Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

[TC3033]

I didn’t say that.

Well…That was what was quoted…

I do think that a broad-based, thoughtful, challenging, classic education in the liberal arts and sciences can build such personal traits as virtue, honor, integrity, and an appreciation for all those things that are good, true, and beautiful.

Disagree. When did you go to college? This is literally the opposite of anything I ever observed at a 4 year school… In no way were virtue, honor or integrity instilled.

such things as sportsmanship — either intramural or varsity sports

You’re talking about less than 5-10% of the student population.

brotherhood or sisterhood, leadership

Why can this not be obtain via another avenue?

but there is more to life than working,

Sure there is.

If you’ve ever beheld a sunrise, or looked into the eyes of a child, or enjoyed a symphony, a play, or a novel, you’ll know that there are some things that don’t have a price tag.

Done them all, and have learned how to play guitar…all without the help of a traditional 4 year education…

And to which I’m now in the position to provide to my children things I could only dream of growing up, as well as go to places I never though possible

TBH, in today’s world I find that’s it’s quite the opposite. Kid’s that realize what they want to do, get into a trade and get into the world are very well rounded and humble individuals. 4 year schools are being inundated with kids that don’t belong, but go because they think they’re supposed to.

 

[Johncardic]

It was clear from the first sentence of this post that she wanted a “special” kind of guy.These types of threads are usually a riot for people like me.Imagine telling people that you are searching for a man but then go on to say that you are not interested in talking to man from this “site”.These woman who think they are all catches are usually hilarious for you know that if they were truly pretty they would have already cached a good looking guy or a rich guy.They think of themselves so highly,and prefer to die alone then to marry to an “unworthy” man.this world is a clown world

 

[DivineMercy01]

“Special” is subjective and could go a lot of ways.

If you read the entire thread, I don’t think I ever said I was “searching.” If I was, would probably pay for Catholicmatch.com. In my initial post, I was simply stating that I have met both of the young Catholic men in my town and am not comfortable with online dating. I am totally okay with staying single, so long as my life glorifies the Lord. My initial question had to do with whether staying single forever was morally acceptable IF I was not willing to do the online thing.

These woman who think they are all catches are usually hilarious for you know that if they were truly pretty they would have already cached a good looking guy or a rich guy.

Blockquote

As I have already mentioned, I have many single lady friends who are beautiful. There just aren’t a lot of devoted Catholic men (at least in the cities I’ve lived in). The complaint is not that they can’t find a good looking guy or a rich guy, it’s that they can’t find a Catholic guy.

@Johncardic you were totally on team “don’t marry a non-Catholic” before, so I’m not sure why you can’t sympathize. If a beautiful woman wanted to get married to just anybody, I agree with your statement that she could find just anybody irl. Most Catholic women I know want to be married to devout Catholic men (for reasons already discussed on every post in this thread).

 

[AdamP88]

It was clear from the first sentence of this post that she wanted a “special” kind of guy.

In fairness, she did say that she would lower some of her other standards to date a guy who was committed and genuine about the faith. And she said she would be happy to remain single if she didn’t find a suitable match.

These woman who think they are all catches are usually hilarious for you know that if they were truly pretty they would have already cached a good looking guy or a rich guy.

Or they are being discerning about their marriage choices. Not all beautiful women just go for the first decent guy they see. Marriage is a vocation, it’s worth some thought.

They think of themselves so highly,and prefer to die alone then to marry to an “unworthy” man.this world is a clown world

I would have preferred to remain single than marry someone who isn’t a committed catholic, or who wasn’t a suitable match.

 

[AdamP88]

I have to say, the debate on this thread has got me thinking. My wife and I have been involved in marriage preparation for a while now, and I’ve always been involved in youth ministry. I had been thinking for a while of setting up some sort of matchmaking ministry for young Catholics who are serious about the faith and interested in meeting a marriage partner. There really is very little specifically directed to this purpose. There are many groups and opportunities to meet people. But many people are shy or find it difficult to date online, or find it hard to meet someone truly Catholic, who doesn’t compromise on some area of the faith.
Often I hear young Catholic women complain that there are no good Catholic men available (In Ireland the joke is that they’ve joined the Dominicans because they get so many vocations)
Young men then complain that they also find it hard to meet Catholic women.

The one thing I’ve observed is that there are plenty of both out there, but there’s not much in the way of a forum for them to associate with the sole purpose of finding a marriage partner, and there’s very little “formation” for marriage.

I really think there’s a place for a ministry that helps people find suitable matches. Then you would have couples going on dates with someone, but knowing from the off that they meet a certain minimum criteria of being Catholic and they are serious about marriage.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

I do think that a broad-based, thoughtful, challenging, classic education in the liberal arts and sciences can build such personal traits as virtue, honor, integrity, and an appreciation for all those things that are good, true, and beautiful.

Disagree. When did you go to college? This is literally the opposite of anything I ever observed at a 4 year school… In no way were virtue, honor or integrity instilled.

I went to college (undergraduate) in the late 1970s and early 1980s. I made the best of my circumstances that I could — one year of community college and four years at an open-admission second-tier state university. I couldn’t have afforded college, but I got academic scholarships due to high ACT/SAT scores and high school GPA. I did what I could with what I had. Not everything about it was the idyllic, ivy-covered, tweedy, gaudeamus igitur ideal of a perhaps bygone day that I depicted above — that is something to be aspired to, and attaining part of it is better than attaining none of it. We were by no stretch of the imagination a prestigious, elite institution, but we had pride and we had dignity. Abstract concepts such as virtue, honor, dignity, respect, and so on, were more atmospheric than explicit. Sports and the Greek system were there if you wanted them, some partook, some didn’t. But we weren’t a trade school existing for the sole purpose of turning out would-be Gordon Gekkos and Donald Trumps.

To you, or to anyone else, I would say, if you don’t want to get a four-year degree — and it is not for everyone, it is not for all intelligent people, and universities have turned out many, many morons — then don’t do it. It’s a substantial time investment, and today, a substantial money investment. You get out of college what you put into it. If one chooses to go, have the traditional virtues in front of you, seek out classes, professors, majors, and companions who will build you up and confirm you in these virtues, and it will all fall into place.

 

[TC3033]

I went to college (undergraduate) in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

Which I figured, there is a fairly substantial generational gap between us. In general what you describe as an institution instilling virtue, honor, etc…, it was quite, quite different than that.

But we weren’t a trade school existing for the sole purpose of turning out would-be Gordon Gekkos and Donald Trumps.

This makes no sense…like literally at all. I don’t think you know what a trade school is.

Sports and the Greek system were there if you wanted them,

As far as the Greek system…ya, for some it’s there and available…sports, not so much…, especially at the varsity level…(even in small state schools).

To you, or to anyone else, I would say, if you don’t want to get a four-year degree — and it is not for everyone, it is not for all intelligent people, and universities have turned out many, many morons — then don’t do it.

AGREED…but to that point…don’t say that it takes a degree to be a better person…which was what was said and quoted above kicking all of this off.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

But we weren’t a trade school existing for the sole purpose of turning out would-be Gordon Gekkos and Donald Trumps.

This makes no sense…like literally at all. I don’t think you know what a trade school is.

Yes, I do. I was using the term “trade school” here to characterize a business school that doesn’t elevate the graduate on a human and a moral level, but rather, turns out someone with a marketable job credential and a basket of real-world skills and abilities. There is nothing wrong with that — it’s a laudable achievement — but it is not an “education” in the way that an arts or sciences degree is an “education”. My reference to Gekko and Trump was for dramatic emphasis.

Full disclosure: I have both. My undergraduate was liberal arts, and I went on to get a graduate degree in liberal arts, as well as an MBA in finance.

HomeschoolDad:

To you, or to anyone else, I would say, if you don’t want to get a four-year degree — and it is not for everyone, it is not for all intelligent people, and universities have turned out many, many morons — then don’t do it.

AGREED…but to that point…don’t say that it takes a degree to be a better person…which was what was said and quoted above kicking all of this off.

I did not say that, and the OP did not say that either. She said that having a degree makes you a better person. She did not say that you have to have a degree to be a better person. There are many other paths to “become a better person” than a four-year traditional arts and sciences degree. And for what it’s worth, I would quibble with OP in that a degree can make you a better person, but it does not necessarily make you a better person. You can be the best-educated person in the world and still be a moral, ethical, and spiritual train wreck. Or you can never so much as set foot in a university, yet be a genuine mensch.

 

[TC3033]

Yes, I do. I was using the term “trade school” here to characterize a business school

That’s not a trade school…

that doesn’t elevate the graduate on a human and a moral level, but rather, turns out someone with a marketable job credential and a basket of real-world skills and abilities.

I hope you don’t say that to the electricians, plumbers, HVAC, hair-dresser, welders, mechanics, etc… in your life. I still have to laugh at the thought that a four year school is going to do more to “raise a kid on a human and moral level”. College was far…from being some sort of moral high ground.

but it is not an “education” in the way that an arts or sciences degree is an “education”.

Agreed. I think that in some (many) cases having a trade is more valuable.

I have both. My undergraduate was liberal arts, and I went on to get a graduate degree in liberal arts, as well as an MBA in finance.

I’m a little confused here. So you got an Associates Degree, then a bachelors to get a masters all in liberal arts and then also got an MBA? You can’t get a graduate degree without a bachelors degree and you can’t get a bachelors degree at a trade school.

I have both as well. I have an Associate of Applied Science in Electronics and a BA in Electrical Engineering.

She said that having a degree makes you a better person.

Fair enough, we’re talking semantics here a little bit.

You can be the best-educated person in the world and still be a moral, ethical, and spiritual train wreck. Or you can never so much as set foot in a university, yet be a genuine mensch .

Agreed, and that was the point to which I was arguing.

 

[Sarcelle]

Education tends to be narrowly defined to that which takes place within the four walls of a classroom.

Learning takes place in school, in the workplace, in churches, in families. It takes place everywhere if we remain teachable or humble.

Ideally we should be learning all the time.
So yes, learning, especially from our mistakes and from that of others can make us better versions of ourselves.

 

[Shasta-Rose]

I don’t see why you couldn’t live with a non-Catholic man. Even those who were previously non-Catholic can find ourselves currently, finally Catholic and living with a non-Catholic man. When I went back to the church, I went to the Catholic church. My husband didn’t go back to the church–any church. I guess if pressed I’d say he’s technically still Lutheran. But the reality is that he seems to have his own beliefs and thoughts and is not thinking about joining a church. He’s perfectly fine with my being Catholic. He’s all in favor of it and totally supportive. I think I am proof that it’s perfectly possible to live in marriage with a non-Catholic man.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Hello!

I do know some very holy interfaith couples. However, I don’t see myself choosing that lifestyle. I don’t see myself not being able to share my one true love, the Church, with my significant other. It would break my heart if he couldn’t receive the Eucharist with me or couldn’t understand it. Furthermore, raising kids together would be more complicated, especially if something were to happen to me. I wouldn’t want to put raising my kids Catholic on the shoulders of my non-Catholic husband.

Like I said, not putting down interfaith marriages, as that is what some people choose. I just don’t feel called to an interfaith marriage lifestyle.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Disagree. As I stated above, my friends who do Catholic Match say it’s like any other site and people still misrepresent themselves.

I guess some people just have a lot of time on their hands and use Catholic Match for entertainment.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

I have both. My undergraduate was liberal arts, and I went on to get a graduate degree in liberal arts, as well as an MBA in finance.

I’m a little confused here. So you got an Associates Degree, then a bachelors to get a masters all in liberal arts and then also got an MBA? You can’t get a graduate degree without a bachelors degree and you can’t get a bachelors degree at a trade school.

One bachelor’s, two master’s. I never got an associate degree. Didn’t need it. I got all the credits I could transfer from the community college (43 semester hours), then went on to the university.

HomeschoolDad:

that doesn’t elevate the graduate on a human and a moral level, but rather, turns out someone with a marketable job credential and a basket of real-world skills and abilities.

I hope you don’t say that to the electricians, plumbers, HVAC, hair-dresser, welders, mechanics, etc… in your life. I still have to laugh at the thought that a four year school is going to do more to “raise a kid on a human and moral level”. College was far…from being some sort of moral high ground.

Well, mine was. My classmates generally had very strong moral and ethical principles — even if we did not always have the same principles — and we had many impassioned discussions in class and seminar about good and evil, right and wrong, just and unjust, and so on. I wouldn’t trade those days for the world. Many of us went on to become teachers, seminarians, attorneys, and yes, successful business people. I still keep up with some of them online. One classmate, with whom I had my share of knock-down-drag-outs, to this very day is still fighting for women’s rights and abortion rights. I couldn’t disagree with her more fiercely, but I do respect the fact that she has a good mind and that she is able to use it well, even if she comes to conclusions 180 degrees opposite to mine. Very smart lady, very passionate, very principled.

HomeschoolDad:

You can be the best-educated person in the world and still be a moral, ethical, and spiritual train wreck. Or you can never so much as set foot in a university, yet be a genuine mensch .

Agreed, and that was the point to which I was arguing.

This has been a good discussion, but I’m done with it. While we seem to have found agreement on the core point, I think we have said everything that can be said.

 

[TC3033]

This has been a good discussion, but I’m done with it. While we seem to have found agreement on the core point, I think we have said everything that can be said.

Fair enough. One additional point I would make is that a Community College is not close to being a trade school and vise/versa.

 

[bhaiterabhai]

Being single doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you—it just means you’ve chosen a different path.

 

[AdamP88]

If you do decide to do online dating, be very, very careful. What you see online isn’t always what you get.

Personally, I’d say that advice applies to offline dating too. If you’re going to marry, you need to be careful with your choice of spouse.

 

[AdamP88]

Maybe. It is unfortunate though.

 

[Sarcelle]

Even if there was truly something wrong with said single person, do people talking think that marriage will fix the issue?

So we tell a person who is single “You’re single therefore you’re selfish.”

If that were true, does it really help if this selfish person got married?

If all married people were wonderful due to the fact that they’re married, why is there so much divorce?

 

[dateanalpha]

I did the online dating thing off-and-on between 2013 and 2018 on at least five different platforms. Went on well over 100 first dates and had two semi-long term relationships that came out of it. My conclusion: online dating only works for the small percentage who take it seriously and are honest about their intentions/who they are. This percentage is very small.

I should probably point out that I never did a Catholic dating site (because I’m cheap and don’t want to pay for one). But I have friends who do Catholic match and say it is very much the same (i.e. too easy for users to misrepresent themselves).

It’s not that I’m shy or afraid. It’s that I’m fed up with my own experience with online dating and from what I’ve heard from my friends on Catholic dating sites, it doesn’t sound worth it to me personally (disclaimer-I am not shooting down those of you who met your spouse on breakupshop.com! I’m just stating why I think it’s not for me).

People who take it seriously can find what they are looking for. Exactly. Isn’t this true with most anything in life? I think the main issue people have from online dating is that they expect instant results/gratification (like everything). Finding a great relationship online or offline, requires commitment to improving yourself, plus actually talking to and meeting people. For every 99 people who aren’t a good fit for you, maybe the 100th is.