Tell an Outrageous Lie about the Previous Poster, Vol. III

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For the last ten years Boldlygo has been writing letters to the IOC advocating for a men’s synchronized swimming event at the Summer Olympics. If things pan out, he’ll be the first to throw his hat in the ring to be a coach for the US team. Drawing on his vast childhood experience in dance and choreography, he has already sequenced several routines that he himself has mastered, and he is ready to teach them to a US team.
 
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1Lord1Faith is the full-time, volunteer towel boy for the team. Because his vision is going bad, he can’t tell the difference between jock straps and the towels…
 
Because he wears his thermal coveralls inside-out, SuperLuigi has some difficulty reaching the pockets…last night, as he tried to sleep in his refrigerator box under the bridge, a raccoon smelled the dumpster-dive food in his pocket, and crawled in to get it…when SuperLuigi started squirming, the raccoon bit him on the stomach, and ran…SuperLuigi is now at Mercy Hospital, being treated for minor frostbite, and receiving a series of shots to prevent possible rabies.
[It might be difficult for the hospital staff to keep him there…the shots are quite painful, and he’d much rather dumpster-dive than eat hospital food…]
 
The raccoon was subsequently shot and sold at 3x market value to boldlygo’s taxonomy business. He thought it was so valuable he rented an armored car to transport it to his secret lair in Baffin Island and placed on the mantle just below the picture of SuperLuigi.
 
[Ah, yes…the picture of SuperLuigi at the frat party, as Rent-a-Zombie…taken immediately after the drunken frat boys played ‘Pin the Tail on the Rent-a-Zombie’, using darts and old typewriter ribbon…that picture is worth several thousand words…]

The hospital staff knew they had to keep SuperLuigi there until the entire series of shots had been administered, so they talked to his social worker, and got a list of his favorite foods…it was a struggle for the dietary department, but they finally managed, after several tries, to perfect the recipe…

SuperLuigi now gets booger pizza three times a day, and washes it down with his favorite all-time brew, Old Milwaukee Light…he told his social worker to find another raccoon, or maybe a sewer rat, to bite him, so he can stay in this almost-heaven for another couple weeks…
 
The Govenator exterminator of all things cockroachy ,has had a change of heart and is at this moment talking sweetly
tearing of little chunks of tropical topping pizza he stole from poor Boldlygo(who’s trussed up like a turkey) and kindly
feeding the happy shiny win-ged bugs.Im sure they even have names by now…
 
"Sugarwater…I need Sugarwater "…says the Guv stiffly,his tall form lurching as he tries to throttle Boldlygo ,
bugs tumbling out of his trench coat .Boldlygo screams truely awakened out of his vegative state at last
primeval instinct kicking in to save his miserable yellow skin.
“Here !! Here, try this sickly sweet gigantic cup of Macca’s pretend sweet tea!”( nothing like a good ol’ normal
Cup of tea,tea…)
The Guv’ takes a great swig and says…“Whew,thanks,that was close …my hypoglycaemia is playing having with me
at present” and slaps Boldlygo’s pock-ridden shoulders…
 
Poor poor Govenator :cry: Cambells chicken noodle soup was Not the right thing to have eaten…no, uh uh,not in his weakened condition…a condition not of this world it appears…
It began with the clucking and small irritating pin feathers pushing their way painfully through his skin(much much worse than the worst pimple you’ve ever experienced…)
And then the smell of wet feathers(in my,Greenfields opinion that was the most horrifying symptom,🤢 )
I think I’ll stop here before we mention 'the egg…"
 
A Good swig of whiskey ?!A good Swig of whiskey says he the Govenator
who flew to Scotland donned a kilt and bagpipes frightening the goats as he scaled the highlands crying and tugging at his feathers ! Flagons upon flagons of whiskey and a terrible wailing and keening both from his heart and bagpipes…
 
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(name removed by moderator) is a well know music video producer over seas. In fact he is even a bagpipe composer. He taught the girls how to play the bagpipe, (name removed by moderator) even taught the girls how to dance and play the bagpipes for this video… but i better not post a link to it, as the video is the typical racy video. it was performed by Scooter.
 
The Legend, enthralled by Brother Gov’s phenomenal success as an internationally renown music video producer has embarked on a music video production company. The first offerings of this new musical creation will be music videos entitled, “Yoko sings the Best of Two Live Crew,”, “Wayne Newton and Twisted Sister Together Again”, and the ultimate musical coup, "Rosie O’Donnell’s tribute to the stylings of Tupac Shakur. Download all three now!
 
At least you two have something in common 🙂
I like what you’ve done with your basement…and the basements basements basement…that things seriously deep…and the fungus and slime man!🙂 The effects great!
It is just imitation right?Right? Oh…not ,then how…what’s wrong with your face?Thats not sweat that’s …oh gross,😬
It’s all over you! You what? Silken webs, hungry? That’s a pretty foul odour coming from behind that pile of rocks and broken chairs…
…
 
Greenfields obsession with organic byproducts has caused him to establish a secure lab in “his” basement, although official real estate records indicate that it belongs to Mrs. Greenfields, who is listed as Greenfields mother in the 2010 census.
 
What a small world,Greenfields and (name removed by moderator) discover they are actually second cousins twice removed…
Over a nice hot cup of chocolate one evening in the basement beneath the basement beneath the basement
both smiled at an old tired white rat trying to roll an apple to his rathole and came up with a name given out of mutual affection for the little battler…“SuperLuigi” 🐁
 
Greenfields said:
It’s all over you! You what? Silken webs, hungry? That’s a pretty foul odour coming from behind that pile of rocks and broken chairs…
Click to expand...
Greenfields screeched in terror as the pile of chairs and rocks began to move. Stretching out the Legend stood upright and smiled at Greenfields thank you for the compliment the Legend said. With that Greenfields scurried out of the basements.
 
The Legend stood exactly 4 1/2 feet tall, and had the expression and appearance very similar to the famed Mr Bean…but was quite the opposite in character …he wouldn’t cease making niceties about the weather and the delemmas of what to wear .It was so bad that poor old Guv began to weep.Agreeing and commiserating sympathetically with the Legend,they popped Super Luigi the white rat into a box and gave it as consolation to the diminutive being showed him the coal shute door-and shoved him through.
 
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Greenfields recently came down with a serious cold and stayed in bed for a several days and during that time watched 27 straight hours of Jerry Springer Show reruns. Favorite episode? Transgender cross dressing lesbians from the planet of the Leather Bondage Loving Midgets. Said it was a reminder of the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign.
 
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The cook at the Abbey took the weekend off after Thanksgiving, so Brother Gov volunteered…his meatless Friday menu consisted of bean burritos, bean-and-cheese burritos, and refried beans…the resulting gas caused a mass evacuation of the dormitory wing, but some good may come of it yet - Brother Gov is now working on an air collector that could move said gas to the furnace…if he succeeds, the heating bill would be nonexistent, and the frugal monks would become vegetarians during the winter months…
 
Sadly the whole thing backfired and the Gov 'was to blame
for the epidemic of allergic respiratory issues and a horrendous scalding of the skin that occurred after several weeks of exposure to the product
 
(name removed by moderator) is actually a lizard person from Mars who is plotting to overthrow the world and install a world government… stay woke 😐😐😐
 
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