Sudden bursts of anger and aggression. Help!

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No, I didn’t. It was a long time ago. Of course, it’s made me distrustful of people and their intentions, especially considering that the bullies were close friends.
 
Salve995 said:
Though there are no real threats, just the ones I imagine.
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If something makes you feel threatened, then it is very real, because it indicates something that is extremely important for you (being respected, maybe, or something else) and that you feel is being attacked. If you can p(name removed by moderator)oint what this is exactly, it is a good start for working on it.
 
@Salve995, is this anger a recent thing with you, or have you always been this way?
 
Salve995 said:
No, I didn’t. It was a long time ago.
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It may have been a long time ago, but the emotional part of our brain that experiences pain doesn’t know time. Hence why if I get bit by a black dog as a kid, even as an adult I will recoil if I see a black dog. Its specifically designed that way so we don’t forget dangerous situations. Makes sense.

I was bullied too and didn’t tell my parents because feared they’d judge me, so I sympathize. Eventually I sat down with them and (calmly) expressed to them that I felt I couldn’t open up to them for fear they’d judge me. They were shocked and had no idea. It did help some.
Salve995 said:
Of course, it’s made me distrustful of people and their intentions, especially considering that the bullies were close friends.
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Yes of course. Why would you let anyone get close if you’ve had such a horrible experience? My only suggestion is to know that those close friends were not in a good place if they felt the need to bully you and puff themselves up. Maybe pray for them and know there are lots of healthy friends out there, you just have to be picky about who you befriend (if there were red flags with those friends, be aware if you see them again with new friends).
 
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Salve995 said:
Though there are no real threats, just the ones I imagine.
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I have worked for about twenty years with people with challenging behaviour. I have lost count of the number of times I have been punched, kicked had things thrown at me and the countless verbal abuse. In order to support people with challenging behaviour, you have to stand near them

I came to terms with this years ago, I said to myself, I would rather be hit, than live in fear of being hit. Every time I have been hit the pain lasts for a short time. But fear lasts for weeks, months and years.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
 
Aquinas11 said:
Hence why if I get bit by a black dog as a kid, even as an adult I will recoil if I see a black dog. Its specifically designed that way so we don’t forget dangerous situations. Makes sense.
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I was bit by a dog when I was young. Then someone said, if you stand still hold your hand down, the dog will come and sniff your hand and you will be fine. The only thing is the dog’s nose are next to their teeth.

However, I have followed this advice for the last fifty years and I like dogs.
 
Pray the Litany of Humility every morning, every night:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,

Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being loved,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being honored,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being praised,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being approved,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being despised,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Charity

Charity is patient, is kind; charity does not envy, is not pretentious, is not puffed up, is not ambitious, is not self-seeking, is not provoked; thinks no evil, does not rejoice over wickedness, but rejoices with the truth, bears with all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7).

To have Charity is to love God above all things for Himself and be ready to renounce all created things rather than offend Him by serious sin. ( Matt. 22:36-40)

by Merry Cardinal del Val, secretary of state to Pope Saint Pius X from the prayer book for Jesuits, 1963
 
Hello. I am so sorry to read about the experiences that you are going through.

First, please ignore @VonDerTann. Unfortunately, some people think that it’s big and clever to say that people who are experiencing problems don’t need professional help and just need to grow up, pull themselves together, etc. Professional help exists for a reason: because it helps people.

What you are describing does not sound all that unusual to me, and some of your later posts provide some more context. Oftentimes, people can fly into terrible rages when they are reminded of traumatic events in their past, especially their childhood. It doesn’t have to be specific, it can just be being made to feel a certain way.

I think it would be helpful for you to talk to a counselor or other mental health professional. Also, if it is applicable, you may wish to seek some kind of closure or redress through criminal or civil justice. I think that if you can address your difficult experiences it will help you to live the life that you deserve.

As for your mom not being comfortable with your seeing a counselor, it is possible that she feels threatened by it. It’s not unusual for parents to worry about what their children will say about them. Just explain that you are getting help for yourself and that it really has nothing to do with her.

By the way, if you do seek professional help, please make sure that it’s under the auspices of a reputable professional who can ensure that you access the help that will be most appropriate for you. There are a lot of different modalities of treatment and it can be counterproductive to use the wrong one. Some people will respond well to something like integrative psychotherapy whereas others will respond better to something like dialectical behavior therapy.
 
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do_justly_love_mercy said:
First, please ignore @VonDerTann. Unfortunately, some people think that it’s big and clever to say that people who are experiencing problems don’t need professional help and just need to grow up, pull themselves together, etc. Professional help exists for a reason: because it helps people.
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That’s a bit unfair. I did not read any of that in VonDerTann’s posts.
 
My apologies to @VonDerTann if I read it the wrong way.
 
It’s a bit what he says. He was being a bit of a reductionist by saying I was simply being immature.

As I told him, he lacks context. He was too binary about it --either people are jerks or they aren’t – and failing to consider other factors.
 
Salve995 said:
either people are jerks or they aren’t – and failing to consider other factors.
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You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God. You start by looking in the mirror and you will see a pair of eyes that matter to God. When you come to terms with this, try looking for the good in everyone else.

I have been a Street Pastor for the past twelve years, we are volunteers who wonder the streets until around four in the morning. Our role is to care, listen and help when we can.

I can remember the first fight we witnessed, about a dozen drunks were punching the living daylights out of each other when the pubs had closed. Our actions are based on what we perceive; if we could only see a bunch of drunken hooligans, we would have just called the police. But what we saw were lads who mattered to God, there is something good in all of them; so we strived for a kinder and more caring solution.

We walked in the middle of the fight trying to keep people apart, I can only say that somehow peace came about. We stopped for a fair time with these lads and when it came time to part they hugged us and shook our hands. We now saw a kinder side to these lads.

I was in my sixties at the time, my two partners were ladies in their seventies. We search for kindness and we try and pass it on.
 
Way to cherry-pick my comment and take me out of context. 🤔
 
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My apologies; I was not judging you. I was just trying to say how I have found ways to perceive other people.

I sense you are looking for a workable solution for yourself, and I hope you are able to be at peace with yourself.

Blessings, Eric
 
If you’re worried, try visiting a therapist. I’ve found it helpful in dealing with my own anger issues.
 
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