The importance of physical attraction in a relationship

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Another point to consider: what is the reason for marriage?

It’s not just to make you and your spouse happy. It’s not so that you can admire your beautiful wife.

It’s so that the husband and wife, responding to God’s call, can help each other to live holy lives, and to help each other on the way to heaven.

Now ask yourself, what’s role does physical attraction in that? It does play some role, but you have to be clear on exactly what that role is, and not give it too large or too small a weight.
 
Bobby Jim:
Weight can go up, and weight can go down. The inherent goodness of a person is something that is likely to endure much longer than physical beauty.

You can marry a slender supermodel, but in all likelihood once she has children and grows older, she’ll find it harder to maintain that trim figure. Many people gain weight as they grow older. It’s hard to tell who will and who won’t when they’re young. So what your wife looks like when she’s 25 may have little bearing on how she looks when she’s 50 and when she’s 75.
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Sigh. If only more people would recognize that, and before they got old.

Obviously, there needs to be some physical attraction; you probably wouldn’t want to go out with someone you found repulsive.

But why oh why does “physical attraction” always have to mean “looks like a movie star”?

Those of us who have the kind of looks that aren’t currently in favor are just dropped by the wayside. Oh well, physically unattractive people don’t need love, right? :rolleyes: At least, there are cats. One of the things I love about pets, is that they love unconditionally.
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kev7:
I did not allow them to get close to me they did it anyway and that is what made them cry. Sometimes I’m too nice or friendly to them and they take it the wrong way. These women do things for me that no other women in my life have and they are always saying that I am a good man . That is what hurts me the most… it is only the fat girls who I don’t find attractive that are that great. It is very difficult to be honest with them.
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When you say you make them cry, it sounds as if you tell them that you would not date them because of their weight problem. Is this the case? I would not want to assume that it is.

There is no such thing as a group of “fat girls” who are the only girls who find you attractive. Maybe on several occassions there have been girls who were overweight and attracted to you. That is no reason to lump them all into one “fat girl” category. Using such a term is disrespectful to the individuals who should not be defined by their weight alone.

Also, how overweight are these girls? An average-sized girl is not skinny.

My mom became ill while pregnant with my brother. Due to her chronic condition, she was had a weight problem ever since. My dad cited it as one of the reasons he left her.

Marrying a girl who is not overweight will not guarantee that she will always be that way. A husband must love his wife in sickness and in health, not “only if she’s not fat.” If you are really hung up on weight this much, it may cause problems for you if you get married. Even without a chronic condition, no woman looses
that pregnancy weight easily.
 
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Benedictus:
Sometimes the truth hurts.
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What truth that he was ruducing them to their weight?That he can not see beauty from within or is looking for a trophy?Some women are dying to be thin like one of the Olson twins and some may eat too much because they have been used by trophy seekers.What truth is it?:nope:
 
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kev7:
I did not allow them to get close to me they did it anyway and that is what made them cry.Oh, it is their fault for getting to close? Sometimes I’m too nice or friendly to them and they take it the wrong way.What do you mean by too nice? These women do things for me that no other women in my life have and they are always saying that I am a good man . So the ones who treat you the best you dimiss based on weight:rolleyes: That is what hurts me the most… it is only the fat girls who I don’t find attractive that are that great.Did you hear what you just said? It is very difficult to be honest with them.
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What do you say to them you are such a wonderful person,if only you weren’t fat?:nope:
 
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ElizabethAnne:
When you say you make them cry, it sounds as if you tell them that you would not date them because of their weight problem. Is this the case? I would not want to assume that it is.

There is no such thing as a group of “fat girls” who are the only girls who find you attractive. Maybe on several occassions there have been girls who were overweight and attracted to you. That is no reason to lump them all into one “fat girl” category. Using such a term is disrespectful to the individuals who should not be defined by their weight alone.

Also, how overweight are these girls? An average-sized girl is not skinny.

My mom became ill while pregnant with my brother. Due to her chronic condition, she was had a weight problem ever since. My dad cited it as one of the reasons he left her.

Marrying a girl who is not overweight will not guarantee that she will always be that way. A husband must love his wife in sickness and in health, not “only if she’s not fat.” If you are really hung up on weight this much, it may cause problems for you if you get married. Even without a chronic condition, no woman looses
that pregnancy weight easily.
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The two girls I’m talking about are really over weight. Not just a bit fat or somthing like that.

Average girls I don’t have a problem with. I’m quite aware that women put on pounds when they have a kid. That doesn’t bother me.

What I’m basically saying is that I don’t find them physically attractive but their personalities are amazing.

The problem is that I know that there is nothing they could do that would make me want them. It doesn’t matter how great they are.

All I can do is avoid them because I don’t want them to like me anymore. I can’t return the favour because I’m not physically attracted to them.
 
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Lisa4Catholics:
What do you say to them you are such a wonderful person,if only you weren’t fat?:nope:
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No I wouldn’t be that mean. I just said that I have a problem with her weight. But I didn’t say that until she demanded to know what my problem with her was. After I told her and she was amazed that I had told her the truth and that I didn’t give her a line like all the other guys she knew. I also tried my best to be good friends with her and make her feel good about herself. I still am good friends with her.

But yes, I am to blame for taking her out on a date. I had to discover the hard way that I just can’t be with someone I’m far from being attracted too.
 
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Lisa4Catholics:
What truth that he was ruducing them to their weight?That he can not see beauty from within or is looking for a trophy?Some women are dying to be thin like one of the Olson twins and some may eat too much because they have been used by trophy seekers.What truth is it?:nope:
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Is your body not a temple of the lord? Should you not keep care of it?

I’m not looking for a trophy I’m just not attracted to girls who are huge.
 
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kev7:
No I wouldn’t be that mean. I just said that I have a problem with her weight. But I didn’t say that until she demanded to know what my problem with her was. After I told her she was amazed that I had told her the truth and that I didn’t give her a line like all the other guys she knew. I also tried my best to be good friends with her and make her feel good about herself. I still am good friends with her.
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How do you make her feel good about herself?Do you tell her there has to be a man out there that can see her for who she is and not see her for her weight?
 
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kev7:
Does God want you to be physically attracted to a person for marriage?
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There are all kinds of physical attraction, and some of us are extremely open-minded about what we consider to be attractive.

But consider “physical attraction” the way our society currently seems to define it – “beautiful”, “looks like a movie star”, “looks like a supermodel”, “perfect figure, perfect hair”, "someone who will look good walking down the street with me (yeah, there’s a great reason to marry someone :rolleyes: ), “height-weight proprotionate” (dating web site code-talk for “not fat”), etc.

God created us all, and God is all-knowing, so He must surely realize that some people will be born with the kind of looks that will get them considered “unattractive” in their place and time. But does this mean that God loves them any less, or that He thinks they have less value? I don’t believe that.

The concept of “physical attraction” (as it is defined today) may ensure that the less attractive never get to pass their genes on to future generations (even though they may be perfectly healthy), but I have a hard time believing that this is from God.

It’s a shame that relationships don’t seem able to get started without physical attraction, because some of the most gentle hearts and beautiful spirits could be hiding in that less attractive body.
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kev7:
But yes, I am to blame for taking her out on a date. I had to discover the hard way that I just can’t be with someone I’m far from being attracted too.
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One should only “date” a person you intend to marry - as you can see, dating someone with no intention of marriage is unkind at best and deceitful at worst.

Be friends, do things with groups of people. When you are mature enough to consider marriage, then, begin praying for God to direct your search. When you know someone and you feel that they are someone you would marry, then - ask them for a date. Marriage is a vocation, dating is preparation for that vocation - not just some kind of recreation… as you can see, people do get hurt by “casual dating”.
 
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Lisa4Catholics:
How do you make her feel good about herself?Do you tell her there has to be a man out there that can see her for who she is and not see her for her weight?
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It is very hard to make someone feel good about being fat. In fact there isn’t much you can do.

I just tried to make her realize that when it comes to her personality and morals I put her on a pedestal. I told her that she is most likely a very beautiful woman in heaven. That made her happy.

The thing is she most likely wouldn’t be that great of person if she was a thin hochie girl.

Basically, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not good enough for her and I usually pray for her. I can only hope that by being honest with how I feel I’ve done the right thing.

So it is not hat I can’t like her for who she is. It is that I can’t accept her for being huge.
 
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CarolAnnSFO:
There are all kinds of physical attraction, and some of us are extremely open-minded about what we consider to be attractive.

But consider “physical attraction” the way our society currently seems to define it – “beautiful”, “looks like a movie star”, “looks like a supermodel”, “perfect figure, perfect hair”, "someone who will look good walking down the street with me (yeah, there’s a great reason to marry someone :rolleyes: ), “height-weight proprotionate” (dating web site code-talk for “not fat”), etc.

God created us all, and God is all-knowing, so He must surely realize that some people will be born with the kind of looks that will get them considered “unattractive” in their place and time. But does this mean that God loves them any less, or that He thinks they have less value? I don’t believe that.

The concept of “physical attraction” (as it is defined today) may ensure that the less attractive never get to pass their genes on to future generations (even though they may be perfectly healthy), but I have a hard time believing that this is from God.

It’s a shame that relationships don’t seem able to get started without physical attraction, because some of the most gentle hearts and beautiful spirits could be hiding in that less attractive body.

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:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: AMEN!😃
 
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CarolAnnSFO:
There are all kinds of physical attraction, and some of us are extremely open-minded about what we consider to be attractive.

But consider “physical attraction” the way our society currently seems to define it – “beautiful”, “looks like a movie star”, “looks like a supermodel”, “perfect figure, perfect hair”, "someone who will look good walking down the street with me (yeah, there’s a great reason to marry someone :rolleyes: ), “height-weight proprotionate” (dating web site code-talk for “not fat”), etc.

God created us all, and God is all-knowing, so He must surely realize that some people will be born with the kind of looks that will get them considered “unattractive” in their place and time. But does this mean that God loves them any less, or that He thinks they have less value? I don’t believe that.

The concept of “physical attraction” (as it is defined today) may ensure that the less attractive never get to pass their genes on to future generations (even though they may be perfectly healthy), but I have a hard time believing that this is from God.

It’s a shame that relationships don’t seem able to get started without physical attraction, because some of the most gentle hearts and beautiful spirits could be hiding in that less attractive body.
Crazy Internet Junkie Society
****Carrier of the Angelic Sparkles Sprinkle Bag
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I totally agree with what you said. Let me make it clear that I am no looking for perfection. I just want a girl that won’t break my back when I try to lift her.
 
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kev7:
I totally agree with what you said. Let me make it clear that I am no looking for perfection. I just want a girl that won’t break my back when I try to lift her.
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Wow:mad: Maybe you should start weight lifting:mad:
 
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kev7:
ok well good. No one here thinks it is wrong.
I’m not looking for perfection I just don’t want to be with someone who I’m not attracted to.

I’ve made a few fat girls cry because of this but it isn’t my fault.
I’m just being honest.
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What if you were attracted to someone physically. She was beautifull but that was it. Would you have a relationship with her? If you answer that you would try and start a relationship with her, then it only will prove that you are shallow, and only care about looks. Looks fade away, no one will be good looking forvever, but what is inside will never change. The better the person is on the inside the better the person is on the outside.
 
kev7,

From all that I’ve read here, I do not think your attitude is wrong or unhealthy. Perhaps there is an issue of tact, and perhaps not. And of course it is not good to lead people on, but you had to discover for yourself that you could not overcome the lack of physical attraction for obese women. That’s okay.

I think you are on the right track. As long as you don’t expect women to look like supermodels and do your best to be as attractive as the women you find attractive, you should fare well.

AND, for what it’s worth, I do think that honesty is important if a girl asks you in so many words why you don’t want to continue dating. It isn’t always possible to cushion the blow and remain truthful, and some large women are rather belligerent about their weight and want to challenge you to “say it to my face.” If you must, you must. Just try not to lead them on in the first place, and you’ll avoid some trouble!
 
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kev7:
there is something I find very distrubing about that picture.
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The Stigmata is not a day in the park,St.Padre Pio said it does hurt.:nope:
 
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