The Decline of Obituaries and Funeral Services

[angel12]

Yes, I’ve noticed that too. In movies and television the mourners go to the actual graveside; but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a funeral where that actually happened.

We still do that in my little rural parish.

 

[Thrstypirate]

Every funeral I’ve been to has included going to the burial site.

This being in San Antonio and Queens, NYC.

 

[Irishmom2]

Yes, I’ve noticed that too. In movies and television the mourners go to the actual graveside; but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a funeral where that actually happened.

I have actually never been to a funeral where that didn’t happen. I wonder if it’s an age thing or a regional thing?

 

[babochka]

Augustinian:

What I’ve seen in recent years is burial ceremonies really being abbreviated.

A lot of times, instead of taking the deceased to the actual gravesite, they are just taken to a shack on the cemetery grounds where the priest says a few prayers and that’s that.

Yes, I’ve noticed that too. In movies and television the mourners go to the actual graveside; but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a funeral where that actually happened.

I haven’t been to an actual funeral (as opposed to a Celebration of Life") where that hasn’t happened.

 

[Phemie]

Augustinian:

maybe $8000. He already owned a plot.

That’s ridiculous. I can see why cremation is popular.

I’ve been in the back room at the funeral home. Some caskets are 10-15K. The undertaker said he prefers when people request the cheap casket – he stands a better chance of being paid for it.

 

[babochka]

Irishmom2:

Was is that, Denise?

Funerals aren’t an Eastern thing (yet we manage to have plenty anyway . . .

How do you define funeral? By any standard definition, we do have them in the East.

We don’t generally have a Funeral Mass/Divine Liturgy, but we have a Panachida (usually the night before), the Parastas, and then the Panachida again at the graveside. Both services are full of prayers for the dead and reminders of God’s mercy and judgement for the living. Then there’s the 40-day Panachida and the 1-year Panachida…

 

[Phemie]

It used to be that newspapers published obits simply as news items about recent deaths. Then people started writing their own obits for their deceased relatives; those tended to be more lengthy and the newspapers charged for them. I’ve noticed in the personalized obituaries though, that hardly anyone, dies anymore. They pass away or go to be with the Lord, or enter into heaven, but hardly anyone dies.

I’ve noticed the same thing. I’m considered cold and callous for using “he dropped dead”. I don’t believe in euphemisms. I’ve had 60 years of experience with death, starting when both my grandfathers died when I was 4. Wakes were held in the homes and we stopped by on our way home from school. Removing wakes from the home was the beginning of sanitizing death and turning it into something that’s not a normal part of life.

 

[dochawk]

Every funeral I’ve been to has included going to the burial site.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen an RC funeral without–unless there wasn’t going to be a local burial.

We don’t generally have a Funeral Mass/Divine Liturgy, but we have a Panachida (usually the night before), the Parastas, and then the Panachida again at the graveside. Both services are full of prayers for the dead and reminders of God’s mercy and judgement for the living. Then there’s the 40-day Panachida and the 1-year Panachida…

what she said.

I’m referring to the tendency to have a Divine Liturgy instead of the traditional set of services.

I’m considered cold and callous for using “he dropped dead”.

My grandfather did that quite literally. Needled my great aunt about watching Thornbirds, took a couple of steps down the hall, and they told us he was dead by the time he hit the floor.

hawk

 

[babochka]

I’m referring to the tendency to have a Divine Liturgy instead of the traditional set of services.

No, no… if we’re going to have a Divine Liturgy, it will be on top of all the other services. And then have another Panachida at the end of it.

I didn’t even know there was a tendency to replace the traditional services with a Divine Liturgy.

 

[babochka]

Thrstypirate:

Every funeral I’ve been to has included going to the burial site.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen an RC funeral without–unless there wasn’t going to be a local burial.

I have been to one where nobody but family was invited to the graveside service, per the wishes of the deceased. But the graveside service, committal, etc. still occurred.

 

[Phemie]

Augustinian:

What I’ve seen in recent years is burial ceremonies really being abbreviated.

A lot of times, instead of taking the deceased to the actual gravesite, they are just taken to a shack on the cemetery grounds where the priest says a few prayers and that’s that.

Yes, I’ve noticed that too. In movies and television the mourners go to the actual graveside; but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a funeral where that actually happened.

In this parish we go to the graveside and at my in-laws’ parish they go to the graveside.

I was seriously annoyed when it wasn’t done at Mom’s funeral. Instead all the prayers were said at the back of the church and only the priest, pall-bearers, and the undertaker went to the grave. Throwing a shovelful of dirt on the casket is a way to say a final farewell and that was denied us.

Dad died in January and nobody is buried at that time of year. Again, the prayers were said at the back of the church. His body was then taken to the parish crypt where they place the bodies of those who die in the winter. In the spring a day is set aside to bury all those who died during the winter.

 

[Augustinian]

His body was then taken to the parish crypt where they place the bodies of those who die in the winter. In the spring a day is set aside to bury all those who died during the winter.

There is a building on the grounds of Allegheny Cemetery, where many of my deceased relatives are buried, where the store the bodies until spring.

Although here in Pittsburgh, it really doesn’t stay that cold for that long, and they have backhoes nowadays so I don’t think they use it for that purpose too often.

 

[JimG]

Most funerals I have attended included both a funeral Mass followed by gravsite services. In the past I recall attending gravesite services that concluded with the casket being lowered into the grave and the priest tossing a spadefull of dirt into the grave while reciting a prayer. More recently, the services have concluded at the gravesite but then everybody left before the actual burial.

At my brother’s wife’s mother’s funeral, (not Catholic) we stayed until the casket was actually buried and the backhoe had filled in the grave. I asked my brother if that was usual. He said, “that was her request. She wanted us to stay until she was properly buried.”

Personally I prefer that to cremation. Putting a jar in a grave or in a columbariam just doesn’t seem the same.

 

[Diaconia]

In the past five or ten years I have notice a major increase in cremations. In California it’s over 50% of the funerals now.

In Nebraska, probably 30% or so.

So many children of adult parents just aren’t as religious as their parents. Many times they don’t want to have a funeral Mass or wake, just a quick cremation, possibly something at the graveside.

I always ask them what their Mom or Dad would have wanted. Did they go to Mass each week? We should follow that same pattern for them now, etc.

For those getting cremated, I always prefer the body to be there for the funeral liturgies, and then cremated afterwards for burial or inurnment in a columbarium or such.

Burying the dead is a corporal work of mercy,
Deacon Christopher

 

[Roseeurekacross]

If you are Catholic the church says the ashes must remain together and be interred in sacred ground. If you are Anglican your ashes can be scattered but only over Sacred ground.

 

[Dhc8_Type]

I’m Lutheran, I’m doing the same thing my Minister grandpa did. He asked to have a few cremains scattered at his former churches. Next to his grand children and then spread out at his favorite lake.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Are lutherans allowed to do this.

One reason the Catholic Church is against it , is because

1. In order that every appearance of pantheism, naturalism or nihilism be avoided, it is not permitted to scatter the ashes of the faithful departed in the air, on land, at sea or in some other way, nor may they be preserved in mementos, pieces of jewelry or other objects. These courses of action cannot be legitimized by an appeal to the sanitary, social, or economic motives that may have occasioned the choice of cremation.
2. When the deceased notoriously has requested cremation and the scattering of their ashes for reasons contrary to the Christian faith, a Christian funeral must be denied to that person according to the norms of the law.[16]

The Sovereign Pontiff Francis, in the Audience granted to the undersigned Cardinal Prefect on 18 March 2016, approved the present Instruction, adopted in the Ordinary Session of this Congregation on 2 March 2016, and ordered its publication.

Rome, from the Offices of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, 15 August 2016, the Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/c...c_20160815_ad-resurgendum-cum-christo_en.html

 

[Dhc8_Type]

Then LCMS & LCC both teach that it’s acceptable to spread cremains but not the most ideal situation.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think with costs going up it’s important to plan. I would really hate for my child to have to take on a debt to cover my funeral and burial. I have heard some pretty sad stories of people having to ‘abandon’ their loved ones bodies in hospital because they don’t have the money for a funeral.

We had Catholic funerals and graveside ceremonies for my grandparents but it was very expensive. It caused drama within the family as a wealthy sibling bought a really expensive burial plot and then told her other siblings they were sharing the cost. One sibling was on minimum wage at the time and couldn’t afford it.

I don’t see the point in obituaries these days unless the person is somewhat famous. Surely now you can just directly contact everyone who would want to know.

 

[Phemie]

In the past five or ten years I have notice a major increase in cremations. In California it’s over 50% of the funerals now.

In Nebraska, probably 30% or so.

For those getting cremated, I always prefer the body to be there for the funeral liturgies, and then cremated afterwards for burial or inurnment in a columbarium or such.

Burying the dead is a corporal work of mercy,
Deacon Christopher

I’m in a rather isolated parish. Many of our seriously ill parishioners get transferred to the hospital in our provincial capital for treatment. If they die while they are there, the families tend to have them cremated before they are returned home because it’s the only thing that makes fiscal sense. Shipping the body home for a funeral and then having it shipped back to be cremated and then having the ashes returned is simply too expensive. Only rarely do we have a funeral in the presence of a body that will be cremated afterward.