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Seatuck
Guest
Has he discussed his wedding with his priest?
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mljaustin
Guest
You said it much better than I. That is exactly why he wants to leave. And that is his exact point. He is a man of honor and would be a wonderful spiritual leader in our household. He is willing to leave the church and join me in mine, but I don’t think that he should do so lightly.
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happymommy
Guest
Is he disappointed or are you? The Church is welcoming, but it does have rules. What you are asking might be able to happen, but you have to follow a chain of command to ask and then it still might not be able to happen.
We got married outside the Church, I’m sorry to say. I was ignorant in Catholic teaching. I have changed and embraced the faith, thank the Lord for that. I’m sorry I ever had a problem with it and made it hard on my husband, but in the long run, it has given him more faith and he loves the Catholic Church even more after being away from it, even if it was just a short time. We did have a Catholic wedding a few years later, when I came to my senses. It can be done, but I urge you to help your husband with his faith and go with what the Catholic church teaches and wants. Best of luck!
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ChristinaM
Guest
Please make an appointment and talk to your fiance’s priest about this before he goes off and abandons his faith. I would hate to see someone leave the Church over a misunderstanding like this. These rules exist for a reason, not just to plague you. I am sure your priest could probably explain better than any of us could.
I’m a newlywed myself. I do not say this to be offensive at all, but I have seen firsthand how the modern wedding industry has conditioned brides to have it all “my way or the highway,” which is VERY different from how the Catholic church views the marriage ceremony. I respect the fact that your reasons are personal, but I encourage you to think and pray about this. Your fiance leaving his faith would not be a good way to start your marriage.
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mljaustin
Guest
He doesn’t have a home church. He was baptised in a church he does not attend. He doesn’t have a priest he relates to so all the information he is getting is broken and brutal. Most positions have been that he needs to either change my values (which upsets him) or choose his faith over our marriage (which to him is close minded).
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rpp
Guest
Please, calling the Catholic Church “judgmental” is a silly canard. You appear to be looking for people who will tell you that your personal desires are more important that how the Church, with her 2,000 years of experience, has determined how the Sacrament of Matrimony is to be celebrated. You also appear to be disregarding your fiancé’s faith and desires. When you have 200 years worth of wisdom, with the Holy Spirit guiding you at all times, then perhaps you might be in a position to make your claims. Until then, embrace God’s gifts of the grace of humility and humbly abide by Church law and your husband-to-be’s needs in this matter.
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happymommy
Guest
My husband was willing to do the same thing, the Church I went to treated him terribly because he was Catholic. Didn’t matter that he had changed churches, in their minds, he wasn’t able to be saved.
“It sounds like he would consider leaving the church not because of this day in particular but because the reaction of so many Catholics on this forum suggest that the rules and regulations should matter more than his wife and her feelings.”
They don’t matter more than her feelings, but they are there for a reason. You can’t have everyone doing whatever they want, whenever they want.
“Then why should it matter if they get married outside and not in church? That seems to be the OP’s exact point”.
It could be possible to do that, but they have to talk to the priest and find out, not just come on here and get upset when they don’t get the answer they want.
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ChristinaM
Guest
Not at all, nobody is saying he should do that, and I am sorry if you have taken any of our posts like that. So far what I have seen is posters saying it is not impossible, but you have to get the proper permissions first.
Are you saying he is not practicing his Catholic faith at this moment? Is there not a parish where he attends Sunday Mass? I would think the priest there would be able to help out. No need to stress over it, just call the office and make an appointment with Father.
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Thomas63116
Guest
So where is he attending church now, if at all? Where is he getting this information?
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Brendan
Guest
Contact the Chancellory office for the diocese in which you live and request a “Dispensation from Canonical Form”
They will have all the information and will be familar with how to accomplish it.
It’s relatively painless and most diocese handle several of these each month.
They will need to know what parish your fiance was baptized in and will verify that neither of you have been married before.
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happymommy
Guest
Where are they getting their marriage prep. classes? It doesn’t sound like they have looked into this much at all.
I’m not trying to be mean, but they really need to do some research before he leaves his faith and they run down the Church for not being helpful or welcoming.
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mljaustin
Guest
Let me get something straight. I, am not Catholic, this posting was to help HIM. I will share all your thoughts with him. Thanks.
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Seatuck
Guest
So it seems he is not actually practicing the faith which explains his reaction.
Ok well, for a Catholic man to be a wonder full spiritual leader he should be practicing the faith and leading his family in it. Another thing you two won’t like is that he will need to promise to raise his children Catholic. He needs God’s help to do this. Getting married in the church close to the presence of Christ in the Eucharist is the start to a holy marriage. This is not to say that you cannot practice your own faith at all. Scripture tells us not to be unequally yoked. Marriage is quite a challenge under the best of circumstances with out that. You will need to stay close to Christ under the situation of a mixed marriage.
Fiance, please consider practicing the faith so that you can dwell in the grace that God wants to give you to fulfull your duties as husband and father. Come back to the Sacraments. That is where God feeds our souls and gives us strenght to live a holy life.
Make an appointment with the Pastor at a Catholic church to discuss these things. And to find out once and for all if your Bishop allows for an outdoor wedding service in the case of a mixed marriage.
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mljaustin
Guest
Marriage classes are taking place in Austin. No relationship with the church. I helped him find it. Classes are scheduled. We just discussed this earlier today and he got very upset with what we were learning so I am just doing some of my own side work for information.
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happymommy
Guest
You have made that very clear and I’m sure you will share your thoughts with him as well. Please let him know that there are ways to look into getting married outside, but that he will have to contact a Priest and talk to them. I truly hope he doesn’t leave his faith and I hope you don’t cause him to do so.
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Seatuck
Guest
Ok. A Catholic is responsible to follow the obligations of marriage in the church. That means marriage preparation through the church. There is a lot to learn to live a sacramental life and it this information will not be taught in a non catholic setting.
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kage_ar
Guest
The fact that you are willing to help your boyfriend find out what is required by his Church does show me you have respect for his Faith.
Call the Diocese office, as Brandon suggested, speak to someone about the dispensation form.
And pray like your marriage depends on it.
Call the Diocese office, as Brandon suggested, speak to someone about the dispensation form.
And pray like your marriage depends on it.
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beckers
Guest
STOP STOP STOP STOP…
PLEASE STOP everything and call the church he wants to be married in and talk to the priest. You are getting second hand knowledge that is making you and your Future Husband get angry at things that might not even be issues. TALK TO THE PRIEST. The church has rules for a reason. If you understood the WHY behind the rule then it might all make sense to you instead of just jumping to a conclusion that the church is judgmental and harsh for no reason. Which is why i am glad that you two are going through marriage prep at both churches.
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beckers
Guest
Hold on. Please understand its more to do with marrying “outside” as in outside the faith without a dispenstation then physically marrying outside a building (though this is also highly discouraged and you need permission for it since your vows should be made in God’s house but i have heard a few rare cases where the couple has recieved permission to do it. You have to ask though.)
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KristinM
Guest
I know a couple who exchanged vows inside the Catholic Church building, without guests, then did the whole nine yards outdoors with guests. Probably not what you care to do, but an option nonetheless.
The best advice I saw: Talk to a priest. He’ll be able to help you either by directing you towards the next steps or at least by explaining what the reasons are why you can’t be married outdoors.
So many things can and will go wrong during the wedding planning and the actual wedding itself. My wedding did not go off as planned, but I’m happy just the same. Just remember it’s about the marriange, not the wedding.
The best advice I saw: Talk to a priest. He’ll be able to help you either by directing you towards the next steps or at least by explaining what the reasons are why you can’t be married outdoors.
So many things can and will go wrong during the wedding planning and the actual wedding itself. My wedding did not go off as planned, but I’m happy just the same. Just remember it’s about the marriange, not the wedding.
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