Oh come on… rigid. What a cliche.
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DivineMercy01
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Lol. I just want my future spouse to be free to marry in the church and not expect me to commit a mortal sin before or after we’re married! I’m so rigid 
In all fairness, Catholic women do this too.
That’s one great thing about marriage…you are actually free to enjoy people’s company without worrying about whether you’re missing out on some great marriage prospect across the room.
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DivineMercy01
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You’re not wrong! 
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DivineMercy01
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It can just be awkward. Frankly, it might be easier if there was some sort of a script where dudes knew how to ask women out and women knew how to politely say “No.” I find the young adult Catholic dating scene is so hard because we haven’t been taught how to do either of these things.
I actually had to rearrange my mass schedule because a man wouldn’t leave me alone once I just didn’t know how to reject him, so I avoided him.
I actually had to rearrange my mass schedule because a man wouldn’t leave me alone once
I just didn’t know how to reject him, so I avoided him.
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TC3033
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I guess we’ll have to. From my experience as non-Catholic married to a Catholic and spending my time in Catechism “circles”, I’m far more comfortable with where I’m at in my relationship with Him and knowing I love Him than other dads who are Catholic.
I grew up in a city that was less than half the size of 71,000.
IMHO, I still see that @RolandThompsonGunner has solid points. I don’t think guys are going to see it as rigid, but if they’re grilled on the 1st date they’re going to see “high maintenance” and walk away.
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DivineMercy01
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All due respect, I don’t think I foresee myself “grilling” anyone on a first date. I would hope that if I was on a date with someone at this point in my life, I would already know that he loved the Church and would defend her before the first date.
However, once we started talking about The Future (which I think should happen a few dates in), I could foresee bringing up my non-negotiables.
However, once we started talking about The Future (which I think should happen a few dates in), I could foresee bringing up my non-negotiables.
How do you know this?
With all due respect, I get that you’re an other Christian married to a Catholic, but you keep making this point in response to @DivineMercy01 but really what she’s said here is kinda pretty standard for many Catholics. I would agree with a lot of that. It would be important to me that I can go to mass with my wife and both of us can kneel and receive the Eucharist together, pray the Rosary together, and go to faith development talks etc. together. We even both give marriage preparation talks with other couples and this has become part of our faith life. I can’t imagine having married someone who was never going to share any of that with me.
I just think calling someone “rigid” is such a lazy response. Also, if I was being grilled on these issues it wouldn’t bother me (maybe a little weird) as my answers would be honest and reflect the Catholic faith.
Yeah possibly. There are a few people that lack social skills in the “speaking with the opposite sex” department. I do think us men are particularly bad at this.
Yeah. My dad actually gave me a good few talks and advice about this over the years. But in general I would agree.
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DivineMercy01
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Women are bad too! I would say men are probably more responsible, as they are the initiators, but women are also not great.
If I was to list the biggest issues in this area with men and women in Catholic circles they would be:
Men:
Too eager
Awkward
Sometimes act as if any woman will do, as long as she’s a practicing Catholic (women want to feel special)
Can’t take a hint
Lack of self-knowledge/immature
Overly concerned with looks sometimes
Women:
Say they want to find a husband but set the standard too high (not speaking in terms of faith here)
Reject too fast and too often
Don’t have a plan
Men tend to have a “plan” for finding a spouse and approach it logically (maybe sometimes too logically). Whereas many women don’t and just think Mr. Right will magically appear someday.
Men:
Too eager
Awkward
Sometimes act as if any woman will do, as long as she’s a practicing Catholic (women want to feel special)
Can’t take a hint
Lack of self-knowledge/immature
Overly concerned with looks sometimes
Women:
Say they want to find a husband but set the standard too high (not speaking in terms of faith here)
Reject too fast and too often
Don’t have a plan
Men tend to have a “plan” for finding a spouse and approach it logically (maybe sometimes too logically). Whereas many women don’t and just think Mr. Right will magically appear someday.
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TC3033
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All due respect…as a guy…being asked some of the questions that were posed up thread…on a first date that would be viewed as being “grilled” by many guys.
On a first date…not me. The most grilling on wanted on the first date with my wife was what drink she wanted next.
Ah…you just jumped in…the same way that the OP just maid the assumption that non-Catholics some how can’t/don’t have a relationship with him…
I don’t agree that it’s pretty standard for many Catholics, I said OP isn’t in a position to be in a relationship with a non-Catholic. It wouldn’t be fair to either.
I do share in much of this with my wife. Interestingly enough, we’ve often wondered why we haven’t been asked to do marriage counseling in her parish. We’ve turned into…for lack of a better term…a “pet couple”…where we’ve often been used as an example of a relationship to strive towards.
TBH, I think a lot of it has to do with the current Priest as he’s “not a fan” of non-Catholic Christians and has made it known.Eh, disagree. It would be a “walk away moment” on a first date for me.
^^^ for a first date…ya, probably
She actually said they would have a different relationship with Him
Well…It is.
But not in the same manner as two committed Catholics do.
Possibly because in order to engage in providing Catholic marriage counselling, you have to BE Catholic.
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TC3033
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And thus my question for clarification.
Disagree
So, they don’t care how solid the relationship is between two Christians… because Catholic… since we both went through the same counseling…
Like I said, we’ve been used as the “poster child” for marriage. Sounds strange to have two poster children.
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Well…as I said, you can disagree all you like. It doesn’t make it less true.
Please note I said, many. I didn’t say all. I didn’t even say the majority. Many. That is simply true.
Even within my own circle of friends who are single, both male and female. Most of them are looking for another practicing Catholic. In Irish (practicing) Catholic families it is quite common to be raised with an idea of the importance of finding a Catholic spouse. Certainly my mother was adamant that this was the best way to go and made things easier in marriage.
Again, I’m speaking of “practicing” Catholics. The organisation I’m part of that provides marriage prep and counselling, is geared toward people getting married in the Catholic Church. So it’s a prerequisite to be a practicing catholic. We provide marriage prep to mixed marriage couples, but from a Catholic perspective and with regards to the sacrament.
I’m not trying to say your marriage isn’t good. But I am saying that there are certain things that you, as a non-catholic, will not have an equal belief in.
I really get the feeling that you’re not engaging with the core issue here. You keep making arguments for why mixed-marriages can be just as good as Catholic marriages between two committed Catholics.
From a secular perspective, you’d be right. But there’s a significant number of committed Catholics out there who simply could not fathom marrying someone unless they were on the same page in terms of faith. And in my opinion, as a married Catholic, I think that’s great. And I’ll certainly instill that idea in my own kids.
I’m not attacking you here. I’m just stating what is a deeply held belief of me and many other Catholics.
From a secular perspective, you’d be right. But there’s a significant number of committed Catholics out there who simply could not fathom marrying someone unless they were on the same page in terms of faith. And in my opinion, as a married Catholic, I think that’s great. And I’ll certainly instill that idea in my own kids.
I’m not attacking you here. I’m just stating what is a deeply held belief of me and many other Catholics.
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TC3033
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OK…many could be 30%
And we’re surprised that we’ve haven’t been asked to counsel mixed couples…since we’re the marriage “poster children”
And you seem to miss that I’m not going to let stereotypes and misinformation go un-rebutted.
Go for it, they’re your kids. On the other hand, we wouldn’t.
When we have to start our start our statement off by “I"m not” say’n…just say’n…
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