**How long has this young woman been the youth group leader? did everyone like her before this? I would be extremely careful in all of this…perhaps she maybe putting the child up for adoption? You say you don’t think she’s been raped but you don’t know that for sure.I need some advice, please. It’s recently become apparent that our youth minister is expecting a baby. She is not married. She has not acknowledged this to either the youth group or parents, but it can no longer be denied. There have been no plans announced for her to either take a leave of absence, or relinquish her leadership position.
Naturally, the kids (high school and middle school) are disturbed about the situation. I’ve had several talks with my 15 yo daughter about the leader’s bravery in bearing the child, the correctness of that decision, and the consequences of not living a chaste life.
But am I wrong to expect that we should have a better model of Catholic teaching in our youth leadership role? I plan to address my questions to our priests and DRE, but want some feedback from you first. What would you do?
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Let her volunteer for something else, she can give her time in many useful ways. She’s just not qualified to be a youth director, where the main thrust and focus of the position is providing a positive example for youth.
I think there’s a middle ground to be found here. I think it’s a horrible idea to keep the woman on right now because of the risk of scandal - sure, some people might get the impression that letting people know about a pregnancy is worse than ending it, but others might get opposite types of impressions. For example, “I doubt she got pregnant the only time she ever had sex, so why is it that it’s only wrong once you get caught?” or “She’s only saying it’s wrong because she’s in trouble but she didn’t have a problem with it while it was happening,” or “If she’s really been doing this gravely immoral thing, what other things that are supposedly wrong can we do as long as we don’t get caught?” or flat out “Hypocrite.”
I think directing her into other avenues of contribution in the parish would be a good way of showing that the repentant are welcome and can fully participate in the life of the Church while still avoiding setting a scandalous example.
Oh my goodness!!! Just because someone is “unmarried” (can we please use the word SINGLE instead? Single is an actual vocation, its not the LACK of another vocation). It does not mean they are in a “formative” time. Marriage does not just transform someone into being able to teach and minister to high school youth. In fact, the hours and nature of the job is difficult on marriages, the actual job could possibly be arguably better suited for single folks. I was a youth minister right out of college. My parish emmersed me in training opportunities and mentoring. You don’t need a theology degree to be a youth minister, its better to have a business degree, and take a theo course or 2.
But she’s obviously showing so I doubt she’s at risk for an abortion. This isn’t about her - it’s about the impressionable kids that she is in charge of. THEY would be the ones who would be scandalized by knowing that their youth leader who tells them that they should wait for marriage to have sex, obviously doesn’t really believe that.
Again are you sure she is pregnant, even before i ever had a child i used to look pregnant because i would always gain weight in my midsection/belly area ( i was only 110 pounds at the time). I remember in college there was one semester i gained about 10 pounds and people were always asking me if i was!!! Of course i wasn’t and it was embarassing!!!People gain weight differently…Especially if she only looks 3 or so months pregnant…
personally, and this just may be me thinking wonderful things about the religious, I would assume she was raped. It wouldn’t even cross my mind that she had sex on purpose.
It is between her, her confessor, for a religious her superiors would be involved, and God. I would trust that the superiors would make the best decision.
I agree that you may want to be sure that she is definitely pregnant. I know women who also gain most of their weight in their midsection, but are thin everywhere else. They look like they are in the early stages of pregnancy, but really aren’t. Also, I don’t know about the rest of the ladies, but many of my girlfriends and I have gone through a period between the ages of 22-25 when we gained weight because of the way our bodies were changing - meaning after everything “levelled off” and I was back to my 4/6 size, I suddenly got curves and wasn’t straight up and down. During this transitional stage, though, my mother was always asking me if I was pregnant - I was a virgin - but I guess she was just being a concerned mother.