The Decline of Obituaries and Funeral Services

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Yep. And you learn the truth about your relatives when a family member dies. When Daddy died in 2008, he didn’t get the military funeral he’d told us and had in writing that he wanted. (He was a veteran of 2 wars.)

Instead, my youngest sister had his body cremated and told the rest of us (family and friends) about his death the day of the memorial service so that none of us could attend.

She then went against the law and scattered his ashes on military grounds. I found that out from the person who sent me a copy of Daddy’s death certificate.
 
twf said:
The funeral home still charged $3000 for the simple cremation with literally no additional services provided.
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You can join cremation societies in advance, usually for around 35.00. They then offer deep discounts for other things such as:

-Substantial discount for the actual cremation.
-A small selection of urns
-Pick up of remains
-Copies of death certificates.

You have to prepay before pickup of remains.

When I got the call from the assisted living facility, I was in NO position as a Son to go through with this. The funeral home knew I was tinkering around the idea of doing this, and I had planned to have them in for the funeral for certain tasks.

All of that went out the window though when the call came. If you are making arrangements for someone in the family, maybe someone you are not as emotional about as a parent, then a cremation society might be for you.

If you simply don’t have the money, this would be a good option.
 
That’s a shame. His wishes should have been followed. He could have been interred in a U.S. military cemetery at no cost. So sorry.
 
I never heard the term ‘green burial’ until reading this thread.

Also, I wasn’t aware that life insurance policies covered funeral expenses. Is that always the case?
 
@lilypadrees wow that’s incredibly callous of your sister. I’m gobsmacked to hear that anyone would do this to a family member.
 
The proceeds of any life insurance policy can be used to pay for funeral expenses. Some are marketed as final expense policies. But young people with little assets need life insurance because in the event of a death it can create an instant estate. If you accumulate enough savings over a career or work life to cover final expenses and provide for retirement, there is less need.
 
It depends on how much insurance you have.

Funeral directors are pretty sharp about this kind of thing, and can verify the value and any outstanding loans on a policy pretty efficiently. It is their livelihood.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Death, is a fact. Everyone needs to plan ahead because no one escapes death or knows when it is coming. It is not fair to leave expenses for family to pay. Neither is it fair to expect a business to not charge something for their service. That is why pre arranging and making our wishes/plan known to family is a good idea.
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I agree. My wife and I did funeral planning last year. We wanted a place we could visit and pray after the other is gone. This year we talked to my wife’s parents about funeral planning since they are 85 and 91. They are Protestant and just want cremation and we could do whatever we want with the ashes. We decided to have a pedestal with an open bible made of granite placed next to our plots, and their cremains will be placed in there with inscriptions on the granite. They had bought a plot about 45 miles away near their old home, but nothing else was paid for, so it won’t be used. The fees for opening and closing of that plot would almost be the same as the pedestal we bought for them. And being so far from any family, it would be a long haul to travel from a local service to the cemetery.
 
I’m so sorry you had to experience this at such a difficult time. I’ve seen similar types of situations in end of life care issues to make sure that the type and extent of care as well as funeral decisicions are well known, and there is a dedicated person with the legal right to invoke them.
 
It was traditional to have an obituary notice published in the newspaper, a viewing and full burial ceremony. Tech has changed nothing. People don’t have to use it. They can choose it or not. At the funeral home, friends and relatives had time together, to say “I’m sorry for your loss.” and to sign the visitors’ book and take a memorial card. To kneel by the casket and to say a prayer.
 
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edwest211 said:
It was traditional to have an obituary notice published in the newspaper, a viewing and full burial ceremony.
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What I’ve seen in recent years is burial ceremonies really being abbreviated.

A lot of times, instead of taking the deceased to the actual gravesite, they are just taken to a shack on the cemetery grounds where the priest says a few prayers and that’s that.
 
Augustinian said:
What I’ve seen in recent years is burial ceremonies really being abbreviated.

A lot of times, instead of taking the deceased to the actual gravesite, they are just taken to a shack on the cemetery grounds where the priest says a few prayers and that’s that.
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Yes, I’ve noticed that too. In movies and television the mourners go to the actual graveside; but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a funeral where that actually happened.
 
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JimG said:
That’s a shame. His wishes should have been followed. He could have been interred in a U.S. military cemetery at no cost. So sorry.
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I definitely tried. My sister refused to part with his body, with his ashes, with anything.

His original obituary had her listed as his only child. She was adopted while the rest of us were his biological children but were listed as his nieces and nephews.

I immediately phoned the paper in the small town they both lived in and set them straight. They asked me to write a new obituary for him. I did and included a photo of all of us (taken years before her birth). She was livid when she saw it.

I then called Daddy’s priest to have a Mass said for him. I won’t go into detail here. But as we talked, he asked my forgiveness because he married Daddy and his last wife not knowing he’d been married before.

Because I chose to be honest about all of Daddy’s children, we are now estranged from our adopted sister. I keep up with her activities online but will never see my nieces and nephews other than in photos. There will never be a relationship between us again. (I extended the olive branch several times.)
 
At my father’s funeral recently, at a military cemetery, we didn’t have that option. Everything took place in the chapel at the cemetery.
 
tomarin said:
What is driving the change, do you think?
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Less of a deadline to meet I think. There isn’t that much time between the death and the funeral, making sure that the cemetery is ready for it and has the hole dug requires coordination you don’t need if you just leave the deceased in the shack and have the workmen plant him when they can.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Was is that, Denise?
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Funerals aren’t an Eastern thing (yet we manage to have plenty anyway . . .

roughly a repose with prayer in the church, burial, and then Panachidas.

As for me, a plain simple wooden box. Don’t even bother embalming me; let me return to the earth.
 
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