Question about submitting as a wife in this case

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Joe…not meaning to put you on the spot…but what do you miss about IL? Ohio is pretty cool. Reminds me of Pgh. lol Why can’t you move back?
 
whatevergirl said:
Joe…not meaning to put you on the spot…but what do you miss about IL? Ohio is pretty cool. Reminds me of Pgh. lol Why can’t you move back?
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Mainly we miss being closer to family and friends. I suppose we could move back, but we’re just sort of waiting for the right job to come along. We’re not unhappy where we’re at, which is probably why our search hasn’t been that active. :o Since my wife and I both grew up never really moving, it’s sort of odd to be in a place where we feel like it isn’t our “permanent” home.
gmarie21 said:
With the way IL is financially and politically, many times I don’t want to be here 😃
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Indeed! There are definitely some things I don’t miss. 😃
 
Ahh WG- sometimes I too miss the North - living in the Florida Keys now - Now, during the month of February is not one of those times. Here are my thoughts in a very pragmatic way.

a) The kids can move/work/go to college wherever they want when they get older. Do what you and your dh want for you and your dh.

b) You could always let him work his career and when he is finished and in retirement form that career – become snowbirds - FL in the winter - and Pittsburgh in the summer and maybe a white Christmas. People do it all the time down here.

I hope all is well,

Sometimes it is not submitting but finding the compromise.
 
Yes, I have zero experience in such things, but it doesn’t seem to me that submission is the issue here. 😉 It’s not you vs husband (he seems to be totally on your side, by the way), it’s how you feel about both places.
 
*something sweet my daughter just said on the phone

She called me from home and we talked. She said…‘I talked to daddy and he said you were crying?’’ I said…’‘yeah…’’ She knew the reason from my husband, and we talked about old memories. I said…’‘wouldn’t it be great if God could create a time machine?’’ She said…’‘God doesn’t want us to go back in time…He wants us to move forward to heaven. Life is just about getting to heaven, mommy.’’

I didn’t know what to say. :o*
 
chevalier said:
Yes, I have zero experience in such things, but it doesn’t seem to me that submission is the issue here. 😉 It’s not you vs husband (he seems to be totally on your side, by the way), it’s how you feel about both places.
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Yes, you are right. Your analysis skills are coming in handy today. 😃
 
whatevergirl said:
*something sweet my daughter just said on the phone

She called me from home and we talked. She said…‘I talked to daddy and he said you were crying?’’ I said…’‘yeah…’’ She knew the reason from my husband, and we talked about old memories. I said…’‘wouldn’t it be great if God could create a time machine?’’ She said…’‘God doesn’t want us to go back in time…He wants us to move forward to heaven. Life is just about getting to heaven, mommy.’’

I didn’t know what to say. :o*
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Awww…you raised a good one there! That is adorable! 🙂
 
LilyElain said:
Awww…you raised a good one there! That is adorable! 🙂
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*I know, she made me cry (more) needless to say. I love my kids to pieces.

And you know, as simple as it is, she is right. No matter where we live, what we’re doing…we are here to serve God and others, to live holy lives, and to make our way to the time when God will say…’‘good and faithful servant, well done.’’ :o And maybe God changes the pieces of the puzzle at times to make sure we know that’s the main point.
 
kage_ar said:
Take it from me, do not ever ask your husband to move, to leave his career. Men are designed to be the hunters, to ask him to give up his ability to provide will be a blow to his sense of self.

Don’t ask him to leave a good job. Just wait and pray.
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:bowdown: Wisdom should be your middle name, kage_ar

WG… it takes a good 5 years for those “roots” to completely pick up. And at this point? You might go back and find “you can’t ever go home.” I like going back to my roots, but I find it’s not home anymore. I’d move, but for my wife, this is home now. It’s off the table, but if I chose to move? She’d go. We’d work it out somehow.
But, I still find myself missing Pittsburgh. I just do. I loved it there…so my question is…in discussing this with my husband over the past year, he said…’‘whatever you would like to do, I’m all for it…I want everyone to be happy.’’ Okay. Now, that we are growing closer to potentially moving next year…he has had a change of opinion. He said last night…’‘why do you want to go back there? With all that snow, I just don’t see the sense in moving back to all of those long winters.’’ (My kids and I like snow, not 5 months of it, but we like it–dh hates it) He also names other reasons he doesn’t want to go back…he has developed a nice career here at Disney, and he’d have to start over somewhere else, etc…that makes sense. But, I said…’‘where is your sense of adventure?’’ :o He said…’‘I’m a realist.’’ 😛
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Desires can be backbreakers. He really desires to make you happy. I understand this.

Just curious… who’s desire was it to move to Florida?
 
whatevergirl said:
*something sweet my daughter just said on the phone

She called me from home and we talked. She said…‘I talked to daddy and he said you were crying?’’ I said…’‘yeah…’’ She knew the reason from my husband, and we talked about old memories. I said…’‘wouldn’t it be great if God could create a time machine?’’ She said…’‘God doesn’t want us to go back in time…He wants us to move forward to heaven. Life is just about getting to heaven, mommy.’’

I didn’t know what to say. :o*
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Can I trade for a while? You do a great job raising kids!
 
newbetx said:
Can I trade for a while? You do a great job raising kids!
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Aw, you are so sweet. Other than not doing chores when asked at times…they are pretty darn good kids…dh and I are blessed. :o
 
Could your husband suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder? He may not even realize it. Some people do just “dislike” the weather in the north, some people tolerate it, some people are VERY adversly affected by it. Guys, especally, try not to let this show. Also, diseses like arthritis are much more prevelent in the north due to the cold.

In that case your “happiness” and desire to move to PA isn’t worth his mental health.

I’ve known kids who hated to be uprooted as teenagers. However it was FAR harder to move “back” the crowd that they had hung out with didn’t exist and the peer pressures of the groups tended to lend themselvs to the bad becuase the “bad” kids were the only open to welcoming the kids back.
 
newbetx said:
:bowdown: Wisdom should be your middle name, kage_ar

WG… it takes a good 5 years for those “roots” to completely pick up. And at this point? You might go back and find “you can’t ever go home.” I like going back to my roots, but I find it’s not home anymore. I’d move, but for my wife, this is home now. It’s off the table, but if I chose to move? She’d go. We’d work it out somehow.

Desires can be backbreakers. He really desires to make you happy. I understand this.

Just curious… who’s desire was it to move to Florida?
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You are probably right about the 5 years thing. Truthfully, thinking it through, it’s not so much that Florida is ‘‘bad’’ per se…I have found a lot of positives. It’s that I look back to all the memories in Pgh, and perhaps just wish I hadn’t taken those times for granted. I think back to all our friends…and think, wow I miss those people…I didn’t realize how blessed we were to have such great neighbors and friends.

Who’s idea was it to move to Florida…this is an interesting story, but I’ll make it brief. I’m in sales/marketing …and my company approached me to take over the Florida region. I didn’t solicit them. Ironically (and this shows how God is in the details) the guy that approached me who resides in Florida…also happened to be part of the interviewing process way back when I started here. Had I not interviewed with him, and he worked with me…he would never have known me, being that I resided in Pgh, he in Florida. So, I fly to Florida, I give a presentation…they approach me to move here. Very tempting financial offer, etc. I flew back…you did not have to ask my husband twice for his answer. 😃 LOL He had left a job a few years prior to that, and he could never really find his stride…so, between that and the weather, he was delighted about the opportunity. EVERYTHING fell into place with very little effort. The company paid for the entire move here, etc…So, that’s what happened. We had a year between the presentation I mention above, and when we actually moved in 07…so we had a long time to pray about it. I talked to a nun who we had come to know and love, about moving, and she said…It is usually God’s will, when we have a peace about things. And we did have a peace about it, then. After moving here three weeks, the guy that interviewed me, and orchestrated the whole move…left the company. Weird…had we delayed any of this move…he wouldn’t have been with the company. And no one in Florida had a working ‘‘connection’’ to me, but him…so, God is in the details of this story.

Moved, and life in Florida is very different than Pgh…believe it or not, the slow south is a thing of the past. A myth. It is very fast paced here…racing traffic, pushy people. The first year was great, and my husband got a good job with Disney. But his hours are horrible. We rarely spend time together as a family. My dh thinks that is the problem…I look back to Pgh a lot because we did so many things as a family, and here we don’t. He said, I could just find another job, we don’t have to move 1000 miles to be together, honey. 😃

He’s a good guy. I don’t want to make a bad decision. We have decided to wait until next year after our son graduates high school…to see what to do. Sorry if that wasn’t brief, lol:o

Could you explain what you mean by ‘desires are backbreakers?’*
 
purplesunshine said:
Could your husband suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder? He may not even realize it. Some people do just “dislike” the weather in the north, some people tolerate it, some people are VERY adversly affected by it. Guys, especally, try not to let this show. Also, diseses like arthritis are much more prevelent in the north due to the cold.

In that case your “happiness” and desire to move to PA isn’t worth his mental health.

I’ve known kids who hated to be uprooted as teenagers. However it was FAR harder to move “back” the crowd that they had hung out with didn’t exist and the peer pressures of the groups tended to lend themselvs to the bad becuase the “bad” kids were the only open to welcoming the kids back.
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*I hadn’t thought of that at all, purple. That is a good point, about SAD. I also think it’s interesting your point about my kids and their friends. We went to our old church parish’s summer festival when we visited last year, and my daughter said that her friends (who we bumped into there) and her ‘‘still got along,’’ but ‘‘they had changed.’’ She said…’‘but I’m not the same girl I was either mommy as I was in 5th grade.’’ So, you are so right…going ‘‘back’’ doesn’t mean you can go back to that time you have placed in your memory bank when life was one particular way that you recall it to be. Good points! *
 
*Thank you everyone for your help today…you are such good people. :grouphug:
 
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