Single People = Invisible?

[ML561]

Have to jump in again. in response to another post. Since when are people’s prospects for marriage slim or none after age 40? I am approaching 50 and have a gentleman who is interested, also of the same age. (We will have to seek annulllments should we decide to marry, but in the meantime pursue many enjoyable times together–NOT living in sin.) Age is what you make of it. I may be 48 but I am not ready to retire to a rocking chair and neither is my gentleman friend. (In fact, I am too young for the Red Hat Ladies by two years, but when they let me in, I’ll be painting the town!!")

 

[Ailina]

Have to jump in again. in response to another post. Since when are people’s prospects for marriage slim or none after age 40? I am approaching 50 and have a gentleman who is interested, also of the same age. (We will have to seek annulllments should we decide to marry, but in the meantime pursue many enjoyable times together–NOT living in sin.) Age is what you make of it. I may be 48 but I am not ready to retire to a rocking chair and neither is my gentleman friend. (In fact, I am too young for the Red Hat Ladies by two years, but when they let me in, I’ll be painting the town!!")

Ah but I don’t think having a mate is the End All and Be All, and that happiness is impossible without being paired up with someone. To judge by the number of divorces in our society, I would guess that marriage isn’t that happy a state for a lot of people. So when single people start complaining about “smug marrieds”, they seem blind to the fact that having a mate doesn’t mean eternal bliss.

By the way, you are not supposed to be dating at all if you haven’t received an annulment yet, because you are still considered married in the eyes of the Church. I am not ready to retire to a rocking chair, just because I am not pursuing a romantic relationship. In fact, I am more active now than I was while married.

 

[whatevergirl]

Maybe we should give some of those mean-spirited people “a taste of their own medicine” so they can see just how mean they are. I know I did that once and that got the message across to a poster.

*As Catholics, I think sometimes people get caught up in correction more than understanding. I have seen that myself…but we should turn the other cheek, and truthfully, just ignore those who are mean spirited. I am troubled when I see mean spirited posts on here though, because that is not how we are to treat each other as Christians, frankly.

To the topic–I agree with the above poster. I think that if you are always searching for someone to ‘make you happy,’ you might never be happy in the now. We only have today, tomorrow is not a guarantee. Jesus tells us to not be worried or anxious for anything, and to focus on today. Yesterday is done, tomorrow hasn’t come yet. This doesn’t mean that we should be complacent in life…yes, we should keep praying…and as singles, keep praying as to God’s will for your life. But, don’t be sad that you are not in a relationship. I say that not being in your shoes…but I once was. I never thought I’d marry back in college…I don’t know why I thought this, but I did. I kept praying for God’s will, and my husband and I found one another. But, I still was happy in my life…thanking God for my life.

I know that it can be frustrating to be single and trying to find that special person to marry…but, don’t let it rob you of your daily joy in Christ, that’s all. God bless. *

 

[vybzngh]

The friend that I mentioned in the previous post of mine just sent me a fabulous link with every type of prayer imaginble for Catholic singles

faithfulcatholicfriends.org/prayers_for_catholic_singles_single-cath

I hope this may help. Single ladies who just appeared on the thread you may check my signature for a group to pray for Catholic men ( yes, we need to pray for them, their growth and formation) or you may PM me! We looking to have 50 memebrs for our first online day of prayer!

 

[kage_ar]

Have to jump in again. in response to another post. Since when are people’s prospects for marriage slim or none after age 40? I am approaching 50 and have a gentleman who is interested, also of the same age. (We will have to seek annulllments should we decide to marry, but in the meantime pursue many enjoyable times together–NOT living in sin.) Age is what you make of it. I may be 48 but I am not ready to retire to a rocking chair and neither is my gentleman friend. (In fact, I am too young for the Red Hat Ladies by two years, but when they let me in, I’ll be painting the town!!")

Dating when you have not had an investigation into your marriage is not prudent. One or both of you may be validly married.

 

[sajala]

The subject of this thread is near and dear to my heart. I was single for a long time before I married. As a former evangelical non-Catholic, let me assure you that the problem of single people being “invisible” at church is not restricted to Catholics. I experienced the same phenomenon at non-Catholic churches.

It is a problem with our society, and it seems that other cultures may be even worse: some of you have mentioned meddlesome relatives who are Irish or Italian or Hungarian. And it may be an issue that affects humans more than it does other animals, especially those who mate solely for procreative reasons. As humans made in the image of God we long for unity with another person, and it can be very painful when you see “everyone else” paired up when you are not. Is singleness a vocation like marriage or holy orders? IDK But, God made us for relationship with Himself and with others. It is a natural longing, and God sees our dilemma.

I do not offer advice on this subject because I know how painful it can be, and I tired of all the advice given to me by well-meaning friends and family.

It was many years before I came to a place of peace with my status. I was very active in all the various churches I attended. I had to be: after all, I would have been invisible otherwise, not just imagining myself to be “invisible.” It hurt a lot to attend a small to medium sized church for several months and have no one greet me or say anything to me, and then to see a new couple come in and be greeted and questioned about their children, etc. I tend to be shy with strangers anyway, and that didn’t help.

The parish where I became Catholic was very inclusive, and they seemed oblivious to the fact that some people were single. We didn’t have a school, and that may have helped. I attended that church for several months before my husband started coming with me just to see what it was like. Thus, I formed the opinion that Catholics were far more inclusive of single people than non-Catholic churches, and I surmised the reason for such acceptance was because of expectations of chastity in those discerning or in religious life. I see now that I was wrong.

Thank you for posting your concern. It has helped me see that Catholic singles are not the happy, included folks I thought they were.

May the Lord’s grace be with all of you who suffer in silence.

 

[Serap]

Thank you for posting your concern. It has helped me see that Catholic singles are not the happy, included folks I thought they were.

May the Lord’s grace be with all of you who suffer in silence.

You know, as I mentioned, I have a single friend at my parish who I have become very close to. My friend and her two close single girlfriends actually make ME feel left out much of the time. I go to mass on Sundays and they all go for brunch afterwards and not once in the past year, have they invited me to join them. I long to get to know them, and it seems as though they have cut me off from doing so b/c I’m married with young ones.

They are friendly to me and then every mass they say bye to me and to my daughter. When my close friend chats with me a bit, the other girls tell her to hurry up. It hurts my feelings b/c I think that maybe they don’t like me.

Also, they have dinner parties all the time and not once have I ever been invited. I don’t understand why to tell you the truth.

So exclusion doesn’t just come from married people. I am experiencing it myself from singles in my parish.

 

[sajala]

You know, as I mentioned, I have a single friend at my parish who I have become very close to. My friend and her two close single girlfriends actually make ME feel left out much of the time. I go to mass on Sundays and they all go for brunch afterwards and not once in the past year, have they invited me to join them. I long to get to know them, and it seems as though they have cut me off from doing so b/c I’m married with young ones.

They are friendly to me and then every mass they say bye to me and to my daughter. When my close friend chats with me a bit, the other girls tell her to hurry up. It hurts my feelings b/c I think that maybe they don’t like me.

Also, they have dinner parties all the time and not once have I ever been invited. I don’t understand why to tell you the truth.

So exclusion doesn’t just come from married people. I am experiencing it myself from singles in my parish.

I remember doing that with married friends. I figured that my married female friends had family stuff to do on Sundays and wouldn’t want to go with my single friends to dinner or after church lunch.

You might try to share your feelings with her, because she probably doesn’t realize that you would like to join them. If you do talk to her, let us know what happened.

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

Who decided 35 was a cut-off for Catholic singles?

I don’t know who decided the cut-off point; the group has always been that way. Maybe they figured there weren’t any (or enough) single people over 35 to bother including that age group. So anyone who thinks being a 25 year old single person equals “invisible”, try being 50 or 60 and single!

I do actually belong to a group for Catholic single people over the age of 40. It is not a dating group, but they get together for various kinds of activities (social, outdoors, educational, spiritual, etc.)

My parish has a wonderful program called BeFriender. This is for lonely, homebound, sick, or people new to the parish who feel disconnected from others. All one needs to do is call the rectory and they will put you in touch with someone who will talk to you by phone or come and visit. I will pray for you. Please call 402-551-2313, ask for the BeFrienders.

What a great idea! For anyone who misses just having someone to go out with, for a meal, or a cup of coffee, you might check with your pastor to see if there are people who are elderly or disabled, and need rides to Mass. People who would otherwise be homebound, due to lack of transportation, are often eager to get out and do those little social things.

The friend that I mentioned in the previous post of mine just sent me a fabulous link with every type of prayer imaginble for Catholic singles

faithfulcatholicfriends.org/prayers_for_catholic_singles_single-cath

I hope this may help.

Thank you for that link!

 

[ttuma001]

I relate. I am also single and struggle to find a Catholic church where I fit in. Easy to find with kids and elderly. My protestant friends churches have small groups in their churches which gives community. Wish our Catholic churches had this too – I keep asking – nothing in my state.

 

[seremina]

I’m surprised. I thought all Catholic Churches had something for singles and for victims of divorce. No wonder some people are bitter; they really are being neglected.

I’m not sure I’m being neglected, but I’d like to contribute the odd situation I’m coming from. Sure, people expect you’ll marry or get into Religious Life. I definitely am called to Religious Life and I’ve tried getting into it. My disabilities and health make it “okay” for convents/monasteries to decline me. I’m not interested in marriage, but I may have to “settle” for it because the only reality I can see happening is that I’m only able to be in the lay order I’m in. I’ve had my fair share of weepings and depressions over my difficulty of getting into Religious Life.

How exactly might I “settle”? Well, I have a Catholic caretaker that I’ve known for several years and he’s always been good and kind to me, even supportive of my attempts to get into Religious Life. He’s expressed interest in marrying me. Though I would’ve preferred a St. Joseph, and this caretaker is minimally Catholic, I had hoped my prayers would help matters.

Perhaps its part of redemptive suffering that our Lord puts us in such unusual situations, so I try to keep that in mind. In my own opinion, I don’t think heaven-on-earth ever exists. Mary had the perfect marriage but she still had suffering, and she was willing to suffer for the sake of our Lord. I’m willing to suffer as well, but I’m not sinless as she is. So I’ll always have my times of rebellion.

On another subject that might comfort some on here… there was a lovely news story about a single (or widowed) couple that got married even though they were in their 90’s. Talk about inspiring!

 

[McKrackin]

You know; I never looked at it from this perspective. I’m married with a baby and b/c of that, I’ve always felt included. It would be very hard to be single; especially a single woman. For some reason, there is more of a stigma attached to single women over 35.

I disagree with it…and you hit the nail on the head when you said you can live your life the way you want to and not the way someone else wants you too. That is so true, b/c when you’re married, you can’t just pick up and do things as you please.

St. Paul said it’s better to be single than married didn’t he?

Perhaps more singles should speak up and point out that they feel excluded. Our pastor has an open house every week where parishners can give ideas and drop in to the church and talk to our priest about community needs. Perhaps I should mention this on behalf of single people in our parish?

Shut up Serap! your a dam fool!! You give horrible advice…I can tell your one of those idiot, suv, soccor moms who’s has to post every moment of her life on facebook talking about what hubby or Jr. did today…Nobody cares!!! And by the way, when your posting in a SINGLES forum, don’t sign with stupid animations that tell us when your having your baby and how great your man is…They don’t want to hear it!!! It’s like saying to a bed riddin cancer patient…“I’m so glad I’m healthy, it’s a nice day out and cant’ wait to join my friends for a picnic” Just pray and everything will be alright…NOT!!! Your a ****ing idiot!!! Now go and slap up those children and let your husband cornhole you…*****!!!

Shut up ,

 

[seremina]

Shut up Serap! your a dam fool!! You give horrible advice…I can tell your one of those idiot, suv, soccor moms who’s has to post every moment of her life on facebook talking about what hubby or Jr. did today…Nobody cares!!! And by the way, when your posting in a SINGLES forum, don’t sign with stupid animations that tell us when your having your baby and how great your man is…They don’t want to hear it!!! It’s like saying to a bed riddin cancer patient…“I’m so glad I’m healthy, it’s a nice day out and cant’ wait to join my friends for a picnic” Just pray and everything will be alright…NOT!!! Your a ****ing idiot!!! Now go and slap up those children and let your husband cornhole you…*****!!!

Shut up ,

Ahem… this was UTTERLY uncalled for! Couldn’t you have replied to her in a more Christianly manner? Replying with such meanness destroys the credibility of any points you had, because it only makes it a personal attack. Do you enjoy bullying others that are only trying to help? You make it harder to give anyone advice, because those that want to help in some way are afraid of being bullied by others. Please ask our Lord to make your heart kinder. I will ask Him the same for you.

 

[ac_claire]

This isn’t a “singles forum”…it’s a thread about single people who feel ignored on a Catholic forum.

 

[CountrySinger]

I’m not going to quote McKrackin’s post, and maybe I should jut ignore it. But that was VERY not okay. Where did she brag about her kids and husband? (I personally think the countdown things are cute). And using that kind of language, is there is way to report a post?
And if you are going to attack someone, you might to attack someone who thinks single people are whiny, not someone who has been kind. Just some friendly advice.

 

[whatevergirl]

* Uh, this thread has taken an interesting turn.

Will keep holding you in my prayers…CS! :hug1:*

 

[CountrySinger]

* Uh, this thread has taken an interesting turn.

Will keep holding you in my prayers…CS! :hug1:*

Thank you whatevergirl. I guess I should be thankful that I’m not so bitter that I’m attacking random people (just my coffee).

 

[ttuma001]

I was referring to singles being accepted and not feeling left out in the Catholic Church – much easier in Protestant churches, they have small groups for community. However, I like being Catholic but it does present a huge problem. Aa Catholic churches draw more families and elderly. I wish we would do small groups too so all our members have community. I like the post about a woman joining a church without a Catholic school – maybe this would help – Thanks.

 

[McKrackin]

Everyone: I find it very interesting that so many people share this same single element of loneliness. What does this mean about us; about society and how we have evolved? So many of my sad and depressing days can be traced back to this little emotional splinter that if I could find a cure for it, I would honestly know the feeling of true happiness because it is the single thing that prevents me from seeing the beauty in the world more than half of the time.

Going through this same issue of loneliness you all seem to experience, I have found that my faith in God has dissolved into hatred for religion and whatever is responsible for the creation of everything we call “existence”. I often watch people who get prepared for church on Sundays and think to myself that it must be Halloween again as these people are amongst the majority who have never truly searched their souls for answers, but instead, keep repeating the same mistakes only to believe that the mistakes they made throughout the prior week can simply be erased with one little 10-second whisper to the air with their eyes closed underneath the roof of a building that has stained glass on every “Sabbath”. These same people almost always lack critical social skills necessary to live 45 minutes away from their family or friends, have never lived on their own and know little about how to tackle problems in their lives without the help of someone else beside them. Oops, maybe my bitterness for these people just broke the lip padlock, but am I alone in thinking this way? It’s not that I hate these people, but often times, I instead feel sorry for them and detest them at the same time because while they have something I do not (harmony, friends and family that are worth being with on a day-to-day basis), they also lack something that I have which is the realization that their beliefs are simply based on lies.

 

[whatevergirl]

Everyone: I find it very interesting that so many people share this same single element of loneliness. What does this mean about us; about society and how we have evolved? So many of my sad and depressing days can be traced back to this little emotional splinter that if I could find a cure for it, I would honestly know the feeling of true happiness because it is the single thing that prevents me from seeing the beauty in the world more than half of the time.

Going through this same issue of loneliness you all seem to experience, I have found that my faith in God has dissolved into hatred for religion and whatever is responsible for the creation of everything we call “existence”. I often watch people who get prepared for church on Sundays and think to myself that it must be Halloween again as these people are amongst the majority who have never truly searched their souls for answers, but instead, keep repeating the same mistakes only to believe that the mistakes they made throughout the prior week can simply be erased with one little 10-second whisper to the air with their eyes closed underneath the roof of a building that has stained glass on every “Sabbath”. These same people almost always lack critical social skills necessary to live 45 minutes away from their family or friends, have never lived on their own and know little about how to tackle problems in their lives without the help of someone else beside them. Oops, maybe my bitterness for these people just broke the lip padlock, but am I alone in thinking this way? It’s not that I hate these people, but often times, I instead feel sorry for them and detest them at the same time because while they have something I do not (harmony, friends and family that are worth being with on a day-to-day basis), they also lack something that I have which is the realization that their beliefs are simply based on lies.

Despite the tone, you write so well! I am sorry you feel this way, but why do you feel their beliefs are based on lies? I attend mass with my husband and kids, and it’s interesting, is this what people think of us? Some people think of us? Truth is, I grew up differently than you I’m sure…losing my parents by the time I was 10, I know bitterness, hurt, pain, grief, and anger very well. But, you know the greatest lie of all is when we tell ourselves that we can manage to get through this life on our own. I grew up Catholic, but saying one is Catholic, and living it…it’s vastly different. I think that in my own experience, without God I’d have nothing, and be nowhere. My life was empty without God, and now it’s overflowing with hope, happiness, and peace…and the ability to cope with a world that often makes no sense. That doesn’t resemble anything like a lie.