Sudden bursts of anger and aggression. Help!

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Salve995

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I have always had a bit of a temper, and for the past few years, my anger has been reaching crescendo levels. A lot of it stems from circumstances I do not wish to get into, but which have caused me great emotional distress. Well, couple that with the fact that I feel frustrated with my life, and I’m more or less a walking hand grenade.

I lash out at my parents and a couple of other people. Here’s the thing: after I am done lashing out at them, I feel extremely guilty, like the worst of humans, but then a sense of relief of comes over me. It’s almost as if lashing out releases chemicals that are built up during feelings of distress. It makes me feel light, drowsy, and puts me in a better mood. I know that’s sinful, since I’m feeling good at the expense of others. I don’t want to do that, but I am always on the defensive, thinking that everyone is out to offend me. I should sublimate this anger into a creative endeavor, and I am in the process of doing just that, but I still think there must be something wrong with me. Does not matter what I’m doing – when I feel slighted, which is almost always, I need to fight it out to release the tension.

I have prayed to God to help me with my temper, to heal me, but it’s a slow uphill battle.
 
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I would suggest getting some professional help to delve into your anger, and help you learn how to deal with it.
 
Practicing humility could help. Pride is difficult to rein in but it’s the central issue with anger. It’s based on our sense of what we deserve. It may be challenging to overcome, especially if it’s a sort of explosive anger that needs little to build. Trying to focus on the fact that others are rarely out to annoy you or do any injustice to you or belittle you, it’s usually that they’re acting out of selfishness without giving you any thought whatsoever.

Our dignity and self worth are not founded in defending ourselves… they’re really founded in a different strength altogether… knowing you’re doing a good job, working hard, looking for ways to help others, knowing we are loved by God.

Techniques for overcoming it, I’m not so sure about… try listening more than speaking, try to recognise that we’re all a little flawed and make mistakes… even ourselves.

A thought, which may or may not be relevant to this situation… Christ did get angry, but not in an injust way. People who knew him knew they actually were loved by him… Lazarus, St John etc. That’s really something. He was meek and compassionate and full of understanding. Perhaps try to imitate him?
 
I would like to, but I can’t afford it for the moment.

I have an idea as to where the anger is emanating, but the problem is controlling it.
 
I am trying so hard, but I fail. Besides, the quarantine is exacerbating it. At least before I could release my anger elsewhere. Now it’s accumulating.
 
Maybe practice those mindfulness techniques I keep hearing about… they’re for controlling stress, I think, but they may help with this as anger seems like it’ll be related to stress.
 
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Perhaps you can order a book online or do some online reading to help until you can talk to someone.

Frustration, disappointment and fear can sometimes make us angry.
 
You need to talk to your doctor. Just your normal doctor. Probably on the phone in these circumstances. Describe what you experience. The doctor will know what to do. There may be cheap of free treatment readily available. If you cannot afford the appointment with your doctor, call the doctor’s office and explain your circumstances, indicating that you will pay later.
 
I know someone whose life was similar to yours. It got to the point that he, as well as others, despised his being in proximity. A psychiatrist who also studied orthomolecular medicine turned the man’s life around. He learned that some foods were poison for his brain, especially sugar, carbonated beverages, and all kinds of processed foods or chemicals—the label words that aren’t actually food.

If money for a doctor is impossible right now, you might investigate what the psychiatrist started him on, which began with a very careful diet. He tries to eat what he calls God’s food: straight from God, usually raw or steamed vegetables with any of God’s seasonings, from coconut oil or butter or olive oil to herb leaves or powders and citrus zests, and non-fried meats. Less food now satisfies him with no constant desire to keep nibbling on something—a bonus. He’s healthier and rarely gets whatever bug is going around.

Each day, he religiously takes a full spectrum of vitamins and minerals, using natural products, no chemical equivalents. Find some good orthomolecular websites to point you to reliable books and even an in-home method of testing immediate results of your body’s reactions within seconds to minutes after swallowing. Over time (years) he has been able to resume some foods that used to indicate body changes, but now do not negatively affect him.

He is positive, looking forward to each day and the future. He enjoys his well-paying job that requires responsibility and quick decisions. He makes plans and enthusiastically carries them out. Everybody is glad to see him now, and it shows in their and in his facial expressions, glow of the lights in their eyes, tones of voices, and body postures. He’s an entirely different person now, which is so obvious to others.

I wish you well. Keep in touch with us. 😀
 
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That’s assuming I don’t read and hardly order books online, which is something I do weekly. Unless you mean a different kind of book? I have a library of books, so I’m not understanding your comment. Any book or a specific book? Again, I order too many books, but it’s hard to read when you’re angry.
 
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I didn’t take that meaning from what she wrote… rather that you could possibly find some anger management resources online or in a book to help you to control the anger until you can find somebody to guide you through it once this coronavirus isolation is over.
 
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I do eat junk food more often than I should (not coincidentally, I eat it when I’m stressed, which seems to be quite a lot). You might be on to something here. I knew this about food, but I assumed very proudly that it’d never happen to me. My body knew how to control itself. Again, I’m not sure if food is the main cause, but I am not discarding the possibility
 
The comment was too broad, so I assumed she meant any book to help me distract myself.

I’m skeptical of many anger management books if only because they’re written by guru who are by no means experts. IN many cases, they’re very New Age-y.
 
I’m rather skeptical about self help books in general, too, tbh. As a suggestion though, it seems reasonable. I think that perhaps trying to work on those stresses in your life might be helpful …I guess I’m leading back to that mindfulness thing I mentioned.

My brother had a heart episode last year and they put him on to this mindfulness thing. He says it really helps him to feel calm. I haven’t tried it myself though.
 
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I tried it years ago when I was seeing a therapist. I did not find it much helpful. I’m not one to sit there, breathing in and out and getting rid of all thoughts which is nigh impossible to do. I get fidgety.
 
Fair enough. Have you tried talking with your parents? I know you said they make you angry but as people who love you unconditionally, it might be that they have some wise words to offer you, or just simply some love, that could help.
 
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No, I really don’t want to talk to them. I know them well enough to know they won’t help. In fact, my going to a therapist was an issue because my mom worried that I was crazy.

I already know what she’s going to say – to pray. I doubt she has much to offer by way of advice. My dad is usually dismissive of me. Again, I lash out at them, too, especially my dad, so it may be that I’ve become unbearable. Hence I feel lonely and stressed in this ordeal.
 
The only cure I can think of for loneliness is to reach out to others …either family or friends, or those in need of help.

Edit: I guess the other, and probably more obvious one, is to turn to God 🙂 I know it’s easier said than done, but the more we move towards Him, the more he moves towards us. There are audio options available online when sitting down to read is difficult while feeling irritable. I reckon you should start to read things that Pope Francis says each day… they’re actually very uplifting, imo.

Edit 2: Have you tried exercise? That releases endorphins in the body and makes one feel better.
 
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I second finding a counselor when you are able, but in the meantime, {ETA: written as you wrote about not wanting to be told to pray 😳} try praying for those who make you feel angry. It will take a while to get into that habit, and your prayers maybe like this: Lord, I do not want to pray for this person and I am only doing it because some random stranger on the internet suggested it… but do your best and it might help you as it helps me.
Salve995 said:
a sense of relief of comes over me. It’s almost as if lashing out releases chemicals that are built up during feelings of distress. It makes me feel light, drowsy, and puts me in a better mood. I
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I may be wrong, but it seems like the problem is that you are first in a bad condition, then you lash out, and the feeling better is closer to a return to normal (altho somewhat different). It’s like the feeling of relaxing on the couch after working very hard. You feel much better because you felt so bad before.

So the problem is with the condition before you get angry. You need to notice that beforehand and deal with it beforehand.

If that is the case, then may I suggest naming your feeling (Getting Unstuck: The Power of Naming Emotions • Six Seconds). You have to get the right feeling, so you may need to try a few, but once you hit on the right one, it will be like a magic wand.

Another resource that might help is this book Find your Focus Zone, by Lucy Jo Palladino. , which teaches strategies for regulating tension levels.
 
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