Seeking a Convalidation. HELP!

[mljaustin]

My fiance is Catholic and I am non-denominational. Each of us has our own churches. We have decided to go through both pre-marietal prep procedures. ISSUE: For very personal reasons realted to my mother’s death I want to get married outside. My fiance is excited about this idea. However, he is concerned with violating the Church’s policy on getting married outside of the church.

QUESTION: Is it possible to get married outside fo the church and then get the marriage validated? We both agree with the Catholic views on marriage but this is really important to me.

Thanks.

 

[BlestOne]

So what is more important…
God or a thought relating to your mom’s death? Really, I would have understood it more if you had said you made a promise to your mom on her deathbed… but really… To a Catholic, marriage is a sacrament… an outward sign of an imparted inner grace… and trust me when I say that to live “till death do us part” with another person does require grace! The proper place to celebrate a wedding is in a Church. Marriage is also a covenant between a man, a woman, and God… if you shut God out of your marriage now…not good.

I would question why you want to have the ceremony outdoors then have a convalidation…it sounds totally Protestant to me. Like the brides that shop for a Church depending on how pretty the pictures will turn out… I don’t mean to sound harsh… but you really need to find out more about what Catholic Marriage is all about before you say “I do” indoors or out.

 

[mljaustin]

From this point forward please only respond to the question. I have very PERSONAL reasons for the outdoor ceremony that have nothing to do with pictures.

I am not looking for scripture just an answer.

 

[happymommy]

Ask his priest

 

[kage_ar]

He can request permission from his Bishop (this would be done through his Priest) to have the wedding outdoors.

He does not have the option of getting married without the dispensation unless he wants to separate himself from the Church.

Please read the threads on mixed marriages.

Prayers.

 

[BlestOne]

From this point forward please only respond to the question. I have very PERSONAL reasons for the outdoor ceremony that have nothing to do with pictures.

I am not looking for scripture just an answer.

I did respond to your question… and I did NOT say it was because of pictures…

The proper place to celebrate a wedding is in a Church. Marriage is also a covenant between a man, a woman, and God…

 

[mljaustin]

No. you did. " …it sounds totally Protestant to me. Like the brides that shop for a Church depending on how pretty the pictures will turn out… "

Mybe you aren’t the best person to be responding to these inquiries you clearly have a very only Catholic view. I need realy help not judgement. I ask kindly you not respond further.

 

[happymommy]

No. you did. " …it sounds totally Protestant to me. Like the brides that shop for a Church depending on how pretty the pictures will turn out… "

Mybe you aren’t the best person to be responding to these inquiries you clearly have a very only Catholic view. I need realy help not judgement. I ask kindly you not respond further.

She didn’t say that is what you wanted, but that is what some brides are worried about.

Well this is a Catholic forum, so if you didn’t want a Catholic view perhaps you should ask somewhere else. You want advice about marrying a Catholic man, this is how it works with our faith. We don’t get to make up the rules and do what we want. And before you start on me about being Catholic, I was raised Presbyterian, so I understand about not having to answer to church teachings and doing things a certain way. It looks like you just want the answers that agree with your opinion. Doesn’t work like that! I stand by my first post, if you really care about the view of marriage the Catholic Church teaches, ask his priest.

 

[Schluns]

BlestOne, I believe the portion in red is what mlj was reacting to. While I can agree that you did not mean to direct it to her, it does offend. And I agree with you it did sound harsh.

I would question why you want to have the ceremony outdoors then have a convalidation…it sounds totally Protestant to me. Like the brides that shop for a Church depending on how pretty the pictures will turn out… I don’t mean to sound harsh… but you really need to find out more about what Catholic Marriage is all about before you say “I do” indoors or out.

mlj,
The best thing for you and your fiance to do is speak to his priest about this matter.

Congrats on the upcoming

 

[SMHW]

QUESTION: Is it possible to get married outside fo the church and then get the marriage validated? We both agree with the Catholic views on marriage but this is really important to me.

What exactly does “outside of the Church” mean to you?

From the perspective of the Catholic Church, “outside” means marrying without following the normal rules and regulations unless a dispensation has been granted.

In the case where one party to a marriage is not Catholic it is often permitted (via dispensation) to hold the wedding in the church of the non-Catholic party. It is generally not permitted for the wedding to take place in a location other than an actual church building.*** BUT YOU CAN ASK***. A wedding in your home Church with the proper permission is not really “outside of the Church” and would not need any additional validation. (But your husband’s Church would want to make a note of the marriage because it will become part of your husband’s sacramental record.)​

If you civilly marry “outside of the Church” (without permission) it is possible to eventually get the marriage convalidated but don’t be surprised if the Church makes it a several year process and expects you to jump through hoops far greater than those necessary to marry according to the rules in the first place. (This might include a temporary separation.)

You also need to understand that your husband would be viewed as “living in sin” and would be forbidden to receive any sacraments, including communion, until such time as he can and does receive forgiveness via the sacrament of Reconcilliation.

 

[Thomas63116]

Hi!

Welcome to the forums! You’ll probably get a lot of responses about problems in general with mixed marriages, and a lot of people telling you that wanting to get married outdoors is a very bad idea. Just be prepared for that.

To answer your question: Normally, a catholic is required to marrry in a church. The wedding can take place in another place with a dispensation, which may be granted for a good reason. You have already told us that your reason is deeply personal and related to your mother’s death.

I understand your unwillingness to share this on an internet forum. But to have a chance at a dispensation you and your finacee would need to be willing to discuss it with his pastor as part of your marriage preparation. I don’t know how likely it is that the dispensation would be granted.

It is possible for people who are married outside the church to have their marriage validated at a later date. However, I believe that this normally is not done within a year of the wedding.

 

[happymommy]

What exactly does “outside of the Church” mean to you?

From the perspective of the Catholic Church, “outside” means marrying without following the normal rules and regulations unless a dispensation has been granted.

In the case where one party to a marriage is not Catholic it is often permitted (via dispensation) to hold the wedding in the church of the non-Catholic party. It is generally not permitted for the wedding to take place in a location other than an actual church building. But a wedding in your home Church with the proper permission is not really “outside of the Church” and would not need any additional validation. (But your husband’s Church would want to make a note of the marriage because it will become part of your husband’s sacramental record.)​

If you civilly marry “outside of the Church” (without permission) it is possible to eventually get the marriage convalidated but don’t be surprised if the Church makes it a several year process and expects you to jump through hoops far greater than those necessary to marry according to the rules in the first place. (This might include a temporary separation.)

You also need to understand that your husband would be viewed as “living in sin” and would be forbidden to receive any sacraments, including communion, until such time as he can and does receive forgiveness via the sacrament of Reconcilliation.

I think she means outside, like not in a building. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong about that. Oh,and I agree with blest. My SIL picked a church based on how it looked, lots of women do it. They don’t go there, no one they know goes there, but it’s pretty. That might not be her reason, but it is the reason for a lot of women.

 

[aloejamb]

No. you did. " …it sounds totally Protestant to me. Like the brides that shop for a Church depending on how pretty the pictures will turn out… "

Mybe you aren’t the best person to be responding to these inquiries you clearly have a very only Catholic view. I need realy help not judgement. I ask kindly you not respond further.

Talk with your fiance’s priest…he would be able to give you the answer you seek. And anything you say would be in confidence so feel free to reveal to the priest what this PERSONAL thing is. He would be able to lead you in the right direction so that your fiance’s faith is also respected.

Some advice for any future posts…if you don’t like people’s opinions that are different from your own…don’t ask. If you are looking for the catholic view on things but do not want an open discussion where many parties bring these opinions, try Ask an Apologist forum.

 

[mljaustin]

Thanks for the help. How do i delete this post now? or eliminate myself. My fiance is contemplating leaving the Catholic church because of all this “unwillingness” to accept the importance of my wishes. As my future husband, he cares about my values as well. I was just hoping to find a way to keep him there. So, NO, I’m not the one who wants the pretty pictures.

 

[happymommy]

Thanks for the help. How do i delete this post now? or eliminate myself. My fiance is contemplating leaving the Catholic church because of all this “unwillingness” to accept the importance of my wishes. As my future husband, he cares about my values as well. I was just hoping to find a way to keep him there. So, NO, I’m not the one who wants the pretty pictures.

How sad that he would leave the Church over your wedding day! If you want to keep him there, then think about what the Church teaches, learn it and then live it.
You wedding day is very special, but it is just a day. Don’t let him throw away his faith over one day! It’s your marriage that counts, not where you get married. Good luck!

 

[puzzleannie]

QUESTION: Is it possible to get married outside fo the church and then get the marriage validated? We both agree with the Catholic views on marriage but this is really important to me.

Thanks.

no it is not permissible for a Catholic to evade Canon Law on marriage intentionally and try to patch things up later. You should both visit his pastor together, explain your reasons for your plans for the wedding and accept his guidance. If your fiance marries outside the Church he is taking a grave step, voluntarily removing himself from full communion with the Church and separating himself from the sacraments, his source of life and grace.

 

[beckers]

Thanks for the help. How do i delete this post now? or eliminate myself. My fiance is contemplating leaving the Catholic church because of all this “unwillingness” to accept the importance of my wishes. As my future husband, he cares about my values as well. I was just hoping to find a way to keep him there. So, NO, I’m not the one who wants the pretty pictures.

Wait a tick…Your telling me that your husband is contemplating leaving the church because the church might not be willing to bend to your wishes of where to hold a ceremony? Wow am i the only one who see’s a problem with this? Honey get thee to a priest ASAP! Seriously I am glad you guys are going to have to go through marriage prep and that both churches offer it. It sounds like you guys need a better understanding of what a marriage is suppose to be. Please go to both with open minds and let the holy spirit guide you. *(i know you have your own personal reasons for wanting it outdoors and i am not going to discuss that as you have requested that that not be an issue.) *

I am still in shock that your husband would leave the church over something so petty as where the ceremony will be held without even discussing all the options with a priest. There has to be other underlying reasons to why he would want to leave the church. I would personal see this as a red flag in your relationship. Is he truly going to be the faithful and spiritual head of the household if he is giving ultimatums to the Church if he doesn’t get his way over something that in the grand scheme of life is so small? Wow. Just Wow.

BTW. If you want to delete your post you would have to ask the mods to do it.

i wish you a happy and blessed marriage.

Beckers

 

[mljaustin]

Its not over our wedding day, its over the mere fact that a faith that he so soildly believed to be all welcoming is turning out to be very judgemental. Weighing ones belief over another. He is disappointed in the church’s view on this.

 

[Thomas63116]

How sad that he would leave the Church over your wedding day! . . .Don’t let him throw away his faith over one day!

It sounds like he would consider leaving the church not because of this day in particular but because the reaction of so many Catholics on this forum suggest that the rules and regulations should matter more than his wife and her feelings.

It’s your marriage that counts, not where you get married.

Then why should it matter if they get married outside and not in church? That seems to be the OP’s exact point.

 

[Thomas63116]

OK - so how can where one holds the ceremony be on the one hand “petty” and “small”. . .but if they don’t do it the way the church says to do it. . .GRAVE.