My heart thrills at the thought of the frightful tortures
Christians are to suffer at the time of Anti-Christ, and I long to
undergo them all. Open, O Jesus, the Book of Life, in which are
written the deeds of Thy Saints: all the deeds told in that book I
long to have accomplished for Thee. To such folly as this what
answer wilt Thou make? Is there on the face of this earth a soul
more feeble than mine? And yet, precisely because I am feeble, it
has delighted Thee to accede to my least and most child-like
desires, and to-day it is Thy good pleasure to realise those other
desires, more vast than the Universe. These aspirations becoming a true martyrdom, I opened, one day, the Epistles of St. Paul to
seek relief in my sufferings. My eyes fell on the 12th and 13th
chapters of the First Epistle to the Corinthians. I read that all
cannot become Apostles, Prophets, and Doctors; that the Church is composed of different members; that the eye cannot also be the hand. The answer was clear, but it did not fulfill my desires, or
give to me the peace I sought. “Then descending into the depths of my nothingness, I was so lifted up that I reached my aim.”[13]
Without being discouraged I read on, and found comfort in this
counsel: “Be zealous for the better gifts. And I show unto you a
yet more excellent way.”[14] The Apostle then explains how all
perfect gifts are nothing without Love, that Charity is the most
excellent way of going surely to God. At last I had found rest.
Meditating on the mystical Body of Holy Church, I could not
recognise myself among any of its members as described by St.
Paul, or was it not rather that I wished to recognise myself in
all? Charity provided me with the key to my vocation. I understood
that since the Church is a body composed of different members, the noblest and most important of all the organs would not be wanting. I knew that the Church has a heart, that this heart burns with love, and that it is love alone which gives life to its members. I
knew that if this love were extinguished, the Apostles would no
longer preach the Gospel, and the Martyrs would refuse to shed
their blood. I understood that love embraces all vocations, that
it is all things, and that it reaches out through all the ages,
and to the uttermost limits of the earth, because it is eternal.
Then, beside myself with joy, I cried out: “O Jesus, my Love, at
last I have found my vocation. My vocation is love! Yes, I have
found my place in the bosom of the Church, and this place, O my
God, Thou hast Thyself given to me: in the heart of the Church, my Mother, I will be LOVE! . . . Thus I shall be all things: thus
will my dream be realised. . . .”(
online text can be found here)