Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

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Then, I will pray to the Lord, May He be your Constant Guidance.

A little bit off the topic, I wonder how it feels to be “wanting/seeking marriage” as I’ve never felt that way. I’ve felt, instead, a strong urge to spend my life in devotion to the Divine Being (and stay clear of marriage matters). I’m still in discernment (through various channels) though.

May God bless you always.🏵️
 
sorrowful1 said:
Considering a Non-Catholic man “unsuitable” would be unfair.
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Life’s not fair. People have all sorts of preferences for a spouse. Some are more important to them than others. Some people prefer blondes etc. Is it fair…no but it doesn’t have to be. When I was dating, I automatically wouldn’t consider any girl who wasn’t Catholic or if the expressed even the slightest sympathy for abortion, then bye bye. I don’t see the issue with having that preference.
 
DivineMercy01 said:
Also, getting completely drunk is a mortal sin, so in the event that you knew this, he would not qualify as one who defends the Church’s teachings.
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Am I understanding correctly, you will date/marry only a man who does not commit mortal sin? Ever? While mortal sin is serious, it does not make a person ineligible to “defend the Church’s teachings”. Very very few people, especially those in their young years, live a life of pristine sinlessness.
DivineMercy01 said:
You should study the annulment process.
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Entering into a marriage with the idea “if he is not perfect, I will just divorce and get an annulment” in itself is problematic.

Alcoholism is a disease. You may as well say “If my husband develops cancer or diabetes, I will just divorce and get an annulment because he is not a good enough Catholic”. An illness can develop at any time. Illness is not a sign that someone is not good enough. We are not health and wealth believers.
 
Amen to all of that. I agree that being “Catholic in name” doesn’t make you “better,” but I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I am much more than Catholic in name.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Am I understanding correctly, you will date/marry only a man who does not commit mortal sin? Ever? While mortal sin is serious, it does not make a person ineligible to “defend the Church’s teachings”. Very very few people, especially those in their young years, live a life of pristine sinlessness.
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Yes. Many teens and young men commit mortal sins, especially in the sexual area. But I think the point she’s making is that, at the time you’re considering marriage, you should be able to have your vices under a certain amount of control. It’s possible to not commit a mortal sin. And it’s possible to stop committing mortal sins and go years and years without doing so.
 
AdamP88 said:
And it’s possible to stop committing mortal sins and go years and years without doing so.
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Yes, it is possible.

The people whom I know who are at that level of spiritual growth do not go around talking about how holy they are and how others are not Catholic enough. They exhibit exquisite love, humility, compassion. Christ warned about the person who stands and prays “Thank you, Lord, that I am not like that tax collector over there”.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Alcoholism is a disease. You may as well say “If my husband develops cancer or diabetes, I will just divorce and get an annulment because he is not a good enough Catholic”. An illness can develop at any time. Illness is not a sign that someone is not good enough. We are not health and wealth believers.
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No. You absolutely cannot compare alcoholism to cancer. That is just a ridiculous comparison. Yes, addiction is a disease, but it’s also not entirely out of your control. If somebody gets absolutely plastered on a regular basis then you can’t just stand back and say: God love them, they can’t help it. Part of the process of getting over it is developing self control to avoid situations where you will drink. You can’t do that with cancer.
 
TheLittleLady said:
The people whom I know who are at that level of spiritual growth do not go around talking about how holy they are and how others are not Catholic enough. They exhibit exquisite love, humility, compassion. Christ warned about the person who stands and prays “Thank you, Lord, that I am not like that tax collector over there”.
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Yes ok. But there’s nothing wrong with having an awareness of your own level of “spiritual development” for want of a better term. Knowing that I won’t marry a Catholic who doesn’t like confession, or who is in favour of same sex marriage, or doesn’t quite believe in the real presence, is not looking down on people, it’s just being realistic.
 
As someone once said, addiction is the only disease where we blame the person who contracts/inherits it.

The Church nor Scripture says that addiction is the fault of the addicted. It is an example of the puritanical, (and notabiley anti-Catholic), prohibition movement.

Vatican website, USCCB, can you point me to one official teaching document that says “addiction is a disease that a person can bootstrap themselves out of”?
AdamP88 said:
you can’t just stand back and say: God love them, they can’t help it. P
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You would also not say that about your spouse’s congestive heart failure or leukemia. You help them find peace while suffering and treatment when possible.
 
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I don’t really agree that that’s necessarily true. I have very little in common with my wife. We’re opposites in many ways. I love the outdoors, kayaking, hiking, and my idea of a fun day is getting cold, wet and paddling over waterfalls. She loves comfort and if you asked her to go kayaking in December she’d run a mile. We have a strong bond through the faith though. We pray together and love the Church. That is more important than if she were to come kayaking with me.
 
TheLittleLady said:
As someone once said, addiction is the only disease where we blame the person who contracts/inherits it.
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I agree that one can have a propensity toward addiction. Or you can become dependent on certain substances. Some people can drink you under the table or take hard drugs without ever actually becoming dependent. But you can’t discount the fact that addiction has ramifications in marriage. If you notice that someone is an alcoholic or is going in that direction it is totally normal to decide that maybe you don’t want to have a marriage with that person. The same is true of mental illness.
 
AdamP88 said:
But you can’t discount the fact that addiction has ramifications in marriage. If you notice that someone is an alcoholic or is going in that direction it is totally normal to decide that maybe you don’t want to have a marriage with that person. The same is true of mental illness.
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The same is true of any illness, physical disease, birth defect.

Made sure that before we got serious, my husband understood that as I age I will lose more and more of my ability to move, walk, etc. That at an age of 60 ish he would likely be dealing with a wife in a wheelchair who could not do her own self care.

Many marriages break down when a spouse or child is diagnosed with something big.

I don’t think people are yet doing DNA testing before marriage to make sure their spouse does not carry a high risk for diseases, including addiction.
 
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I don’t accept that comparison. Addiction is just not the same thing. I think even doctors don’t lump addiction into a category with cancer or disability.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Vatican website, USCCB, can you point me to one official teaching document that says “addiction is a disease that a person can bootstrap themselves out of”?
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I didn’t say there was a Church teaching to that effect. But there is an obvious preference within Church teaching and law for Catholics to marry other Catholics.
 
We are talking about if a spouse develops addiction or health problems after marriage (before marriage, you are free to reject people as you wish). You can’t get an annulment if your spouse gets depressed any more than you can get it if your spouse would get ALS or cancer.
 
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