The Quiet Epidemic of Lonely Catholics

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EnglishTeacher said:
True. We cannot fix everything, but could we do more to be building communities and parishes where people know each other and have better opportunities to build friendships?
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Speaking from the parish side of things, we offer groups, classes, social events, and no one shows up. We advertise, we call people and personally invite them, we do evites and Facebook events, nope.
EnglishTeacher said:
I think even just an after-Mass coffee and donuts hour downstairs might be a good place to start.
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We have been trying to get this started for 2+ years. No one wants to volunteer to do the work.
 
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I’ve been going out to more parish social things in the months since my husband died because I haven’t really felt like going out to bars, clubs or restaurants. I can handle the cake reception for the parish’s anniversary or for Mother Mary’s birthday celebration or for the Latin Mass Society to chat after the sung Latin Mass, much better than I can handle a bar right now. I have talked to quite a few people and while they haven’t become my best bosom buddies, they were nice and friendly to talk to for the most part.

When I’ve had about a dozen such opportunities in the last few months, plus some others that I skipped because I was in a hurry to run an errand, it’s hard for me to see how the parishes “need to do more to build fellowship”. There are also groups that meet for Bible study or prayer or whatever if somebody wants a more in-depth thing where they meet regularly over a few weeks.

I think the problem may be more one of demographics and what people are looking for - for instance, if you’re a young mom looking to meet other young moms, then the prayer group get-together that’s full of retirees is probably not going to ring your bell. But I’m not seeing all this unfriendliness. I am actually seeing a few parishes knocking themselves out to be friendly with greeters welcoming people to Mass and the receptions afterwards and the whole nine yards. It’s hard not to feel like some people have other problems/ issues in their life and just use the Church as a target for their complaints.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
(yes I know you don’t like the phone idea
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Lol what phone idea? I brought it up because the thread is about loneliness and here you have a social situation that should invite interaction but instead people are tied to their phones. People are creating their own loneliness because they don’t know how to interact.
 
And being able to find more people who like the same things you do, if your tastes aren’t shared by the masses where you happen to live. As an example, I really like a certain indie band. If I limited myself to the fans in my town for friends, I know about 2 people. With national and international social media, I know more like 200-300 people who are in UK, Japan, Sweden, all over the USA and in Canada.
 
Part of me does wonder if society would be better if we made more of an effort with the people around us that we don’t have much in common with. I don’t know if I would blame phones for that, some people can be a bit rose tinted about the “good old days” before phones.
 
Well just look at this forum lol. A lot of supposed Catholics with not so much Catholic belief lol. Small talk can only go so far and at some point you might find out the person your getting to know thinks women can and should be priests, votes for pro abortion politicians, etc. Turn out the lights, the party is over.
 
yankeesouth said:
Well just look at this forum lol. A lot of supposed Catholics with not so much Catholic belief lol. Small talk can only go so far and at some point you might find out the person your getting to know thinks women can and should be priests, votes for pro abortion politicians, etc. Turn out the lights, the party is over.
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It is possible to be in community with and be friends with people who have problematic beliefs.
 
Yeah, if I limited my friendships only to people who agreed with me on all political issues and all Catholic hot-button issues, I not only wouldn’t have any friends, Catholic or non-Catholic, but I wouldn’t have married my husband, and I probably would have been bickering with my Catholic mom all the time for that matter.

I want friends who can accept and be calm about what I believe and if they are really interested in discussing the subject in a non-confrontational way, I’m happy to discuss. I don’t expect or even want everybody to agree with me all the time. I would never learn anything if my whole world was all yes-men. The only people I don’t like are those who want to argue or make it a stumbling block between us rather than just accepting that we see things differently and moving on to a common ground.
 
So you still attend your former protestant after service get togethers?
mrsdizzyd said:
be friends with people who have problematic beliefs.
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And as a good friend you would be concerned about their salvation, right?
 
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yankeesouth said:
So you still attend your former protestant after service get togethers?
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Some of us including myself and I believe mrsdizzyd have close family members who are Protestants, so it is not exactly a reach for us to attend a Protestant get-together. I’m not sure why you would ask this question like it is a bad thing.

I’ve actually been considering visiting the Protestant church next door to my house sometime, just to be neighborly. I’ve made it clear to them I am Catholic and not interested in converting but they are nice people and we often chat as they are located literally 10 feet from my exterior wall.
 
yankeesouth said:
So you still attend your former protestant after service get togethers?
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mrsdizzyd:
be friends with people who have problematic beliefs.
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And as a good friend you would be concerned about their salvation, right?
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Because I am the only Catholic in my family I do end up at Protestant gatherings. I actually don’t mind going at all. We have a lot in common.

One of my best friends in the world has created her own new age religion. Of course I am concerned about her salvation and I pray for her often, and she knows this. She remains a dear friend.
 
goout said:
I agree that many people are lonely and disconnected. But I don’t think it’s a Catholic problem at all. In fact I think Catholics are less isolated than others.
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Based on my experience I have to disagree. Having spent time in both a protestant community and the Catholic Church, it has been my experience that there are many, many more “disconnected” Catholics. One reason might be that in the protestant community I was associated with, reaching out to those who are alone is part of the church’s ministry. Visiting those who are alone and isolated is actually a big part of the minister’s job. This doesn’t seem to be the case in the Catholic Church…at least not in the parish I am associated with.
 
ChuckB said:
alone is part of the church’s ministry. Visiting those who are alone and isolated is actually a big part of the minister’s
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Agree 100 times over.
I had a similar thread a while ago.

I’ve tried multiple catholic parishes. No families, no pastoral services and no social communities. In the 5 years I’ve attended my parish I can tell you the names of 5 people. All elderly. We are 37 year olds and the youngest in the parish we now attend. I’ve all but given up building friendships.

I went through a really hard time conceiving my children. I reached out to my church. Nothing from them, not even returned phone calls.

I work in a lutheran system. I had the pastor, his wife and multiple congregation members lend me books, offer advice and one even drove me to my appointments when I was not well. When I did fall pregnant the genuine joy from the community was huge. I’m not even sure my priest noticed because he certainly never mentioned it.

I still go to mass but I get my community from the lutheran group. My kids go to their youth group (surprise…we don’t have one).

I feel very lonely in my own church.
 
My point wasn’t about you minding. For instance when protestants come to the door it’s all smiles until I tell them I’m Catholic and then the smiles go away lol. That’s what I meant when I said turn out the lights the party’s over because if an orthodox Catholic is talking to a liberal and the liberal professes false beliefs then I’m gonna question it. Most instances the liberal takes issue and ends the dialogue/potential friendship.

No, in fact, I believe we should stay in contact. If you have a strong Faith and can effectively answer challenges well that’s our mission isn’t it? To proclaim the Truth of Jesus Christ and His Church. But I do think your situation is unique. Or maybe it depends on the protestant denomination. I know people that left calvary chapel and former friends refused to associate with them.
 
mrsdizzyd said:
As someone who is in the process of coming home and who is leaving a Protestant community that was close knit, I’d say the individual parishes could do more to build community.
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I couldn’t agree with this more.

Hospitality and welcoming are the best ways to get people into Church; kindness and fellowship are the best ways to keep them there.

I am a cradle Catholic that has been involved with the Church in many ways for many decades. I have worked full time for the Church for 12 years and more than anything I wish we could model a format that is common in mainline Protestant congregations:
  • Service 1
  • Fellowship / Learning event (Bible study, coffee & donuts, etc.)
  • Service 2
Where the members go to either Service plus [stay after] or [come early] for the Fellowship / Study session

Here in our archdiocese most parishes have Masses stacked on top of each other and simply do not have the time for fellowship / learning opportunities on SUNDAY.

Sure, we offer adult ed. opportunities and Bible studies and other groups during the week but they are attended sparsely compared to the hundreds that would come if it were right before or after their weekend Mass.

Once in a great while when I don’t have a Mass assignment at my own parish I go to the Ukrainian parish on those Sundays. Perfect format - only one Divine Liturgy offered, which is followed by a [nearly] mandatory fellowship of refreshments and socializing.

Ukrainian cherry pastry does wonders for keeping them coming back, week after week.

Thanks to all of you who extend hospitality and welcome to parishioners.

The Apostle Paul teaches us to “receive every visitor as Christ Himself,”
Deacon Christopher
 
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When I went to the Maronite parish it was same as you describe for the Ukrainian - one service with social time afterwards and nearly everyone involved. However, the Maronite congregation was small. Probably a couple hundred people. The two nearest Catholic parishes each have membership in the thousands and about 4-5 Masses in each church on the weekends. If everyone at each of those churches came to one service or even two services, they would not be able to fit them all in the church.
 
Yes, same problem here, unfortunately.

Maybe that’s why I treasure those rare weekends when I go to the Ukrainian parish. (Or maybe it’s the pastry! 🙂
 
ewohdrol said:
I still go to mass but I get my community from the lutheran group.
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I think a big part of it is the way the clergy view their role in the church.

I have a very good friend who is a Lutheran minister. He devotes three days a week…all day…visiting “shut-ins” or those members of his congregation who are isolated and alone. If he finds that someone needs help or is especially lonely, he contacts the appropriate committee at the church to put them on a more frequent visiting schedule, to arrange transportation to medical appointments or to the grocery store, etc. He considers this one of the most important aspects of his ministry. A few weeks ago, at our after-mass coffee and doughnut gorge-a-thon, I found myself sitting next to one of the priests and I mentioned this to him. While he agreed that such an arrangement was “nice,” he clearly didn’t regard that as part of his job. According to him, his job is to “bring the sacraments to the people.” The rest is just fluff, I guess.
 
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