V
vern_humphrey
Guest
Very good advice.
- Status
F
felra
Guest
Your point being?
I totally agree that no person has the right to advise a sacramentally married Catholic to “put asunder what God has joined”.
There you go again, putting all the responsibility and ownness on the OP to unilaterally “save” the marriage. I really hope that she does not take your words to heart. She is only 33.33% of the equation in a sacramental marriage. We all agree that her current approach is not effective and that she needs to take care of her end of things, but no substantial change is going to occur until hubby throws his hat into the ring. She needs to build incentive for him to do so, especially when she is dealing with established habits (pornography) that are incongruent with married life, she cannot bide her time while hubby finally decides to abandon his vice.
V
vern_humphrey
Guest
Judge not, lest you be judged. Especially not on a few paragraphs posted on the internet, that only cover one side of the story.
We’ve already seen how the assumption that the husband is violent is wrong. We might be wrong about a few other things, too.
Then we should not do it, nor advise others to do it.
You seem determined to sit in judgement on this marriage.
My point – and that of several others – is that the OP came asking for advice. If the husband had been the one to ask, he would have got advice telling him that he needs to approach the problem with love, not confrontation.
Now, none of us have a magic wand. We can’t wave it and change the husband’s behavior (since we don’t know the husband, we really don’t KNOW what his behavior is.) But we can advise the OP on tried-and-true methods of healing a marriage and holding it together.
T
TNT
Guest
I am probably very much his type except not passive-Aggr. so much. I even program from the home office. I work about 20 hrs/wk.
Ok, I had the same problem with my wife. I treated her like dirt right after marriage.
2 things.
BUT once I got back with her, I closed out ALL negatives regarding her and developed an overriding admiration for all the things that attracted me to her in the 3 years before we married. That’s what slowly occurred during those 8 months of isolation. No, there was no sex in those 3 yrs. Which, I admit, produced a new un-experienced situation after marriage. I had to do some “training” with her and her to me, being very patient, to make that click, if you know what I mean. Now, WOW!
I hate confessing in public, but it’s so good for humility. Not that I need any.
BTW:
Porn may do some apparent good in his sex life …for a while, but eventually it will dull his affectons for you and his libido! Guaranteed! It has to be shut down. It’s a way of having other women available, with you only as an alternative. It IS a form of the killer-of-love, ADULTERY. It’s a way of having other women without the “baggage” of relationship and you get to idealize the subject san reality! This is real immaturity.
I pray for the success of your marriage. My heart goes out to you. But, getting things permanently resolved before kids is paramount.
ps.
I hope he too is Catholic?
We are both very Trad Catholic. I actually took my vow more seriously than she did.This was my anchor pin to the marriage when in isolation.
Ok, I had the same problem with my wife. I treated her like dirt right after marriage.
2 things.
- As long as I had OTHER admiring women to communicate with, I was not treating my wife properly.
- ***ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER!
***SHE LEFT AND would not COMMUNICATE WITH ME! at all.
BUT once I got back with her, I closed out ALL negatives regarding her and developed an overriding admiration for all the things that attracted me to her in the 3 years before we married. That’s what slowly occurred during those 8 months of isolation. No, there was no sex in those 3 yrs. Which, I admit, produced a new un-experienced situation after marriage. I had to do some “training” with her and her to me, being very patient, to make that click, if you know what I mean. Now, WOW!
I hate confessing in public, but it’s so good for humility. Not that I need any.
BTW:
Porn may do some apparent good in his sex life …for a while, but eventually it will dull his affectons for you and his libido! Guaranteed! It has to be shut down. It’s a way of having other women available, with you only as an alternative. It IS a form of the killer-of-love, ADULTERY. It’s a way of having other women without the “baggage” of relationship and you get to idealize the subject san reality! This is real immaturity.
I pray for the success of your marriage. My heart goes out to you. But, getting things permanently resolved before kids is paramount.
ps.
I hope he too is Catholic?
We are both very Trad Catholic. I actually took my vow more seriously than she did.This was my anchor pin to the marriage when in isolation.
D
delorean_boy
Guest
I dont know if this has been recommended yet but,
have you tried prayer?
Since this sounds like a dratic situation it calls for drastic action.
What I would do if you havent all ready, is start praying the rosary daily; if you have time, say the whole rosary
(15 mysteries). Also attend eucharistic adoration if possible, otherwise, go visit jesus in the tabernacle frequently.
daily mass of course, if you can. Aswell as frequent confession.
Christ has given you this as your cross, and you must bear it, but he never gives us a cross to heavy. He wants to help us every step of the way, if only we ask him.
It is absolutely necessary to have recourse always to Jesus.
Lastly, Fasting and self sacrifice is also very imoprtant, so I would start fasting and abstaining perhaps on fridays, and even more if you can. Also it is often helpful to me to pray novenas, which are very powerful.
I know that doing these things seem hard, but honestly, what you get out is proportional to what you put in. And in doing these things I have never been let down ever.
have you tried prayer?
Since this sounds like a dratic situation it calls for drastic action.
What I would do if you havent all ready, is start praying the rosary daily; if you have time, say the whole rosary
(15 mysteries). Also attend eucharistic adoration if possible, otherwise, go visit jesus in the tabernacle frequently.
daily mass of course, if you can. Aswell as frequent confession.
Christ has given you this as your cross, and you must bear it, but he never gives us a cross to heavy. He wants to help us every step of the way, if only we ask him.
It is absolutely necessary to have recourse always to Jesus.
Lastly, Fasting and self sacrifice is also very imoprtant, so I would start fasting and abstaining perhaps on fridays, and even more if you can. Also it is often helpful to me to pray novenas, which are very powerful.
I know that doing these things seem hard, but honestly, what you get out is proportional to what you put in. And in doing these things I have never been let down ever.
F
felra
Guest
We are in agreement here.
Please don’t lump me together in a composite “we” of assumption.
Any facts for this unfounded statement other than your opinion?
I see that we disagree on our definitions of love and confrontation, which you continue to present as mutually exclusive.
This is true, and to think otherwise is to have a grandiose self-assessment.
V
vern_humphrey
Guest
Your words.
The OP has made it clear that what she is doing now is not working. It seems to be your opinion that she should keep doing it.
Please note the quoted words above that I posted in bold.
F
felra
Guest
vern humphrey:
Rather than hijack this thread to upmanship one another, let’s just say that you sunk my battleship, we agree to pray for this poster’s marriage, and otherwise we agree to disagree.
God bless.
Vern, we are obviously using different dictionaries for our definitions if you consider my suggestion and observation a verbatum example of being judgemental. To state “It seems to be your opinion that …” is simply your impression and opinion, which is fine, but your conjecture is not fact.
Rather than hijack this thread to upmanship one another, let’s just say that you sunk my battleship, we agree to pray for this poster’s marriage, and otherwise we agree to disagree.
God bless.
V
vern_humphrey
Guest
As the OP’s has said, what she’s doing right now isn’t working.
Let’s do that. Thank you for that gentle remonstrance.Rather than hijack this thread to upmanship one another, let’s just say that you sunk my battleship, we agree to pray for this poster’s marriage, and otherwise we agree to disagree.
God bless.
B
bettyg51
Guest
Suggestions: If you can’t afford counseling, try Sexaholics Anonymous. www.sa.org. Get educated with Theology of the Body so that you can explain the value and benefits of chastity. Try a more positive approach; ie, working this will help us to love each other better and meet your desires for belonging and integrity.
Don’t allow yourself to be devalued, abused or treated as an object of gratification. It will kill your self-respect.
Learn the difference between joy and pleasure. Joy comes from living the truth; ie a moral life, and serving God and others. Pleasure is a temporary high that never really satisfies, but leaves one thirsty for more thrills.
Don’t allow yourself to be devalued, abused or treated as an object of gratification. It will kill your self-respect.
Learn the difference between joy and pleasure. Joy comes from living the truth; ie a moral life, and serving God and others. Pleasure is a temporary high that never really satisfies, but leaves one thirsty for more thrills.
A
Al_Masetti
Guest
The first year (or more) of a marriage defines a period of adjustment that is difficult, no question.
I’ve been thinking about this particular situation all afternoon. The term that keeps popping up in my head is “escalating ultimatim”. Ultimatims are self-defeating. They are a casus belli – they can lead only to war.
A Christian marriage is sort of defined by Christ as a man and a woman abandoning their families of origin and their childish practices and becoming one flesh. This conversion of two people into one … creates an intimacy that requires a lot of time and hard work to achieve. And by definition, the time and hard work cannot avoid some measure of both progress and back sliding.
Each party to the marriage brings “baggage” in the forms of habits and cultural approaches that both the new husband and the new wife “inherited” from their parents, as well as habits they acquired while they were single and struggling with their first jobs. They need to replace childhood, adolescent and young adult friendships and “buddy-ships” with an intimate husband-wife bond. This does NOT happen overnight. But all too many couples expect it to happen automatically, right after the vows are pronounced. Unless a couple has been to marriage boot camp, IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN BY ITSELF.
Husband and wife need to “evolve” their own intimate relationship. That means physical as well as emotional and spiritual.
I’ll probably get thrown off the forum for this, but each party needs to work actively to seduce the other… if you get my drift…Not manipulate. Seduce. It may mean that each needs to apologize to the other, even if the other does not. Explanations of behavior are needed. I am very reluctant to name specific web sites, but there are some out there that offer suggestions on spiritual marital relations… search for true knights and opusangelorum.
There was a case in an article where a young couple was fighting and went for counseling… one issue: she insisted that the bath towels absolutely had to be folded into thirds before being put away… that’s the way she was taught by her mother… at the counsellor’s request, she quizzed her mother: why in thirds??? Because, said mom, when mom first got married their first apartment was so small that the only way the towels would fit in the closet was to fold them very small…
The same words have different meanings to different people. There are people I know who ask questions when they actually mean to make a statement. AND when they make an absolute statement, they really intend to ask a question… but of course, you’d never know that…
It takes a lot of work… WORK. Not fun. Real brain teasers. Emotional wringers… WORK, not play. Not like on TV or in the movies or like mom and dad did it… The newlyweds need to “create a new and unique culture” with all new habits and practices.
I apologize if this sounds contentious, and I hope this is helpful.
AND… Pray always…
I’ve been thinking about this particular situation all afternoon. The term that keeps popping up in my head is “escalating ultimatim”. Ultimatims are self-defeating. They are a casus belli – they can lead only to war.
A Christian marriage is sort of defined by Christ as a man and a woman abandoning their families of origin and their childish practices and becoming one flesh. This conversion of two people into one … creates an intimacy that requires a lot of time and hard work to achieve. And by definition, the time and hard work cannot avoid some measure of both progress and back sliding.
Each party to the marriage brings “baggage” in the forms of habits and cultural approaches that both the new husband and the new wife “inherited” from their parents, as well as habits they acquired while they were single and struggling with their first jobs. They need to replace childhood, adolescent and young adult friendships and “buddy-ships” with an intimate husband-wife bond. This does NOT happen overnight. But all too many couples expect it to happen automatically, right after the vows are pronounced. Unless a couple has been to marriage boot camp, IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN BY ITSELF.
Husband and wife need to “evolve” their own intimate relationship. That means physical as well as emotional and spiritual.
I’ll probably get thrown off the forum for this, but each party needs to work actively to seduce the other… if you get my drift…Not manipulate. Seduce. It may mean that each needs to apologize to the other, even if the other does not. Explanations of behavior are needed. I am very reluctant to name specific web sites, but there are some out there that offer suggestions on spiritual marital relations… search for true knights and opusangelorum.
There was a case in an article where a young couple was fighting and went for counseling… one issue: she insisted that the bath towels absolutely had to be folded into thirds before being put away… that’s the way she was taught by her mother… at the counsellor’s request, she quizzed her mother: why in thirds??? Because, said mom, when mom first got married their first apartment was so small that the only way the towels would fit in the closet was to fold them very small…
The same words have different meanings to different people. There are people I know who ask questions when they actually mean to make a statement. AND when they make an absolute statement, they really intend to ask a question… but of course, you’d never know that…
It takes a lot of work… WORK. Not fun. Real brain teasers. Emotional wringers… WORK, not play. Not like on TV or in the movies or like mom and dad did it… The newlyweds need to “create a new and unique culture” with all new habits and practices.
I apologize if this sounds contentious, and I hope this is helpful.
AND… Pray always…
B
BioCatholic
Guest
well, you didnt say in your first post that he seems to be a near genius. now some things become clear.
i am getting a master’s in pharmacology. the stuff i deal with requires i write small software to analyze my data (nothing as big as probably your mate). i know how hard it is to do that. i can barely do it now.
it seems, that he is BORED. he has reached the top of his career “game”, and there seems nowhere else for his abilities to go. how much more excellent can one feel at a skill than only working 10 hours a week and have microsoft ect or having your company bow down to your wishes?
there are 2 paths: 1) he gets REALLY bored and starts tinkering with ventures that are not so legal in nature just to see “IF” he can do it. i.e. the teenager who wrote the MYDOOM virus that about killed microsoft.
- he finds something else to occupy his mind and engage his imagination (porn can take you as far as your imagination will let it). seems like he founds this option.
with supremacy can come arrogance and boredom. if career changes dont work, then im sure if hes as good as you say, his company would take him back in a heartbeat. he has nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
P
Princess_Abby
Guest
Idle time makes for idle hands.
R
rayne89
Guest
I agree with you!I am probably very much his type except not passive-Aggr. so much. I even program from the home office. I work about 20 hrs/wk.
Ok, I had the same problem with my wife. I treated her like dirt right after marriage.
2 things.
It’s a risk, but leaving and becoming completely unavailable for a while is a reasonable strategy. IF he really loves you, he’ll eventually beg you to return and will be as good as he was before marriage. This may even take 8 months, as in my case. Then 3 more months of INFREQUENT phone talk, but NO person-to-person. We didn’t even church in the same pew!. She’s a looker, and other guys would take the seat beside her, and I had to see it happening! Damn!
- As long as I had OTHER admiring women to communicate with, I was not treating my wife properly.
- ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER!
**SHE LEFT AND would not COMMUNICATE WITH ME! at all.
BUT once I got back with her, I closed out ALL negatives regarding her and developed an overriding admiration for all the things that attracted me to her in the 3 years before we married. That’s what slowly occurred during those 8 months of isolation. No, there was no sex in those 3 yrs. Which, I admit, produced a new un-experienced situation after marriage. I had to do some “training” with her and her to me, being very patient, to make that click, if you know what I mean. Now, WOW!
I hate confessing in public, but it’s so good for humility. Not that I need any.
BTW:
Porn may do some apparent good in his sex life …for a while, but eventually it will dull his affectons for you and his libido! Guaranteed! It has to be shut down. It’s a way of having other women available, with you only as an alternative. It IS a form of the killer-of-love, ADULTERY. It’s a way of having other women without the “baggage” of relationship and you get to idealize the subject san reality! This is real immaturity.
I pray for the success of your marriage. My heart goes out to you. But, getting things permanently resolved before kids is paramount.
ps.
I hope he too is Catholic?
We are both very Trad Catholic. I actually took my vow more seriously than she did.This was my anchor pin to the marriage when in isolation.
T
tjtm
Guest
After reading numerous responses I think it best to offer a different perspective…
Pornography addiction is a VERY SERIOUS problem.
Your husband spent your dating/courtship living a lie and then began your marriage with a lie and if your statemetns are accurate has no intention of changing. His entire being his based on deception.
If you do any reading on the subject of sexual addiction, I recommend Patrick Carnes, PhD he is considered one of the best experts in the field.
I am even going to be as bold as to say if I were in your place, I would leave and start proceedings for an annulment tomorrow.
If this man truly loves you and wants a marriage, then he will seek help for his sexual addiction – it is not as simple as just self gratification — sexual addiction is much more complex and far deeper an issue — then after his sexual issues are addressed and going forward on a path toward healthy living both physically and spiritually, then the two of you can begin again with a true courtship based on mutual purity which may or may not lead to marraige.
For those that said in other posts you took a vow — any decent priest will tell you that a one-sided vow is NOT valid. On numerous levels you may not be validly married - I would be so bold as to state.
As for sticking it out for the next 40 years because that’s what people do that is the voice of the devil talking in my opinion and we are not expected by the good Lord to live a life of despair and physical and spiritual danger — especially in the situation you describe.
So I hope you make a choice that considers you are a child aof God and deserve a marriage where your husband is honest from the start and truly values you as a human being.
If you make a choice to stay, you need to get educated because you could potentially be in for a very hard, and demoralizing life.
Get good counsel.
Pornography addiction is a VERY SERIOUS problem.
Your husband spent your dating/courtship living a lie and then began your marriage with a lie and if your statemetns are accurate has no intention of changing. His entire being his based on deception.
If you do any reading on the subject of sexual addiction, I recommend Patrick Carnes, PhD he is considered one of the best experts in the field.
I am even going to be as bold as to say if I were in your place, I would leave and start proceedings for an annulment tomorrow.
If this man truly loves you and wants a marriage, then he will seek help for his sexual addiction – it is not as simple as just self gratification — sexual addiction is much more complex and far deeper an issue — then after his sexual issues are addressed and going forward on a path toward healthy living both physically and spiritually, then the two of you can begin again with a true courtship based on mutual purity which may or may not lead to marraige.
For those that said in other posts you took a vow — any decent priest will tell you that a one-sided vow is NOT valid. On numerous levels you may not be validly married - I would be so bold as to state.
As for sticking it out for the next 40 years because that’s what people do that is the voice of the devil talking in my opinion and we are not expected by the good Lord to live a life of despair and physical and spiritual danger — especially in the situation you describe.
So I hope you make a choice that considers you are a child aof God and deserve a marriage where your husband is honest from the start and truly values you as a human being.
If you make a choice to stay, you need to get educated because you could potentially be in for a very hard, and demoralizing life.
Get good counsel.
R
Ruthie
Guest
I have some ideas…
First of all, Seminole Girl says hubby is very passive-aggressive. I am a past master of the art. It is NOT a good thing.
Example: When I was living at home, my mother would ask me to do the dishes, and I’d say, “OK.” I’d continue doing what I was doing. She’d say later, “Are you going to do the dishes?” I’d say, “yes.” This scene would be repeated, with her becoming more and more annoyed, until she’d go into the kitchen and do the dishes, with lots of slamming and banging to let me know how mad she was.
Guess who didn’t have to do the dishes?
Funny thing is, the few times she didn’t get all irritated at me for not doing them on her schedule, I went ahead and did them.
So, SG has my sympathy.
I’ve had two thoughts about your situation, SG. Of course, I’m not there, so feel free to disregard me!
First, you lived with roommates, and gained valuable experience in sharing your living space. Has he? … My hubby moved into my house, that I worked for and bought. I was amazed at how long it took me to think of the house as “ours.” Three years - and I was trying to. And if your hubby has worked from home for quite a while, that could give him even more “territorial” feelings. (Which could explain why he broke down the door - he was locked out of HIS house -and then just went to bed. Not that I think he was right to do it/)
In that case, you could tell him something like “I feel frustrated, because I expected to share your life, and I feel like you won’t even share your house.”
Second, about the porn. Most posters seem to think your hubby is addicted to it. Maybe not. He may have been using it to “help” him keep from pestering you about pre-marital sex, in which case it would be, though sinful, intended to be loving. Or… being passive-aggressive, I can see him thinking “she won’t give me any; I’ll show her!” In either case, he might easily have given it up when you were married.
As I said before - this is all theory. I wasn’t there!
It’s possible that you may have confronted him about it, sounding like you believed he preferred it to you, when he actually didn’t. Or, sounding as if you thought it was a permanent offense, when he meant well. A typical passive-aggressive thought would be, “FINE. Think what you want.” Which can lead to, “If I’ve been wrongfully convicted of it, I might as well go ahead and do it.” (That last is how I got started using illegal drugs.)
One thing about passive-aggressive people - we are the most stubborn, hard-headed folks you will meet. We just hide it well.
Some general advice about dealing with the passive-aggressive: Ask once. Don’t nag. Be gently stubborn yourself - don’t do whatever it was you asked him to, even if it makes you nuts. (Like my mother and the dishes - she never learned!)
Yelling and screaming will not work. It will either be tuned out, or more likely he will go somewhere else, like into “his” room and shut the door, or out driving. If he can’t get away, he will lie to you to get you to shut up. (I have done all of these.)
So don’t yell. Stay calm. Try to be logical.
Now some general, how-to-be-married advice. Thank him for every nice thing he does, even when it’s something he should do. Do it a lot, don’t slack off. It’s a great habit to get in to. When he thanks you, say “You’re welcome,” with a loving look. Maybe a smooch. Or say, “Oh, I only did it 'cause I love you.” My sweetie thanks me for cooking dinner, and I thank him for putting out the trash.
Second, when there is a disagreement, sit down and think it over, and see how much of it is your fault. Even if it’s 99.999 per cent his fault, apologize for your part of it, and lay off about his part.
That may seem like wimpy, servile advice - but it’s not. For one thing, it gives you the moral high ground. Stick to it stubbornly! We passive-aggressives don’t like to be out-stubborned! It gives him something to strive for.
Good luck. I’ll pray for you.
First of all, Seminole Girl says hubby is very passive-aggressive. I am a past master of the art. It is NOT a good thing.
Example: When I was living at home, my mother would ask me to do the dishes, and I’d say, “OK.” I’d continue doing what I was doing. She’d say later, “Are you going to do the dishes?” I’d say, “yes.” This scene would be repeated, with her becoming more and more annoyed, until she’d go into the kitchen and do the dishes, with lots of slamming and banging to let me know how mad she was.
Guess who didn’t have to do the dishes?
Funny thing is, the few times she didn’t get all irritated at me for not doing them on her schedule, I went ahead and did them.
So, SG has my sympathy.
I’ve had two thoughts about your situation, SG. Of course, I’m not there, so feel free to disregard me!
First, you lived with roommates, and gained valuable experience in sharing your living space. Has he? … My hubby moved into my house, that I worked for and bought. I was amazed at how long it took me to think of the house as “ours.” Three years - and I was trying to. And if your hubby has worked from home for quite a while, that could give him even more “territorial” feelings. (Which could explain why he broke down the door - he was locked out of HIS house -and then just went to bed. Not that I think he was right to do it/)
In that case, you could tell him something like “I feel frustrated, because I expected to share your life, and I feel like you won’t even share your house.”
Second, about the porn. Most posters seem to think your hubby is addicted to it. Maybe not. He may have been using it to “help” him keep from pestering you about pre-marital sex, in which case it would be, though sinful, intended to be loving. Or… being passive-aggressive, I can see him thinking “she won’t give me any; I’ll show her!” In either case, he might easily have given it up when you were married.
As I said before - this is all theory. I wasn’t there!
It’s possible that you may have confronted him about it, sounding like you believed he preferred it to you, when he actually didn’t. Or, sounding as if you thought it was a permanent offense, when he meant well. A typical passive-aggressive thought would be, “FINE. Think what you want.” Which can lead to, “If I’ve been wrongfully convicted of it, I might as well go ahead and do it.” (That last is how I got started using illegal drugs.)
One thing about passive-aggressive people - we are the most stubborn, hard-headed folks you will meet. We just hide it well.
Some general advice about dealing with the passive-aggressive: Ask once. Don’t nag. Be gently stubborn yourself - don’t do whatever it was you asked him to, even if it makes you nuts. (Like my mother and the dishes - she never learned!)
Yelling and screaming will not work. It will either be tuned out, or more likely he will go somewhere else, like into “his” room and shut the door, or out driving. If he can’t get away, he will lie to you to get you to shut up. (I have done all of these.)
So don’t yell. Stay calm. Try to be logical.
Now some general, how-to-be-married advice. Thank him for every nice thing he does, even when it’s something he should do. Do it a lot, don’t slack off. It’s a great habit to get in to. When he thanks you, say “You’re welcome,” with a loving look. Maybe a smooch. Or say, “Oh, I only did it 'cause I love you.” My sweetie thanks me for cooking dinner, and I thank him for putting out the trash.
Second, when there is a disagreement, sit down and think it over, and see how much of it is your fault. Even if it’s 99.999 per cent his fault, apologize for your part of it, and lay off about his part.
That may seem like wimpy, servile advice - but it’s not. For one thing, it gives you the moral high ground. Stick to it stubbornly! We passive-aggressives don’t like to be out-stubborned! It gives him something to strive for.
Good luck. I’ll pray for you.
S
socalcarmelite
Guest
Was he abused as a child? Some people who are passive-aggressive have been in abusive relationships. Also, kicking in the door could easily be characterized as abused. He definately needs therapy, but you need to get out ASAP.
V
vern_humphrey
Guest
Let me get this straight. We have diagnosed this man we never met as:
If your husband or wife was discussing you on the internet like this, how would you feel?
- Addicted to pornography.
- A sex addict
- Not worthy of trust.
- Liable to become violent and abuse his wife (although she says different)
- Likely to start engaging in illegal and dangerous activities (like creating computer viruses.)
- A likely victim of child abuse.
If your husband or wife was discussing you on the internet like this, how would you feel?
W
wcknight
Guest
Folks advocating to leave after just 3 months just don’t get it. Marriage hasa to be worked on and you can’t do that if you cut and run at the first sign of a disagreement.
I totally disagree with this tact. It should only be used as LAST resort and 3 months of marriage is no time to make a last stand.
If folks listen to this advice, the divorce rate in this country would not be at 50% it would be at 99%,
As I mentioned before 90% of males have one of teh problems mention by this lady.
I totally disagree with this tact. It should only be used as LAST resort and 3 months of marriage is no time to make a last stand.
If folks listen to this advice, the divorce rate in this country would not be at 50% it would be at 99%,
As I mentioned before 90% of males have one of teh problems mention by this lady.
I
iserve
Guest
If SG thought she was so “right” then it seems she wouldn’t be asking. The harm being done to her is psychological, and it does more damage that if he did hit her and then it was over. But, this guy seems to want her to think she is also his property, and he is so smart at computers that it spills over into everything- including it seems, the some intellectual necessity of making her feel stupid and ridiculous. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to realize that talent in one area doesn’t mean he has it everywhere, and the job situation seems to have gone to head about everything. Sounds to me like you want SG to be like his employers, chasing him around so he can “donate” 10 hours a week of his precious time to their marriage, just like he gives to the job. Meanwhile, he tells his boss what he’s going to do, when and how. For myself, I wouldn’t get into a contest with him, because he’s determined to win- it seems, at all costs. I would let him go, not wanting to be another one of his trophys.
If he cares at all, he’ll meet you half way, SG, otherwise, shake the dust from your shoes and let some these guys here write fantasies about proving themselves in a crappy marriage. The real thing is a torment and a disservice to all involved.
If he cares at all, he’ll meet you half way, SG, otherwise, shake the dust from your shoes and let some these guys here write fantasies about proving themselves in a crappy marriage. The real thing is a torment and a disservice to all involved.
- Status