Sex drive question

[enbell]

Cite a source to the contrary

It can be googled. All sources say the same thing. There are some countries where this is not true, but in general it is.

It’s your claim to prove take or leave it

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Hello BlueEyedLady,
Are you Atheist? Your profile shows it and I am very new to this board so I don’t know alot. Since you are a fiance you are not having sex, right?
Your Sister

I am an atheist and its pretty well known on this board that we live together. Make of that what you will.

 

[SusanneT]

Isn’t there an issue here that for Catholic couples in the ‘fertile’ phase of life the wife’s ‘sex drive’ is very much controlled by how she and they as a couple) feels about becoming pregnant. As well as being hormonal and therefore variable through her cycle.

Whereas for the man the physical urge is more constant. But if he follows the Church whether it can be enjoyed is essentially controlled by his wife’s cycle / their fertility.

So men endlessly complain of frustration or struggle against sin and women can often only express their sex drive if they are happy to fall pregnant.

 

[SusanneT]

Sorry - just to add.

My point is that you can’t really divorce ‘sex drive’ from fertility / procreation for most younger couples.

But isn’t that the point of the Church’s teaching on sex ?

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

To be somewhat blunt about the sex drive thing, and I don’t mean any disrespect, that people who say actually say they have a high sex drive are bragging and probably run just about even with most people. They just think others have less of a sex drive than they do.

 

[ValPal]

Then wouldn’t that actually be a sign of the opposite of what you are claiming?

It’s anecdotal. Looking at a data sample that is an aberration does not mean the conclusions obtained from the entire population, or even a much larger sample, of data are void. I’m just noting that such aberrations exist, before people start bringing them up.

 

[ValPal]

Isn’t there an issue here that for Catholic couples in the ‘fertile’ phase of life the wife’s ‘sex drive’ is very much controlled by how she and they as a couple) feels about becoming pregnant. As well as being hormonal and therefore variable through her cycle.

Whereas for the man the physical urge is more constant.

This is what I’ve observed also, personally, as well as from what our friend have told us.

 

[ValPal]

I should also add that there is plenty of evidence regarding sex drive right on these very forums. Just look at the number of threads regarding people struggling with masturbation. At minimum, there are a few threads each week from men struggling with this issue. The number of women that struggle with this issue? Well, I not saying they don’t exist, I’ve just never seen one posted here. If sex drives between the sexes were equal, the number of posts between the sexes should be equal, or simply in the ballpark…not 99.99% male and 0.01% female.

 

[epan]

At 25 more unmarried men are virgins than unmarried women. I’m guessing the common perception is wrong.

According to the CDC data collected 2006-2008 and published in 2011, this is may be true by a narrow margin. Between the ages of 20-24, 12.3% of females report not having had sex with a member of the opposite sex. Males in the same age group report 14.3%.

This does not account for homosexual activity. Looking at the studies in a cursory way, I am not sure what to conclude. It looks like MANY more females than males report same sex attraction, but in terms of actual behavior, the numbers come out about the same, percentage wise.

Between the ages of 25-29, the gap narrows for heterosexuals, with 3.4% of females claiming to be virgins, and 3.8% of males making the same claim.

For never married females age 15-19, 42.6% have had sex. For males, 41.8.

By a slight margin, it appears that more females are having sex than males in all age ranges below age 30. However, when you factor in potential statistical error, the gap is insignificant.

There are a lot of interesting and perhaps surprising observations in the report. Here is a link to it: cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr036.pdf

 

[thewanderer]

It’s anecdotal. Looking at a data sample that is an aberration does not mean the conclusions obtained from the entire population, or even a much larger sample, of data are void. I’m just noting that such aberrations exist, before people start bringing them up.

I’m sorry, there must have been a miscommunication somewhere. It sounded as though you were claiming that most studies suggest that a greater percentage of women are sexually active than men, and that this holds true except in a few countries here and there. If this is true it certainly would seem to undermine the idea that men naturally have a higher sex-drive. I am not trying to claim anything one way or the other, I was simply responding to these two claims that you made.

 

[Paddy1989]

At 25 more unmarried men are virgins than unmarried women. I’m guessing the common perception is wrong.

I would say it’s down to the fact that any women that offer’s herself to any man won’t have far to look before she find’s what she is after, for men this is certainly not the case when it comes to wanting the same from any women. While i do agree that some women match or even exceed men’s sex drive most do not so i do not think this common perception is wrong whatsoever

 

[Paddy1989]

I am a woman and I have a very strong sex drive. Actually I know plenty of women with a strong sex drive. I am married and I know that my sex drive is stronger than my husbands. He always jokes around that I have the sex drive of a 15 year old boy. There is a great misconception that women are far less sexual than men. I have bisexual attraction and I had to deal with being in a hot climate and how people dress. I certainly didn’t use the cop-out of blaming other people’s dress for my problems and I believe in taking full responsibility for your struggles and sins.It was always frustrating growing up when people would tell me that struggling with a strong sex drive, lust, or anything sexual was a “man’s struggle” and that I was abnormal for struggling with it. You are not alone.

I take it that part was aimed at several poster’s on here, please if you don’t understand their point of view don’t criticize it, the Church has spoken on it VERY clearly, reject it if you want, your not the only one

 

[mt_gooseberry]

Random thoughts…

I don’t know if comparing studies of age and virginity to sex drive difference between genders works. Lots of people don’t have sex because they have a high sex drive, but because of peer pressure, wanting to please significant other, etc. Saying that there are more 25yo male virgins than female doesn’t mean that females have a higher sex drive, and vice versa.

I’m one of those women with an “abnormally” high sex drive. Before I was Catholic, I would masturbate multiple times every single day (oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-I’m-saying-that-on-here-I’m-so-embarrassed!). Even after I was married I would do it. DH didn’t want sex nearly as much as me. It didn’t seem to vary much with my cycle, either. The only thing that has calmed me down is nursing hormones. Yet I managed to hold it together until I was 23 before I had sex. There I was, a girl with a high sex drive, not having sex. It kind of disproves the age-virginity-sex-drive theory.

I think the reason there are more threads on here about guys struggling with masturbation is because there is, like it or not, more stigma attached to female masturbation. Even among secular circles it is only in the last 15 years or so that it has become acceptable. For women, it is a deep, dark secret that is very, very common.

I would say for women not on the pill, and not nursing, that their sex drive is pretty much the same as men’s. I think that it is ridiculous that for men, sex is portrayed as an overwhelming need and that for women it is a duty to which we roll our eyes and submit. It disgusts me that men use the “men have higher sex drives so we have an excuse to act like pigs” argument.

And as for men having fluids that need to go somewhere comment, do you have any idea what it feels like for a woman to be engorged from being turned on and not getting any release? Standing is torture, sitting is torture, and it doesn’t go away for hours, sometimes even the whole day. Think about that the next time you finish and your wife doesn’t.

 

[epan]

Random thoughts…

I don’t know if comparing studies of age and virginity to sex drive difference between genders works. Lots of people don’t have sex because they have a high sex drive, but because of peer pressure, wanting to please significant other, etc. Saying that there are more 25yo male virgins than female doesn’t mean that females have a higher sex drive, and vice versa.

I’m one of those women with an “abnormally” high sex drive. Before I was Catholic, I would masturbate multiple times every single day (oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-I’m-saying-that-on-here-I’m-so-embarrassed!). Even after I was married I would do it. DH didn’t want sex nearly as much as me. It didn’t seem to vary much with my cycle, either. The only thing that has calmed me down is nursing hormones. Yet I managed to hold it together until I was 23 before I had sex. There I was, a girl with a high sex drive, not having sex. It kind of disproves the age-virginity-sex-drive theory.

I think the reason there are more threads on here about guys struggling with masturbation is because there is, like it or not, more stigma attached to female masturbation. Even among secular circles it is only in the last 15 years or so that it has become acceptable. For women, it is a deep, dark secret that is very, very common.

I would say for women not on the pill, and not nursing, that their sex drive is pretty much the same as men’s. I think that it is ridiculous that for men, sex is portrayed as an overwhelming need and that for women it is a duty to which we roll our eyes and submit. It disgusts me that men use the “men have higher sex drives so we have an excuse to act like pigs” argument.

And as for men having fluids that need to go somewhere comment, do you have any idea what it feels like for a woman to be engorged from being turned on and not getting any release? Standing is torture, sitting is torture, and it doesn’t go away for hours, sometimes even the whole day. Think about that the next time you finish and your wife doesn’t.

Agreed, it is hard to generalize such data. I was surprised by the numbers though. Anecdotally, I can tell you that the females that I meet when I am just going about my daily business, and socializing, are often very sexually aggressive. This was more true when I was in the San Francisco area which is very liberal, and there are sex clubs, huge sex festivals, legal nudity… etc… I don’t get as much of it in the San Diego area, where I live now. But anyone who thinks that women don’t have high sex drives, and that they are not acting on that, has had a different experience with women than I have.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Random thoughts…

I don’t know if comparing studies of age and virginity to sex drive difference between genders works. Lots of people don’t have sex because they have a high sex drive, but because of peer pressure, wanting to please significant other, etc. Saying that there are more 25yo male virgins than female doesn’t mean that females have a higher sex drive, and vice versa.

I’m one of those women with an “abnormally” high sex drive. Before I was Catholic, I would masturbate multiple times every single day (oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-I’m-saying-that-on-here-I’m-so-embarrassed!). Even after I was married I would do it. DH didn’t want sex nearly as much as me. It didn’t seem to vary much with my cycle, either. The only thing that has calmed me down is nursing hormones. Yet I managed to hold it together until I was 23 before I had sex. There I was, a girl with a high sex drive, not having sex. It kind of disproves the age-virginity-sex-drive theory.

I think the reason there are more threads on here about guys struggling with masturbation is because there is, like it or not, more stigma attached to female masturbation. Even among secular circles it is only in the last 15 years or so that it has become acceptable. For women, it is a deep, dark secret that is very, very common.

I would say for women not on the pill, and not nursing, that their sex drive is pretty much the same as men’s. I think that it is ridiculous that for men, sex is portrayed as an overwhelming need and that for women it is a duty to which we roll our eyes and submit. It disgusts me that men use the “men have higher sex drives so we have an excuse to act like pigs” argument.

And as for men having fluids that need to go somewhere comment, do you have any idea what it feels like for a woman to be engorged from being turned on and not getting any release? Standing is torture, sitting is torture, and it doesn’t go away for hours, sometimes even the whole day. Think about that the next time you finish and your wife doesn’t.

Yes yes yes!!! Very well put! This isn’t talked about much even in more liberal circles but you are absolutely correct.

 

[ValPal]

I don’t know if comparing studies of age and virginity to sex drive difference between genders works.

Age most definitely sex drives, and that’s not an opinion. Hormones affect sex drive, and the hormonal changes are more dramatic in woman as they get older.

As far as relating the number of virgins to sex drive, they really don’t have anything to do with each other. It only takes one time to not be a virgin, and one time does not a sex drive make.

I think the reason there are more threads on here about guys struggling with masturbation is because there is, like it or not, more stigma attached to female masturbation.

It not just more threads, it’s all threads.

And as for men having fluids that need to go somewhere comment, do you have any idea what it feels like for a woman to be engorged from being turned on and not getting any release? Standing is torture, sitting is torture, and it doesn’t go away for hours, sometimes even the whole day. Think about that the next time you finish and your wife doesn’t.

Since I’m not a woman, and haven’t had any woman discuss the above with me, I don’t know how often that happens. As far as men go, they typically start feeling the pressure two or three days after ejaculation.

 

[TrixieMcGee]

I take it that part was aimed at several poster’s on here, please if you don’t understand their point of view don’t criticize it, the Church has spoken on it VERY clearly, reject it if you want, your not the only one

I spoke only for myself and not anyone else. I know that modesty is a good thing and I certainly don’t contest that. I just don’t blame others for my own sins. Don’t assume that I am rejecting any of the Churches teachings. I am not going to play the Adam card and pass my sin off to the one who tempted him, Eve. Instead of pointing my finger at people whose actions I can’t control I deal with someone I can control, myself. Plus you will not be able to get the whole world to dress modestly. Just a fact of life. So I need to learn to deal with seeing immodestly dressed men and women.

 

[The_Bucket]

Certainly hormonal contraceptives have played a role in perpetuating this stereotype in modern times, just as Puritanical “values” perpetuated in years prior to the invention of the Pill.

In my experience it runs hot, lukewarm and cold. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m a guy but I see it with my wife. I think men are more easily tempted by visual stimuli and there is a lot of it out there. So it’s easy, in my estimation, to get men “revved up” provided they’re not sick, or overweight or physically exhausted.

But I’ve never seen anything more powerful than what I see near ovulation. During times where we were avoiding conception, we occasionally had to physically separate ourselves. Either that or I was basically really encouraged not to so much as touch her or kiss her anymore passionately than early in our courtship period. It was just a crazy temptation (not an immoral one of course) for her.

At the start of cycles I’ve seen a lot of lukewarmness; it takes a bit to get things going but then it’s all good. At the end, I’ve seen a bit of a colder attitude. Not cold in terms of being mean or anything, just indifferent.

But I guess everyone’s mileage varies.

 

[Paddy1989]

I spoke only for myself and not anyone else. I know that modesty is a good thing and I certainly don’t contest that. I just don’t blame others for my own sins. Don’t assume that I am rejecting any of the Churches teachings. I am not going to play the Adam card and pass my sin off to the one who tempted him, Eve. Instead of pointing my finger at people whose actions I can’t control I deal with someone I can control, myself. Plus you will not be able to get the whole world to dress modestly. Just a fact of life. So I need to learn to deal with seeing immodestly dressed men and women.

Awrite okay, i just thought that remark was being a sly way to attack other’s that’s all but i misunderstood it completely and know it wasn’t. Sorry

 

[Chevaleresse]

It disgusts me that men use the “men have higher sex drives so we have an excuse to act like pigs” argument.

Same here.