Teenagers and birth control

[mikew262]

I have. and both of my Daughters were chaste until long after they left my household.

I find that when one gets unsolicted advice from someone about puting your daughters on the pill it stems from one of two things:

Guilt at being promiscous when they were a teen and/or
Guilt about accepting(and in many cases encouraging) the promiscuity of their teens.

Congrats on your daughters staying chaste. Most do not share that kind of info with 'ol Dad.

I disagree with your reasons about giving advice to use contraception. While that may be true to some extent, I find most give that advice because they recognize the world we live in, and if teenagers don’t know the whole picture, then unwanted pregnancys and STD results.

Again, if you convince your teenagers that staying chaste is best, as you apparently did, then that’s terrific. Unfortunately, I feel your success story is the minority, and I think stats bare that out.
.

 

[mikew262]

mikew262;1474761:

Bad advice. There is no such thing as safe sex and there is no such thing as 100% effective contraception. By telling our teens to use contraception we are making a twofold mistake:

1. We are treating them as nothing more than sexual animals who cant control their lust
2. we are giving them false information about the consequences of having sex-that is we are telling them that there is a way to have sex with no consequences.

I disagree in part. Yes, there is no such thing as 100% effective contraception, but it comes darn close.

1. You are not treating them as sexual animals, but you are recognizing the culture we live in promotes sex and that their hormones are firing up. They will have lustful feelings and their youthful inexperience could very well lead to a sexual encounter. If parents are successful in convincing their child to stay celebate, as all should strive to do, thats great. However, they also need to be educated in the other option.
2. Consequences? You bet!! Unfortunately, most teenagers will have sex, thats been bared out in studies. If you have unprotected sex, then you risk an unwanted pregnancy or a STD. There are your consequences. If a pregnancy then they may consider abortion, which to me is a hundred times worse than contraception.

Sorry, but to not fully educate your children is not doing them any favors IMO.

 

[estesbob]

Congrats on your daughters staying chaste. Most do not share that kind of info with 'ol Dad.

I disagree with your reasons about giving advice to use contraception. While that may be true to some extent, I find most give that advice because they recognize the world we live in, and if teenagers don’t know the whole picture, then unwanted pregnancys and STD results.

Again, if you convince your teenagers that staying chaste is best, as you apparently did, then that’s terrific. Unfortunately, I feel your success story is the minority, and I think stats bare that out.
.

I counseled teens at a CPC for 5 years and saw first hand the misery the advice you recommend caused teens. They need support in staying chaste-not bad advice on how to be promiscus and get away with it.

 

[siamesecat]

Sorry folks, but like it or not, this is reality.

BTW Siamesecat, good for you!!

Thanks but I’m no saint. I’ve never met a guy nice enough to ever want to enter a relationship with, and I’d never be the type who has random ‘flings.’ Sex is not an option for me in high school, for one because my parents always know everything going on, and second of all, I believe abortion is wrong and there’s no way I can have a kid in high school. Also, I’d want to use at least 2 methods of birth control, and I don’t have access right now. I’m not saying I wouldn’t wait until marriage, but I’d definately consider it more in college if I met the right guy…but it would take a while and I’d at least hope to find someone who wants me for more than that. I’m not easily swayed and would never engage in sexual behavior with a random guy, but I’m not a devout Catholic either. My friends having sex in high school just using condoms are crazy, IMO. Two of them just said “well I’d just get an abortion.” They said it so carelessly. I’m somewhat pro-choice, but I could never be indifferent about an abortion like they are. I’d be upset about it for the rest of my life.

 

[byHisGrace]

I counseled teens at a CPC for 5 years and saw first hand the misery the advice you recommend caused teens. They need support in staying chaste-not bad advice on how to be promiscus and get away with it.

estesbob,
AMEN! There is NO way any parent can “advise” their child that fornication is wrong, but since as a parent I don’t have faith in you so here’s the birth control"…! Talk about destroying any credibility with your children! If we think we’re doing them a favor and “protecting” them from the world by telling them there aren’t severe consequences for their behaviors, then we should have the millstones hung around OUR necks!

God bless you!

 

[siamesecat]

estesbob,
AMEN! There is NO way any parent can “advise” their child that fornication is wrong, but since as a parent I don’t have faith in you so here’s the birth control"…! Talk about destroying any credibility with your children! If we think we’re doing them a favor and “protecting” them from the world by telling them there aren’t severe consequences for their behaviors, then we should have the millstones hung around OUR necks!

God bless you!

Don’t hand them birth control…there’s just a certain age where you should explain how everything works.

 

[bluerose]

How would you answer someone who said to you, “You should think about getting some form of birth control for your sixteen year old daughter. I know your Church doesn’t approve of birth control, but that won’t stop her from having sex. And you wouldn’t want her to get pregnant.”

This response works well: Look interested and say, “And just what type of birth control fixes a broken heart and shores up self-esteem when my daughter finds out her boyfriend was just using her since there was no danger of either of them getting stuck with responsibility?”

There is no answer. Girls who aren’t taught and encouraged to respect themselves and their bodies will feel cheap and used regardless of whether they practice “safe” sex or “unsafe” sex. Some of my co-workers who took their daughters down to the clinic (at FOURteen, never mind sixteen!) are in a rage because their daughters can’t seem to find a “decent” guy to go out with, just guys who only want “one thing” and then drop the girls like hot potatoes. Now these same women are complaining that their daughters are acting like sluts, sleeping with every guy they meet. Whose fault is that?

Someone once said something like, “What does it profit a man to save his life but lose his soul?” Can’t think of his name right now, but it’ll come to me…

BlueRose

 

[byHisGrace]

Don’t hand them birth control…there’s just a certain age where you should explain how everything works.

If what you’re talking about is sex education, then thats one thing. Not only should parents bear the responsibility of educating their children, but they should also be very clear on the moral, spiritual, and physical consequences of illicit sex, and of the moral, spiritual, and physical consequences of artificial birth control.

But I would ask you to read the original post which DOES talk about handing them birth control.

God bless you!

 

[byHisGrace]

This response works well: Look interested and say, “And just what type of birth control fixes a broken heart and shores up self-esteem when my daughter finds out her boyfriend was just using her since there was no danger of either of them getting stuck with responsibility?”

There is no answer. Girls who aren’t taught and encouraged to respect themselves and their bodies will feel cheap and used regardless of whether they practice “safe” sex or “unsafe” sex. Some of my co-workers who took their daughters down to the clinic (at FOURteen, never mind sixteen!) are in a rage because their daughters can’t seem to find a “decent” guy to go out with, just guys who only want “one thing” and then drop the girls like hot potatoes. Now these same women are complaining that their daughters are acting like sluts, sleeping with every guy they meet. Whose fault is that?

Someone once said something like, “What does it profit a man to save his life but lose his soul?” Can’t think of his name right now, but it’ll come to me…

BlueRose

BlueRose,
Absolutely beautiful. Advocating birth control because one believes that their child will have sex because of “statistics” is giving up on the child…AND their parental responsibility. I have two daughters who stood strong. They have tremendous self respect and as a result those they’ve dated show the same respect. One is now married to an excellent young man who always respected her, and because of her convictions, also fell in love with her faith and is now Catholic. The other is still single and very selective in who she dates and why. She is a teacher and constantly counsels her teen-age students on self respect and abstinence. She’s a living witness to them. THAT is our role with children…to uncompromisingly witness the faith…anything else is a capitulation as a parent and an invitation to moral failure for our children.

God bless you!

 

[psteichen]

Sex is not an option for me in high school, for one because my parents always know everything going on, and second of all, I believe abortion is wrong and there’s no way I can have a kid in high school. Also, I’d want to use at least 2 methods of birth control, and I don’t have access right now. I’m not saying I wouldn’t wait until marriage, but I’d definitely consider it more in college if I met the right guy…

siamesecat,

I hesitate to use your words to make my point, because I suspect you won’t appreciate me using you as an example. Please continue to avoid the pressures you get from others. Also, try to learn more about why you should avoid sex before marriage. Avoiding sex to keep from getting an STD or to avoid pregnancy is practical and makes sense, but there are far more important reasons. Try reading “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. It will give you the whole picture.

Mike,

If this quote doesn’t say it all then nothing will for you I’m afraid. This girl is avoiding sex because she thinks she will get caught. She is afraid that she will loose the respect of her parents if she has sex. She is afraid she could get pregnant. And did you see that one very important point she made? “I don’t have access right now”

Now this girl will probably grow up to be a great Catholic woman some day. She is not there yet, but she is still growing and learning. What would happen if she had parents that tempered their convictions on chastity by teaching her about and allowing her to obtain birth control devices or drugs? She would now be free of her inhibitions. She could have that access. She would perceive that sex before marriage can’t be that bad, because her parents have just taught her how to make it okay. She doesn’t fully understand the spiritual reasons why sex before marriage is bad, this is clear from her statements. Until she has the time and opportunity to grow and learn the full meaning of her sexuality, she is not prepared to make these decisions for herself. If a lack of access and parental “understanding” is preventing her from making a horrible mistake, then her parents deserve high praise.

Your attitude is completely misguided. I fear you also do not understand the importance of your God given sexuality. If you did, you would not believe it wise parenting follow the advice you have been dishing out this afternoon.

 

[KATA_LOUKAN]

Thanks but I’m no saint. I’ve never met a guy nice enough to ever want to enter a relationship with, and I’d never be the type who has random ‘flings.’ Sex is not an option for me in high school, for one because my parents always know everything going on, and second of all, I believe abortion is wrong and there’s no way I can have a kid in high school. Also, I’d want to use at least 2 methods of birth control, and I don’t have access right now. I’m not saying I wouldn’t wait until marriage, but I’d definately consider it more in college if I met the right guy…but it would take a while and I’d at least hope to find someone who wants me for more than that. I’m not easily swayed and would never engage in sexual behavior with a random guy, but I’m not a devout Catholic either. My friends having sex in high school just using condoms are crazy, IMO. Two of them just said “well I’d just get an abortion.” They said it so carelessly. I’m somewhat pro-choice, but I could never be indifferent about an abortion like they are. I’d be upset about it for the rest of my life.

wow. i have some advice.

first, it is never wise to enter college with the thought that you “might” give in to sexual temptation. God knows it is hard enough for those of us who are commited to remain pure. It WILL BE HARD TO STAY PURE in college.

You don’t have access to 2 methods of regulating births? Try two - periodic abstinance and NFP.

Also, its a good thing that you have come here. I noticed that someone suggested that you read Christopher West - good call,

To keep it short - here is my practical advice (credit to Mr. West)

If you are wanting to practice birth control, you are afraid of what sex truly entails. When you meet someone who is so perfect and right for you, he will never ask for sex outside of marriage. Guaranteed. To love someone like that, you must share your total self (including fertility) with him. NFP only strenghtens marriage.

To practice NFP is, according to studies, 99% accurate when used correctly. Condoms are only 97%.

 

[siamesecat]

wow. i have some advice.

first, it is never wise to enter college with the thought that you “might” give in to sexual temptation. God knows it is hard enough for those of us who are commited to remain pure. It WILL BE HARD TO STAY PURE in college.

You don’t have access to 2 methods of regulating births? Try two - periodic abstinance and NFP.

Also, its a good thing that you have come here. I noticed that someone suggested that you read Christopher West - good call,

To keep it short - here is my practical advice (credit to Mr. West)

If you are wanting to practice birth control, you are afraid of what sex truly entails. When you meet someone who is so perfect and right for you, he will never ask for sex outside of marriage. Guaranteed. To love someone like that, you must share your total self (including fertility) with him. NFP only strenghtens marriage.

To practice NFP is, according to studies, 99% accurate when used correctly. Condoms are only 97%.

Well I’m not Catholic so I don’t believe birth control is wrong. NFP in marriage though does seem to strengthen it but I doubt I’d find any guy interested in it. I’m going to college thinking “I cant wait to have sex”, but the reality is, everyone has sex before marriage now. if I was a devout Catholic, I might be able to find a guy who shares my beliefs, but I’m not, I just think sex at this point is dangerous and irresponsible and there’s no one I like well enough to engage in that with. That being said, I still have not ruled out waiting for marriage…it’s not like I can’t wait to go sleep around. I would find a committed relationship first at least, and make sure it was with someone I really trusted. I’d be responsible about it.

 

[siamesecat]

Just one more time…this is probably really misleading since it’s a Catholic forum…but I’m an agnostic. I just come here but I like learning new perspectives and debating issues. I do fully understand the spiritual reasons, I just dont believe in them. My parents are against premarital sex, but they wouldnt like disown me, and they also have no religious beliefs. My reasons are not for religious reasons, but rather for safety and for finding someone who I really want to have that type of relationship with (and for all I know I might not be really until marriage…I just havent ruled it out. ) thanks for your advice though.

 

[KATA_LOUKAN]

Well I’m not Catholic so I don’t believe birth control is wrong. NFP in marriage though does seem to strengthen it but I doubt I’d find any guy interested in it. I’m going to college thinking “I cant wait to have sex”, but the reality is, everyone has sex before marriage now. if I was a devout Catholic, I might be able to find a guy who shares my beliefs, but I’m not, I just think sex at this point is dangerous and irresponsible and there’s no one I like well enough to engage in that with. That being said, I still have not ruled out waiting for marriage…it’s not like I can’t wait to go sleep around. I would find a committed relationship first at least, and make sure it was with someone I really trusted. I’d be responsible about it.

“NFP in marriage though does seem to strengthen it but I doubt I’d find any guy interested in it.”

You would be surprised - there are guys who are interested.

“everyone has sex before marriage now”

Not true

“I just think sex at this point is dangerous and irresponsible and there’s no one I like well enough to engage in that with. That being said, I still have not ruled out waiting for marriage…it’s not like I can’t wait to go sleep around. I would find a committed relationship first at least, and make sure it was with someone I really trusted. I’d be responsible about it.”

This is a phenomenon known as natural conscience. You know that premarital sex is wrong because it is fairly obvious, you dont need a church to tell you that.

As for being agnostic, i can only say that the Catholic church is a great one (the best), and this is the best place to find out information. Just be sure that you are searching, because agnosticism quickly progresses to athiesm or self worship if it left alone.

 

[BlestOne]

OK… Mike, I think I may qualify as one who has and is raising daughters…18 in all! 16 foster daughers 1 daughter and one step daughter, although my own is 15 in 2 weeks and the step is 11 yrs old. I have rules…

1. 
   *]teach a young lady to respect herself and she has no need to indulge in promiscuous behavior
   *]Talk to them often about concerns they have about sex, fitting in, relationships, etc…
   *]SET A GOOD EXAMPLE!!!
   *]Treat them with respect so they know they are worthy of respect
   
   As far as it goes, I have raised kids who already had babies, had STD’s, or were sexually abused by family members (about 80% of my “kids”) I always told them; It’s a brand new day, Today you can choose to have respect for yourself and ask others to respect you too…worked for me! I had 1 kid that got pregnant before marriage (after she left my house of course). We are not animals! If we don’t have self respect, we can’t expect respect from others.
   
   Did I mention I have 2 sons too? You bet your rear I taught them the same and also to protect and respect women!!! So far so good, a 19 yo and a 16 yo, both have confided they are still virgins.

 

[mystified]

Here’s one in the midst of raising a teenager as legal guardian, my hat is off to those who have been through this trying time for both the girl and the parent.
Would I get the “pill” for her? No. This would be the same as saying, “We are Catholics, but we aren’t going to follow the Church’s teachings.” All any of us can do is set the best example and give the best advice posible, then PRAY.

 

[Liberian]

Moira,

I would answer, “Do not pile sin upon sin.” It is NOT a given that my daughter will have sex, and if I act as if it were a certainty it would probably induce her to do so. My daughter knows–and believes–the teachings of the Church on this subject and she has a pair of uncompromising examples in her parents.

I would add that if she were to get pregnant, that would bring home to her the enormity of what she has done. If she is able simply to “sweep it under the rug,” then she could spend the rest of her life minimizing the sin until she stands up in front of God and it is too late.

If you think standing your ground is difficult, wait until you try to get it back after you have given it up.

• Liberian

 

[Island_Oak]

How would you answer someone who said to you, “You should think about getting some form of birth control for your sixteen year old daughter. I know your Church doesn’t approve of birth control, but that won’t stop her from having sex. And you wouldn’t want her to get pregnant.”

It would make me wonder what my friend knew about my daughter’s extra-curricular activities that I did not–and ask her.

 

[Cristiano]

My point is it’s easy to give advice and pontificate, but until you’ve walked the walk…

Are telling us that JPII did not know what he was tallking about when he pontificated about the theology of the body?

 

[hasikelee]

NFP in marriage though does seem to strengthen it but I doubt I’d find any guy interested in it. I’m going to college thinking “I cant wait to have sex”, but the reality is, everyone has sex before marriage now. if I was a devout Catholic, I might be able to find a guy who shares my beliefs, but I’m not, I just think sex at this point is dangerous and irresponsible and there’s no one I like well enough to engage in that with. That being said, I still have not ruled out waiting for marriage…it’s not like I can’t wait to go sleep around. I would find a committed relationship first at least, and make sure it was with someone I really trusted. I’d be responsible about it.

Siamesecat, I am in college and I know how you feel. Every single person I know at work and in school is sleeping around or if engaged they are living together.

But I wanted to post to tell you not to lower your standards or give up simply because it looks hopeless. There are nice guys out there who aren’t interested in the roulette of premarital sex and who do want to save the gift of sexuality for their future wife. Even guys who aren’t Catholic.

To the OP, if I had been in your position I would have focused on responding with biological information. The woman’s suggestion already dismissed religion (“I know you’re catholic, but…”) so she needed a secular wake-up call to the idiocy of birth control.

So birth control might prevent ovulation most of the time, and it might cause back-up abortion if that fails, thus preventing pregnancy or ending one before anyone becomes the wiser. That is all it does, however, and as a parent, she ought to be loving her daughter more, doncha think? I would feel crushed if I learned that my mother didn’t care one iota about any horrible disease, cancer or trouble I got into with abusive men or bad living conditions so long as I didn’t “get pregnant”

I have read posts on this thread bringing up the hypocrisy argument, but in my experiences of seeing fellow girls grow up through teenage times, it is the feeling of neglect, abandoment and lack of love in a parent only caring about their daughter preventing pregnancy that hurts the most.

How selfish. Leave to screw up her own life, be hurt by men looking for something and getting it without any consequences for them, infection, infertility, broken hearts, abuse, AIDS, and just so long as she isn’t pregnant, mummy doesn’t care.

Happens all the time. Trust me, girls hear the selfishness loud and clear.