on whether they’d have a problem with this pastor if he told a bride she was not allowed to wear white at her wedding. Why? Because if somebody did, he or she would have to admit that this indeed a serious issue, and the parents and child are being mistreated.

I’m sure the reason would be that you would look quite hypocritical because I’m pretty darn sure that if someone told your daughter she was risking being denied the Sacrament of Matrimony for wearing a white wedding dress that you’d gladly take on the pastor. Well, yes, that, too.
I personally think that if the OP dressed her child in white the pastor would problably just give her Communion. He knows that canon law is on mom’s side. He’s just going to try and inforce his stupid theological opionions all he can. If he denies Communion, he would not have a canonical leg to stand on.

 

[bear06]

This simple question seems to stall out the conversation. Again, I’d like to know what peoples’ response would be if this priest threatened to deny someone the Sacrament of Marriage for wearing a white dress.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

I’ve only read the first and last couple pages on this thread. It seems to me the OP has done what she could. I agree to keep pestering the priest if you can do it without blowing up. One more contact with the bishop might not be out of order.

I hope your daughter isn’t involved in this wrangling. If the date of the FHC approaches and nothing is resolved, my suggestion would be to explain to her that you don’t agree with father on this, but the most important thing is to receive Jesus with a peaceful heart. So you both should say a short prayer for father and forgive him. Buy your daughter a pretty dress for Easter that she can wear for her FHC. The following week she can wear her white dress. **Then, register in another parish!! **You need to forgive, but you don’t have to keep putting up with this behavior.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

This simple question seems to stall out the conversation. Again, I’d like to know what peoples’ response would be if this priest threatened to deny someone the Sacrament of Marriage for wearing a white dress.

It’s easier to deal with someone like this when only adults are involved. The couple could get around this by insisting that a friend who is a priest or deacon witness their marriage. It is the couple who are the ministers of the sacrament. They could storm the bishop’s palace. They could just ignore the priest’s tantrums and insist that, as adults, they are perfectly capable of dressing themselves. He couldn’t refuse to marry them once they are in the church.They could move the wedding to another parish.

The problem here is that the priest is the minister of the eucharist and FHC is to be given by the pastor. There is a young child involved who should never be in the position of fearing the priest might not give her communion or of having to defy him in the very moment of receiving our Lord. She also should not be made conspicuous by being the only one to wear a white dress.

I wonder…what would happen if all the girls appeared at mass wearing white dresses?? Are all the other parents happy with the pastor’s unreasonable ruling? My father used to say, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

 

[Brother_John]

It was nice. Whenever there was an event at school, the parents with video cameras would rush the stage, blocking everyone else’s view. Their pictures were more important than the event itself.

For many years, my Dad has videotaped all the “events” at our parish. He has permanently mounted cameras in the Church.

We also taped the Catholic School play (with three different cameras, later edited together)

Tapes for all such events were made available for five bucks, to cover expenses.

The basis for all of this, is so parents can forget about the cameras and enjoy the experiece that is their children.

 

[dixieagle]

This simple question seems to stall out the conversation. Again, I’d like to know what peoples’ response would be if this priest threatened to deny someone the Sacrament of Marriage for wearing a white dress.

We can just imagine what the response would be! There would be screaming to the high heavens and picketing of the bishop’s office if action wasn’t taken, because it would be so clear that the priest was off his rocker.

This puts it all into perspective nicely. I think that the theological nutsiness of this priest is getting lost in the “white dress, no white dress” discussions. It is symptomatic of his bizarre take on things, e.g., not needing to be “pure” to receive the Eucharist. It is his lack of orthodoxy that is most troubling and that the bishop should be addressing, pronto. Someone’s got to shine a light on the various abuses, and it seems that the OP did just that.

 

[dixieagle]

I wonder…what would happen if all the girls appeared at mass wearing white dresses?? Are all the other parents happy with the pastor’s unreasonable ruling? My father used to say, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

Got to say…the feisty side of me really likes that idea.

 

[Sarabande]

This simple question seems to stall out the conversation. Again, I’d like to know what peoples’ response would be if this priest threatened to deny someone the Sacrament of Marriage for wearing a white dress.

Since you really want people to answer, here’s what I’d do… talk to the priest in a formal or informal meeting to find out why. If his reasonings were unfounded and just plain wrong, I would try to work things out with him. If his reasonings were because he thought that most couples were sexually active before marriage and that the bride didn’t deserve to wear white, I would have to prove to him that my fiance and I were either virginal/chaste/celibate and leading a moral and faithful lifestyle.

If he still didn’t believe in wearing white, but was very nice about and was a good and upright priest and everything else about him was right, I might just consider wearing a cream-colored gown or a very light pink gown (which is the color of virginity anyway) and still get married there.

If he was just beligerant, rude and on a power trip AND had very questionable practices for mass and teachings, I’d definitely go to another Catholic church to get married. I would record all of the abuses and questionable practices/things he had been doing in the parish, THEN I would report that priest to my bishop.

Personally, I think these are two different things… Almost every little girl or boy is pretty innocent and if white is a symbol of purity they would deserve to wear that color. That isn’t a reason to threaten denying FHC to a child.

That’s not always the case with adults about to embark in the Sacrament of Matrimony. Many don’t even take the Sacrament seriously and just get married in the Church because their parents want them to or they just want to wear the fancy white dress, yet act like they’re married. And if that is part of the reason for denying the Sacrament of Marriage to the couple, then I think that is a legitimate reason.

 

[Brother_John]

That looks like it translate it “Huge fuss over white dress.”

For many Catholics (especially on this forum) TRADITION is EVERYTHING. In receiving the various Sacrements, what is more “Traditional” than a girl wearing a white dress for FHC ?

 

[Claire_from_DE]

For many Catholics (especially on this forum) TRADITION is EVERYTHING. In receiving the various Sacrements, what is more “Traditional” than a girl wearing a white dress for FHC ?

But this is ‘traditional’, not ‘Traditional’.

 

[Sarabande]

Got to say…the feisty side of me really likes that idea.

Yes, that would be interesting to see if all the parents decided that the girls would wear white. He may have to take back what he said. You might also run the risk of pride getting the better of him and turning every child away. But I don’t know him, so it probably is wrong of me to surmise something like that. I hope he wouldn’t have that kind of personality.

 

[Brother_John]

But this is ‘traditional’, not ‘Traditional’.

Where’s Tevye` when I need him?

 

[guanophore]

The point was that we should be forced to leave our local parish because of a rogue priest that the diocese is reluctant to reign in. I’ll fight this fight, but I won’t run away from it.

God will bless you if you are obedient to him, even if he is wrong. One thing you might consider is to pick your battles. Your daughter is an innocent victim in this one. Have you considered getting her through her FHC, then going to battle? How much time have you got? I mean, is it planned for Easter? You might consider live and let live, so your daughter is not a victim, then take up the battle afterwards. Clearly there are a number of areas to work on, and if you stay in the fight, the parents of the next batch will be very grateful for your help.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

My only gripe with the “God will bless you if you are obedient to him, even if he is wrong” is that God might very well want her to stand up to this bully as best she can. Not that I’m trying to start a fight, but I hear that line too often out of protestant ministers who think women should be obedient to their husbands no matter how much abuse the husbands heap on them.

 

[bear06]

Since you really want people to answer, here’s what I’d do… talk to the priest in a formal or informal meeting to find out why. If his reasonings were unfounded and just plain wrong, I would try to work things out with him. If his reasonings were because he thought that most couples were sexually active before marriage and that the bride didn’t deserve to wear white, I would have to prove to him that my fiance and I were either virginal/chaste/celibate and leading a moral and faithful lifestyle.

If he still didn’t believe in wearing white, but was very nice about and was a good and upright priest and everything else about him was right, I might just consider wearing a cream-colored gown or a very light pink gown (which is the color of virginity anyway) and still get married there.

If he was just beligerant, rude and on a power trip AND had very questionable practices for mass and teachings, I’d definitely go to another Catholic church to get married. I would record all of the abuses and questionable practices/things he had been doing in the parish, THEN I would report that priest to my bishop.

Personally, I think these are two different things… Almost every little girl or boy is pretty innocent and if white is a symbol of purity they would deserve to wear that color. That isn’t a reason to threaten denying FHC to a child.

That’s not always the case with adults about to embark in the Sacrament of Matrimony. Many don’t even take the Sacrament seriously and just get married in the Church because their parents want them to or they just want to wear the fancy white dress, yet act like they’re married. And if that is part of the reason for denying the Sacrament of Marriage to the couple, then I think that is a legitimate reason.

The only problem is this priest isn’t basing his decision on the fact that the majority this and majority that. He’s making a blanket decision based on crazy “theological” ideas.

I agree with your approach in as far as one should try and get his feelings. That said, once his ideas are found to be crazy and if he doesn’t concede, he should be challenged.

People should always approach the pastor first and then the bishop. This seems to have been done and will be done further. That said, priests who break canon law (and he is with the whole Confession after Communion and is threatening to deny the Sacrament due to a white dress) need to be taken on.