Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

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In my experience, the wife’s leads which way the family goes religiously.
 
I’ve heard statistics say the opposite is true. If dad practices, kids are more likely to practice.
 
The title reminds me of the Monty Python skit where a couple was contracting a designer baby. The doctor asked, “OK then, would you like your son to be artistic…or a welder?” - the choices were artificially limited for the sake of comedy. And so goes the story - but please do not fence yourself inside a very limited pasture.

My wife married me when I was not even baptized and had no religious upbringing at all. Father grilled me quite extensively before agreeing to the marriage. As to my aloofness to the faith, well, the Lord had other ideas.

And so it is with you. A marriage is a marriage. Are you called to lead a man to the Church? Certainly if he is outside of her. Are you called to pray for him daily? Of course!

Don’t limit yourself to the two choices that you perceive at this point in time. Life is constantly changing; the Holy Spirit constantly at work. God’s plan is revealed only slowly, as you progress through life.

Perhaps read and ponder the life of Servant of God Elizabeth Leseur, an utterly amazing story of marriage to an angry atheist with a stunning twist at the end.

 
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All due respect, that woman died in 1914. She was probably in an arranged marriage. Her marriage, given the era, was probably an economic proposition.

In the 19th century, women had to get married to someone. Economic proposition is the point I raise when people bring up saints such as Monica of Hippo and Rita of Cascia who were in less than ideal marriages but persevered.

I was not born in their era. Unlike them, it is realistic for me to go my whole life never marrying and I can witness in that way.
 
That is based on one survey that was conducted in Switzerland in 1994.


The study appears in Volume 2 of Population Studies No. 31, a book titled The Demographic Characteristics of National Minorities in Certain European States, edited by Werner Haug and others, published by the Council of Europe Directorate General III, Social Cohesion, Strasbourg, January 2000.

There is not a overwhelmingly Catholic population in Switzerland.


So, a nearly 30 year old study of a country that has more Protestant/Irreligious than Catholics is not where I would hang my every hope.

A more recent study in the US shows quite the opposite:


In the end, the faith of children depends on how the children/adolescents experience the Faith by observing their parents. I know parents of homeschooled, well known Catholic apologists who have children who have left the faith.
 
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po18guy said:
The title reminds me of the Monty Python skit where a couple was contracting a designer baby.
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If the title of my post was “I want a Catholic spouse who has blond hair, blue eyes, plays the guitar, looks like Tom Welling” This would be a fair point. I don’t think the desire to be on the same page with your spouse in terms of faith is artificial.
 
Not even a casual glance?

A parting comment: Some of us here are old enough to have lived through what you are experiencing.
 
So what you’re saying is, you would go on a first date with someone who you weren’t physically attracted to but she was alive and Catholic?
 
AdamP88 said:
The impression given is that the only two things that matter are:
She’s alive.
She professes to be Catholic.
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I think what you are implying when you say “what guys are going on dates with girls they are not attracted to” is that if a guy is asking a girl on a first date he is always attracted to her. What AdamP88 is implying is that every girl who is Catholic and breathing is treated as though she is marriage material by that guy in every Catholic circle, whether he is attracted to her or not.

Respectfully, I have a hard time believing there is a guy who is attracted to every living female who professes to be Catholic. Let alone have the same sense of humor/find her fun to get along with.
 
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Cost/benefit analysis? Okay, to a degree I understand. Your resources are limited and you want the best benefit for your time, energy, etc.

Edit: I also understand how it can be imprudent to put all your time and energy into one woman before you even know she is interested in you.

However, I disagree with you on the outcome. If you know one woman is interested in you, spending your time and energy on her will give you a greater return than your “cast a wide net theory.”

Edit: This assumes the end goal is that you want to be married.

I think what @AdamP88 and @RolandThompsonGunner are implying here is that you should not treat every woman in the same circle as a potential love interest, otherwise you come off as that guy who just wants a breathing Catholic wife.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with “casting a wide net” by getting to know women in multiple circles (i.e. if you’re talking to one woman from Catholic Match, get to know another woman from your church).

Edit: After three to four dates, you should know if you want to be exclusive with someone. It is wrong to have multiple girlfriends, and to lead on multiple people. Going on first dates with multiple people is not morally questionable.
 
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CathoRick said:
I’d let out a sigh of relief and be all the more excited to have that coffee.
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To each his own. I (and I don’t think I’m unusual here) would be pretty put off. Again, not because I’d disagree with her stance, but because I’d think she’s completely socially unaware if she thinks that’s a normal topic to broach within five minutes of meeting someone.
 
JimmyTolder said:
why? 124567
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“Girlfriend” typically implies exclusivity. Assuming normal use of the term, he’d be deceiving each woman who thought he was exclusively dating her.

If he was up front that he was dating multiple people, and each woman was okay with that, then no foul I guess.
 
Ah, nuts! I was going to give you my phone number! 🙂
Seriously, if you love the man, there is nothing wrong with it. Do what makes you happy. You can marry a Catholic and find he’s a drunk or abusive! That would be a tragedy!

W
 
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JimmyTolder said:
The exclusivity thing is largely a result of pre-marital sex being so prevalent. If they weren’t having sex then there would be no need to play at marriage until actually married
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Thats all fine, but it’s still a common social convention that most people understand a certain way regardless of its origins. If you start calling a girl your girlfriend, even if you’re not sleeping together, odds are she’s going to interpret that as you implicitly saying you’re not going to date other women.

I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with your way of thinking (which is actually the more traditional one) provided you make sure both parties understand the situation.
 
Walk-worthy said:
You can marry a Catholic and find he’s a drunk or abusive! That would be a tragedy!

W
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You should study the annulment process. In the event that he was abusive or an alcoholic, and the thorough investigation conducted during the annulment process proved you had no reason to believe he was during your courtship, you could qualify for an annulment.

Also, getting completely drunk is a mortal sin, so in the event that you knew this, he would not qualify as one who defends the Church’s teachings.
 
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I am starting to believe you are saying outrageous things simply to get a rise out of people with integrity.
 
DivineMercy01 said:
Also, getting completely drunk is a mortal sin, so in the event that you knew this, he would not qualify as one who defends the Church’s teachings.
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Not to nitpick, but if a Catholic man gets totally wasted, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t “defend the church’s teachings.” It just means he’s flawed and he sinned. He should go to confession and practice moderation in the future. We all sin. It doesn’t make us less Catholic. If your standard is “never sins”, well…yikes. 😄
 
RolandThompsonGunner said:
Not to nitpick, but if a Catholic man gets totally wasted, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t “defend the church’s teachings.” It just means he’s flawed and he sinned. He should go to confession and practice moderation in the future. We all sin. It doesn’t make us less Catholic. If your standard is “never sins”, well…yikes. 😄
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As I have stated on this board, my standard is not “sinless” as that would be impossible.

There is a difference between sinless and “Striving for virtue.” People are imperfect. It is the direction they are going and the goals they are setting, as well as the near occasion of sin they are avoiding that makes them marriage-material in my eyes.

If a man frequently puts himself in situations that cause him to get completely drunk and does not see anything wrong with it, he is not avoiding the near occasion of mortal sin.
 
DivineMercy01 said:
and does not see anything wrong with it,
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This is the critical thing in my opinion. Big difference between “I did x and I recognize it was wrong, I shouldn’t have done that.” and “I did x and I see nothing wrong with it.”
 
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