Should I marry a non-catholic or be single forever?

[CathoRick]

This is going to sound superficial, but the demographics of what I can be attracted to are very limited. Not because I’m superficial, but because of science.

I wouldn’t say any of that is superficial. It’s obvious you know what it is you’re looking for in a man and that will save you from many bad relationships (e.g. with the two incompatible men in your area) in the years to come.

I would also like to point out that I need other things in a partner (I have my heart set on homeschooling my future kids, so he absolutely needs to be able to provide, has finances in order, etc).

That is perfectly reasonable, and while I’d love to meet a woman with that same mindset, I’d most likely have to get into a better career before I could do that. I make more than most my age do, live on my own, and (unlike nearly everyone I know) am good at saving my money rather than impulsively blowing every paycheck I earn on non-essentials, but that’s still not saying much at the end of the day. I’ll likely pursue a trade for that reason.

And finally, I would like to remind everyone on this board who are going back and forth about Catholicity being “binary” that just because someone ATTENDS a Catholic church does NOT mean he is Catholic in lifestyle.

Amen. Many people on here don’t like to hear it, however there’s a great difference between a baptized Catholic who follows some teachings, and a Catholic who conforms to all the teachings of the Church. Cafeteria Catholics are indistinguishable from left-leaning secularists at times, so why on Earth would I want to date someone like that?

I guess it’s just that I know what I want and I haven’t found it yet. Doesn’t help that I live in a town of 71000 and don’t ever travel anywhere I hope this answers your question.

Well, you seem to have things pretty well figured out. Far more than I do anyhow, but I suppose having 28 years of Catholic experience versus my 1 helps, lol. I live in a small town and barely get out (I’m a homebody), so I’m guilty of that as well. You answered my question in a manner that was far more clear and concise than I was expecting, so thank you.

I’m sure the women in your parish would appreciate you putting yourself out there more.

Yes, I’m sure they would. My main reservations, as I touched on previously, is me being a recent convert, my low income, and how introverted I am. I seem to have little trouble attracting women and women have made it very easy for me to ask them out, some of whom I had feelings for, but for one reason or another I never did. I’m actually very thankful for that, because those women were all secular/Protestant and I ultimately went a different path - it just wouldn’t have worked out. I haven’t actually gotten to know any Catholic women my age, so I don’t really know what to expect.

You seem like a very sweet woman and I wish you all the best!

 

[DivineMercy01]

As I stated in the first post on this board, I would not be unhappy being single for the rest of my life-it’s simply that I was wondering whether this could be morally questionable, as I know from my own discernment that perpetual singleness is not God’s will for me.

 

[AdamP88]

As I stated in the first post on this board, I would not be unhappy being single for the rest of my life-it’s simply that I was wondering whether this could be morally questionable

Fair enough.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

The question is, why is higher education so ridiculously expensive in the US?

It has become big business. Time was, colleges were really pretty spartan enterprises. Students lived in dorms that provided the bare minimum of everything (mediocre food, communal hygiene facilities, etc.), teachers were poorly paid, everything was very low-tech by today’s standards, and tuition was cheap. Now, everyone wants the best of everything. There are also these massive marketing campaigns to convince everyone and anyone that yes, you too need a bachelor’s degree, and if you already have one, then, friend, what you need is a master’s degree. Time was, a master’s degree was really something special. (I have two of them.) Nowadays, everyone and their brother has a master’s. It is what a bachelor’s degree was 40 years ago.

My son, while highly intelligent (age 13), is at his best a mediocre student. Academics just aren’t his thing. Both his mother and I are highly educated, but he’s more just nuts-and-bolts practical. (When we get new tech, normally I just hand it to him and say “you set it all up — you know more about it that I do”.) It is looking like it will be community college for the first two years, then I’m trying to steer him towards a regional state university for the latter two years. There is one in a nearby resort area that he talks about, decent school, if he wants to go there, I’m all in for that. It’s affordable, and “affordable” is all we’ll ever be able to manage. I have told him “you must not take out a student loan!”. Student loans are indentured servitude.

HomeschoolDad:

I would rather be dead than to live in a world where all human effort is ordained towards money-making activity. Even the Soviets appreciated that there was more to life than working and providing for material needs.

I agree.

I think this has more to do with the Protestant work ethic?

All of us in this country, no matter how traditional, orthodox, conservative, what have you, Catholic we are, are deeply infected with a Protestant mentality in general and a Protestant work ethic in particular. After I retired, it took me over a year to come to terms with the reality that “I’m not working and making money anymore”. That was very irrational — I had worked hard, given it body and soul, for over 30 years, and I had earned my retirement. But it took me a long time to shift into low gear and realize that “to everything there is a season”.

 

[AdamP88]

In Ireland we in the teaching profession are actively working to steer some kids toward the practical and the trades, as there is a shortage. I personally would love to go back and do a practical trade like vehicle mechanics or electrician. Just to have the skill.

 

[TheLittleLady]

A degree does more than provide a job-makes you a better human (and a better homeschooler)

Okay, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, can you cite your sources for this claim?

Note, I do not have a college degree.

 

[AdamP88]

Me, me, me…

Honestly, no matter how awesome you are, in a relationship you need to make some space also for the other person.

In fairness, that’s a bit harsh. She was talking about her qualities. And really you do have to be aware of your good points in the dating game.

 

[AdamP88]

Okay, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, can you cite your sources for this claim?

Note, I do not have a college degree.

She did amend this later in the thread.

 

[TC3033]

This is one dogpile I really don’t want to get into, but I do want to thank you for this one observation

I really…really hope you’re not insinuating that a “degree” instantly makes someone a “better human being”…

I would rather be dead than to live in a world where all human effort is ordained towards money-making activity.

Can you extrapolate on this?

 

[AdamP88]

I really…really hope you’re not insinuating that a “degree” instantly makes someone a “better human being”…

She changed the wording on this after that post.

 

[DivineMercy01]

And the point was to state that I’m a hard worker-finished a masters in 16 months WHILE working full time. Also, I am aware people without degrees can do very well in life. The original question was “what are YOU bringing to the table.”

You should watch this video. The Puppies and Bunnies Video - YouTube 2 things can be true simultaneously!

 

[TheLittleLady]

My best advice is to pray the Litany of Humility every morning and every night.

Litany of Humility | EWTN

 

[TC3033]

I agree.

I think this has more to do with the Protestant work ethic?

Personally, I’m not even sure that’s really a thing, but I digress

There’s kids who just aren’t cut out for college, college isn’t going to get them where they want to go, and in many cases, people are starting to see the real worth of trades/trade school over a 4yr traditional college.

 

[TC3033]

No offense, but isn’t that about the right time frame for a masters? That’s about how long my wife’s took.

 

[aroosi]

I am talking in general.
There is an old folk tale, I don’t remember the exact wording but it goes a bit like this.

A princess was waiting for her prince
The first lover knocked at the door.
The princess said ‘who is at the door?’
The guy replied ‘I am prince such and such, I am handsome, wealthy and brave’.
The door remained closed.
The second lover came at the door.
The princess said ‘Who is at the door?’
The second guy replied ‘I am prince such and such, my kingdom is powerful and I am noble and fearless’
The door remained still closed.
The third lover came.
Again the princess said ‘Who is at the door?’
He replied ‘it is YOU’.
And the door finally was open.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Not while working full time. Most people I know who worked a professional job during a masters took it slow-1 class at a time. Took years.

Then again, your wife might be amazing like me

 

[TC3033]

It was while working full time

 

[AdamP88]

I think maybe lets give @DivineMercy01 a break. She was asked a question and she gave an answer. Maybe she is amazing.

I have to be honest, my family tease me sometimes because I’m never down in the dumps and I tend to be a bit overconfident. But that’s one of the things my wife loves about me…that I never seem to be upset by people’s opinions of me and I have a decent sense of my own worth. I think maybe what she was saying got lost in translation a bit.

Sometimes my wife tells me I’m amazing and my response is “yeah honey, I know that”…without any irony.

 

[DivineMercy01]

No way! I pray this every Sunday Thanks so much for thinking of me though.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

HomeschoolDad:

This is one dogpile I really don’t want to get into, but I do want to thank you for this one observation

I really…really hope you’re not insinuating that a “degree” instantly makes someone a “better human being”…

I didn’t say that. I certainly didn’t say “instantly”. I do think that a broad-based, thoughtful, challenging, classic education in the liberal arts and sciences can build such personal traits as virtue, honor, integrity, and an appreciation for all those things that are good, true, and beautiful. Traditional “man in full” (or “woman in full”, as the case might be) college experiences also included such things as sportsmanship — either intramural or varsity sports — brotherhood or sisterhood, leadership, and many other things that promised to make good men and women better. Contemporary market-driven “zero to bachelor’s in 2.5”, that are more heavily-marketed career credentials than anything else, don’t accomplish this.

And, yes, even the most rigorous, traditional arts and sciences curriculum can turn out moral snakes and wretches. But that is in spite of the experience, not because of it.

HomeschoolDad:

I would rather be dead than to live in a world where all human effort is ordained towards money-making activity.

Can you extrapolate on this?

There are people in this world who view all non-economic human activity as useless and a waste of time and resources. To these people, we are all just “critters”, “shaved apes in trousers”, who are only as good as what we produce. It’s all about having, and getting, and getting some more. Sadly, our society reveres such people, because very often, they get phenomenally wealthy, they work hard, and they do provide well for their loved ones. All of those things are laudable — as long as they earn their riches honestly and with regard for the human dignity of those who help them earn these riches — but there is more to life than working, and getting, and having. If you’ve ever beheld a sunrise, or looked into the eyes of a child, or enjoyed a symphony, a play, or a novel, you’ll know that there are some things that don’t have a price tag. (Musicians, playwrights, and authors rarely get rich.)