The church isnt for toddlers....?

[chemaeslay]

My husband and I have 5 children. Their ages are 10, 7, 29 months, 15months, and 2months. So, as many of you parents may know, it is very difficult keeping the younger children quiet for 5 minutes, let alone, an entire hour to sit through mass. We don’t want our children disrupting the mass, so we always find our way to the “cry room”.
We go to a parish that has a c.r. in the back of the church. It is perfect for us because we can still see everything that’s going on in the church., they just can’t hear our children.
Occasionally, we like to try mass at a different church and I actually get a little offended because I arrive, only to find out, they have no c.r. As Catholics, we tend to have a lot of kids (as a result of not using b.c. and from failing at NFP,lol)) and I am sure the church recognizes this. So I think it’s only fair for me to say… All (or most) parishes should have a cry room.
It is my responsibility to bring my children to mass. But, when I arrive and there is no place for my children to sit (without interrupting), it makes me want to leave. I feel very unwelcomed and I end up walking out early.
And trust me, I have tried sitting in the main pews with all the adults and I get dirty looks, I get eyes rolled at me, people start whispering about my family and it simply makes me angry because this could’ve all been avoided if there was a cry room…

So, let me know how you all feel about this… maybe if there’s alot of ppl that feel like my husband and I, we could do something about it…???
I just like to explore other parishes every once in a while and about 95% of the time, I end up walking in to a church wo c.r.

 

[JimG]

I love to see kids in church, from infants to toddlers on up. Personally, I like them to be in the main church rather than the cry room. Yes, the church is for toddlers too.

 

[EasterJoy]

Parishes that do not install cry rooms do it because they believe children belong in church from the time they emerge from the font, usually the first Sunday after they come home from wherever they are born. A parish without children is a dead parish, so if a parish doesn’t welcome your children, then find a parish that has a will to live.

The church of the parish I grew up in had no cry room and still doesn’t. A family with five children was probably about average when I was a child. Some families had as many as 16 children and some had only two (since you get what you get). Families that had five children under the age of seven at some time or other was hardly unheard of.

That has not changed a lot, although there aren’t any of the huge families simply because the women are marrying five to eight years later in life. (Not many women can bear 16 children when they don’t have their first until they are 26.) When I was growing up, our pastor had as long for his homily as the children would tolerate, which was fine with him, as he thought that much more than most of their parents could remember. You would go a long way to find a more sensible man or a holier priest, heaven rest his soul. I remember him stopping Mass once because one of his young parishioners was screaming so unconsolably that it was nearly impossible to hear him, but that was about it.

The attitude at our current parish is that the cry room is there for those who want it, but children should not be excluded from the main church because they act like children. A previous pastor wrote a little card that is still placed in the pews. It encourages parents to sit in the front if they have small children, so the children can see, not to worry if their child wiggles (as God put the wiggle into children), and to come back in as soon as possible if a child does need to be taken out for a bit. Parents are encouraged to let their children use the back of the card for doodling, rather than the collection envelopes placed in the pews for guests, but other than that the card assumes that parents will set boundaries themselves without outside interference. Generally speaking, a few kids are impossible to corral for the length of a Mass and actually need a sound-proof room, but most are probably fine in the main church.

If your child isn’t screaming and you get a dirty look for some lesser amount of vocalization, well, a few grumps are as predictable as a few loud children. Teach your children their manners, but do not take it to heart if some grump expects perfection. Children aren’t the only ones who have some growing up to do, after all. Let mercy prevail in both directions!

 

[thequietsinger]

I love to see kids in church, from infants to toddlers on up. Personally, I like them to be in the main church rather than the cry room. Yes, the church is for toddlers too.

I completely agree with you. If the toddler/child isn’t in the Church, or takes part in the Mass, how will he/she ever learn how they should be/act while at Church? No one should expect a young child to sit still for a long amount of time, and we were all children once. Even when I was around 9 I was a little ancy in Church, granted the services I go/went to are 3+ hours in length. My advice would be to ignore the nasty looks and stares, and remind yourself that you are doing the very best you can. You are bringing all of your children to Mass, and that is so wonderful, and what matters most!

 

[Cricket2]

My husband and I have 5 children. Their ages are 10, 7, 29 months, 15months, and 2months. So, as many of you parents may know, it is very difficult keeping the younger children quiet for 5 minutes, let alone, an entire hour to sit through mass. We don’t want our children disrupting the mass, so we always find our way to the “cry room”.
We go to a parish that has a c.r. in the back of the church. It is perfect for us because we can still see everything that’s going on in the church., they just can’t hear our children.
Occasionally, we like to try mass at a different church and I actually get a little offended because I arrive, only to find out, they have no c.r. As Catholics, we tend to have a lot of kids (as a result of not using b.c. and from failing at NFP,lol)) and I am sure the church recognizes this. So I think it’s only fair for me to say… All (or most) parishes should have a cry room.
It is my responsibility to bring my children to mass. But, when I arrive and there is no place for my children to sit (without interrupting), it makes me want to leave. I feel very unwelcomed and I end up walking out early.
And trust me, I have tried sitting in the main pews with all the adults and I get dirty looks, I get eyes rolled at me, people start whispering about my family and it simply makes me angry because this could’ve all been avoided if there was a cry room…

So, let me know how you all feel about this… maybe if there’s alot of ppl that feel like my husband and I, we could do something about it…???
I just like to explore other parishes every once in a while and about 95% of the time, I end up walking in to a church wo c.r.

Now here is my take: I don’t like cry rooms, as I feel that people should be able to understand how hard it is to manage little ones of the ages you describe. What ever happened to some folks helping out? If I was your fellow parishioner I can assure you I would welcome the chance to hold one of those babies, or help keep an older one interested in what was happening. For those who can’t abide by children, I say why don’t we have you sit in the back?

I think it is a shame that any parent should feel the need to sit in a cry room. If you are comfortable with it fine, but I am one that finds them insulting. Jesus said: “Let the children come.” Wish I could sit with your family.

 

[Neofight]

My husband and I have 5 children. Their ages are 10, 7, 29 months, 15months, and 2months. So, as many of you parents may know, it is very difficult keeping the younger children quiet for 5 minutes, let alone, an entire hour to sit through mass. We don’t want our children disrupting the mass, so we always find our way to the “cry room”.
We go to a parish that has a c.r. in the back of the church. It is perfect for us because we can still see everything that’s going on in the church., they just can’t hear our children.
Occasionally, we like to try mass at a different church and I actually get a little offended because I arrive, only to find out, they have no c.r. As Catholics, we tend to have a lot of kids (as a result of not using b.c. and from failing at NFP,lol)) and I am sure the church recognizes this. So I think it’s only fair for me to say… All (or most) parishes should have a cry room.
It is my responsibility to bring my children to mass. But, when I arrive and there is no place for my children to sit (without interrupting), it makes me want to leave. I feel very unwelcomed and I end up walking out early.
And trust me, I have tried sitting in the main pews with all the adults and I get dirty looks, I get eyes rolled at me, people start whispering about my family and it simply makes me angry because this could’ve all been avoided if there was a cry room…

So, let me know how you all feel about this… maybe if there’s alot of ppl that feel like my husband and I, we could do something about it…???
I just like to explore other parishes every once in a while and about 95% of the time, I end up walking in to a church wo c.r.

I’m more offended by parishes that have cry rooms…Jesus told us to bring the children to him, not lock them in a sound proof booth. Our youngest is 32, we’re pushing 60, but my wife and I purposely attend family mass because of, not in spite of, God’s most precious gift go children, and besides, “if you don’t hear babes crying, the church must be dying”!

Peace and all good!

 

[1ke]

Our 150 year old church is a country parish with no cry room and no place to install one. No one cares if there are crying babies.

Try not to assume what people who look your way are thinking. You are making up stories in your head. They may simply be curious to see a new family that is not a regular, wondering if someone new has moved into the parish, etc. I look at people in mass all the time, and I am never thinking anything bad.

 

[Cariethra]

I actually hate cry rooms. I feel like I’m being punished for having small children. Like the bad step-child being sent to eat in the corner so the rest of the family can enjoy their meal.

Don’t get me wrong, my kids, 4.5 and 2.5, are wiggly as all get out. My son does love being loud. He like to organize the books, and will make a bed for his baby out of them. If he gets too disruptive, I take him out and take a break. We then go back in.

EasterJoy:

A previous pastor wrote a little card that is still placed in the pews. It encourages parents to sit in the front if they have small children, so the children can see, not to worry if their child wiggles (as God put the wiggle into children), and to come back in as soon as possible if a child does need to be taken out for a bit. Parents are encouraged to let their children use the back of the card for doodling, rather than the collection envelopes placed in the pews for guests, but other than that the card assumes that parents will set boundaries themselves without outside interference.

My church has a similar card. It actually prompted us sit in the front of the church (it was a dead zone anyway).

 

[getysbg]

Our 150 year old church is a country parish with no cry room and no place to install one. No one cares if there are crying babies.

Try not to assume what people who look your way are thinking. You are making up stories in your head. They may simply be curious to see a new family that is not a regular, wondering if someone new has moved into the parish, etc. I look at people in mass all the time, and I am never thinking anything bad.

On this issue, I’ll have to disagree with you. They are not just looking at you - their eyes are rolling in their heads. Kuddos to the priest that encouraged families with young children to sit in the front pews. That works! The children that I have noticed in the front are more likely to be absorbing everything. Do all that you can to keep the children coming to Mass and let the old goats stew in their own spittle.

 

[Sarcelle]

I completely agree with you. If the toddler/child isn’t in the Church, or takes part in the Mass, how will he/she ever learn how they should be/act while at Church? No one should expect a young child to sit still for a long amount of time, and we were all children once. Even when I was around 9 I was a little ancy in Church, granted the services I go/went to are 3+ hours in length. My advice would be to ignore the nasty looks and stares, and remind yourself that you are doing the very best you can. You are bringing all of your children to Mass, and that is so wonderful, and what matters most!

Exactly.

One of the most adorable scenes I saw involved a two year old girl,who when everyone started to kneel during the consecration of the host was trying to get her teddy bear to also kneel.

 

[marywarfield]

My husband and I have 5 children. Their ages are 10, 7, 29 months, 15months, and 2months. So, as many of you parents may know, it is very difficult keeping the younger children quiet for 5 minutes, let alone, an entire hour to sit through mass. We don’t want our children disrupting the mass, so we always find our way to the “cry room”.
We go to a parish that has a c.r. in the back of the church. It is perfect for us because we can still see everything that’s going on in the church., they just can’t hear our children.
Occasionally, we like to try mass at a different church and I actually get a little offended because I arrive, only to find out, they have no c.r. As Catholics, we tend to have a lot of kids (as a result of not using b.c. and from failing at NFP,lol)) and I am sure the church recognizes this. So I think it’s only fair for me to say… All (or most) parishes should have a cry room.
It is my responsibility to bring my children to mass. But, when I arrive and there is no place for my children to sit (without interrupting), it makes me want to leave. I feel very unwelcomed and I end up walking out early.
And trust me, I have tried sitting in the main pews with all the adults and I get dirty looks, I get eyes rolled at me, people start whispering about my family and it simply makes me angry because this could’ve all been avoided if there was a cry room…

So, let me know how you all feel about this… maybe if there’s alot of ppl that feel like my husband and I, we could do something about it…???
I just like to explore other parishes every once in a while and about 95% of the time, I end up walking in to a church wo c.r.

We take our granddaughters to Mass ages 3 and
4 months. The three year old is a handful! The kids
since grandpa and I are primary daycare for mom and
dad go with us to both daily and Sunday Mass.
I’ve seen rolled eyes once and that was from a lady
who only attends on Easter.
The 3 year old Shouts AMEN and ALLELUIA at the top of her lungs
at all the wrong times,
and asked Father for a sticker during the Consecration
and one day she managed to knock over the Easter Candle.
Sigh. Last Sunday she decided to try out the organ.
I’m an elderly grandma with some disability so she
does get away from me sometimes. We don’t have
a cry room. What I have discovered is most of our
parishioners compete with each other attempting
to help out by distracting her, having her on THEIR laps,
they all take turns.
They love to have their pictures taken with the kids
as well!
This is my second go round taking toddlers to Mass.
And you know? It’s the same now as 25 years ago!
I love it.

 

[mommamaree]

Two holy priests (pastors) I know have refused to have a cry room in their church renovations/builds, because they WANT all the little ones in the Mass. However, they do offer a nursery with paid nursery workers at one Mass each weekend, except for the most special Sundays (like Easter) and never on holy days of obligation. They allow the parents to use the nursery, if the parents so desire, but they will not allow anyone to insist on it. And past the age of 4, both priests require the children in the Mass. These two priests, though in different dioceses, are actually close friends. I really like how they welcome the children. It helps us to feel welcome, even though we get some measure of exasperation from folks who believe the Church is not the place for children. And of course, we always do our best to train them on proper behavior in the Church, but yes, we must step out sometimes for behavior issues. I try to offer it up.

 

[tabycat]

Exactly.

One of the most adorable scenes I saw involved a two year old girl,who when everyone started to kneel during the consecration of the host was trying to get her teddy bear to also kneel.

:angel1::nun1:

 

[marywarfield]

On this issue, I’ll have to disagree with you. They are not just looking at you - their eyes are rolling in their heads. Kuddos to the priest that encouraged families with young children to sit in the front pews. That works! The children that I have noticed in the front are more likely to be absorbing everything. Do all that you can to keep the children coming to Mass and let the old goats stew in their own spittle.

Sitting in front doesn’t always work. It’s age dependent.
Sitting in front worked great at two. But at three that is how
the Easter Candle took a dive.
So starting last week we sat next to the organist. Lol

 

[tabycat]

Parishes that do not install cry rooms do it because they believe children belong in church from the time they emerge from the font, usually the first Sunday after they come home from wherever they are born. A parish without children is a dead parish, so if a parish doesn’t welcome your children, then find a parish that has a will to live.

The church of the parish I grew up in had no cry room and still doesn’t. A family with five children was probably about average when I was a child. Some families had as many as 16 children and some had only two (since you get what you get). Families that had five children under the age of seven at some time or other was hardly unheard of.

That has not changed a lot, although there aren’t any of the huge families simply because the women are marrying five to eight years later in life. (Not many women can bear 16 children when they don’t have their first until they are 26.) When I was growing up, our pastor had as long for his homily as the children would tolerate, which was fine with him, as he thought that much more than most of their parents could remember. You would go a long way to find a more sensible man or a holier priest, heaven rest his soul. I remember him stopping Mass once because one of his young parishioners was screaming so unconsolably that it was nearly impossible to hear him, but that was about it.

The attitude at our current parish is that the cry room is there for those who want it, but children should not be excluded from the main church because they act like children. A previous pastor wrote a little card that is still placed in the pews. It encourages parents to sit in the front if they have small children, so the children can see, not to worry if their child wiggles (as God put the wiggle into children), and to come back in as soon as possible if a child does need to be taken out for a bit. Parents are encouraged to let their children use the back of the card for doodling, rather than the collection envelopes placed in the pews for guests, but other than that the card assumes that parents will set boundaries themselves without outside interference. Generally speaking, a few kids are impossible to corral for the length of a Mass and actually need a sound-proof room, but most are probably fine in the main church.

If your child isn’t screaming and you get a dirty look for some lesser amount of vocalization, well, a few grumps are as predictable as a few loud children. Teach your children their manners, but do not take it to heart if some grump expects perfection. Children aren’t the only ones who have some growing up to do, after all. Let mercy prevail in both directions!

I do not have any chirldren of my own, but I think that if someone has young children, the children should be in church with the perents. The chruchs that I grow up in did not have cry room.

 

[Kelfa28]

I can’t stand the cry room. I avoid it at all costs. If I do go in there it’s for a few seconds to help my youngest get a decent latch while in the baby carrier if I’m having issues in the pews.
I refuse to take my 2 year old in there. It’s just a big distraction and she’ll just be a bigger handful then before.
We’ve worked hard to teach her that Mass is quiet time to listen to our Priest and say prayers. She actually enjoys it and 9/10 she is as quiet as a mouse with very few outbursts. She’ll usually squeal “hi mommy!” if I’m coming back to the pew from the back of the Church with my youngest.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I can’t stand cry rooms. Our youngest are 2 and 3 and our parish doesn’t have one. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to take the baby to the narthex from time to time, but I bring my kids to Mass so they can be at, and learn how to behave at Mass.

In our experience, when we’ve had problems with our kids it’s been from about 2-2 1/2. By the the time they’re 3, the fussiness and complaining at Mass have disappeared for the most part. We’ll have the occasional difficult week with our three-year-old, but those are few and far between.

My experience with cry rooms has been horrendous. Before my wife & I were married my in-laws would take our son to Mass and their standard practice was for my mother-in-law to go straight to the cry room, set him down among the quagmire of writhing, screaming, uncontrolled and ignored children, then go and sit with the crowd of cackling hens who saw the cry room as a place to take a break from their kids and try to drown out the sounds coming from the speakers with their gossiping. I wish I was exaggerating, but the mothers wouldn’t pay attention to their kids unless there was blood, or one had been crying for more than five minutes, or if they were making so much noise they couldn’t hear their own shrill tales about that one woman in the parish you’ve all heard about.

As for how other react when we have our little ones at Mass, while I’ve brought up some nasty experiences in the past, they’ve proven to be the exception and not the rule. Some may roll their eyes or mumble something under their breath, others may be kind and supportive, but the vast majority don’t pay any attention (or at least show any reaction) whatsoever.

 

[bitterhope]

I guess I’m in the minority here. I go into the cry room at our church if I’m bringing the kids by myself. My older kids go to choir or are altar servers and I bring the younger ones to the cry room. It’s much less stressful to me. If my husband is home we will all start in the pew and I’ll step out with the little ones as needed, or my husband will. Maybe our church is different but we don’t have kids going crazy in the cry room here. The parents are able to pay attention to the Mass and not worry about a kid making a mad dash to the altar as we’re kneeling and praying. There is also a bathroom attached to the cry room so it makes potty breaks easier and I can still focus on Mass instead of walking the kids to the bathroom. By the age of 3-4 all of mine make it through the entire Mass despite the fact that we make regular use of the cry room when they are younger. I guess it is personal preference. We actually have some adults without kids that sit in the cry room at our church because it is so peaceful in there and has a great view of the altar. The way I always look at it is our babies are only little for a short amount if time so we might as well enjoy them. Being able to really focus on Mass instead of having to get up and leave a few times each Mass helps me be a better, calmer mommy all week long. We’ve been in several parishes over the years where there was no cry room. Many of us parents gathered in the narthex and in one church the front steps. It was like a makeshift cry room I guess.

I noticed that people have posted saying babies and toddlers don’t bother them or that other parishioners would be willing to help out. I really wish you all were at any of the churches I’ve been to over the years. I’ve gotten dirty looks, had people shush my kids, “discuss” their behavior with me before and after Mass…and honestly my kids do a really good job. By the time they are 2nd grade I can trust them in the pew without me, or in the choir loft, or on the altar, even if dad isn’t there. I probably could even leave the 4 and 6 year old too, but I prefer them with me unless the teens aren’t serving just in case. Since I quit trying to do it all on my own and head straight to the cry room with the littles I get compliments on the kids behavior. On weeks dad is home and we all are in the pew, still we get compliments on the kids behavior and I only need bring the baby out. Having 3 under 3 is quite an adventure that not many people understand and most don’t even try. I agree that being in the pew as a family is ideal, but most of us are not able to do that for many reasons, one of them being that too often other parishioners make it more miserable for us than our babies and toddlers ever could. When you are made to feel your kids are not welcome or are a distraction then you begin to feel stressed out and frustrated. Cry rooms are a sanity saver for many families.

 

[chemaeslay]

it saddens me that not allot of folks get my point. So first I will say I absolutely respect everyone’s opinion and likes and dislikes and I don’t want to trample on the dignity of ANYONE. I just want to say this and maybe some non contracepting family’s or moms will agree with me on this. I love the cry room, I have three babies that cant even pronounce the name Jesus let alone try to be taught to sit for a hour at mass. For me, I look forward all week long to go to mass, every day I count the days until I get to commune with my God. I change 100 diapers a week, I never get even 2 min to myself all week long. My husband is a working man he works his butt off for us and our lives are chaotic at best, So when Sunday comes I Want to at least be able to be able to somewhat pay attention to the liturgy I love so much I DESERVE THIS! When the kids are older, at least old enough to talk maybe we will migrate to the main area but for now we need to have a cry room. I am not kidding when I say people give us dirty looks about the kids, and I don’t blame them my kids are loud and I know I want to listen to the homily why shouldn’t everyone else be able to? My kids are not misbehaved brats, the are just babies that don’t know better. I don’t see large family’s at mass where there is no cry room. And by chance there is like a previous post said mom and dad are constantly rushing the crying baby out. Maybe its just me, but I think there is a need for more cry rooms. But I also think there is much need to see bigger family’s at mass. I just cant believe every family has NFP nailed down perfect. yes some, maybe most even. But the ratios don’t speak to that. I feel alienated at mass if there is no where for my babies to be babies… I would rather not have to deal with it I don’t like confrontation especially at holy mass. I had one old bag tell me I should leave my babies at home, like…I am so sure I will just leave my babies unattended at home, Oh wait what maybe she implies a babysitter…yeah right WHO! No one wants to watch 3 kids for a hour every week and I shouldn’t have to do that just to keep old B@#ch happy. Maybe I am beating a dead horse now but I am surprised I don’t have much support on here as of yet,
It is reassuring to me at the least that I know I am doing the right thing because it is hard, my path to the pearly gates will be earned. I just wish I had some folks in my position to comfort my frustrations because I really feel alone on this.

" If the Dignity of even one person out of many is left out it is not the common good, it is just the majority good"-------Archbishop Charles Chaput

 

[EasterJoy]

…I go into the cry room at our church if I’m bringing the kids by myself…It’s much less stressful to me…I guess it is personal preference. We actually have some adults without kids that sit in the cry room at our church because it is so peaceful in there and has a great view of the altar…

This is fine, and why parishes that welcome children in the main church still elect to have a cry room. Whether parents let children run around the cry room or not is a gamble; it depends on the parents, not the parish. If it helps the parents, though, that is a good reason to have one, particularly if it can be situated with a very good view.

I noticed that people have posted saying babies and toddlers don’t bother them or that other parishioners would be willing to help out. I really wish you all were at any of the churches I’ve been to over the years. I’ve gotten dirty looks, had people shush my kids, “discuss” their behavior with me before and after Mass…and honestly my kids do a really good job…When you are made to feel your kids are not welcome or are a distraction then you begin to feel stressed out and frustrated…

This, OTOH, is not why parishes have cry rooms, or at least it shouldn’t be. Young children have always been in the main church over the centuries. The other parishioners should not feel as if small children are “supposed” to be anywhere else. The separate room is there for parents who elect to use it. If they don’t, well, we accept loud children who don’t know how loud they are being with the same graciousness we accept 95 year olds who “whisper” at 40 dB. We were all children once, and we may lose our hearing some day, too. Even the local monasteries do not exclude small children from the Masses there. Where else are future monks going to come from? (Anyone who thinks that only the “quiet” kids become priests, monks, nuns or religious brothers and sisters had better think again! A few were quiet children, but many quite otherwise, by their own accounts! )