Single and no place to meet others

[Sierrah]

To an extent, you are correct. But there are ways to create areas to mingle. I am currently phasing out of the bar/club scene, and my goal was not to meet people. My goal was to have a good time with my friends, and I accomplished that goal. However, I was able to meet a lot of people also. Single hangouts exist, but aren’t viewed as “hangouts.” Examples include, grocery stores, fast food places, gyms, church, etc. If you are single, and can’t find any friends, then you are either too picky or too shy. There are quality people everywhere (except maybe Washington DC ). I’ve met other singles at baseball games, rec softball games, stores, class, bars, clubs, organizations, through friends, etc. Just need to get out there and start swinging the bat. That’s the only way you’re gonna get a hit!

Yeah I’m thinking of ditching the club scene more myself. You certain can’t me quality people there. The quality people that go are usually just there for the music too and aren’t into really meeting anyone. I’m thinking of steady volunteer work…not to meet anyone just as some more constructive to use up my time.

 

[mlz]

As a mother of a very introverted daughter, some people just don’t understand how hard it is to meet others when you are this way.
mlz

 

[Mortal_Man]

personally, i don’t understand a person who says they can’t or don’t meet other people. everyday of your life you’re encountering new people who you have never met before.

Actually, I understand them quite well. I used to be that way. It happens when you don’t cultivate new interests. By sticking with the same interests, you stick with the same people. I had to make a conscious choice to expand and broaden my range of interests and activities, and when that happened, I started to meet a lot of new people. I joined a club around one set of interests, and have met a lot of interesting people through that way. I started taking a dance class. I like dancing, and wanted to learn how to do the swing, so I signed up. This got me into ballroom too … and as an interesting side benefit, there happen to be a lot of single women who like to dance.

 

[prodigalson12]

aga, you are again proving my point here wonderfully and taking things completely out of context, this is a classic example of cyber bullying that we have to face all of the time. If we do not bow down to your perspective and issues, then we are tossed to the side. You would be happy to be with a guy that has no spine, for it’s a control issue and it just drives you nuts that I am not playing that game at all. David himself did not back down to Goliath, that’s the context I’m referencing.

That to the side guys, upon reflection yesterday, technically this group has already been formed, it’s just a two person operation right now, and what we discuss within it, only people that are single can relate to. The concept here, you have a group of familiar faces with that common interest, they are there to hang out with, as well as for support. Stuff we face is largely ignored by the mainstream, and I’ll take a classic example here.

Holiday time, you are at your relatives and you notice everybody is married or involved, it rather makes you feel like an outsider. The salt is poored onto the wound when you are approached and asked why you are still single. Only one that’s in those shoes can relate to that uncomfortable situation and stuff like that is what this group can offset, for we can relate to each other there.

The introvert will also find it much easier to pull themselves out of their shell, at least with the group because they are comfortable with them, and in fact, I used to be very introverted, I’m not that way at all any more so I’d be effective in giving positive direction in this area, entirely because of what I’ve experienced and overcame.

I do want this to be interrelated within the church, both Catholic and Protestant, at least from our pool so that we at least have that element in common and it should in theory attract mostly, if not all, being Christian. When I was discussing this with my friend yesterday, we were covering how to not only get this group formed, how to avoid the usual pitfalls, as in there will likely be people that join with less then honorable intentions. This is the reality of human nature, so I guess there has to be something concrete in place to hold all of us accountable one way or the other.

 

[agapewolf]

aga, you are again proving my point here wonderfully and taking things completely out of context, this is a classic example of cyber bullying that we have to face all of the time. If we do not bow down to your perspective and issues, then we are tossed to the side. You would be happy to be with a guy that has no spine, for it’s a control issue and it just drives you nuts that I am not playing that game at all. David himself did not back down to Goliath, that’s the context I’m referencing.

er.

Do not assume things about me, nor label me in such a way.

“backing down” off a point where you find yourself wrong is not being spineless, it is being humble and realizing that you are not perfect, nor are your views.

I’m not bullying anyone, but you to come here and to say things that I would be happy with a guy that has no spine, or that its a control issue and it drives me nuts, well, THAT is bullying.

I haven’t taken anything out of context. The things you said you would do “turn my back on you if in real life” is rude. Plain and simple.

I’m not expecting anyone to "bow " to my perspective and issues, rather, I am saying that there is another perspective than yours…and your pride that you already admitted that you have is not allowing you to see beyond your own nose.

 

[rpp]

aga, you are again proving my point here wonderfully and taking things completely out of context,

{snip}

Do not assume things about me, nor label me in such a way.

{snip}

Please let’s remain charitable. We are all trying to get to the same place. Can you two just drop this please? It really detracts from this thread.

 

[prodigalson12]

Do not assume things about me, nor label me in such a way.

“backing down” off a point where you find yourself wrong is not being spineless, it is being humble and realizing that you are not perfect, nor are your views.

I’m not bullying anyone, but you to come here and to say things that I would be happy with a guy that has no spine, or that its a control issue and it drives me nuts, well, THAT is bullying.

I haven’t taken anything out of context. The things you said you would do “turn my back on you if in real life” is rude. Plain and simple.

I’m not expecting anyone to "bow " to my perspective and issues, rather, I am saying that there is another perspective than yours…and your pride that you already admitted that you have is not allowing you to see beyond your own nose.

No, you are still placing into context that I must bow down to your view, I must obey what you are imposing, that you don’t want an equal relationship, you want to dominate it and if I don’t, you sling words of anger against me, calling my prideful. This is unfortunate, this is also too common. I’ve been in relationships where my own perspectives were dismissed and overriden by others. She didn’t like the music I played, so I stopped playing guitar, she didn’t like the art I created, so I stopped drawing, it was always about her, and her alone. In these modern times, this is too often the case, the scales have tipped away from equality, being replaced with something entirely dysfunctional.

I’d turn my back rather then argue, that is what I mean along that one, and again, you take personal offense over the matter. An adult relationship is all about having respect for each others interests and desires, not dominating them, but when ones desires are selfish, that is where I will not accept. Some day you might come to realize what I’m saying here, but I feel, you are only here to create an argument, and within this very thread, you have given nothing constructive to it at all. I’m sorry if I do not place you at the center of my world, I’m sorry if I don’t urge people to worship you and those like you, for this is what you want to happen weather you want to admit it to yourself or not, this is also what is happening in too many relationships and this is not at all what God wants us to do. He is the center and he must remain that way at all times, nothing should ever challenge or get in the way of this. Be completely honest with yourself, take a very hard look at what you are doing, where is the center of your life, what is dictating your actions, where is there room for God within your relationship, and how far are you willing to compromize before you finally accept the standard he has for all of us. If you cannot be honest with yourself, you will never be happy, and really, you won’t have the natural diversity within your current relationships because you are refusing to let your significant other be themselves.

 

[ack]

aga, you are again proving my point here wonderfully and taking things completely out of context, this is a classic example of cyber bullying that we have to face all of the time. If we do not bow down to your perspective and issues, then we are tossed to the side. You would be happy to be with a guy that has no spine, for it’s a control issue and it just drives you nuts that I am not playing that game at all. David himself did not back down to Goliath, that’s the context I’m referencing.

If you act like this all the time, then now I see why you’re single. Any woman who might have been eying you probably lost interest immediately after reading this tirade.

Just calm down, dude…

 

[agapewolf]

No, you are still placing into context that I must bow down to your view, I must obey what you are imposing, that you don’t want an equal relationship, you want to dominate it and if I don’t, you sling words of anger against me, calling my prideful. This is unfortunate, this is also too common. I’ve been in relationships where my own perspectives were dismissed and overriden by others. She didn’t like the music I played, so I stopped playing guitar, she didn’t like the art I created, so I stopped drawing, it was always about her, and her alone. In these modern times, this is too often the case, the scales have tipped away from equality, being replaced with something entirely dysfunctional.

I’d turn my back rather then argue, that is what I mean along that one, and again, you take personal offense over the matter. An adult relationship is all about having respect for each others interests and desires, not dominating them, but when ones desires are selfish, that is where I will not accept. Some day you might come to realize what I’m saying here, but I feel, you are only here to create an argument, and within this very thread, you have given nothing constructive to it at all. I’m sorry if I do not place you at the center of my world, I’m sorry if I don’t urge people to worship you and those like you, for this is what you want to happen weather you want to admit it to yourself or not, this is also what is happening in too many relationships and this is not at all what God wants us to do. He is the center and he must remain that way at all times, nothing should ever challenge or get in the way of this. Be completely honest with yourself, take a very hard look at what you are doing, where is the center of your life, what is dictating your actions, where is there room for God within your relationship, and how far are you willing to compromize before you finally accept the standard he has for all of us. If you cannot be honest with yourself, you will never be happy, and really, you won’t have the natural diversity within your current relationships because you are refusing to let your significant other be themselves.

and you say that I am bullying…my goodness.

You said “I don’t back down”…to which i say, what a shame…because that is pride. not because you don’t agree with me. but because you say you don’t back down. Get it? I’m not slinging words of anger at you. I’m not angry, although you definately are.

For you to hurl such atrocities out at me, when I have been nothing but civil to you here is ridiculous.

I have NOT said you must “bow” to my view. I said, there is another perpective besides yours, and your sweeping generalizations don’t match up to reality. If anyone is saying someone must bow to the view, its you. Read what you wrote up there and apply it to yourself.

wow, such a turn off. See, after your first post, even though I didn’t agree with what you said, I liked how direct you were. Now, without even knowing me you say all those things above…this is just amazing. Talk about people hiding behind a keyboard…

 

[prodigalson12]

If you act like this all the time, then now I see why you’re single. Any woman who might have been eying you probably lost interest immediately after reading this tirade.

Just calm down, dude…

Don’t confuse this debate with my regular disposition. What I’m conveying is what is going on at the current scene everywhere. This data is not only through personal experience, it’s also through the collective analysis with many, many other cases. There is a good reason we have such a high divorce rate these days. And I remember a comedian making a joke, where he was acting out what his recently x girlfriend conveying to him, that he will never find another person like her. Well, his reaction being that he never wanted to find someone like her, this is why he broke up with her in the first place, that it would be absurd to jump back into that same type of relationship.

Taking this into account, my friend who has rather recently been divorced was discussing with me how much he adored his wife when they were together, he did so, so much, that she replaced the center of his life, which was supposed to be God. God is a jealous God, and he will not stand for it if you are to place anything or anybody before him. What is happening, too many women are never satisfied until you have given up all freedom, all focus on anything other then themselves, and if you do not make them the very first priority in your entire existence, they want nothing to do with you, at that point, if you give in, you are worshiping them at that stage. It is a childish, selfish way to have a relationship, it’s also too often the norm within these modern times and clearly it shows how we are going down the wrong path.

 

[MissMichal]

Well, I’m not single, but I recently decided that I needed a new group of friends and so I’ve had to put myself out there a bit. Bars and clubs are not actually great places to meet people anyway. Here are some places you can go to meet people:

Civic and political groups, community council, etc.
Special-interest clubs (try Toastmasters–people there are REALLY outgoing)
Book, movie and dining clubs
Volunteer activities (try volunteermatch.org or look for ministries in your parish or diocese)
Chat people up at mass
Search outside your parish for activities–ask at your diocese or search for Catholic activities that aren’t associated with any parish like Rosary Army or Catholic Action

Don’t take the “meat market” mentality where you’re scanning every situation for a potential spouse. Just go out and meet people. Through those people you’ll meet other people, and God will send a spouse your way. You seem quite angry about the lack of singles activities, but there are single people at every kind of activity. Just go do stuff and you’ll be surprised where you find friends.

 

[prodigalson12]

and you say that I am bullying…my goodness.

You said “I don’t back down”…to which i say, what a shame…because that is pride. not because you don’t agree with me. but because you say you don’t back down. Get it? I’m not slinging words of anger at you. I’m not angry, although you definately are.

For you to hurl such atrocities out at me, when I have been nothing but civil to you here is ridiculous.

I have NOT said you must “bow” to my view. I said, there is another perpective besides yours, and your sweeping generalizations don’t match up to reality. If anyone is saying someone must bow to the view, its you. Read what you wrote up there and apply it to yourself.

wow, such a turn off. See, after your first post, even though I didn’t agree with what you said, I liked how direct you were. Now, without even knowing me you say all those things above…this is just amazing. Talk about people hiding behind a keyboard…

I spent a great deal of time and research on this matter, part of the reason is because I absolutely must keep up with internet trends, how people react differently when at a web site and this coorellates to sales in the business world. I do not take data lightly, I also take note when things are clearly out of sinc. I have done my research here. Yes, it works absolutely wonderfully for you, of course it does, you are a female, this information I convey to you shows the other side of the coin if you would bother taking a look at it. Back to that resume/profile thing, another dynamic I’ve noticed as well, you cannot be too successful, for you are then labeled as a player, you cannot be too average, or you are labeled as boring, you cannot be too below average or you are facing yet another label.

 

[prodigalson12]

Well, I’m not single, but I recently decided that I needed a new group of friends and so I’ve had to put myself out there a bit. Bars and clubs are not actually great places to meet people anyway. Here are some places you can go to meet people:

Civic and political groups, community council, etc.
Special-interest clubs (try Toastmasters–people there are REALLY outgoing)
Book, movie and dining clubs
Volunteer activities (try volunteermatch.org or look for ministries in your parish or diocese)
Chat people up at mass
Search outside your parish for activities–ask at your diocese or search for Catholic activities that aren’t associated with any parish like Rosary Army or Catholic Action

Don’t take the “meat market” mentality where you’re scanning every situation for a potential spouse. Just go out and meet people. Through those people you’ll meet other people, and God will send a spouse your way. You seem quite angry about the lack of singles activities, but there are single people at every kind of activity. Just go do stuff and you’ll be surprised where you find friends.

I have been searching for things like that to do here, they are very limited in this area. I’m not angry as much as I’m appalled that nobody cares enough to establish something like this in the first place and this is par for the course with my life, having to be the first and having to take the initiative since nobody else wants to bother. I can take a selfish road and ignore the situation for others and only look out for self, but that is not how I operate, once this is functioning, it will help a tremendous amount of people in many ways. My fault here being, I honestly care, if I didn’t I would not be going this route, also the more thought I’ve been putting into this, the more complex and benificial to the individual this group can become. Case in point here, to teach people what a true, adult relationship is about, to help them get outside of themselves and to get rid of the standards which are imposed upon us in modern society. We tend to make things much harder for ourselves then we need to, it’s not supposed to be that way at all, yet without any leadership, it’s running it’s course in a very negative manner, thus the reason our venues are limited to what’s befitting them, ie. the bars and clubs.

 

[Jay82]

A guys perspective should be delivered here. Ladies, you tend to get bombarded with requests on those places, guys, absolutely not the case and it doesn’t matter what you have going for you. It’s not only degrading to us, it’s down right counterproductive. 3 years is a giant amount of time to be bouncing around on some internet dating site, I and I’m sure most single people are not that way. I found chemistry to be a very important thing, and in fact, in many cases, even more so then simply having a common interest. You cannot determine chemistry through text, it has to be in person.

prodigalson, like you, I am not particularly fond of internet dating sites and for many years, was adamantly opposed to them. But I wanted to share this experience with you:

Several months ago, after persistent coaxing from some female friends I decided to join eHarmony on a trial basis. After all, I figured it was only fair to try out the very thing I was criticizing for so long.

I posted a profile and specified my catholic values, etc. I requested only to be matched with Catholics and provided an age range and so forth. To my surprise, I was the one bombarded with requests from women (some too far away unfortunately). However, despite how desirable some of them seemed to be, once they realized I was planning on remaining abstinent until marriage they closed me out. That was also a bit surprising and disappointing. Oh well. My experience on the site was interesting and I gained a new perspective into the process, but it only reaffirmed that online dating, at least at this time, isn’t for me.

I agree with you that chemistry and common interests can be initially conveyed and realized in person better than online.

I wish you the best in your endeavors and efforts to create organizations in your community. Take care.

 

[rpp]

prodigalson, like you, I am not particularly fond of internet dating sites and for many years, was adamantly opposed to them. But I wanted to share this experience with you:

Several months ago, after persistent coaxing from some female friends I decided to join eHarmony on a trial basis. After all, I figured it was only fair to try out the very thing I was criticizing for so long.

I posted a profile and specified my catholic values, etc. I requested only to be matched with Catholics and provided an age range and so forth. To my surprise, I was the one bombarded with requests from women (some too far away unfortunately). However, despite how desirable some of them seemed to be, once they realized I was planning on remaining abstinent until marriage they closed me out. That was also a bit surprising and disappointing. Oh well. My experience on the site was interesting and I gained a new perspective into the process, but it only reaffirmed that online dating, at least at this time, isn’t for me.

I agree with you that chemistry and common interests can be initially conveyed and realized in person better than online.

I wish you the best in your endeavors and efforts to create organizations in your community. Take care.

Ave Maria Singles is a Catholic singles site that support and encourages chastity. You may have better luck there. avemariasingles.com/

They are Catholic only and you can restrict who can contact you.

 

[MissMichal]

I’m a little curious as to why you should be so appalled at having to take the initiative. Why shouldn’t it be you who sets this up?

 

[prodigalson12]

I’m a little curious as to why you should be so appalled at having to take the initiative. Why shouldn’t it be you who sets this up?

Because I’ve had to be the “first” to do, too many things, can’t someone else be pulling their weight? It’s ok though, I just figured it all out and it’s beyond simple, probably so simple I naturally overlooked it, thinking too good to be true.

The concept being, it’s all about networking, as in simply making new gal friends knowing from the beginning, it will never go beyond friendship for there isn’t a physical match. They are impressed with me, they refer me to other gals that would be better suited to who I am and what I’m looking for, the same on my end with referring them to guys I know that would be a better match as well. Meanwhile, we get to hang out, have fun, zero pressure at all since we are just friends and friends only, and our worlds are a bit less lonely in the process. The benefits are huge for both sides, and it has already begun for me.

 

[rpp]

Because I’ve had to be the “first” to do, too many things, can’t someone else be pulling their weight? It’s ok though, I just figured it all out and it’s beyond simple, probably so simple I naturally overlooked it, thinking too good to be true.

The concept being, it’s all about networking, as in simply making new gal friends knowing from the beginning, it will never go beyond friendship for there isn’t a physical match. They are impressed with me, they refer me to other gals that would be better suited to who I am and what I’m looking for, the same on my end with referring them to guys I know that would be a better match as well. Meanwhile, we get to hang out, have fun, zero pressure at all since we are just friends and friends only, and our worlds are a bit less lonely in the process. The benefits are huge for both sides, and it has already begun for me.

Are you a man or a woman? It is the man who should take the initiative. If you are a man and do not want to take the initiative, then I would say that may be one indicator that you are not really ready.

 

[whatevergirl]

Are you a man or a woman? It is the man who should take the initiative. If you are a man and do not want to take the initiative, then I would say that may be one indicator that you are not really ready.

---

I’m not meaning to butt into this thread, as I’m married, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate your sentiment here, rpp. I strongly believe men should take the initiative. I’m flexible on many issues, but very traditional when it comes to courting, and who should make that first move. My husband took initiative (he had an inkling that I was interested however in his pursuit), and I just think that is the right “way.”

Ok, sorry everyone–carry on. ***

 

[prodigalson12]

Are you a man or a woman? It is the man who should take the initiative. If you are a man and do not want to take the initiative, then I would say that may be one indicator that you are not really ready.

Because I’ve been painfully shy in this department all of my life. Sure, I can talk your head off now, but when I’m approaching/am being approached by a gal I find attractive, I become tongue tied for some reason. I’m not alone here, many guys are the same way, in fact, many gals are the same way. If it’s any consolation, just yesterday I asked a cool waitress to go out some time, I was not nervous at all. She told me she has a significant other, but you know, I was proud of myself for taking the initiative like that, it’s no big deal at all and no, I was not hurt in the process, for you can’t take it personally.