Question about submitting as a wife in this case

[jrabs]

*Ok…here’s another instance…I was in a meeting not too long ago, and before the meeting, there were two men who were making fun of another guy in the meeting, to his face…about the type of watch he was wearing. The men commenting were wearing rolexes, and they were jabbing the guy who was wearing I dunno…an ‘‘inferior’’ brand. I like nice things, I like quality. But, I don’t believe in bragging, and I couldn’t believe what was going on before my eyes with men in their 40’s!!! The guy took the jabbing in stride, but I felt bad for him. This is what I mean…I never saw this in Pittsburgh during meetings or in the office. Maybe people talked about trips they went on…but it wasn’t in a bragging sense…or a show off sense. *

I could become the mayor of Pittsburgh…

Perhaps you were called to Florida to be their salt? For people around you to witness what it means to be a humble servant?

 

[whatevergirl]

*jrabs…really? you felt this way about college days? Interesting. I know, nothing stays the same. In some areas of life, that could be a good thing lol But, if only God could let us have one rewind button moment…just one. I’m going to have to discuss that with Him someday. lol

Yeah, I do feel God was in the works with the whole Florida move. We have joined a most fabulous parish…dare I say, I am liking it even more than the one we were members of, in Pgh? I never ever ever thought another parish here would compare…but, to my surprise, I really love our parish. Traditional, and loving. (not easy to find in FL) I love love love the priests…my kids enjoy mass a lot here. This parish is like walking into a different dimension. No fake people putting on airs, anywhere! I sound terrible. *

 

[gmarie21]

WG, Since it’s Lent, why not instead of focusing on others materialism, pray for them and actually feel sorry for them because they have no joy beyond the latest gadget or the biggest toy. I have a dad who could buy almost anything he wants (and usually does) but you know what, he’s pretty miserable most of the time. I see him smile most when he’s visiting us (in our moderate home) and talking to our daughter (his oldest grandchild). The non-material stuff brings him the greatest joy, I just wish he would take that fully to heart for his own sake and move back here.

 

[jrabs]

jrabs…really? you felt this way about college days? Interesting. I know, nothing stays the same. In some areas of life, that could be a good thing lol But, if only God could let us have one rewind button moment…just one. I’m going to have to discuss that with Him someday. lol

Yeah, I do feel God was in the works with the whole Florida move. We have joined a most fabulous parish…dare I say, I am liking it even more than the one we were members of, in Pgh? I never ever ever thought another parish here would compare…but, to my surprise, I really love our parish. Traditional, and loving. (not easy to find in FL) I love love love the priests…my kids enjoy mass a lot here. This parish is like walking into a different dimension. No fake people putting on airs, anywhere! I sound terrible.

God does give us the rewind any time we want it. It’s our memory. It’s a wonderful place sometimes.

Oh man, college to me was super fabulous. I loved every single day of it. Have the most wonderful memories of that little college town. But I also like the here and now.
Love my college friends too, but at a distance. Facebook has been great for those reunions.

Have you connected with your PA friends on facebook?

You are blessed to have such a parish. Are you very involved there? If the people are wonderful, are you making those people your Florida focus and not your work associates?

 

[mercyangel]

Hey, WG!

The submissive wife thing is one I personally struggle with. As I try to grow closer to God, I try to always do the things I know He asks of me. It is not always easy to “submit” ourselves to the will of someone else, even someone we love as much as our spouses. I would say just keep praying about it. A situation like yours is a difficult one to sort through. Should you push for the move so you’ll be happier or agree to stay so your husband will be. That’s a tough one! I think the two of you will have to pray about it, talk about it and both give in a little. There’s bound to be a solution somewhere in the middle! I also think that God has a way of putting us where He wants us at any given point in time. We sometimes run around trying to figure out what He wants us to do and all the while He is putting us in THAT place, with THOSE people because that’s what we’re being called to at that time. It doesn’t always make sense to us, but that’s just the way it is. In any case, prayers for you and your family. Hope things work out to the satisfaction of all!

 

[whatevergirl]

Perhaps you were called to Florida to be their salt? For people around you to witness what it means to be a humble servant?

*Hmmm…my sister has said the IDENTICAL thing… (not the salt part) It’s funny, one of the guys who is quite financially successful, had on his desk a christian book…like 6 months ago…last week, the book I noticed was in the same exact spot. I walked in his office …about an account we’re working on…and said…‘so, that book…it’s collecting dust, you know…you should read it.’’ He looked at me shocked…and then the book…and said…’‘I don’t believe in ‘that stuff.’ ‘’ I said…’‘what stuff?’’ He said…‘God and all of that. I believe in God, but I don’t want to get into all that’ I said…’‘You should though…your life would have greater meaning…this (and I pointed around the room) is not what life is about. It seems so important, and it is…but it is not what life is about’’ He looked at me and said nothing. An awkward silence followed, you could say. lol

Recently, he came up to me to say he started reading it…and ‘it’s (the book) not that bad.’ I just might finish it, too!" "That’s great!’’ I said. (Truthfully, he has been much nicer lately…he even stopped by my office and apologized yesterday to me, after he sent me an email he perceived to be rude…I thought that was very kind of him…I didn’t think the email was rude, maybe I’m hardened now. haha)

I dunno…maybe. There is a part of me jrabs, that when I see the behavior, I just want to retreat and not say anything…*

 

[mini_me640]

WG,

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’m not sure where you live in Florida, but it is somewhat unfair to say that the whole state is all about posturing and brand names, etc. I live in Florida and have not experienced this, I think things like that vary by community all over the country. At any rate, I know what it’s like to miss a certain time in your life and in your marriage. I have the same problem at times. My husband and I lived in Manhattan NYC for a while and it was the best time of our life (but talk about designer label obsession LOL), we were away from a lot of family pressures, we didn’t have our son yet, we would just walk around the city and eat at great restaurants and go to great museums and just had a really great time. And I miss that freedom and adventure a lot, even though I do love my life now.

I think maybe the wait and see approach might be the way to go now. Who knows, your husband might surprise you with a change of heart, and if not, maybe it’s for the best anyway

 

[Joe_5859]

Ask him again in the summer when it’s super hot in Florida and comfortably warm up in Pittsburgh.

I don’t really have any advice, but I do empathize with you. My wife and I are also in a situation where the place that we currently live is not the place we want to be “forever”. When you have that mentality, it’s much more difficult for the place to feel like “home” (and we’ve been here 7 years now!). But since neither of us want to move many times over, we’re sort of waiting for God to come in and show us that one job so that we can move once more and then never again!

 

[whatevergirl]

WG, Since it’s Lent, why not instead of focusing on others materialism, pray for them and actually feel sorry for them because they have no joy beyond the latest gadget or the biggest toy. I have a dad who could buy almost anything he wants (and usually does) but you know what, he’s pretty miserable most of the time. I see him smile most when he’s visiting us (in our moderate home) and talking to our daughter (his oldest grandchild). The non-material stuff brings him the greatest joy, I just wish he would take that fully to heart for his own sake and move back here.

*I used to be like them:blush:…I grew up in a wealthy home, where materialism was the religion, it seemed. I grew away from that over hte years, thanks be to God…and wish I could sprinkle God’s grace over everyone…as I walk through the office…and everything would be different. But prayer is how that happens, I guess…you are right! I will do this. I don’t mean to sound judgemental…I really don’t. I don’t judge them…I just feel uncomfortable around them if that makes sense…thank you for your advice. *

 

[whatevergirl]

Ask him again in the summer when it’s super hot in Florida and comfortably warm up in Pittsburgh.

I don’t really have any advice, but I do empathize with you. My wife and I are also in a situation where the place that we currently live is not the place we want to be “forever”. When you have that mentality, it’s much more difficult for the place to feel like “home” (and we’ve been here 7 years now!). But since neither of us want to move many times over, we’re sort of waiting for God to come in and show us that one job so that we can move once more and then never again!

Oh yeah? Where do you both live, may I ask? Wow…7 years. It is hard to explain, isn’t it?

 

[kage_ar]

*Ok…here’s another instance…I was in a meeting not too long ago, and before the meeting, there were two men who were making fun of another guy in the meeting, to his face…about the type of watch he was wearing. The men commenting were wearing rolexes, and they were jabbing the guy who was wearing I dunno…an ‘‘inferior’’ brand. I like nice things, I like quality. But, I don’t believe in bragging, and I couldn’t believe what was going on before my eyes with men in their 40’s!!! The guy took the jabbing in stride, but I felt bad for him. This is what I mean…I never saw this in Pittsburgh during meetings or in the office. Maybe people talked about trips they went on…but it wasn’t in a bragging sense…or a show off sense.

I could become the mayor of Pittsburgh… *

The guys in Pittsburgh offices tease each other about sports teams - same teasing, different reasons.

 

[jrabs]

Hmmm…my sister has said the IDENTICAL thing… (not the salt part) It’s funny, one of the guys who is quite financially successful, had on his desk a christian book…like 6 months ago…last week, the book I noticed was in the same exact spot. I walked in his office …about an account we’re working on…and said…‘so, that book…it’s collecting dust, you know…you should read it.’’ He looked at me shocked…and then the book…and said…’‘I don’t believe in ‘that stuff.’ ‘’ I said…’‘what stuff?’’ He said…‘God and all of that. I believe in God, but I don’t want to get into all that’ I said…’‘You should though…your life would have greater meaning…this (and I pointed around the room) is not what life is about. It seems so important, and it is…but it is not what life is about’’ He looked at me and said nothing. An awkward silence followed, you could say. lol

Recently, he came up to me to say he started reading it…and ‘it’s (the book) not that bad.’ I just might finish it, too!" "That’s great!’’ I said. (Truthfully, he has been much nicer lately…he even stopped by my office and apologized yesterday to me, after he sent me an email he perceived to be rude…I thought that was very kind of him…I didn’t think the email was rude, maybe I’m hardened now. haha)

I dunno…maybe. There is a part of me jrabs, that when I see the behavior, I just want to retreat and not say anything…

ya never know who you are gonna touch with a few Holy Spirit inspired sentences. You could possibly be the tool the HS will use in many cases to break these hearts of materialism.
Sometimes God sends us places, not for our comfort, but for the good of His Kingdom. You may not be thrilled with all the aspects of your town, but it’s not all that bad.

 

[whatevergirl]

WG,

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’m not sure where you live in Florida, but it is somewhat unfair to say that the whole state is all about posturing and brand names, etc. I live in Florida and have not experienced this, I think things like that vary by community all over the country. At any rate, I know what it’s like to miss a certain time in your life and in your marriage. I have the same problem at times. My husband and I lived in Manhattan NYC for a while and it was the best time of our life (but talk about designer label obsession LOL), we were away from a lot of family pressures, we didn’t have our son yet, we would just walk around the city and eat at great restaurants and go to great museums and just had a really great time. And I miss that freedom and adventure a lot, even though I do love my life now.

*Oh my you have it worse than me…haha Manhattan is amazing! *

I think maybe the wait and see approach might be the way to go now. Who knows, your husband might surprise you with a change of heart, and if not, maybe it’s for the best anyway

*I am sorry about broadbrushing Florida…I know it is not fair to do this…one of my sister in laws who lives in Orlando doesn’t like when I do this, Florida is ‘‘home’’ for her.

Here is a question–why can’t every single time in our life…be equally fabulous? Why must we go through these times? I felt God speaking to me during prayer one night recently…saying…you are to find your happiness in me, alone. I do…but maybe I need to meditate on that more. I hear those words every so often when I’m praying…maybe that’s the bigger point. *

 

[revert_jen]

Yeah, I do feel God was in the works with the whole Florida move. We have joined a most fabulous parish…dare I say, I am liking it even more than the one we were members of, in Pgh? I never ever ever thought another parish here would compare…but, to my surprise, I really love our parish. Traditional, and loving. (not easy to find in FL) I love love love the priests…my kids enjoy mass a lot here. This parish is like walking into a different dimension. No fake people putting on airs, anywhere! I sound terrible.

Here’s just a few random thoughts, partially due to having just survived a blizzard :

1. You will not enjoy shoveling the snow when you are getting older (even late 30s!) as much as you did when you were younger, and eventually you will have more danger of slipping and breaking bones. Fortunately I am not old enough yet for the broken bones, but I have fallen I think 5 times in the last couple of weeks and my knees are a mess.
2. It sounds like the people in Florida are a mixed bag, but what a huge difference it makes having a good parish!
3. To me, the most important thing you can say to your dh is something you said here: “I don’t want to move back to Pgh, if my husband is really against it. It wouldn’t be worth it to me.” As long as he knows that, it doesn’t seem to me that it can hurt to keep talking about it, as long as it isn’t constant. Anyway, I don’t think that submissiveness as a wife comes into it unless he’s asked you to stop talking about it. Or at least you can ask him if he’d prefer if you stopped talking about it.
4. Have you considered an alternative that avoids both the “insects that are bigger than the dogs” aspects of Florida and the “snow banks that are bigger than the cars” aspects of Pittsburgh? Maybe you want to consider planning to retire to North Carolina or something. Western NC especially has seasons, and I think would be unlikely to have the “keeping up with the Joneses” aspects of Florida. Plus you would be closer to Pittsburgh and maybe could visit more often. I mean, maybe if you don’t think of it as Pittsburgh vs. Florida, you can find a solution that both of you will like. Also, if you don’t consider that you have to decide in the next year, where you are going to live for the rest of your life, it might take the pressure off.
5. If the Holy Spirit has been working through your last move, maybe you will “know” when the time is right for the next one? It sounds pretty conflicted now.

Just some thoughts. I hope everything works our well for your family.

–Jen

 

[whatevergirl]

ya never know who you are gonna touch with a few Holy Spirit inspired sentences. You could possibly be the tool the HS will use in many cases to break these hearts of materialism.
Sometimes God sends us places, not for our comfort, but for the good of His Kingdom. You may not be thrilled with all the aspects of your town, but it’s not all that bad.

*I’m going to cry again…thank you jrabs. :hug1: I’ll start trying to think of things like this more. *

 

[MercyMia]

With your kids going to college in the near future Florida is not a bad place to be – they have great universities which are much cheaper than here in the North East. Much more bang for your buck! Have you looked into Ave Maria University? But I have a feeling we could all stack up practical reasons all day long and it would not put your mind to rest because this is much deeper than Florida v. Pittsburg. You seem really torn up about this.
You really can never go home again, as others have said. Since you seem to be on odyssey for home…maybe you can look beyond Pittsburg and your immediate situation. You are Italian - Have you and your husband and kids ever traveled to Italy to visit the town your family came from? A place where people were born, baptized, lived and died for generations and generations? Maybe a vacation to something beyond your immediate surroundings will renew you and give you perspective. Connecting to our roots in that way can be very therapeutic.

 

[gmarie21]

*I’m going to cry again…thank you jrabs. :hug1: I’ll start trying to think of things like this more. *

A good place to start is today, with the Old Testament reading from Jonah (actually the whole book would be good). Jonah didn’t like where he was suppose to be so much that he tried to run away from God (which no one can ever do successfully). God wanted him to do something he didn’t want to do, but in the end, God’s Will was done and Jonah was so unhappy he wanted to die because of it. Don’t be Jonah

 

[whatevergirl]

A good place to start is today, with the Old Testament reading from Jonah (actually the whole book would be good). Jonah didn’t like where he was suppose to be so much that he tried to run away from God (which no one can ever do successfully). God wanted him to do something he didn’t want to do, but in the end, God’s Will was done and Jonah was so unhappy he wanted to die because of it. Don’t be Jonah

Was he sent to Florida? I’m KIDDING Yes…I will…thank you for this so much! I am excited to read this story. It’s interesting how these stories have so much connection to us in modern times. I guess the human condition never changes…we evolve, but deep down, we all have similiar struggles.

 

[whatevergirl]

With your kids going to college in the near future Florida is not a bad place to be – they have great universities which are much cheaper than here in the North East. Much more bang for your buck! Have you looked into Ave Maria University? But I have a feeling we could all stack up practical reasons all day long and it would not put your mind to rest because this is much deeper than Florida v. Pittsburg. You seem really torn up about this.
You really can never go home again, as others have said. Since you seem to be on odyssey for home…maybe you can look beyond Pittsburg and your immediate situation. You are Italian - Have you and your husband and kids ever traveled to Italy to visit the town your family came from? A place where people were born, baptized, lived and died for generations and generations? Maybe a vacation to something beyond your immediate surroundings will renew you and give you perspective. Connecting to our roots in that way can be very therapeutic.

*No, but this would be so wonderful…it’s on our to do someday list. I like your perspective on this. Really, my life is good…I thank God everyday. I know when I post here, it sounds like the same old story…me complaining about Florida. I know, it gets old hearing it, I’m sure. But, through these threads…I have really been learning more…and everyone’s perspectives help me to see something maybe I can’t being in the trenches with my feelings.

Someone should invent a time machine. Seriously, why hasn’t anyone come up with this yet? *

 

[whatevergirl]

Let me say this too…I’m all for working hard, and buying something nice…whether it’s a car, house, clothes…whatever. I like nice things…but, I don’t like the bragging nature about it…that’s all. There’s no need. Everything that’s good comes from God, anyways…