I see I should clarify based on some responses that I don’t and haven’t habitually rejected him. I have lacked enthusiasm for sure which I’m sure has an impact, but I want to convey that I don’t shut him down on a regular basis, but I feel bad that I don’t really feel like it most of the time and I just do it out of obligation.
I can guarantee that if you are rolling over and taking it he WILL be able to tell. It is like making love to a blow-up doll. Sorry for being graphic, but that is what goes through my head when my wife does this. I know she is probably not in the mood, but she doesn’t even make an attempt. Throw in a few choice comments like “Now, the kids are up” (when they are all downstairs engrossed in the latest dora, disney movie, etc and you won’t see them for 5 hours) or “The baby will see”. (I guarantee you mom that junior is drooling for a reason at this age and isn’t going to care one way or the other)
I remember when we were first married, I was at home (watching TV) and she got home from work. Burst through the front door, came in the living room and literally pulled my clothes off, ripped her’s off and said “I want you so bad right here and right now”. It scared the h*** out of me at the time as she is not normally like that. To this day I wish she would do that again. It was the most unanticipated, exciting thing she has even done.
I have asked her why she doesn’t do that anymore. She always says “That’s when we didn’t have kids.” I always think to myself “What does that have to do with anything?” I don’t know why kids change a woman like that? I know I still have the same feelings. I wish she would surprise me or be more agressive. I really like it, but today she is only like that when she has had a few drinks and then it usually turns into silly fest and the sleepytime before anything actually happens.
DO NOT write him a note. I HATE anything in writing unless it is foreplay. Then I really like it. If you have something to say, then just say it. Men are pretty thick skinned. I think you will find that we want to drive you wild and need you to tell us how to do that. My wife was so shy about this. She would never say anything until after our 5th child. I don’t know if the inhibition dropped or what, but she told me when and how to do what made her happy. I am more than happy to oblige.
I think now my biggest problem is she has no energy and just wants to sleep all of the time. She does always seem to find time to respond to her e-mails and post on facebook at night. It is ego crushing when I ask to sneak into the BR and have some fun and she says “I am exhausted” and then proceeds to pickup the laptop and check her e-mail?
You know what this says to a husband “My e-mail is more important than you are”. You only need to do this once or twice to kill a husbands ego. Most men judge how much they are loved by how responsive their wives are to them sexually. Most women may not like this, but my guy friends confirm this. We can all tell when one of the guys is being “shunned”.
Wives, YOU need to be like you were when you first got married. Don’t fall into that same old dull routine. Here are some suggestions that I know almost all men will be very exicted over:
- Get out of the shower and instead of wrapping a million towels around your body ask your husband to dry you off and then have him follow you to the BR. Guaranteed he will be happy.
- Ask him to come help put away the clothes in the BR when he gets home from work. Be in the buff and then when he comes into the BR he will get the idea. Guaranteed to make him smile.
- NEVER spurn an advance if possible. Never, ever use the old “I’m too tired” line. Rather say, “ok hun lets go, but you need to do the magic work tonight, I’ve had a long day”. You get to the be the doll and lay there and he will not feel rejected.
- Be spontanous. Most men like excitement.
I know when we were young we would go on nature walks in the woods and take “detours”. Those memories are very vivid in my mind. We would go on weekend trips just to have “fun”.
My parent’s once gave us tickets to an all inclusive weekend at a casino hotel. We didn’t do much in the casino as were not much for gambling. We did however have a nice dinner, watched a movie, used the hot tub and pool. At the end of the day I was all excited to have fun with my bride. I took a shower and when I came back she was sleeping already. I got to sit up and listen to the other couples in the rooms above and to the sides enjoy their night. To this day that bothers me. I felt so rejected.
I hope there is some information in there you can use. I think above all, don’t play dead or just do it for the sake of doing it. As hard as it is, try to never seem uninterested. I can guarantee you will have a much happier husband who will not have a hurt ego.
) but it basically refers to being loving and romantic on days when you need to abstain.
. The bold part sure made me laugh. No need for you to apolgize. I agree he certainly senses my lack of drive, I just wanted to be sure everyone understands I’m not outright denying him sex. I usually become enthusiastic during the act, I just find it hard to get myself into the mood to begin with.
I am much more active in the day time and so an opportunity was lost…What a switch for me to be in the rejected position…I felt rather wistful the rest of the weekend.
