Single and Socializing

[presidentjlh]

I feel the same way you do, Sir/Madam presidentjlh!

I am of the former gender, my friend.

 

[presidentjlh]

To further talk about how some people, I feel, are getting a little overzealous about sin.(I don’t mean it mean.) I have seen a number of posts recently on other subforums concerning sins that most youth like myself have to struggle with, and while I believe the advice was good (and we should definitely avoid sin), sometimes I think it’s just going a little overboard.

Yes, we should strive to avoid things that really tempt us to sin, but we can’t possibly get rid of all things that can lead to temptation. If I had to get rid of all the things that tempt me, well, might as well drop out of college, as there is debate over morality, and that might make me change my mind. Might as well stop playing any video games, as sometimes I get a little frustrated when I can’t beat a certain part, and I don’t want to commit the sin of anger.

Definitely will need to get rid of my TV, there’s bad things on there! Will have to get rid of my AC/DC CDs, they sing songs that talk about drinking and women . Can’t go to sporting events, my competitive nature might erupt. And I will definitely, definitely have to destroy this laptop, because there’s so much evil on the internet!

Now, I admit, I am over-exaggerating a bit, but my point still stands. We can’t really get rid of anything that tempts us. Heck, I could get rid of all the things I mentioned, but I would still be tempted, because it’s human nature to be tempted. I’m not saying that one should thrust themselves into situations where they will be really, really tempted, but one should not fear temptation to the point of where they can’t even live their lives. That would be the saddest thing of all, because that’s trying to rely on one’s self to beat sin.

Face it, people, we’re going to sin. I am not Jesus Christ. I am not the Blessed Mother Mary. I am flawed. I am a sinner. Even when I am in a state of grace, I am still not impeccable. I am to try the best I can, we all must do that. But we aren’t going to win every little battle. That’s because we’re imperfect.

That’s what Confession is for. That’s what Jesus’s death and resurrection was/is for. If God didn’t think we were going to sin, He wouldn’t have sent us Jesus Christ. He wouldn’t have made the Church. He wouldn’t have guided the Church to institute the Sacrament of Penance.

Live your life as holy as you can, but don’t expect to be perfect.

 

[valient_Lucy]

It’s sort of a tough line to walk. I mean, take this one girl I dated. We both knew that we were looking for someone to marry; that’s what we both thought the purpose of dating was. We didn’t, however, come right out and talk about marrying each other. Sort of general references to our future spouse was the line. We were both comfortable with that,

It’s the person a lot of time. With her it was ok to talk about marriage (in the general sense, as I said, on the first and second date even), but I’ve met other girls who would have me running for the hills if they started talking about wedding bells that soon.

I think that it’s important to remember that dating is about finding someone to marry, and it is important to talk to the person your dating about marriage. However, perhaps sitting down with a checklist to evaluate your date against a standard from the very beginning, even if that’s what you’re doing in your head.

 

[valient_Lucy]

To further talk about how some people, I feel, are getting a little overzealous about sin.(I don’t mean it mean.) I have seen a number of posts recently on other subforums concerning sins that most youth like myself have to struggle with, and while I believe the advice was good (and we should definitely avoid sin), sometimes I think it’s just going a little overboard.

Yes, we should strive to avoid things that really tempt us to sin, but we can’t possibly get rid of all things that can lead to temptation. If I had to get rid of all the things that tempt me, well, might as well drop out of college, as there is debate over morality, and that might make me change my mind. Might as well stop playing any video games, as sometimes I get a little frustrated when I can’t beat a certain part, and I don’t want to commit the sin of anger.

Definitely will need to get rid of my TV, there’s bad things on there! Will have to get rid of my AC/DC CDs, they sing songs that talk about drinking and women . Can’t go to sporting events, my competitive nature might erupt. And I will definitely, definitely have to destroy this laptop, because there’s so much evil on the internet!

Now, I admit, I am over-exaggerating a bit, but my point still stands. We can’t really get rid of anything that tempts us. Heck, I could get rid of all the things I mentioned, but I would still be tempted, because it’s human nature to be tempted. I’m not saying that one should thrust themselves into situations where they will be really, really tempted, but one should not fear temptation to the point of where they can’t even live their lives. That would be the saddest thing of all, because that’s trying to rely on one’s self to beat sin.

Face it, people, we’re going to sin. I am not Jesus Christ. I am not the Blessed Mother Mary. I am flawed. I am a sinner. Even when I am in a state of grace, I am still not impeccable. I am to try the best I can, we all must do that. But we aren’t going to win every little battle. That’s because we’re imperfect.

That’s what Confession is for. That’s what Jesus’s death and resurrection was/is for. If God didn’t think we were going to sin, He wouldn’t have sent us Jesus Christ. He wouldn’t have made the Church. He wouldn’t have guided the Church to institute the Sacrament of Penance.

Live your life as holy as you can, but don’t expect to be perfect.

That’s a very good point. However, it’s beyond the scope of this thread to discuss. If you like, I can post this as a seperate thread. It’s certainly worthy of further discussion.

 

[Magickman]

Valient Lucy wrote:

“dating is about finding someone to marry”

That seems quite limiting. How about those who want just the honeymoon,but not the marriage?

Seriously, marriage is not for everyone. Some of us would like to date, without the slightest intention of ever getting married.

I have been a single adult for 40 years, myself, and can’t imagine marrying. What would be the purpose?

 

[leitis]

My apologies to the OP if married life was not what you had in mind but were you interested in just making friends or finding a prospective mate or both?

I was more thinking of finding people around my age for fellowship, but I wouldn’t turn away from a potential spouse, should that arise.

 

[ack]

Valient Lucy wrote:

“dating is about finding someone to marry”

That seems quite limiting. How about those who want just the honeymoon,but not the marriage?

Seriously, marriage is not for everyone. Some of us would like to date, without the slightest intention of ever getting married.

I have been a single adult for 40 years, myself, and can’t imagine marrying. What would be the purpose?

Because there’s no reason to get into a romantic relationship if you are opposed to marriage in general. How would such a relationship end, anyway? Such a situation would doom you to a messy breakup, because it’s unreasonable to expect anyone to spend their entire life in a romantic relationship with no possibility of real commitment and no way to consummate the relationship.

Actually, I have a question for you – what do you envision a relationship being like? On numerous threads, you’ve posted that you have no desire to ever marry, yet you also state that you want to date because you desire “female companionship”. What does this mean?

Are you looking for a sexual relationship without the marriage bit?

Do you want a relationship that will last until death, but without getting married?

Are you looking for a short-term romantic relationship, where you will date for a while and then break up?

Are you just looking for a few romantic dates, but without entering a “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship?

Or, do you just want friendship?

 

[Magickman]

I am not seeking marriage, because I believe it is not for me.

Although romantic relationships have always been difficult for me, I still want to try again. Heaven knows why. These things never work out well, and always end.

I do feel drawn to a sexually intimate relationship with a woman, but have gone for years without.

Short term has not been my goal, rather my reality.

For me, it is not a romantic date, unless we wake up together in the morning. But that does not happen.

When, I do have a date, it is always a blind date. The woman usually expresses disappointment, and leaves shortly after we meet. Then I go home alone.

Even a one nighter would make me feel much better.

 

[Rawb]

However, perhaps sitting down with a checklist to evaluate your date against a standard from the very beginning, even if that’s what you’re doing in your head.

Lucy? What are you trying to say here?

I think I agree with you. I used to have a list (like someone else posted) that I stuck to very closely. Then I went on a date with a girl who didn’t match everything and we had a great time. It ended up not working out, but she changed my mind. Now really, all that’s on my list is that the girl is a practicing Catholic. I’ve learned to like new things, see things from different perspectives, and meet new people by getting off that list.

 

[Rawb]

That seems quite limiting. How about those who want just the honeymoon,but not the marriage?

Seriously, marriage is not for everyone. Some of us would like to date, without the slightest intention of ever getting married.

What on Earth is the point then? From my end, if someone would like to date, without the slightest intention of ever getting married, I don’t have the slightest desire to date them and would appreciate knowing their position was such from the very beginning so as to not waste my time.

 

[Magickman]

Rational single people should date those with similar relationship objectives.

I don’t blame those who only date for marriage. That is their legitimate choice, as it is my legitimate choice to seek romance outside of marriage.

The point is that we can all seek realization of our own goals. Different strokes.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Valient Lucy wrote:

“dating is about finding someone to marry”

That seems quite limiting. How about those who want just the honeymoon,but not the marriage?

Seriously, marriage is not for everyone. Some of us would like to date, without the slightest intention of ever getting married.

I have been a single adult for 40 years, myself, and can’t imagine marrying. What would be the purpose?

You’re right, not everyone is called to marry. Some people are called to celibacy. If you’re not called to marry, you’re called to be celibate, whether as a priest, religious, or a single person living in complete devotion to God.

Getting the honeymoon without marriage is a mortal sin.

But it is beyond the scope of this thread to get into why.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Lucy? What are you trying to say here?

I think I agree with you. I used to have a list (like someone else posted) that I stuck to very closely. Then I went on a date with a girl who didn’t match everything and we had a great time. It ended up not working out, but she changed my mind. Now really, all that’s on my list is that the girl is a practicing Catholic. I’ve learned to like new things, see things from different perspectives, and meet new people by getting off that list.

Yeah, I think lists can be dangerous. There should be some non-negotiables (devout Catholic, not a serial killer) but those should be incredibly few in number. It would be silly to reject a guy simply because he didn’t have the same favorite author as I did.

 

[angelic06]

Yeah, I think lists can be dangerous. There should be some non-negotiables (devout Catholic, not a serial killer) but those should be incredibly few in number. It would be silly to reject a guy simply because he didn’t have the same favorite author as I did.

Now, now, now, there is plenty of room in the list which I posted—obviously, what you discuss is between you and your mate.

However, there are some non-negotiables, like the Catholic Faith. Other than that, there is no gold standard as to how one would choose a mate. I just thought I would post some thoughts for consideration, that’s all…It also gives you something to discuss on future dates…

My overall point was to make sure that my future mate was still growing spiritually and in her relationship with God—this is most important—it makes no sense in the long run, if we marry each other…and in the end we are both in hell anyway. The Church offers us many opportunities to grow in faith, and if we make use of none of them, it is our own fault if we find ourselves knocking at the door to everlasting life–and find ourselves unable to get in (this is by no means a suggestion that those who do not use these opps will be damned, but that it makes it somewhat easier to avoid sin and grow in faith if we already are in the habit of praying and studying the scriptures in light of the Church). Also, as future parents, we are called to raise our children in such a way that they too will obtain everlasting life at the end; this includes setting an example for our children. There is no gold standard on my list; that’s between you, your mate, and God to decide how much you can accomodate in your life. Sound fair enough? The secular discussion topics were strickly for conversation, other than the two at the top.

With Easter joy,

Paul R. Viola

 

[Rascalking]

Yeah, I think lists can be dangerous. There should be some non-negotiable (devout Catholic, not a serial killer) but those should be incredibly few in number. It would be silly to reject a guy simply because he didn’t have the same favorite author as I did.

LOL! Nice requirements!

I totally agree with you. I always chuckle when I see these lists. Must like Thai Food and The Biggest Loser. Um, yeah. We all know it’s really about Thai Food and Reality TV. Or, you see lists that are numbered 1-200, listing EVERYTHING and if a potential partner doesn’t reach all 200 of them is immediately blacklisted! These people are looking for something that doesn’t exist-a mortal that fulfills all of their emotional/physical/spiritual needs. Not going to happen.

 

[valient_Lucy]

I was more thinking of finding people around my age for fellowship, but I wouldn’t turn away from a potential spouse, should that arise.

I think the two are somewhat related. If the diocese or enough parishes have enough activities for young adults, it makes it more likely that Catholic young adults will meet other young Catholics with their values and marry.

However, it is also important to meet other people your own age who share your values, outside of a romantic relationship. Most of us need the encouragement and challenge that Catholic friends bring. If we don’t have any friends who share our values, it can be discouraging, and we can start to feel isolated. I know I did, before I found St. Rose. God bless St. Rose!

 

[angelic06]

I can’t speak for the OP, but while many of the posts seem to be about the latter, we also addressed the former. I think it’s more about the former, having a group to make friends and to practice your faith life with people your own age. Sometimes it gets a little discouraging to see only people old enough to be your parents practicing your faith. (God love 'em!) Don’t get me wrong, I have learned a lot from them, and they are a blessing, but it’s so encouraging to see other young people practicing, living, and loving their faith!

I can count on the number of both of my hands the number of people that appear roughly to be my age, + or - 5 years in my parish.

 

[mdgspencer]

You could always try Catholicmatch at www.Catholicmatch.com. I had similar difficulties, than found my wife there in 2004. I had been reluctant to use such a site, but finally decided, what do I have to lose by trying it out?

 

[valient_Lucy]

LOL! Nice requirements!

I totally agree with you. I always chuckle when I see these lists. Must like Thai Food and The Biggest Loser. Um, yeah. We all know it’s really about Thai Food and Reality TV. Or, you see lists that are numbered 1-200, listing EVERYTHING and if a potential partner doesn’t reach all 200 of them is immediately blacklisted! These people are looking for something that doesn’t exist-a mortal that fulfills all of their emotional/physical/spiritual needs. Not going to happen.

Yeah. I think women are especially guilty of looking for a guy who will fulfill all their needs. That isn’t going to happen.

And as for my requirements, I think that it is perfectly reasonable for me to expect my husband to NOT be a serial killer.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Now, now, now, there is plenty of room in the list which I posted—obviously, what you discuss is between you and your mate.

However, there are some non-negotiables, like the Catholic Faith. Other than that, there is no gold standard as to how one would choose a mate. I just thought I would post some thoughts for consideration, that’s all…It also gives you something to discuss on future dates…

My overall point was to make sure that my future mate was still growing spiritually and in her relationship with God—this is most important—it makes no sense in the long run, if we marry each other…and in the end we are both in hell anyway. The Church offers us many opportunities to grow in faith, and if we make use of none of them, it is our own fault if we find ourselves knocking at the door to everlasting life–and find ourselves unable to get in (this is by no means a suggestion that those who do not use these opps will be damned, but that it makes it somewhat easier to avoid sin and grow in faith if we already are in the habit of praying and studying the scriptures in light of the Church). Also, as future parents, we are called to raise our children in such a way that they too will obtain everlasting life at the end; this includes setting an example for our children. There is no gold standard on my list; that’s between you, your mate, and God to decide how much you can accomodate in your life. Sound fair enough? The secular discussion topics were strickly for conversation, other than the two at the top.

With Easter joy,

Paul R. Viola

I’m not talking necessarily about the kind of lists that you developed, with conversation questions. I’m talking more about lists such as “My future spouse must only attend the EF of the Mass, be such and such a height and weight, like Charles Dickens and hate Jane Austen, only listen to alternative rock, and have black hair. And if even ONE of those qualities are missing, I will not date them.” Those kinds of lists can be dangerous.