Tell an Outrageous Lie about the Previous Poster, Vol. III

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fortunately for joey (name removed by moderator) was the surprise health inspector. (name removed by moderator) had joey fill the trunk of his Cadillac with the liquid in return for passing the eatery.
 
(name removed by moderator) knows because his hobby is raising fava beans and bottling his own Chianti.
 
(name removed by moderator) despises wine. As an avid rum drinker he only drinks rum made by the Appleton Estates in Jamacia. To be sure he is getting the real stuff, (name removed by moderator) flies down there bi-weekly to buy the rum off the showroom floor.
 
Brother Gov has always been a big fan of Christmas plays…he recently learned that his second-graders were starting tryouts for their presentation of “A Christmas Carol”, and went to watch…when all his second-graders pleaded with him to be in their play, he jumped at the chance…he was cast as ‘The Ghost of Christmas Future’, because he won’t need a costume…he insisted on getting his script early, so he could have extra time to memorize all his lines…
 
Boldlygo has started preparing for Christmas. He started crocheting cute toilet paper holders in festive red and green colors. He’s made 22 dozen so far. He doesn’t have that many real life friends though, so he will share with us. We just need to send him a self addressed stamped envelope.
 
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[Mary Gail ordered three of the toilet paper holders - enough for her and all her friends…]

Mary Gail and her politically-ambitious sons, Donald and Clint, got into the holiday spirit by making Christmas cookies…Mary Gail made her world-famous sugar cookies in the shapes of little elephants and donkeys, and Donald and Clint used the decorative icing to make it appear that they were making obscene gestures at each other…
 
Boldlygo asked Donald and Clint to bake for his parish bake sale, but made sure to hide the cookie cutters. He went to the dollar store for some non political cookie cutters. All they had were jack’o’lanterns and Easter bunnies . He instructed my boys to try to make the pumpkins sort of look like Santa, and the bunnies could be reindeer. My boys are a bit stubborn though. They aren’t coming out just right.🐇 🐘🐴
 
Mary Gail’s cooks cutters unbeknownst to all but herself have magical powers ,
and her little shaped dough animals come to life after baking…the Jack o lanterns
are something to be feared as they swell and take on their wicked faces and gleaming sharp teeth…
 
In gratitude for asking him to be in their Christmas play, Brother Gov invited all the second-graders to a pre-Thanksgiving dinner at the abbey [the cook was thrilled…]…
They arrived a day early, on the school bus, and Brother Gov had to find some way to entertain them…Brainstorm!!!..he took them to a turkey farm, and told them to pick out a turkey ‘for tomorrow’ …when they realized that said turkey would be killed, they all started to cry…
Softie that he is, Brother Gov bought three live tom turkeys, took them to the bus, and released them on the abbey grounds when the bus got there…he named them Larry, Curly, and Moe, and the kids laugh every time they see them…
The pre-Thanksgiving dinner featured tofu burgers and fries, and Brother Gov promised the kids that he’d turn vegetarian after Thanksgiving…
 
Boldlygo …really Boldlyglow wears a tophat to cover a huge hairless dome not because it’s unsightly by day
but more to deter moths and such sorts by night that are drawn to the iridescent glow by night…a phenomenon created
by bacteria.Hes not exactly sure which side of the family his peculiar trait has been handed down from…
 
Greenfields left school after the fourth grade to join the circus…after a few years spent feeding the animals, she got into a verbal altercation with the boss, and she was so loud that his ears rang for days…A Star Is Born!!!
Ever since then, she’s been known as ‘Hog-Calling Sally, the Eighth Wonder of the World’, and people come from all over to hear her scream…legend has it that she worked two county fairs at the same time - she stood at the midpoint between the two, some twenty-five miles apart, let loose with a “SOOOO-EY”, and was heard at both fairs…
 
At this very moment in time,Boldlygo is bobbing on the pristine waters of Dal lake ,Srinagar in his bedecked
old houseboat,lamps glowing,flicking patterns on his beloved books.
He’s writing his memoirs hurriedly now,sweat dripping .as time is running out…
 
After watching twenty fourJames Bond movies in a row, (name removed by moderator), otherwise knows as Brother Gov, International Man of Mystery, had Greenfields, his own personal “Q” make him a watch with secret features. After “Q” offered his several options, BrotherGov chose the feature where the watch, when depressing the crown, farts the “Battle Hymn of the Republic.” Members of Al Queda have been reported as quaking with fear and abandoning the Jihad.
 
joeybaggz,Baggzzzzz?
A reptilian creature with slitted mean eyes and a blue forked filtering tongue,always found wearing a trench coat and has a baskets on his tricycle to discreetly
carry his tail in ,while he roams the back streets in search of squashed squirrels
 
Greenfields, aka ‘Hog-Calling Sally’, became known to the Department of Defense…she ‘disappeared’ one evening, carefully gagged,so that she couldn’t use her ‘secret weapon’…
When she woke up, she was near the top of a mountain, in a warm bunker, dressed in Arctic gear…the Army wanted to know if her scream could be used to incapacitate the enemy in the valley below, and there’s nothing like a dress rehearsal to find out…she was ordered to step out of the bunker, face the valley below, and let loose with her best “SOOOO-EY”…
Unfortunately, when she stepped outside, the cold air contracted her vocal cords, and she was unable to whisper, much less scream…
The condition persisted…she’s now in a VA hospital at an unnamed location, where the therapists are trying to restore her speech, and we all know how long the VA takes to accomplish anything…
 
(name removed by moderator) is trying to invent a “cloud” storage system for his overwhelming collection of KISS memorabilia.
 
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1Lord1Faith is more than happy to provide the cloud for (name removed by moderator)'s memorabilia. In fact (name removed by moderator) is right groovy with the purple haze and has joined 1Lord1Faith in helping make the cloud. Now if they could remember why.
 
(name removed by moderator) is talking about a classic trailer. But what he really means is his 1973 expandable camper with a rusty propane tank at the front that was used to smuggle moonshine from North Carolina into Quebec City.
 
Back in college, SuperLuigi pledged a fraternity, and part of his initiation was wearing his clothing inside-out for a week…it wasn’t all that bad, since the weather was warm, and he wore only shorts and T-shirts…
Somehow, the inside-out bit became a habit…he’s lost several potential jobs interviewing in an inside-out suit…now, he’s dumpster-diving in the Windy City, wearing inside-out thermal coveralls, and hoping he doesn’t have to unzip anytime soon…
 
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