One of the people replying to Michael Seewald posted this link, which I think is very apropos about how it’s unfair to expect victims to instantly forgive:
[
washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/05/22/why-we-cant-expect-sex-abuse-victims-to-generate-instant-forgiveness/"]Why we can’t expect sex abuse victims to generate instant forgiveness
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I totally agree with this. Indeed, I’d even ask the Josh defenders, if what he did wasn’t really a big deal in the first place, then doesn’t that mean he actually doesn’t deserve as much praise for repenting as you’re giving him?
Yes, they seem to believe the only way to protect women from sexual predation is NOT to actually change the hearts and minds of the men, but to impose very strict controls by outside parties. Hence the extremely strict courtship rules. The idea is that it’s impossible to actually teach a boy/man to control his urges himself, the only way to prevent him from falling into sexual sin for a parent or other person to supervise him at all times.
As for after that boy/man IS married? Well, most Protestants interpret the Bible verse about the marriage bed being undefiled, as “all sexual activity is permissible if in the context of marriage”. They also often teach that a wife has a duty to have sex with her husband whenever he wants. The idea seems to be that once a man is married, he doesn’t need any restraints on his sexual urges because he has an acceptable outlet, his wife. Indeed, I’ve even been on Protestant websites where “sexual refusers” are pilloried for not allowing their spouses to take advantage of the only God-approved way to relieve sexual tension.
Now I think it is very demeaning for a husband to view his wife as essentially a tool for masturbation, and I’d hope that most husbands don’t actually see their wives that way. But it is part of the theology. (And yes, I know Catholics teach there is a “marital debt” but I’ve also seen material that specify a refuser is only sinning if she (or he) refuses without reasonable cause for doing so.)