Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

[AdamP88]

OK…many could be 30%

30% of a billion Catholics is 300 million. I believe that meets the criteria of “many”.

And we’re surprised that we’ve haven’t been asked to counsel mixed couples…since we’re the marriage “poster children”

Because if they’re getting married in the Church, they need to be instructed by Catholics who believe, and have knowledge of, the Church’s teachings.

And you seem to miss that I’m not going to let stereotypes and misinformation go un-rebuttled.

We’re not even talking about stereotypes anymore. I’m saying facts and you seem to be getting upset about that. Nothing I’ve said in the past few posts has been a stereotype.

What misinformation?

Go for it, they’re your kids. On the other hand, we wouldn’t.

Aaaand…That’s why I wanted to marry a Catholic. Because that is one of many things that would not be open for debate in my marriage.

When we have to start our start our statement off by “I"m not” say’n…just say’n…

You’re the one who seems to be getting upset. I’m simply pointing out that nothing I’m saying is actually a personal attack on you. You don’t have to believe me.

 

[TC3033]

30% of a billion Catholics is 300 million. I believe that meets the criteria of “many”.

At that point, many is subjective

Because if they’re getting married in the Church, they need to be instructed by Catholics who believe, and have knowledge of, the Church’s teachings.

So we should not be used as the sample of what a marriage should be. Sounds good, I’ll reach out to the wife’s parish tomorrow to let them know.

We’re not even talking about stereotypes anymore.

My core issue is, and always has been, in threads like these not to let stereotypes and misinformation be presented as fact.

Aaaand…That’s why I wanted to marry a Catholic. Because that is one of many things that would not be open for debate in my marriage.

Like I said…go for it, your kids.

You’re the one who seems to be getting upset.

Not at all.

I’m simply pointing out that nothing I’m saying is actually a personal attack on you. You don’t have to believe me.

I’ll go with it, but usually when we have to qualify a statement…

 

[AdamP88]

At that point, many is subjective

Nice.

So we should not be used as the sample of what a marriage should be. Sounds good, I’ll reach out to the wife’s parish tomorrow to let them know.

The statement you quoted doesn’t actually say that.

My core issue is, and always has been, in threads like these not to let stereotypes and misinformation be presented as fact.

Still waiting for you to tell me what’s misinformation.
Saying that many committed Catholics want to marry other committed Catholics is hardly misinformation. Saying that the Church prefers Catholics to marry Catholics is not misinformation either.

Not at all.

Well, I’m glad.

 

[TC3033]

Nice.

Then what’s the cut-off. You said many…many could be 5%

The statement you quoted doesn’t actually say that.

That’s alright. Message into the DRE, we’re a couple not to be emulated.

Still waiting for you to tell me what’s misinformation.

1. We’ll argue over religion
2. The non-Catholic parent cannot emulate good Christian values
3. The Catholic parent will be educating alone.
4. The Children “cannot be fully Catholic”
5. My favorite, the non-Catholic parent will skip Church on Sunday because not Catholic
6. Do I really need to go on???

 

[AdamP88]

That’s alright. Message into the DRE, we’re a couple not to be emulated.

If you’re going to talk about fighting misinformation then please don’t misquote me.

We’ll argue over religion

Not a given but less likely if two committed Catholics get married.

The non-Catholic parent cannot emulate good Christian values

I never actually said that. An atheist can emulate Christian values. But I’m concerned with Catholic values, and so was the OP.

The Catholic parent will be educating alone.

They will be the only parent with a grounding in the Catholic faith. So the onus will be more on them to ensure their kids are raised Catholic.

The Children “cannot be fully Catholic”

Nobody said this I think.

My favorite, the non-Catholic parent will skip Church on Sunday because not Catholic

I never said this either.

Do I really need to go on???

I honestly think this post proves that you’re just “on a mission” regardless of what people are actually saying.

 

[TC3033]

If you’re going to talk about fighting misinformation then please don’t misquote me

Maybe now you know where I’m coming from?

Not a given but less likely if two committed Catholics get married.

Eh…IDK about that.

I never actually said that. An atheist can emulate Christian values. But I’m concerned with Catholic values, and so was the OP.

But it has been said, so will be refuted…

They will be the only parent with a grounding in the Catholic faith. So the onus will be more on them to ensure their kids are raised Catholic.

Opinion… I’ve put in as much…if not more effort into it.

Nobody said this I think.

100% this was said. It’s the whole reason I jumped in the thread.

I honestly think this post proves that you’re just “on a mission” regardless of what people are actually saying.

Not at all. See what I said above this post. TBH, I feel as though I’m the one that gets “piled on” as a non-Catholic. There is a faithful Catholic up-thread who posted their experience in a successful “mixed”-marriage. Surprisingly enough, they were not challenged.

 

[AdamP88]

Maybe now you know where I’m coming from?

Not really. Are you saying you misquoted on purpose to teach me some kind of lesson?

Eh…IDK about that.

Maybe if an SSPX marries a Charismatic Renewal Catholic

Opinion… I’ve put in as much…if not more effort into it.

I’m glad that’s the case but the fact that you don’t believe the Catholic faith means there is a dimension that you just can’t give.

100% this was said. It’s the whole reason I jumped in the thread.

Well find it so. There’s no point coming at me to refute something I didn’t say.

TBH, I feel as though I’m the one that gets “piled on” as a non-Catholic. There is a faithful Catholic up-thread who posted their experience in a successful “mixed”-marriage.

They didn’t go on a mission to eliminate any criticism of mixed marriages. If they had insisted on taking over the thread with refutations of things that were either not said, or pretty standard catholic positions, then I’d be having the same conversation with them.

 

[catholicray]

I don’t know what anyone else said but you’re in your twenties. You need to be patient first. Pray for God to put your Boaz in your life. Marriage isn’t about you. Pray about whether your vocation is to be a mother. A mother is a whole different ballgame than a girlfriend. It’s hard work minus the easy going romance. Are you ready to take responsibility and bear your faults to a husband in order to secure a small portion of you and him romance. Are you chasing a man who will make you gush about how much he loves the children you bear?

That’s a good marriage if you end up with a fool are you ready to lay your life down for a man who doesn’t give back for the sake of your children? It’s not easy it’s not dating. Do you want to be a mother?

 

[TC3033]

Not really. Are you saying you misquoted on purpose to teach me some kind of lesson?

No, but maybe…just maybe you may get a little bit of a feeling or message when someone says something about you…or a situation that you’re involved in may not necessarily be true…but it’s presented at fact…

Maybe if an SSPX marries a Charismatic Renewal Catholic

I’m glad that’s the case but the fact that you don’t believe the Catholic faith means there is a dimension that you just can’t give.

So going “luke warm” is better…got it.

Well find it so. There’s no point coming at me to refute something I didn’t say.

Here ya go…

I’m sure that the OP wants to raise fully Catholic children. That is a pipe dream if both spouses aren’t onboard.

They didn’t go on a mission to eliminate any criticism of mixed marriages. If they had insisted on taking over the thread with refutations of things that were either not said, or pretty standard catholic positions, then I’d be having the same conversation with them.

That’s usually how these threads go…and this one has…so…

 

[DivineMercy01]

So going “luke warm” is better…got it.

AdamP88 didn’t say lukewarm could give what non-Catholic could not

I’m sure that the OP wants to raise fully Catholic children. That is a pipe dream if both spouses aren’t onboard.

Yes, ThomasMT said this. However, he probably assumed we knew what he meant by “fully Catholic.” By this he probably means children who practice Catholicism as adults. Studies have shown kids are far less likely to practice as adults when their dad does not. Just statistical data, no opinions here.

No offense, but he probably should have chosen different language when he said “fully Catholic.” Should have said something more like “children whose hearts are still on fire for Christ as adults.”

Which by the way, is one of my goals.

 

[AdamP88]

So going “luke warm” is better…got it.

Again. I specifically am speaking of “committed Catholics”. If you haven’t got that by now then I dunno.

I’m sure that the OP wants to raise fully Catholic children. That is a pipe dream if both spouses aren’t onboard.

And again, I think you are either misunderstanding or misrepresenting what was being said. I don’t believe this poster was saying the “Catholic” children wouldn’t be “fully Catholic”. they were referring to the fact that they have more of a chance of growing up believing the teachings of the faith if both parents are committed Catholics. Not that one parent being another denomination made the children some kind of half-breed Catholics. I agree it was probably not the best wording though.

 

[DivineMercy01]

as if any woman will do, as long as she’s a practicing Catholic (women want to feel special)

Amen. I’ve lost count of the number of women who complain about this one.

 

[AdamP88]

Yeah. My own sisters have complained to me about this one. I really think this is a result of the overly logical manner that some guys (especially the younger, more immature) approach dating.

I really think most guys look at finding a spouse like a “mission”. Men in general are very mission-oriented. We go out with an objective and do what we can to fulfill it. I think some younger men take this approach to the extreme and basically just approach every female in a friend group and make a move on them, casting the net wide, and increasing their chances of a catch…or so they think.

I do think most men approach dating with a “plan” and maybe that’s why there’s more of us on dating websites? I think it’s the minority of men who just pray for a spouse and imagine meeting them after mass one Sunday, their eyes meeting across the pews. It’s when this approach gets carried away that problems start.

 

[Anicette]

I do think this is a big issue for marriage-minded Catholics. They want to meet people who are on the same level faithwise as they are, and equally interested in marriage. I have actually begun to think about providing a Catholic matchmaking service along with my wife. The idea being to try to bring people who are serious about marriage into contact with each other. I think if you meet someone and know from square one that their intention is to find a marriage partner then that makes things much simpler.

Great idea to pursue.

With online dating, I think some people are lost and don’t know how to choose. Someone, like in traditional agencies, that would help and make sure the preson really want to be married and is realistic in his wishes is sometimes missing!

 

[AdamP88]

Great idea to pursue.

Where to start is the problem. I have started writing up a kind of application form/questionnaire. My idea would be that all applicants would agree the following:
Are a practicing and conscientious Catholic
Are in a position (financially and otherwise) to get married
Are seriously looking for a Catholic marriage partner
Understand the basic tenets of the faith and the sacrament of marriage
Agree with all the teachings of the Catholic Church

The real question is how to get it going and encourage people to sign up.

 

[Neithan]

If you’re single, Catholic, female, and have a pulse, single Catholic men treat you as a potential mate.

Do you mean in a licentious way? That’s not very Catholic, then. If you mean on these forums, yeah, that’s odd. If you mean a potential vocation generally, isn’t that exactly what your own intent is? You don’t have to stay single forever; but I think it’s something we have to be willing to accept. Then we’ll have the freedom to discern properly. It might not happen; I’ve met many older single Catholics who wanted to get married but never found the right person, and most of them are happy people. I empathize with you and agree there is no actual capital “V” Vocation to single life, but an old bachelor gave me this wise advice: It is better to want what you don’t have, than to have what you don’t want.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Do you mean in a licentious way?
[/quote

not exactly. just in a non-emotionally chaste way. It is not fair to reduce someone to what they could be without first treating as brother/sister in Christ.

If you mean on these forums, yeah, that’s odd.

I just joined Tuesday.

You don’t have to stay single forever; but I think it’s something we have to be willing to accept. Then we’ll have the freedom to discern properly.

Preach

I empathize with you and agree there is no actual capital “V” Vocation to single life, but an old bachelor gave me this wise advice: It is better to want what you don’t have, than to have what you don’t want.

Preach

 

[ThomasMT]

I agree it was probably not the best wording though.

Hi all… no, I guess it wasn’t the best wording. What I meant by “fully Catholic” was a fully Catholic home (both parents are of practicing Catholic faith), a fully Catholic environment conducive to a fully Catholic upbringing (no wish washy relativism, etc.). A safe, protected environment free from competing theological, ideological doctrine that may undermine the Catholic foundation that I suspect that the OP may find ideal.

On a side note, I’m not necessarily knocking pluralism. Besides, exposure to it is inevitable. All the more reason a solid foundation is a parental duty, IMO.

 

[DivineMercy01]

You were right-my best case scenario is a marriage/family that loves and serves the Lord. If my offspring don’t know that they are beloved sons and daughters of God, I would feel like I failed.

Not saying interfaith marriages can’t work-I just feel this special election on my heart to have a certain kind of family that requires a certain kind of person.

 

[Anicette]

Good idea,

In the term of feasabity, you have to know if you want to do it for the glory/volunteer/even if it is time consumming or to make some money. It would determine the next.

1. I think you would do online, right?
2. See what your local/national /international matrimonial agencies offers. What are their criterias and how many people they have?
3. of course see catholics agencies. because you would like to create a duplicate of service. your criterias are very stricts and exclude many people, much more than in onlibe catholic dating.
4. Is that the job of the professional to determine if the person is serious about he describes himself? How to deal with customer who may think that the person that that had been “sell” to them is not what is expected?

The real question is how to get it going and encourage people to sign up.

In the digital age and online dating?

And that you have enough people that are interested?You have the chance to live in a small but Catholic country. But you may need to look internationally.
What you may need are Church’s supports and advertisement. And people that are happy with services.