Sudden Death of our 13 Year Old Daughter

[sanctareparata]

Thanks Maggieodae … we are so sad … we miss her terribly … and I turn to God - but I have no comfort - yet. What would he need a 13 year old girl for???

Maureen, this may come out all wrong because I am so so so tired, but I wanted to say it anyway before going to sleep tonight…

God didn’t “take” your beautiful McKayla because He needed her. It is true that He loves her and has always had a place for her in His Kingdom, but He didn’t “take” her from you. He knew that her time in this world was through, and He alone knows right now what good He will bring of it, even amidst all this grief and sorrow. Unfortunately, all we on this earth can do it pray for comfort, wait for our sorrows to lessen and hope for the day of reunion with our loved ones.

You, as her mother, cannot see what may come of this because you don’t have eyes into the future. God does. When I am hurting for loved ones who have gone before me, I have to remind myself of this. McKayla may very well be your family’s greatest prayer warrior.

Perhaps God knows that your other daughter, Amanda, will one day struggle with her faith and McKayla’s prayers for her will keep her on the right path or bring her back to the Church. Perhaps God knew that McKayla herself wouldn’t be true to her faith as an adult and maybe die in sin, and *allowed *her death *now *so that she could have eternal life. Perhaps some woman you will encounter one day will be near suicidal from the loss of her own child and you will have the words to comfort her and save her life, having been through that pain before her. Perhaps your future grandchildren will encounter trials in their lives that only McKayla’s prayers will be able to help them through. Perhaps a fellow classmate of McKayla’s will benefit from her petitioning before the Father. Every thing that happens in this life impacts so many people so greatly. Perhaps her death has struck a chord in a friend or teacher and has awakened them to renew their faith and commitment to Christ.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. We just don’t know.

We cannot know until this life is over what good God intends to bring about from her death, or all the good that McKayla has yet to do. Only when you are welcomed into Eternity will you know.

I hope that brings you some bit of comfort. :hug1:

 

[MSJoan]

It has been one week since we buried our beautiful girl … I feel so lifeless … Don’t want to do anything … please pray for us … the pain is unimaginable …

Love Moe

Moe,

I can only speak from my experience. Feeling lifeless, having no energy, don’t want to eat, can’t sleep, not being interested in anything, being so overwhelmed by it all that you actually find yourself contemplating whether or not to get out of bed to go to the bathroom… don’t beat yourself up about it, it happens when we experience grief. The grief is complicated by trying to be there for your husband and Amanda and needing to lean on them, just when they need to lean on you. It helped me to have someone outside the family that I could talk to. If there’s a chapter of The Compassionate Friends in your area, they may be able to help. If you are comfortable with the priests in your parish, you could try talking with one of them. If there are grief counselors in your area, they are another option (the local hospice should be able to help you find one).

In the beginning, it was very difficult for me to reconcile why God wanted my son with the knowledge that my son had achieved the final goal. I sometimes felt I wasn’t a good enough Catholic if I questioned God for allowing it to happen. I also questioned what kind of mother I was. (I’m pretty good at self imposed ‘Catholic Guilt’). Eventually the pain eased. I believe it was through the prayers of others, the intercession of the Saints, particularly Our Lady of Sorrows, and my son, and talking with others, including our pastor.

Know there are many people praying for you and your family. The wound of burying a child is deep and complex. It will not heal overnight. Eventually a scar will form, but it takes time. The scar will be fragile. It may be interrupted by birthdays, holidays, and other significant events, but you will survive…and when we eventually get to where our children are, I believe we will find out ‘why’…it’s at the top of my list :angel1:

Joan

p.s. If you are someone who regularly participates in the Triduum, I would talk with your priest about being there this year. While our faith is grounded in the events we celebrate next week, hearing about a mother watching her child die may be a bit too much for you and your family.

 

[dranzal]

How do I know? I have been praying that she will come to me in my dreams … but I haven’t seen her. I know what our faith teaches, but I just wish I could have some confirmation that she is fine.

The pain is unbearable at times.

Oh, I know what you mean. I struggled with this myself at times after Gabriel died. We homeschool and he was still nursing so I literally spent all my time with my children. The absence was profound. I concluded, after some time, that God knew that I didn’t need the confirmation I so wanted. I have since been blessed with the occasional dream about Gabriel. It is likely that you will also dream of your daughter once your soul has had time to relax.

Right after he died, I was mentally apologizing to him for not watching him close enough, “I’m so sorry, baby. That must have been so scary (etc)”. I sensed a voice say to me, “I’m just sorry you’re having to go through this.” I do think it was Gabriel.

Give yourself time. You have just been given Life’s Biggest Cross. You need a little time to become accustomed to its weight. I’m here for you. We all are.

Jennifer

 

[MGEISING]

Moe,

I can only speak from my experience. Feeling lifeless, having no energy, don’t want to eat, can’t sleep, not being interested in anything, being so overwhelmed by it all that you actually find yourself contemplating whether or not to get out of bed to go to the bathroom… don’t beat yourself up about it, it happens when we experience grief. The grief is complicated by trying to be there for your husband and Amanda and needing to lean on them, just when they need to lean on you. It helped me to have someone outside the family that I could talk to. If there’s a chapter of The Compassionate Friends in your area, they may be able to help. If you are comfortable with the priests in your parish, you could try talking with one of them. If there are grief counselors in your area, they are another option (the local hospice should be able to help you find one).

In the beginning, it was very difficult for me to reconcile why God wanted my son with the knowledge that my son had achieved the final goal. I sometimes felt I wasn’t a good enough Catholic if I questioned God for allowing it to happen. I also questioned what kind of mother I was. (I’m pretty good at self imposed ‘Catholic Guilt’). Eventually the pain eased. I believe it was through the prayers of others, the intercession of the Saints, particularly Our Lady of Sorrows, and my son, and talking with others, including our pastor.

Know there are many people praying for you and your family. The wound of burying a child is deep and complex. It will not heal overnight. Eventually a scar will form, but it takes time. The scar will be fragile. It may be interrupted by birthdays, holidays, and other significant events, but you will survive…and when we eventually get to where our children are, I believe we will find out ‘why’…it’s at the top of my list :angel1:

Joan

p.s. If you are someone who regularly participates in the Triduum, I would talk with your priest about being there this year. While our faith is grounded in the events we celebrate next week, hearing about a mother watching her child die may be a bit too much for you and your family.

How did you son die; and how long has it been? Did her have siblings?

Thanks Joan … we just returned to Mass and it was so difficult … we are all so sad

 

[MGEISING]

That is so terrible to hear, although being an atheist I cannot offer prayers I will keep your family in my thoughts. My condolences and deepest sympathies to you and your family

Thank you Nichjake … why are you an athiest? Even during this most horrific time, we feel the presence of our Lord … and it is so hard … especially losing a child … although we trust in his plan …

Why do you not believe?

Thanks for your words Nichjake.

Moe Geisinger

 

[MGEISING]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I will pray for you and your family. I know your daughter has found the peace and happiness we all seek and I will pray your family will find peace and joy until you are all together again.
Anne

How do you know Anne … we believe it … but we have never been tested … how do you know???

 

[MGEISING]

Your family is most certainly in my prayers. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I will offer my next novena of rosaries for you and your family. May the Lord comfort you at this horrible time of grief.

Warmest regards,

Kelly

Thank you Kelly - we need them, I can’t even imagine taking the next breath without her … so any prayers are welcomed …

 

[thecoach]

Hi All:

I am desperately asking for prayers from all of you … our daughter McKayla went to environmental camp on this past Monday - and we got a call that she passed out. When we finally drove three hours to see her at the hospital, she had already been commended into the arms of our heavenly Father.

We are heart broken. We had her wake last night - and over 1100 people attened … it was over six hours at the wake … we buried her today — the pain is too much to bear at times.

Please, our Catholic Answers Friends, keep the Geisinger’s in your prayers … McKayla is our heavenly angel that left us for a better place … but we are left with hearts that are broken.

Please keep her Sister Amanda in your prayers … she is only a year older than her sister - they were like twins and best friends. We are beside ourselves.

Her funeral was amazing though … and she has been an instrument in bringing many people to Christ … for this we are grateful.

Please keep the Geisinger’s in your prayers … we miss her terribly and our hearts are just so very sad Ask God to help us pick up the pieces … our communities and the schools have been amazing and it has been such a humbling experience!

God’s Peace,

Moe Geisinger

I cannot imagine your pain and grief. I pray that the Holy Spirit fill your minds and hearts and brings healing and peace. Your daughter is in paradise, and, through the blessings and transendence of the Church, still very close to you.

 

[MGEISING]

I cannot imagine your pain and grief. I pray that the Holy Spirit fill your minds and hearts and brings healing and peace. Your daughter is in paradise, and, through the blessings and transendence of the Church, still very close to you.

Our pain is unbelievable, and we ache so … we miss her and thank you for all of your prayers… the pain in unending … i just pray that I meet her in my dreams

 

[Godfollower]

Thanks Maggieodae … we are so sad … we miss her terribly … and I turn to God - but I have no comfort - yet. What would he need a 13 year old girl for???

I don’t think God needed a 13-year-old girl. St. Paul says we’re running a race; I think McKayla finished the race early and was allowed to go home to the Father. Of course she will miss being with you, but the Church teaches us that she can now look down on you and follow you, your husband, and her sister as you complete the tasks appointed for you on Earth.

I realize that this is cold comfort to you. Please accept our prayers and believe that McKayla has received her reward. You will see her again when it’s your turn, and she will greet you at Heaven’s gate with open arms.

 

[MSJoan]

Moe, sorry for being so long winded here, hope this is of some help…

Our 16 month old got away from my mother and fell in the fish pond. Despite on scene CPR, prompt response from the fire department and medics, and heroic efforts by the ER; our beautiful gift from God returned to Him.

Our surviving son was in 1st grade. My husband was 2 hours away when he was told there was an accident and it didn’t look good. He arrived at the ER after the pronouncement. Our 1st grader and my mother arrived also. Imagine any emotion (other than happiness and joy) and it was there. I can truly say God’s Grace was with me in this difficult time because only He could have given me the words to say to comfort everyone else.

Like you, the first week was filled with funeral arrangements and people coming and going. But at night, there was no diversion. My arms ached so bad. It took a bit for me to realize Advil and heating pads wouldn’t help; my arms were aching to hold our son. Just when all those who visited moved on with their lives, the reality of what happened started to sink in…What do I do with his things? What about the presents I bought? What do I do with the engraved Christmas cards I ordered that have his name on them? How am I going to help my husband and son - and mother - with this? How will there ever be joy in this house again? How am I going to survive without my son!!! From somewhere came the vision of Our Blessed Mother at the foot of the cross and I prayed for that kind of strength. I also knew that others were praying for us.

Some people think it helps you ‘get over it’ if you don’t talk about your child and move on, as if nothing happened. Those people are wrong. If you try to keep all this inside of you, you will explode - at yourself, your family, someone, but it’s got to come out. We moms tried to hold up the world. In this situation, we have to let others hold us up.

Our son’s school had a support program called Rainbows, which helped him a lot. He had some individual counseling and we had some joint family sessions with the therapist. I think it was more difficult for him because he was at the age where children begin to realize death is permanent. I also knew other parents whose children had died. The circumstances were different and the children older, but they were there when I needed to talk or just to cry. Over the years, I have also been blessed with some very special priests and religious sisters who would always listen.

Our beautiful son died almost 9 1/2 years ago. Occasionally things happen that trigger the pain (like the birth of our daughter 2 years later, his birthday, mother’s day), but it’s not as severe as it once was. When he died, I felt someone had reached in my chest, ripped my heart out and threw it on the ground, stomped on it, then put it back in my chest and said ‘deal with it’. My once mutilated heart has healed with scars. They open on occasion, but the occasions are now infrequent and much more predictable.

Even though your beautiful daughter has gone home, she is still your daughter. Yes, you will always miss her. Yes, there are probably times you will call her name for dinner or find some piece of clothing and start to ask her to put it in her room. It’s okay. She was with you in person for 13 years…and will be in your heart forever.

We represent every parent’s worst nighmare. But we also represent someone who has been blessed with the gift of motherhood, with love and strength, with the ability to accept that which we cannot change and the ability to face life’s challenges and survive. Our Lord will help us carry this cross, even when we are hurting too much to ask. :angel1:

Praying for your peace,
Joan

 

[StratusRose]

Wow, MSJoan. That was truly a moving story about your son. Your faith is absolutely amazing.

 

[MGEISING]

Moe, sorry for being so long winded here, hope this is of some help…

Our 16 month old got away from my mother and fell in the fish pond. Despite on scene CPR, prompt response from the fire department and medics, and heroic efforts by the ER; our beautiful gift from God returned to Him.

Our surviving son was in 1st grade. My husband was 2 hours away when he was told there was an accident and it didn’t look good. He arrived at the ER after the pronouncement. Our 1st grader and my mother arrived also. Imagine any emotion (other than happiness and joy) and it was there. I can truly say God’s Grace was with me in this difficult time because only He could have given me the words to say to comfort everyone else.

Like you, the first week was filled with funeral arrangements and people coming and going. But at night, there was no diversion. My arms ached so bad. It took a bit for me to realize Advil and heating pads wouldn’t help; my arms were aching to hold our son. Just when all those who visited moved on with their lives, the reality of what happened started to sink in…What do I do with his things? What about the presents I bought? What do I do with the engraved Christmas cards I ordered that have his name on them? How am I going to help my husband and son - and mother - with this? How will there ever be joy in this house again? How am I going to survive without my son!!! From somewhere came the vision of Our Blessed Mother at the foot of the cross and I prayed for that kind of strength. I also knew that others were praying for us.

Some people think it helps you ‘get over it’ if you don’t talk about your child and move on, as if nothing happened. Those people are wrong. If you try to keep all this inside of you, you will explode - at yourself, your family, someone, but it’s got to come out. We moms tried to hold up the world. In this situation, we have to let others hold us up.

Our son’s school had a support program called Rainbows, which helped him a lot. He had some individual counseling and we had some joint family sessions with the therapist. I think it was more difficult for him because he was at the age where children begin to realize death is permanent. I also knew other parents whose children had died. The circumstances were different and the children older, but they were there when I needed to talk or just to cry. Over the years, I have also been blessed with some very special priests and religious sisters who would always listen.

Our beautiful son died almost 9 1/2 years ago. Occasionally things happen that trigger the pain (like the birth of our daughter 2 years later, his birthday, mother’s day), but it’s not as severe as it once was. When he died, I felt someone had reached in my chest, ripped my heart out and threw it on the ground, stomped on it, then put it back in my chest and said ‘deal with it’. My once mutilated heart has healed with scars. They open on occasion, but the occasions are now infrequent and much more predictable.

Even though your beautiful daughter has gone home, she is still your daughter. Yes, you will always miss her. Yes, there are probably times you will call her name for dinner or find some piece of clothing and start to ask her to put it in her room. It’s okay. She was with you in person for 13 years…and will be in your heart forever.

We represent every parent’s worst nighmare. But we also represent someone who has been blessed with the gift of motherhood, with love and strength, with the ability to accept that which we cannot change and the ability to face life’s challenges and survive. Our Lord will help us carry this cross, even when we are hurting too much to ask. :angel1:

Praying for your peace,
Joan

That is beautiful Joan … thank you for taking the time to share that …thank you and God’s peace.

Moe

 

[QuietTimes]

I am so very sorry to hear of your daughter’s passing I will pray for your family.

 

[MGEISING]

I am so very sorry to hear of your daughter’s passing I will pray for your family.

Thank you - the pain is never ending!

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m terribly sorry for your loss, too. I can’t imagine what the pain feels like. I lost my parents as a child, and that is pretty bad pain, but more of an abandonment type pain…hard to describe. But losing a child–I think it would be very difficult to make any ‘sense’ of that–as we humans often like to do. (as I know I would do, anyways) I cannot imagine what you must be going through…Please know you are in my prayers…and with God’s love and mercy…we can handle all things…even though, at this time, through our humanness…we can’t always see that. My heart and prayers go out to you…and your family.

 

[MGEISING]

I’m terribly sorry for your loss, too. I can’t imagine what the pain feels like. I lost my parents as a child, and that is pretty bad pain, but more of an abandonment type pain…hard to describe. But losing a child–I think it would be very difficult to make any ‘sense’ of that–as we humans often like to do. (as I know I would do, anyways) I cannot imagine what you must be going through…Please know you are in my prayers…and with God’s love and mercy…we can handle all things…even though, at this time, through our humanness…we can’t always see that. My heart and prayers go out to you…and your family.

I am sorry to hear that - I ask why he didn’t take me instread of a beautiful, talented, athletic, wonderful girl who was perfection on earth … Our hearts are broken.

 

[MGEISING]

Please my friends and compasionate people - keep us in prayer. Today - I had to purchase easter basket items for only one - our Amanda … the first time in 13 years … It is so hard … and we ache for our McKayla …

It will be the first time in McKayla’s life that she will be rejoycing in Heavan … our Lords Death and Resurrection first hand.

I used to say to her at mass - right at the consecration - do you see the Angels … and she would roll her eyes as any teen ager would … except the last couple of Mass … when I would mention it to her … she would say - Mom I do …although I am sure she was just trying to please me.

Please keep Amanda in prayer as well … she has not taken off her Rosary Beads – which she put on as we made the horrendous trip to the Berlin Hospital were we had hoped and prayed for hours … to bring our McKayla home … and Amanda kept us in prayer in the Rosary for over 3 hours - even though we were too tired … she is special and thank God for her …

Please my CA friends and family - keep us close in prayer … as we experience, yet another First … after 16 days without our Perfection ON Earth … our hearts are heavy and our despair is great …although we accept God’s plan … we are immensely sad and missing our McKayla terribly … we haven’t even burried her yet … Our road is long … and we are so very sad

 

[NewGuyInChurch]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your entire family are in my prayers.

 

[MGEISING]

Thank you - our hearts are so heavy - this is the first time we had to do up an Easter Basket for only one of our girls … it is so very hard - please keep us in prayer