Re: Youth Director is an Unwed Mother

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st_ignatius110 said:
I have always personally had a problem with young single men or women being youth leaders at all. I am not sure they are the most qualified to guide and direct young people through a formative time when they themselves have not yet been formed. I don’t know. I could be wrong on this.
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Many times, young, celibate priests are the ones who are placed in charge of the Youth Programs. I think they could be great for the youth. My best friend is in her late 20s, single, received her masters in theology and divinity with a concentration for youth ministry and has her bachelors in music performance and education. She is currently the youth director (mostly colleges) for her entire diocese (she is not of the Roman rite) and is incredible at it. That was definitely her calling. She may be young, but she is incredibly spiritual, insanely intelligent (skipped a grade in school - can you tell she’s my best friend? I’m so proud of her.), talented, strong, fluent in about three languages and full of vitality and joy for profession. But most-importantly, she knows how to connect with the youth in her diocese and to help bring them to spiritual deepening and/or discovery. Her age and marital status doesn’t mean anything. I don’t even think she is sure if she is called to the married life. She may always be single.
 
st_ignatius110 said:
I have always personally had a problem with young single men or women being youth leaders at all. I am not sure they are the most qualified to guide and direct young people through a formative time when they themselves have not yet been formed. I don’t know. I could be wrong on this.
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Would a 30 year old single man qualify?
 
Ok, honestly still trying to understand why some think she should be able to stay when I feel so VERY strongly that she should NOT.

What if she were caught doing illegal drugs? What if she were arrested - her picture was in the paper - it was all very public? Is it still between her & her confessor? When does public scandal come into play - or doesn’t it ever? What about the impact it may have on the kids … kids who look to her for spiritual guidance?
 
Nevarlander said:
And I think that even if it was something that came out of sin, that doesn’t necessarily mean “bad example” and she should lose her job. She could explain to these kids “Yes, I did something wrong, but you see the consequences of it now”, because being pregnant and alone is a tough thing. It depends on her attitude about it rather than the actualy act as much.
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Having done a lot of volunteer youth ministry, I’ve come across an instance where 1. a young lady was openly living with a young man and 2. a y oung lady found herself pregnant and a bride (in that order).

In the first instance, the young lady NEVER made any statements that what she was doing was against church teaching or wrong (even though it clearly was). When it came to the attention of the parish where she was working, she was ultimately dismissed because she wasn’t a role model to the youth.

The second acknowledged that things went wrong, that it wasn’t with church teaching, but that she did seek forgivness. She went on to be the youth minister for several more years until the birth of her second daughter.

How the youth director is handling what appears to be a pregnancy (could be a tumor too) factors hugely into things…because of what she is or isn’t teaching the youth who are looking to her for guidance.

One more thought, please be discreet about this. Perhaps let the DRE or priest handle this in their own time rather than bringing this to their attention. Things are rarely as they appear and the last thing this lady needs is to learn through the parish grapevine that there is gossip or questions being asked or any of the rest.
 
On the other hand…she may have learned from her mistakes…confessed…and is now repentant. St. Peter, who betrayed Jesus THREE TIMES to His face, was our first Pope. He learned from his mistake, repented, and Jesus gave him the job.

We simply don’t know this girl’s situation…could be that she is wayward, and is staying that way–could be that she learned from her mistake and has long repented. If Jesus could allow Peter such a lofty role, maybe a girl who has made such errors of judgement, might be a beneficial role model, from a different vantage point. Just food for thought.🙂
 
Carol,
I would look toward the good in person to make judgment not the bad. If the person was doing any of these sinful things all the time I would suspect that they would not be youth ministers or any other type of minister.

A continuance in sin is cause for removal but a single act can’t be used (even an obvious one). That is still a confessor’s job to make sure of a sincere confession.

Talk to the girl, open your ears to her, you may find someone in need.

God Humble servant
John A.H.

BTW: In the questioning of young single men or women youth administrators. I’m Single, 27, in discernment, and am heavly involved in other ministries.
 
carol_marie said:
Ok, honestly still trying to understand why some think she should be able to stay when I feel so VERY strongly that she should NOT.

What if she were caught doing illegal drugs? What if she were arrested - her picture was in the paper - it was all very public? Is it still between her & her confessor? When does public scandal come into play - or doesn’t it ever? What about the impact it may have on the kids … kids who look to her for spiritual guidance?
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Talk about scandal…
the OP is the one speculating about the director’s condition and if it’s real, the circumstances under which it occurred.

The OP does not know what this director’s emotional or spiritual state is at this time. If indeed, the director has learned from her mistake and wishes to use her situation as a living example of God’s mercy, forgiveness and ability to turn bad things into good ones for His sake, then we mere mortals should not get in God’s way of moving her to do His work.

We just do not know God’s plan for this woman, nor His plans for the youth who are under her charge.

Have we so soon forgotten: “JESUS I TRUST IN YOU”?
 
The pregnancy showing that the grave sin (assuming so) was RECENT… absolutely shows lack of formed will.
Code: 
     other things is might show:

 - disagreement with church teaching
- lack of formed conscience
 - her continuous employment could show approval of the actions by the Church
My point is about the will…as repentant as she might be…(which again, I’ll restate that she has NOT spoken to the teens or parents about this…this is a huge mistake) , she still hasn’t formed her will. (There could be a miraculous healing of course, but it took me YEARS after I learned that all sexual interaction was wrong to actually be able to turn it down…because my will was not formed).

I agree with a previous poster who said there should be some distance in time from the situation. I don’t think she is banned from youth work forever, but in the midst of the emotional turmoil of everything, I hardly think she is the healthiest most stable situation to be directing a youth ministry.
 
carol_marie said:
Ok, honestly still trying to understand why some think she should be able to stay when I feel so VERY strongly that she should NOT.

What if she were caught doing illegal drugs? What if she were arrested - her picture was in the paper - it was all very public? Is it still between her & her confessor? When does public scandal come into play - or doesn’t it ever? What about the impact it may have on the kids … kids who look to her for spiritual guidance?
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**First of all you still never said how you 100% know she is pregnant…It could still be a weight issue as I and a previous other poster has suggested.

Are you 100% sure she wasn’t raped?

Do you think that if she continues she;s going to tell the kids its ok to have premarital sex? **
 
I cannot believe the moral relativism that I see in this thread. Some here have absolutely no consideration for the wishes of parents of these youths. I, for one, would never send my child to a youth group run by a knocked up single mother, and I think it’s ridiculous that I, or others, should be accused of being uncharitable or judgemental.

I expect the Church to support me in trying to raise my children apart from the low standards of the world, as defined by Hollywood. Instead, unfortunately, our Catholic education system has often caved in.

If this girl is indeed pregnant and unmarried, she should immediately go to the priest with an explanation and tender her resignation from this particular ministry. It’s absolutely manipulative of the sympathies of good people to expect leniency in regards to this situation. If she wants to serve Christ, she can volunteer in the Church’s soup kitchen, not be a negative role model for the teenagers in the youth group. If it’s a paid position, she needs to resign and seek other employment.
 
Peter betrayed Jesus three times…and was made our first Pope. Imagine if Jesus sent Him away to a soup kitchen. lol Paul also led a life of sin…and we now call him a saint.

I agree that probably, there could be a better choice other than an unwed mother in charge of a youth group. Agreed. I have kids, and I agree…but, I’m just giving some food for thought. Sometimes, people make ‘grave’ mistakes…she might have confessed for all we know, and is repentant. Why are we assuming the worst of this situation?
 
its not assuming the worst… we are not talking about the state of her soul, or her repentant state, or anything

we are talking about suitablity for this job, and the scandal.
 
agapewolf said:
its not assuming the worst… we are not talking about the state of her soul, or her repentant state, or anything

we are talking about suitablity for this job, and the scandal.
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I see. But, haven’t we all made mistakes? I guess if this were happening in my parish…perhaps, I would just sit with my kids and explain that one should be married before having a child, but the good news is that she chose life over an abortion. It’s all not such a bad thing…

I agree with estesbob’s comment…if she is living unwed, with a man…then, no she shouldn’t be in this position. If she is a repentant woman, who made a mistake…she should be allowed to keep her position…

No one is addressing my St Peter analogy…hmmm.
 
agapewolf said:
its not assuming the worst… we are not talking about the state of her soul, or her repentant state, or anything

we are talking about suitablity for this job, and the scandal.
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Exactly. I think we all understand that people fall short. My concern is that our children have very few role models that are worthy, and we despartly need the Church to provide some help in this dept. There are plenty of pregnant unmarried people in Hollywood for them to ‘look up to’ :rolleyes:
 
whatevergirl said:
I see. But, haven’t we all made mistakes? I guess if this were happening in my parish…perhaps, I would just sit with my kids and explain that one should be married before having a child, but the good news is that she chose life over an abortion. It’s all not such a bad thing…

I agree with estesbob’s comment…if she is living unwed, with a man…then, no she shouldn’t be in this position. If she is a repentant woman, who made a mistake…she should be allowed to keep her position…

No one is addressing my St Peter analogy…hmmm.
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What about a repentant child molester? After all, we shouldn’t judge.
 
I’ll address the St. Pete analogy…

The church is entrusted to the care and guardian of the Sacraments… amid a world steeped in beliefs of subjective and relative truth…with scandals involving our Church.

Our church MUST be extra cautious…

It’s people that look at this girl employed by the church, and they could think the church APPROVES of her actions, therefore thinking that the church has “changed” or something. “Wow…the church must think pre-marital sex is ok now…I’ll go and do it too”.
so the scandal can lead others to sin as well. also, a new teen who doesn’t know the story comes and sees it, finds out that she is single, and takes it as a role-model situation.

of course this is such a basic raw example…but hopefully you get the point. Please read my previous post about the politician.

It is not Jesus himself saying that she is fit for the job. He knows her heart, we do not. again, we are not condemning her soul, but we are looking at suitablility for the job. The Church has to look out for the whole package here…
 
whatevergirl said:
I see. But, haven’t we all made mistakes? I guess if this were happening in my parish…perhaps, I would just sit with my kids and explain that one should be married before having a child, but the good news is that she chose life over an abortion. It’s all not such a bad thing…

**I would explain things the same way to my children. Here is the other thing, besides this job she proably has no money coming or insurance. **

I agree with estesbob’s comment…if she is living unwed, with a man…then, no she shouldn’t be in this position. If she is a repentant woman, who made a mistake…she should be allowed to keep her position…
**
I agree with this too
**
No one is addressing my St Peter analogy…hmmm

**Just as they don’t address the fact that the OP doesn’t even really know if she is pregnant. **

.
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