Protestant Girlfriend - What to do!?

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Mr_Ignatius said:
Thanks unfortunately we didn’t get to talk about those issues specifically but we did talk broadly. With advice from all the posters, my friends and family, leaders and Priests. I told her how I’ve been feeling in the most loving way I could in the moment. I told her the truth of avoiding the topic of us being likely to not work out. Although I didn’t have the guts and the heart to say that I wanted to walk away ‘right now’. We talked over how it COULD happen.

Although I wanted more (name removed by moderator)ut from her she kept on insisting ‘if one of us in the relationship is giving up then thats that’ etc. but she did tell me that she’s okay if I wanted to end it right then and there. I ended up getting out of her what she would like: for us to spend a day together, reminisce and say our proper goodbyes. We plan to do this in about two weeks.

So, I guess we have broken up. I kinda don’t want to think about it because I’ll get all emotional. But it doesn’t even feel like we’ve broken up. I don’t even know if what I did/said was right. Is it actually over now? I don’t feel like I did us justice. I’m so so confused.
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These things are hard.

Even if you had said. "We are done " it’s not over then in your heart. It takes a period of grieving and processing. Embrace that process and work through your emotions.

First “loves” are always special, but believe me when I tell you that you will move on. You will be ok. God does have a plan for you.

I will pray for you today.

God Bless
 
Mr Ignatius said:

"Although I wanted more (name removed by moderator)ut from her she kept on insisting ‘if one of us in the relationship is giving up then thats that’ etc. but she did tell me that she’s okay if I wanted to end it right then and there. I ended up getting out of her what she would like: for us to spend a day together, reminisce and say our proper goodbyes. We plan to do this in about two weeks.

“So, I guess we have broken up. I kinda don’t want to think about it because I’ll get all emotional. But it doesn’t even feel like we’ve broken up. I don’t even know if what I did/said was right. Is it actually over now? I don’t feel like I did us justice. I’m so so confused.”

Yep.

It’s done. Whatever you do, don’t get back together if there hasn’t been any forward movement on the religion front.

If you have any of her stuff (books, CDs, coats, etc.), gather it up and hand it over to her when you see her.

Oh, and don’t try to be friends immediately. Give it a good, long cooling off period and maybe start seeing somebody else first.

Best wishes!
 
So sorry you are going thru the break up. I’m sure it will be for the best but still, the first love is the hardest, I still remember my first break up like it was yesterday and that was well over thirty years ago.

God does have a plan for you and his plan includes your happiness. My best advice is to cut ties kinda quick. Staying friends sounds nice but I really don’t think it is practical.

I will keep you and her in my prayers.
 
So let me get this straight:

She is OK with breaking up.
She thinking you are the one being unreasonable and giving up on her.
She wants to spend a whole day (A couple of WEEKS from now) talking over old times.
Then, she’s giving you permission to break up with her.

This girl is using you. She’s the kind of girl that needs to say she has a boyfriend.
What kind of person says: ok we can break up, this is it, but let’s make another date!

Be firm. You’re being way too nice while she is clearly toying with you.
I agree with the poster who said…take a BIG break from her. You need some perspective on how real and sincere girlfriends act. Regardless of the faith.
Peace.
 
pianistclare said:
So let me get this straight:

She is OK with breaking up.
She thinking you are the one being unreasonable and giving up on her.
She wants to spend a whole day (A couple of WEEKS from now) talking over old times.
Then, she’s giving you permission to break up with her.

This girl is using you. She’s the kind of girl that needs to say she has a boyfriend.
What kind of person says: ok we can break up, this is it, but let’s make another date!

Be firm. You’re being way too nice while she is clearly toying with you.
I agree with the poster who said…take a BIG break from her. You need some perspective on how real and sincere girlfriends act. Regardless of the faith.
Peace.
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spot on!
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Thanks unfortunately we didn’t get to talk about those issues specifically but we did talk broadly. With advice from all the posters, my friends and family, leaders and Priests. I told her how I’ve been feeling in the most loving way I could in the moment. I told her the truth of avoiding the topic of us being likely to not work out. Although I didn’t have the guts and the heart to say that I wanted to walk away ‘right now’. We talked over how it COULD happen.

Although I wanted more (name removed by moderator)ut from her she kept on insisting ‘if one of us in the relationship is giving up then thats that’ etc. but she did tell me that she’s okay if I wanted to end it right then and there. I ended up getting out of her what she would like: for us to spend a day together, reminisce and say our proper goodbyes. We plan to do this in about two weeks.

So, I guess we have broken up. I kinda don’t want to think about it because I’ll get all emotional. But it doesn’t even feel like we’ve broken up. I don’t even know if what I did/said was right. Is it actually over now? I don’t feel like I did us justice. I’m so so confused.
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lots of people are praying for you. I’m sorry this is hard but in the long run, you will be stronger and better and who knows maybe the right girl is coming your way!
 
pianistclare said:

“She wants to spend a whole day (A couple of WEEKS from now) talking over old times.”

I think a long lunch or dinner is a big plenty for this kind of event.

See if you can negotiate it down.
 
Estevao said:
Why spend time reading a bunch of secondary sources like Rome Sweet Rome or Nothing in my hand I bring?

Read the original sources. The New Testament is a Catholic work. Read Matthew 16 (establishment of the papacy and the church), Ephesians (the four marks of the church) John 6, The Last Supper discourses, 1 Corinthians 11 (Eucharist), The Farewell discourse in John 14-17 (the work of the Holy Spirit in the Church), Hebrews (to refute perserverance of the saints), James (to refute sola fide), 1 & 2 Timothy (apostolic succession), , etc. etc.

Help with this would be from Scott Hahn and Curtis Mitch’s new testament study bible, only 17 bucks on amazon. There’s enough in there to share and discuss for months and months.

I would recommend not just dumping her. It’s hard to find a good christian girl these days, and she seems pretty nice.
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Instead of recommending you something that costs money, you can also look at the notes for the Douay Rheims bible, most of which refute various protestant views of scripture.

drbo.org/

Edit: Sorry to hear about the break up. Also as pianistclaire alluded to, she appears to be doing the technique of “monkey branching” where she hangs onto you long enough so that she doesn’t fall before picking up another boyfriend. Don’t feel required to meet up with her in two weeks. If you want to get over her that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. It takes time and NO CONTACT.

God bless you OP
 
Prolonging the breakup isn’t doing you any good.
As another poster has pointed out, you do not need her permission to break up.
It’s your decision. Own it! Get it over with now, don’t wait two weeks.
Do your grieving in private or with a close friend.
 
When I was in my 20’s, my boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up. At about the 5 year mark I had an experience of God and came into the Church. Our relationship fell apart pretty quickly after that. From then on, I told God that I wouldn’t date anyone who wasn’t Catholic, (see God, I’m serious!) and I prayed for my husband multiple times a day, that he stay firm in his faith, and make good decisions. I did meet my husband later on, after turning down a number of dates with men who were not Catholic, and I found out that he (my husband) went through a very similar experience as I did, and we were on the same page. I’m so glad I set my eyes on God and waited for his plan for my life. The 5 year relationship that fell apart, I can say with certainty now that I was so grateful we weren’t married and I could move on to better things. It was hard at the time. Absolutely. I missed out on his family too, who were good to me. I didn’t know if I would meet someone else, but I trusted in God and his kindness above my fears.

Meeting in a few weeks is not a good idea. You’ll be missing her (of course) and might very well cave in and want to continue going out with her. She may have tears and say how much she’s missed you, how this is the wrong decision. Please don’t put yourself through that. It’s a good decision. Continue learning your faith, getting into the catechism, spending some time before the Blessed Sacrament. The struggle in your heart at this time is a wonderful offering to God as you’ve chosen to be faithful to Him regardless of the cost. There is great merit in this! And during Lent! This is how the saints walked when it was their turn. It’s your turn now. God bless and strengthen you!
 
Just a point that may have been made (but I didn’t see it) - while a “hard marriage” is often the unhappy fruit of being married to someone of mixed faith, it is not anywhere near the biggest problem. The problem is the future children. This is hard to understand before you have children of your own, because one just can’t fully understand what it’s like to love their child, until it happens. But here’s the thing - you are obligated to do your best to raise your children Catholic. This obligation isn’t because it is important to pass on traditions, or for another similar reason. The obligation exists because being Catholic, and for that matter, being a faithful Catholic, is the most sure way to get to heaven. So when you have children, your duty is to give them the spiritual tools to get to heaven, and this is extremely hard to do when both parents don’t agree on those tools. Being raised with parents of two faiths is hard - imagine how difficult it might be for a child to comprehend that one of their parents is completely wrong about something so important. As adults, we tend to be able to come to terms with our parents failings, but a child of a mixed-faith marriage is going to have to deal with that at a very young age, and since little kids need to trust their parents, this is a very complicated concept to impose on them. Which is why it is more likely that the child receiving mixed messages will end up rejecting both faiths. If you love your faith, and you love your children, this will be HEARTBREAKING. More so than any sadness you feel about not being in spiritual union with your wife, because your wife is an adult, who had parents who raised her to think one way. You will know that ultimately she is responsible for her own decisions, and she is not you. But your own children, are the ones who come from you, are your flesh and blood (most likely), who will have relied completely on you to keep them safe, and to lead them in the right paths. To watch them go down the wrong path because you simply couldn’t overcome the pitfalls of being raised by parents with different faiths, can be really hard to deal with.

As a parent, I can say that no matter what I teach my children about gaining happiness and success in this life, if I don’t teach them how to get to heaven, I have failed. This is my primary mission, and I don’t just want to succeed because it’s my job, but because it is incredibly painful to imagine my own child in hell. Now to be clear, I am not saying that your child will be doomed to hell if they do not become Catholic. What I am saying is that the stakes of giving your children faith are not mere tradition or contentment, but are as big as salvation or damnation. And naturally, as a parent, you are going to want to do everything you can to help them attain salvation. For that matter, your girlfriend, if she becomes your wife, and if she continues to care about her own faith, will probably feel the same way. So if you do succeed at giving your children your faith, she may experience the same terrible heartbreak of feeling as though she is not giving her children what they need to get to heaven. I would bet that both of you want to give your future children the best possible chance at salvation, and since that means different things for both of you, it doesn’t make sense to set yourselves up for heartbreak.
 
Thanks for the support guys.

I’m pretty sure we’ve broken up. Because I was like so what about in the mean time, can we still talk and stuff but she said no it’ll be awkward.

She just wants to spend time in about two weeks so we can say proper good byes and look at our photos and such. Knowing her, she will probably give me all of our photos, so she doesn’t have to delete them all.

😊 I miss her already asdfghjkl;

** We’ve talked everyday for about 320 days. We were counting them. **

If this is the day we don’t talk I’ll feel so sad. So so sad!!! I have been avoiding praying because by doing so I’m bringing myself to tears.

Please keep praying for me and those in the world struggling with such problems.
 
Can I still text her?

If she’s trying to get over us, is that selfish of me? :confused:
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Can I still text her?

If she’s trying to get over us, is that selfish of me? :confused:
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NO!

It’s time to move on, and the day for picture sharing and reminiscing sounds like a really bad idea.

You guys said good bye and if she doesn’t want to talk why would she in 2 weeks…?

Just move on, even though it’s hard, it will pass and is likely far far far far easier than even one month of married life would have been.
 
Mr_Ignatius said:
Thanks for the support guys.

I’m pretty sure we’ve broken up. Because I was like so what about in the mean time, can we still talk and stuff but she said no it’ll be awkward.

She just wants to spend time in about two weeks so we can say proper good byes and look at our photos and such. Knowing her, she will probably give me all of our photos, so she doesn’t have to delete them all.

😊 I miss her already asdfghjkl;

** We’ve talked everyday for about 320 days. We were counting them. **

If this is the day we don’t talk I’ll feel so sad. So so sad!!! I have been avoiding praying because by doing so I’m bringing myself to tears.

Please keep praying for me and those in the world struggling with such problems.
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I’m so sorry.

As a 33-year old who experienced a breakup last June, lives in a remote part of the USA, and therefore has no idea when he’ll meet his next girlfriend, I feel your pain.

I am much older than you and I did not date anyone in my lower 20s due to my awkwardness and shelteredness, so my clock is ticking. But you’re only 20! So you have lots of time if you don’t waste it. You seem sociable so I’m not worried about your chances.

But as I replied in another thread like this, religious differences are a major cause of divorce. Date within your religion. Be genuine and passionate about your faith and goals, and a girl will come out of the woodwork to follow your lead.

I know it’s tough and dreadful to think that it will take forever to start over again with another woman, but imagine the lifetime of pain in the future if you stick with her.

Now, think about what steps you need to become the ideal, well-rounded person that you want to be, physically, intellectually, socially. Think about career, life experiences, travel, and what steps to take to meet more people in your life. Don’t waste your 20s; you don’t understand how valuable it is until you leave it.

If you haven’t done so, I highly recommend you study abroad. I recommend this to any undergrad. What a beautiful way to pick up the pieces, move on, meet new people, and experience totally new things. (Yes, and the parties, haha. Who knows, you might bring home an exotic foreign wife! :D)

Protestant churches apply “do not be yoked with unbelievers” to mean that one must date within his or her faith. So should Catholic churches.

Message me if you wanna talk some more.
 
No contact–no calls, no texting, no nothing. And definitely either cancel or cut down the meetup to the absolute minimum.

It’s like when you have a scab–it’s not going to heal if you keep picking at it.

Good luck!
 
Dude.

She dumped you.
And you believe YOU are being selfish?
No, the selfish one is the one who enjoys watching you writhe around in pain over her little princess self.
She wants to exchange pictures? Are you kidding? Why? So you can pine over her image and crawl back for more abuse?

She is abusing you, and you are so blindly in love with the IDEA of being in love that you can’t see her machinations.
Listen to Jon S & Xantiappe…
I don’t know how much clearer anyone can be.

real love is NOT LIKE THIS.
Years from now, you will be astounded that you are even asking these questions.
No texting, no meeting.
This is it.
Go do some community service. Feed the homeless. Grow your spirit and your mind.
Doing good for others who truly need it will go a long way to building your self esteem.
A strong man is very attractive to all women.

Call it quits. She did.
 
The right outcome was arrived at it looks like.

My unsolicited two cents…

I too fell for a girl who was mixed, which is to say one parent was Catholic and the other Protestant. She was not particularly religious but at times attended both houses of worship. Her parents did not get along well and needless to say the Protestant parent poisoned the well with regards to Catholicism. The chick held some pretty anti-Catholic positions about birth control, the Immaculate Conception, and celibacy of clergy. I thought since I was the more religious one she would accommodate me, that did not happen. As I heard once, with Protestantism you get three parts water and one part whiskey. With Catholicism you get the whole bottle of pure whiskey. I was not about to throw hundreds of years of ancestral faith down the drain and become Protestant or raise my offspring Protestant or mixed.

Side track. I visited with her family on many occasions and their way of life was slightly foreign to me. The Protestant ran the show and the customs, mannerisms, house and food, were just so different. Hard to describe really, but very vanilla, very “white bread.” I’m Italian and Irish and more importantly Catholic and I’ve always felt that Catholics have a certain flair about them. Bottom line their Protestant ways of life were boring!

Go out and find a nice Catholic girl and one for me too.

Lasallian Prayer

“Let us remember that we are in the holy presence of God.”

“Saint John Baptist de La Salle, pray for us!”

“Live, Jesus, in our hearts! Forever!”
 
I have a rather unique situation. My parents were not Catholic, though they went to Catholic schools and so did I. My wife is a protestant was not baptised but goes to church weekly with her family. Her family is quite involved in the church.
We got married in a protestant church.
A few months before our wedding day I enrolled for RCIA, something i wanted to do for quite a long time. My wife and my in-laws didn’t strongly object, probably cause they think it is better than not believing in Christ at all.

With regards to our kids, I did tell her they will be raised a catholic, she said “ok, only cause you are the father.” but she will choose a protestant school to enroll them in.
I can see it is going to be tough, but i pray all the time that she will join me in mass and communion.
 
OP, do not meet with her again. You don’t get over someone by looking at old pictures with them. Neither of you need you save anything. You don’t need to walk down memory lane either. If you have things to give back, mail them or drop off on her doorstep.

It is over unless you drag it on. You are in charge of your life. Don’t look for reasons now to make it seem like it can work. You would be doing all of the giving, all of the changing, all of the bending. And when you are done doing all of that, you will have lost yourself and lost your faith.

She is not the only girl. There will be others, and one day, you will look back and see that this breakup was a good thing.
 
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