Spouse Standards

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I heard a priest say in a homily that he believes impure thoughts in males only end about 30 minutes after their heart stops for the last time!

I have to give kudos to you. You are a gutsy gal. I still think your list is perhaps misbegotten, but I understand and appreciate the idealism of youth. I really am rooting for your search for a husband. Good luck to you, really.
 
Thatā€™s quite the statement! Must have been an intriguing homily.

That means a lot to me, thank you!

Happy Advent and Merry Christmas!
 
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That is a long list. You should not expect everything on your list. Not to be mean, but a lot of men (like me) do not want to adopt kids. We want our own.

Overall, most of the things on your list is reasonable.

I am also seeking a Catholic spouse. I have my standards, but they do not seem realistic in todayā€™s world. I never once even dated a Catholic woman. No Catholic women are interested in me. All of my exā€™s were Protestant or non-believers.

As I get older, it gets harder and harder as more people my age get married and a lot of women today are not even interested in marriage. A lot of modern women today hate men.
 
Thanks for your feedback!

I wish you the best in your search. For what it is worth, speaking as an equality feminist, I apologize for all the man hate out there today. I donā€™t want to see anyone get hated on and I absolutely believe in putting a stop to the male mockery that is popular in modern media right now.

Granted, I would distinguish between hating men and not wanting anything to do with men. When youā€™re a woman who has been wounded by a man, the natural reaction is to want distance. Itā€™s a self-defense mechanism. And vice versa, I assume. There are a lot of wounded out there, and anyone in the dating field just has to understand that.

If you have never dated a Catholic before, might I suggest Catholic Match?
 
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I am thinking about using Catholic Match. I just do not want to pay for using the site. I have used regular online dating sites in the past and it was horrible. I am looking for a Catholic woman with common sense, goals in life, and is interested in the same activities as I am.

The only people I have come across on online dating sites are women who donā€™t answer messages, women with no job or goals in life, women who have multiple kids with multiple men looking for a babies daddy, and women with major mental or emotional issues. Is it rough.

I might sound like a downer at times, but it is what I have experienced. I find it strange when people think I am lying about my experiences (as seen on the question I posted the other day).

Good luck on finding a spouse. I will pray for you.
 
I certainly donā€™t believe you are lying about your experience, and I can understand why you would feel ambivalent about using online dating if you have had bad experiences in the past.

I would suggest for your consideration that not all dating sites are created equal and that bad dating experiences are as possible in the real world as they are online.

While I have never been on the site Catholic Match myself, I know many people who have. A family member of mine married after finding his wife on Catholic Match, and they are now expecting their second child. Perhaps you might create a free account and pray about whether to pay in the future. It is my understanding the siteā€™s effectiveness is greatly diminished if you never pay.

Another site I have heard great things about is eHarmony, which matches people based on compatability. It is a reputable site, and I expect you will find far fewer people who ignore messages and have no life goals there.

I donā€™t feel ready yet to begin dating, but when/if I do, I plan on utilizing dating sites myself. In my age category, and with the importance I hold in finding a spouse who shares my values, I have no faith in being able to connect with a partner without the internet. However, whether you chose to use online dating is your prerogative alone, and I wish you the best. Thank you for your prayers, and I will pray for you as well!
 
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Honestly, I think you are destined to be single. You want the total package, and it doesnā€™t exist. Instead, focus on finding a mate whose imperfections you are able to love as much as the good things he brings to the table. Nothing wrong with having a reasonable list of priorities with maybe 10 qualities listed. Your list is way over the top.
 
Wait, which one is it? Are you advising me to accept my single life destiny or look for a mate whose imperfections I can love as much as his good qualities? It canā€™t be both. šŸ˜›
 
Right. It canā€™t be both. You have to decide which path you choose. If you choose to keep that list, I would say you should get comfortable with the idea of remaining single.
 
I am comfortable remaining single. I would like to pursue marriage, but I have no grand expectations about the outcome.
 
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florin1 said:
ā€œwhite teeth? checked. not sweating like a pig? checked. not a total idiot? checked.ā€
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My standards are not about appearance. Very purposefully. I have nothing against people who sweat either, and not even having a high school diploma is on the list.
 
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florin1 said:
Be honnest, if you knew someone chose you based on such a list, would you like it?
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I expect my husband to have standards that I have to meet to become his wife, and it does not bother me. It would bother me if he had no standards.
 
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florin1 said:
I cannot see you like this at all, and I think many other people here have been confused. This was a bad choice, because a huge number of remarks have been I think for a girl like that, not for you.
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I only recently added that photo, so it couldnā€™t have influenced a huge number of the remarks. I must say I am entirely baffled by the concept my avatar might affect how people respond to meā€¦Iā€™ve never heard of such a thing. As I mentioned previously in this thread, the photo is not representative of me, but rather is the photo of one of my favorite characters, whose name I took as my CAF screen name. She is from the popular Throne of Glass series, of which I am a fan, and this photo of Lady Lillian Gordaina aka Celaena Sardothian, comes from the first bookā€™s alternate cover.

 
florin1 said:
you look much smarter, cool, rational and calculated than a girl like that. Girls like the one from your avatar are usually way more superficial, because they have the look.
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Thank you. Though plenty of girls dress in such fashions without being superficial.
florin1 said:
After Iā€™ve read what you said, I can hardly picture you EVER dressing like that, with long hair like that and the rest of the clothes. You can make fun of me, but thatā€™s a reason why they do this: girls like that cry out for freedom, love, romanticism, unexpected, adventure and so on. Not looking for a boring Catholic life, with a similar boring husband (no pun intended here, but the Catholic life doesnā€™t encourage too much adventure, letā€™s admit it).
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I think she is beautiful, and while I do dress in her style on some days such as a nice girls night out or so forth, that is not my usual style. I go for more comfortable, practical and professional styles most of the year. I have long hair, though I plan to cut itā€“how did you guess? I donate to Locks of Love. Iā€™m not looking for a boring Catholic life either. All those things are wonderful, though I prefer planned adventures over the unexpected. Perhaps I just expect and seek out these things less than many other girls would. Pessimist or practical, one of the two. I would argue the Saints had some of the most authentic, vibrant, exciting lives out of all humanity.
florin1 said:
you also donā€™t seem to have too much of a sense of humor, donā€™t laugh too often, not sure I saw you coming out with a joke
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No, Iā€™m not usually the life of the party, although I love to laugh, and my friends quite amuse me. šŸ™‚
florin1 said:
girls like the one from your avatar are usually arrogant because of the look and live in plain entertainment, with plenty of friends.
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Lady Lillian Gordaina is arrogant actually, though I hope I am not.
florin1 said:
just speculating here (like all the rest), but I simply suspect youā€™ve rather been more isolated all your life.
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I have grown up somewhat isolated. My traditional Catholic parents insisted on homeschooling me against my preference. Homeschooling, particularly in the years after we moved, resulted in my spending many days with myself in my bedroom with my books. Now as a college Freshman, I love college, although I havenā€™t found a solid social community. I think the fact that I commute has made it harder to make college friends. In one sense, being by myself is what I am used to, because I had to get used to it the majority of the time. On the other hand, I have a social personality fundamentally, however repressed by my circumstances, and I hope that spending my college days mostly by myself will change soon. Regardless, I am blessed and grateful to have four wonderful close friends the internet allows me to stay connected with.

How did you reach that speculation? šŸ™‚
florin1 said:
but think about what I said
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Thank you for your intriguing insights.
 
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Iā€™m 26 and in the dating world myself. I wish more women spent as much time figuring out what they want and expect as you have. There were a few things on it that wouldnā€™t work for me personally, but overall I think youā€™re mind is in exactly the right place.
 
My mom was a devout Catholic who never thought she could marry a non-Catholic. My dad was not practicing any religion, but agreed to raise his children Catholic. He ended up becoming Catholic when I was a young child, and even before that, I always remember him coming to Mass with us. He supported the faith well before he actually believed in or practiced it. So sometimes God has other plans than you do, and I guess that would be my biggest thing about this list. Iā€™m not saying treat marriage lightly, but I think you do need to be more open to Godā€™s plan for the whole thing.
 
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