Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

[AdamP88]

Not saying interfaith marriages can’t work

Of course, but I think even committed Catholics who would consider such marriages have to be realistic.

And in mixed/interfaith marriages, it’s inevitable that at least one spouse will have to compromise in the faith department, especially when it comes to raising the children. Either that or one spouse just doesn’t care about that.

 

[AdamP88]

n the term of feasabity, you have to know if you want to do it for the glory/volunteer/even if it is time consumming or to make some money. It would determine the next.

I was thinking of charging a nominal fee, say €50. Just to weed out the losers/people not taking it seriously. That would get you maybe 3 “introductions”. These could be spread over whatever time-frame.

I think you would do online, right?

I would advertise it online. But my thinking was that we’d meet every individual personally, or speak to them on the phone, and discuss their preferences and lifestyle, faith, and what kind of person they’re interested in.

See what your local/national /international matrimonial agencies offers. What are their criterias and how many people they have?

Good idea. We have a few of those. Up to a few years ago there was a Catholic one, but that’s gone now. I actually think it was mostly middle-aged farmers looking for a 25-year-old wife.

of course see catholics agencies. because you would like to create a duplicate of service. your criterias are very stricts and exclude many people, much more than in onlibe catholic dating.

Definitely

Is that the job of the professional to determine if the person is serious about he describes himself? How to deal with customer who may think that the person that that had been “sell” to them is not what is expected?

I guess that would be the purpose of the “personal service”. A person or profile isn’t being “sold” to you. You would also have some (name removed by moderator)ut but I guess the idea is that the words “catholic matchmaking agency” would repel those who are just messing or looking to hook up.

And that you have enough people that are interested?

Yes. We’d need to get people on-board for free initially as we build up a base. It’s not something I want to make a living off, more like a ministry.

You have the chance to live in a small but Catholic country. But you may need to look internationally.

Yeah. I think so.

 

[AdamP88]

I may write to some of the bishops here in Ireland and ask if they would advertise it in their dioceses. During the Covid-19 lockdown is probably a good time to do the groundwork and then it would be ready to go when things start getting back to normal.

 

[DivineMercy01]

I would be happy to be a liaison for the US! Let me know if I can help advertise it in the dioceses here.

 

[Anicette]

That’s seems like a traditional Catholic matromonial agency.

Charging people a fee is unavoidable as yourself would have some avoidable charges to pay (a place to receive customers, internet connexion, advertising and so much more).

If you want to enrolled people for free initially you would need to get grants or to lend on your personal money.
If you do it as a ministry there may be some financial support that may be possible, but where is the question. (from Church’s organisation? fundraiser?..)

 

[AdamP88]

That’s seems like a traditional Catholic matromonial agency.

Yes. I think that’s better than a dating “site”. It’s personal and you can work with people individually.

Charging people a fee is unavoidable as yourself would have some avoidable charges to pay (a place to receive customers, internet connexion, advertising and so much more).

Yeah true.

If you want to enrolled people for free initially you would need to get grants or to lend on your personal money.

I’m hoping I can do it in a rather basic way first and we’ll see where it goes I guess. I think the next week or so I’ll finish drawing up the application and questionnaire. Also I have to come up with an interview format for when we meet the clients. Then a name. I’m thinking St. Raphael Catholic Matchmaking…but that could change.

I have one bishop on my facebook so I may ask him for assistance to begin with. And just bounce my idea off him. I actually have a priest friend who probably knows about 50 people who are looking for a catholic spouse. He was ordained recently and we all went to his ordination in Trinidad and Tobago(Which is part of the Irish Dominican province). Anyway there were lots of single people.

I might ask him to give a blessing to this work.

 

[Lifeisbeautiful3]

Aside from waiting and in the absence of a wide net through on-line dating, a matchmaker sounds like the only viable approach to finding a spouse. This person can do the weeding out based on criteria provided (height, age, educational background, income, specifics to and number of Catholic teachings, etc.)

 

[Anicette]

I am sure it is was lack for people who don’t link to do the first step, that procratinated, or don’t want any efforts alone. In this age of digital dating.

Before there was more family and group implication to meet people met for a marriage. Or in the last ressort matrimoniale agencies.

I am sure that many people stay single because they are not help any longer by their relatives? And to be honest with the diversity of opinions, moral and the geographical separations of family it is difficult to be relevant anymore.

 

[AdamP88]

Aside from waiting and in the absence of a wide net through on-line dating, a matchmaker sounds like the only viable approach to finding a spouse. This person can do the weeding out based on criteria provided (height, age, educational background, income, specifics to and number of Catholic teachings, etc.)

It certainly seems like the most effective approach. Even my own experience with online dating for about 6 months a few years before I got married, was somewhat mixed. I did come across a fair amount of timewasters. I’m not writing it off completely but there’s a massive amount of work that goes along with it.

 

[AdamP88]

Good point, back in the day you’d often have relatives playing matchmaker but it’s not really a thing anymore.

 

[TheLittleLady]

We definitely have a different definition of small city.

Agree.

My town is in the South were Catholics make up a small percentage of the population. We have 3 Catholic parishes in the area (5 if you extend out by 30 miles). Two parishes are a mile apart.

There are approx 35,000 people in the area of these two parishes. They combined have a membership of 1600 households. Between the two, average total weekend attendance is around 1200 persons.

My parish is the larger, of our 1100 households, our largest demographic is 18-35. Of those married v single is about 40% married. These people do not have a sign around their neck that says “Hey! I am single”.

Talk to the membership person at your parish, they can give you the demographics for your parish.

Have you never been to a Catholic Young Adult Event? I know people who joke that they are a ruse for hooking up.

We have been to wildly different Young Adult events.

Our parish has a young adult group, it is open to married and single, only rule is no one under age 18. They get together weekly on Sunday afternoon to hang out. People bring snacks, they most often play board games (there is a Risk game that has been going for 2 weeks with no winner yet!) They have also done video game nights, on New Years Eve it was games and food then at 11:45 they went over to the Church for Benediction and Exposition over the midnight hour. Another subgroup plays tabletop RPGs.

Great friendships have been forged. My son is a member of this group.

You know what it took to get it going? One person who was willing to be there, the parish invited everyone between 18 - 35, advertised on social media. First meeting had 5 people.

Parish half an hour away has a specific singles group. They do outings like bowling or short day trips.

I did Theology on Tap years ago. Not a hook-up excuse, good fellowship and discussion and fun.

Perhaps you can coordinate a young adults group at your parish?

 

[TheLittleLady]

I’m not attacking you here. I’m just stating what is a deeply held belief of me and many other Catholics.

Interesting. Again, I work for a mid-sized parish in a small city. I can count on one hand how many Catholic + Catholic marriages we have had in the last year, in the last 10 years I’d say roughly 80% of the marriages celebrated in our parish are mixed marriages. They are very much the norm.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Sometimes it is a thing, it’s just that the relatives don’t have your best interest in mind and/or don’t know you well enough to know who would be suitable.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Perhaps you can coordinate a young adults group at your parish?

I’m already doing that. I’m on the core team for my parish’s young adult group. There are men who go, just out of my age range (I’m 28. I wouldn’t date below 25, which many of the young adult males are, as we include members as young as 22). Also not in the same place in life (some are still in college and have never lived on their own). I am an established professional who has been living on my own for awhile now. My maturity level is vastly different from someone who has never had a professional job or lived independently.

 

[AdamP88]

That’s fine. But you said yourself Catholics are the minority in your area. Regardless of how common it is I think it’s right to be cautious entering I to marriage with someone from a different faith background. While the Church doesn’t specifically “frown upon” such marriages,
she certainly doesn’t enthusiastically encourage them. Most of the Catholics I know would believe that marrying a Catholic is vital.

 

[DivineMercy01]

I’d say roughly 80% of the marriages celebrated in our parish are mixed marriages.

Out of curiosity-do you find the women or men are Catholics marrying non-Catholics? I ask because in the states there appear to be vastly more Catholic women.

 

[AdamP88]

I wouldn’t date below 25, which many of the young adult males are, as we go as young as 22). Also not in the same place in life (some are still in college and have never lived on their own. I am an established professional who has been living on my own for awhile now. My maturity level is vastly different from someone who has never had a professional job or lived independently

I think that’s a common enough view. I think the age gap matters less for an older guy. I’m 32, DW is 26. She was 22 when we got married but we always felt like we were in the same place in life.

 

[DivineMercy01]

I think that’s a common enough view. I think the age gap matters less for an older guy. I’m 32, DW is 26. She was 22 when we got married but we always felt like we were in the same place in life.

You aren’t wrong. It’s scientifically proven that women mature faster, so it would be less awkward for a much older guy and younger woman to marry than the other way around.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

Out of curiosity-do you find the women or men are Catholics marrying non-Catholics? I ask because in the states there appear to be vastly more Catholic women.

I know you were asking another poster, but I will chime in, too. I kept the sacramental record books and statistics for a Catholic parish for the past several years, and found that mixed marriages made up about 50% (give or take a little, depending on the year) of the weddings in the parish during that time. Catholic women marrying non-Catholic men was noticeably more common than the reverse, though there were certainly some of both.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Where is your parish? And do you find that the “mixed” couples continue to attend church after they are married?