J
JReducation
Guest
As I always say about me, I’m not sure how much I learned. I’d like to think that I was a good student. Though I also realize that compared to other people, I can barely read and write. I try to do what I can with the little that I know.
How do I apply this to daily life?
First, I learned from the Spiritual Masters to live the grace of the present moment. Each day in our lives is a day of grace. God does not keep us alive for his entertainment or four our own either. He allows us to wake up so that he can share his divine life with us, through grace. It is important that we take advantage of every moment of grace throughout the day and throughout life.
I’ll give you some highlights from my own life. Your highlights are going to be different.
I was married and father of three. There was an accident. My wife, oldest son and father were killed. I was left alone with a 9-year old daughter and 4-year old autistic son. I was terrified. I finally threw myself into God’s hands and said, “I accept what you give and I willingly let go of what you take.” From that point forward there were two goals that I had to fulfill. The first was to find a way to be there for my kids. At the funeral, as we were walking into the church behind the three coffins, I was holding each by their little hands. My daughter on my right and my son on my left. I felt their little hands shaking in the palm of my hands. I whispered to them, “Don’t be afraid. I promise I will not leave you alone.”
I had to fulfill that promise. To do that, I had to change jobs to one with less responsibilities, but also less money. That’s how I ended up teaching at the university. Professors do not make as much money as practioners. That meant that I could not keep the house and three cars that we had either. Those had to go.
My son had autism. Everyone said that he would be dependent all of his life. I had to do something. My father was gone. My mother was getting old and my parent’s in law were also aging. The only person left was his sister, who was five years older than he. I also wanted her to be free to live her life. I had to do whatever I could to free this boy from the silence of autism, so that he could be independent.
That meant more spending on therapies, special schools, tutors, special programs. I had to sell my house and move into a rental. I had to sell my big car and buy a compact. I had to make the time to take him to this therapy, that class, the other tutor and to spend time with his sister, and care for my home.
Fast forward. Today, she’s a psychiatrist and he’s an illustrator. They are independent adults. They own a home.
Now they were adults and I had to close that chapter. Now where?
I realized that there were not enough children like my son in this world. I started to look for kids like him and found that they were being aborted. I decided to enter religious life and be a brother to the voiceless. I became very involved in developing programs for people with disabilities, helping expectant parents to keep their babies. I would tell them my son’s story and I would repeat to them what I had told my children at the funeral. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t leave you alone.” I would remain with these people until they delivered their babies and even longer.
I visited South America and found out that they have a high index of disabilities, but not enough priests trained in the pastoral care of people with disabilities and their families. I went there to start a program in Christian Human Ecology. It teaches priests, catechists, brothers and sisters how to shape their parish communities and their catholic institutions in such a way that people with disabilities and those who have loved ones with disabilities can find Christ, rather than shy away.
I came back home from the missions to find out that I have Leukemia and congestive heart disease. Now they found out that I am also losing my kidneys. I forgot to mention that I’m diabetic. Long story short (too late), I again threw myself into the hands of God. I cried out “Help me, I’m drowning.” This was Peter’s cry as he tried to walk on water and lost faith. I often feel as if I’m walking on water and then sinking.
I struggle with sin. I have this thing going with the Blessed Mother. I sat there one day and told her, “I’m going to haunt you until you help me attain the grace to sin no more.” I pray to her several times a day. I say the rosary, ejaculations, spontaneous prayers and whatever else I can throw at her. She my mother, she can handle it.
That’s it. I don’t know what else I can say. I wish I could be more helpful. That’s how I try to live detachment, one day at a time, one event at a time.
Fraternally,
Br. JR, OSF :christmastree1:
