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tafan2
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Some do. We used argue we didn’t, but we were wrong. Luckily we had a new pastor assigned who corrected us.
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Joe_5859
Guest
Here is one thread that talks about Mass stipends and a couple of priest posters give some helpful responses:
Mass stipends just wondering Liturgy and Sacraments
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TheLittleLady
Guest
You continue to accuse your parish and other parish of the grave sin of Simony, you do realize that calumny is a sin?
No parish charges for Sacraments. If one tries to do it, go immediately to the Judicial Vicar at the Diocese.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
That is outrageous, please, contact the Diocese.
The amount of a mass stipend is set by the Bishop, it is a suggested offering ONLY, it would be simony to charge a fee. The traditional offering is $10
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TheLittleLady
Guest
You’ve used some sweeping generalizations, so, just a fraternal reminder that dropping the line “parishes charge for sacraments” is walking a slippery slope.
It sounds as if you come from a small congregation, going to assume Christian. These small non-Catholic congregations tend to have generous support from even the poorest congregant. There also tends to be a small number of people who have the means to “carry” the expenses of the congregation. Likely there is not paid staff, other than the minister.
The other thing is sometimes long time Catholics do not realize that everyone does not know that things like the marriage process (forms, permissions, prep) is dictated by the Bishop and also by Canon Law.
Every Diocese I know of in the US has all of these processes available on the Diocese website.
The collected Dioceses of the US have www.foryourmarriage.org that gives couples a place to begin.
Someone dropped the ball, and that is a shame. Maybe God is calling you to become the wedding coordinator/liaison for the parish
It sounds as if you come from a small congregation, going to assume Christian. These small non-Catholic congregations tend to have generous support from even the poorest congregant. There also tends to be a small number of people who have the means to “carry” the expenses of the congregation. Likely there is not paid staff, other than the minister.
The other thing is sometimes long time Catholics do not realize that everyone does not know that things like the marriage process (forms, permissions, prep) is dictated by the Bishop and also by Canon Law.
Every Diocese I know of in the US has all of these processes available on the Diocese website.
The collected Dioceses of the US have www.foryourmarriage.org that gives couples a place to begin.
Someone dropped the ball, and that is a shame. Maybe God is calling you to become the wedding coordinator/liaison for the parish
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TheLittleLady
Guest
RCIA prep is something, it is not everything (because it literally varies from parish to parish!) There is no official curriculum for the prep classes. If your Parish offers Formed (I see that some parishes in Canada do offer it), check out the Symbalon series to begin with. https://stmarysvancouver.ca/catholic-content-on-formed-org/
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somecanadian
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Thank you.
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EvangelistVictor
Guest
How much does it cost just for the Blessing of the marriage Sacrament if already married outside the CC. No need to spend $20k again for a CC wedding.
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TheLittleLady
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Again, colliquial term, not an official term.
When a Catholic marries outside of the Church, they may request a Con-Validation. The fees vary from parish to parish based on the Diocese guidelines (some require full marriage prep) and how elaborite the couple wants to be. As it is a real wedding, they may go full blown with gown and flowers and procession and reception, or they may have a simple exchange of vows with only the priest, couple and witnesses - exactly the same as any wedding.
When a Catholic marries outside of the Church, they may request a Con-Validation. The fees vary from parish to parish based on the Diocese guidelines (some require full marriage prep) and how elaborite the couple wants to be. As it is a real wedding, they may go full blown with gown and flowers and procession and reception, or they may have a simple exchange of vows with only the priest, couple and witnesses - exactly the same as any wedding.
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sallybutler
Guest
I don’t understand the problem. But that might be because my Mom warned me that it was traditional to give a donation to the priest/church for the wedding. I suspect even Emily Post and the various bridal magazines would say that this is what one is supposed to do.
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somecanadian
Guest
I think when you’re raised in it and it’s all you’ve known it’s probably far less jarring and problematic.
No one I know comes from traditions where you pay for weddings in your own parish. In fact, it’s rare to even give a ‘wedding gift’ to the Church. So for me it was, and still is, difficult to understand.
No one I know comes from traditions where you pay for weddings in your own parish. In fact, it’s rare to even give a ‘wedding gift’ to the Church. So for me it was, and still is, difficult to understand.
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angel12
Guest
That’s what it is at our parish. And it’s waived if you can’t afford it. When I was a single mother, Father always asked me if I’d still have lunch money.
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TheOldColonel
Guest
The Seven Sacraments of the Catholic Church are always free since they are free gifts from God. In fact, charging for Sacraments (or other spiritual goods and spiritual services) is called the Crime of Simony and may be punishable, under the Code of Canon Law, by penalties as severe as excommunication.
That being said, it is, however, allowable to request payment for expenses associate with the celebration of a Sacrament. It is also customary for the faithful to make offerings to the church and/or ministers to support their work. For example, there is nothing wrong with a church requesting a stipend in a particular amount be paid to a priest celebrating a wedding, to musicians providing music and the wedding parish coordinator. Indeed, these ministers do a great deal of work and supporting them in that work is a longstanding Catholic Practice. A fee may certainly be imposed for the use of the church space, especially if one is not a parishioner or one is a parishioner who does not support the church regularly.
Yet, there is a careful line to walk in such matters. One may never be turned away from a Sacrament because of a refusal or inability to make an offering. In cases of hardship, such a request for an offering should be waived immediately in favor of the spiritual good of the parties. That might mean that there will be no music at a wedding. It might even mean that the Marriage is celebrated outside of Mass. But the Sacrament will still be celebrated.
All dioceses have written policies regarding such offerings and fees associated with the celebration of Sacraments. If you have serious doubts, you might call your Bishop’s Office and simply ask for a copy of the policy regarding Mass Stipends and Fees. I have no doubt you’ll find that your pastor acted in accord with that policy and nothing is out of the ordinary. The fact that your wedding was celebrated without payment having been made is proof in itself that the celebration was not contingent upon payment.
Sloppy language, not a breaking of Church Law, is many times is the culprit here. Perhaps the parish secretary should stop using the term “Wedding Fee” and simply ask couples if they wish to pay the customary, suggested stipend and to ministers who assisted with the wedding celebration. Or, better yet, perhaps the parish secretary should not be the one making the request. That’s most properly the job of the priest, deacon or lay minister preparing the couple for marriage and should be addressed in the first meeting.
That being said, it is, however, allowable to request payment for expenses associate with the celebration of a Sacrament. It is also customary for the faithful to make offerings to the church and/or ministers to support their work. For example, there is nothing wrong with a church requesting a stipend in a particular amount be paid to a priest celebrating a wedding, to musicians providing music and the wedding parish coordinator. Indeed, these ministers do a great deal of work and supporting them in that work is a longstanding Catholic Practice. A fee may certainly be imposed for the use of the church space, especially if one is not a parishioner or one is a parishioner who does not support the church regularly.
Yet, there is a careful line to walk in such matters. One may never be turned away from a Sacrament because of a refusal or inability to make an offering. In cases of hardship, such a request for an offering should be waived immediately in favor of the spiritual good of the parties. That might mean that there will be no music at a wedding. It might even mean that the Marriage is celebrated outside of Mass. But the Sacrament will still be celebrated.
All dioceses have written policies regarding such offerings and fees associated with the celebration of Sacraments. If you have serious doubts, you might call your Bishop’s Office and simply ask for a copy of the policy regarding Mass Stipends and Fees. I have no doubt you’ll find that your pastor acted in accord with that policy and nothing is out of the ordinary. The fact that your wedding was celebrated without payment having been made is proof in itself that the celebration was not contingent upon payment.
Sloppy language, not a breaking of Church Law, is many times is the culprit here. Perhaps the parish secretary should stop using the term “Wedding Fee” and simply ask couples if they wish to pay the customary, suggested stipend and to ministers who assisted with the wedding celebration. Or, better yet, perhaps the parish secretary should not be the one making the request. That’s most properly the job of the priest, deacon or lay minister preparing the couple for marriage and should be addressed in the first meeting.
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sallybutler
Guest
My family is Catholic, probably as far back as St. Patrick. And one always paid for additional services out of courtesy, if not thanksgiving.I think when you’re raised in it and it’s all you’ve known it’s probably far less jarring and problematic.
No one I know comes from traditions where you pay for weddings in your own parish. In fact, it’s rare to even give a ‘wedding gift’ to the Church. So for me it was, and still is, difficult to understand.
Did your priest attend the rehearsal? Did the parish provide a space to have that rehearsal, either in the church or in the parish hall? Did he spend time going over what would happen during service, explaining how it would be different from a regular mass? Did he arrange his schedule for you? Did he personalize the homily for you? Did he give up time he might have been working on Sunday’s homily or visiting members of the parish?
Even a priest, who seems to only be a backdrop for many (I don’t mean you, by the way) spends quite a bit of time preparing for people’s weddings, funerals and baptisms. We probably should give them the same considerations we give the florist, cake makers, photographers and others that contribute to the day. After all, his is one of the most important roles.
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Gorgias
Guest
No problems. I was trying to get at the question of whether there’s any reason to suspect that there were expenses incurred by the parish.
Right. And, in general, it’s not a fee for the sacrament, but for use of the facilities.
I’m taking from this that you haven’t dealt much with folks who plan church weddings? Those of us who have, in our roles in parishes, can tell you stories that would shock you, I’m guessing…
So, the over-the-top, extravagant wedding kinda is the norm in the U.S. and Canada these days, wouldn’t you say? And, did you let the parish leadership (pastor and financial secretary) know that yours wasn’t gonna be like that? 'Cause if not… wouldn’t it be reasonable for them to assume that it was what weddings usually are, these days?
With charity, yes. Sometimes, what’s charitable is reminding folks of their obligations to the parish.
Here’s the thing – work in a parish long enough, and you’ll see that folks generally treat the church as an afterthought for the wedding. Worse yet, they treat the church as if they’re just another contractor that they’ve “hired” for the big day. And then, they get adamant when they find out that there are expenses that the church incurs, too!
Yep… it does sound like a case of misunderstandings on both your part and on the parish employee who called you.
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Gorgias
Guest
No – $100 for a wedding. Not as “Mass stipend”, but as costs incurred to the parish.
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Gorgias
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Holy cow! I just saw this! Yeah… if it’s a Mass stipend, that’s high.
(Was it, by chance, a funeral Mass?)
I think there are just different sets of assumptions in play. But, I can certainly understand your perception of what you’re experiencing…
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somecanadian
Guest
Actually he was referring to my comment that they asked me to pay $100 to have a mass said for my brother.
Whoops, just saw you saw the comment in question. It was not a funeral Mass. My brother was desperately sick with a heart condition and we were scared we were going to lose him so I asked for prayers.
Whoops, just saw you saw the comment in question.
It was not a funeral Mass. My brother was desperately sick with a heart condition and we were scared we were going to lose him so I asked for prayers.
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somecanadian
Guest
I understand all that which is why I had budgeted to give the Church a donation. It’s the ‘wedding fee’ I take issue with and I agree that most likely it comes down to a miscommunication issue in my individual case.
It’s the ‘wedding fee’ I take issue with and I agree that most likely it comes down to a miscommunication issue in my individual case.
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Gorgias
Guest
Wow. That’s just craziness…! I’ve been a Catholic all my life, and in 50 years, I’ve never heard of such a thing!
I’m kinda hoping that there was a misunderstanding there, too, but it’s pretty hard to think how that might have been!
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