The Quiet Epidemic of Lonely Catholics

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I know in Evangelical churches, members are expected to get married by a certain age. Those that don’t are not treated too well and are viewed as a problem to be solved.
 
yankeesouth said:
Well just look at this forum lol. A lot of supposed Catholics with not so much Catholic belief lol. Small talk can only go so far and at some point you might find out the person your getting to know thinks women can and should be priests, votes for pro abortion politicians, etc. Turn out the lights, the party is over.
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The apparent disconnect and supposed loneliness is reflective of the number of people that aren’t living out their Faith. Those feelings would not exist in a vibrant faith filled congregation. The road is indeed narrow.
 
Hello.

We can be kind to each other, wherever we are and whoever we’re with. If we all did that, the world would be changed.
 
I think some folk conflate being married with maturity. I mean I knew someone who married impulsively at 22 and divorced 2 years later and plenty of older single people with responsible jobs but to some people it is that simple.

I think parishes do unintentionally have target demographics and those who don’t fit do end up out in the cold. Maybe someone very extroverted with a lot of charisma could force their way in with people they don’t fit with but the average person wouldn’t.
 
Sounds as if the “coordinator” had a bit of a power trip going on.

Here, the only things that have rules are teenage youth group (you can’t keep going after High School) and the Women’s Groups are for women only, the Men’s groups are for men only. Other than that, one can sign up for any group they want.
 
Sarcelle said:
I know in Evangelical churches, members are expected to get married by a certain age. Those that don’t are not treated too well and are viewed as a problem to be solved.
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That has not been true of any evangelical church I was ever involved with. Considering that almost all Christian communities have seen a decrease in marriages, what you describe has got to be happening in a very small minority of churches.
 
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EnglishTeacher said:
I agree with you. Although I took the author to be saying not that loneliness is specific to Catholics or worse for Catholics but rather that there is more loneliness among us than there should be, considering that we are one in Christ and should be creating more community among us.

Tis_Bearself:
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The world can be a scary place. I think a fear of connection can lead to loneliness. Also, in terms of finding a partner, some people find it easier to find a partner because they fit a certain type that is generally more desirable than other types. But that doesn’t mean that a person won’t find a partner. Plus there are some good things about being alone because there are people in the world in miserable relationships.

I think a major problem is obsessing about being alone. If you make the idea of a romantic relationship the be all and end all of your happiness in this world you could end up making yourself even more lonely and unhappy.

I don’t have the answers. Just my two cents.
 
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Sarcelle said:
My social circle consists of mostly atheists.
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My whole life has been like that. I don’t think that i have ever had a close friend that took the Catholic religion seriously.
 
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Sarcelle said:
I know in Evangelical churches, members are expected to get married by a certain age. Those that don’t are not treated too well and are viewed as a problem to be solved.
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Catholics don’t really do that. I think there’s some understanding that some people, for whatever reason (they’re secretly gay, they’re unwell, they are unable to meet the Church conditions for marrying ,they’re perhaps planning to enter religious life or maybe are in it already and need to stay single) do not marry.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Catholics don’t really do that. I think there’s some understanding that some people, for whatever reason (they’re secretly gay, they’re unwell, they are unable to meet the Church conditions for marrying ,they’re perhaps planning to enter religious life or maybe are in it already and need to stay single) do not marry.
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I think there are a lot of people who dream of marriage, but never get the chance because they simply don’t meet peoples idea of a potential husband or wife.
 
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More like they simply don’t meet enough people to click with one.

You need to be out around a lot of members of the opposite sex around the age when people are looking for a spouse, in order to find people. You also can’t be too picky as it reduces the size of your potential pool.
It’s helpful if you go into some field where the ratio of opposite sex to yourself is high. When I was young I went into a field where the male:female ratio was 3:1 and worked at a very large company. Pretty much every single lady at my company found a husband at work, including myself.
 
I owe it to one of my brothers…he made the " connection" without my knowing about it. He simply let my now husband know that I was " avilable" 😉 again…
Funny also that another brother made the " connection" for my first job. We have had an argument bah…not even that bad…he was in high school then ,and that is how we made peace!
Go guys! Love my brothers!:hugs:
Count on brothers and sisters !
 
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I wish that was the case, but the number is a lot higher than you think.

I have met too many single evangelicals who no longer go to church because it’s been made clear to them that they are no longer welcome.
 
I’ll take your word for it.

It does make me wonder if different people just read signals differently. To be sure, when I was single, everyone wished/hoped I’d get married, but there was always an active singles ministry or young adult ministry and at least a third of the adult congregation was single.

I always considered those questions about my marital status to be in the same league as wishing me well. In the end, they were just expressing a desire that I be happily partnered and start a family of my own. It never felt like their questions meant I wasn’t welcome or had no place.
 
Believe me, when you’ve had too many comments saying there must be something wrong with you because you’re not married by people who don’t even know your name, it gets a bit too much.

The assumption that you are always available for free babysitting because you don’t have any responsibilities. Yes we do. We have jobs and chores to do. We also have family that need us.

I have heard of single women being required to provide free housekeeping services so the married women can as the church elders say “ concentrate on their ministry as wives and mothers”.

Of course not all Evangelical churches do it, most don’t, but the amount of churches that do it is higher than one thinks.

That being said, I think these churches are on the more fundamentalist side.
 
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Stuff like this makes me glad that the Catholic church is a bit more reserved about “fellowship” and “community”. I would hate to make a bunch of so-called friends, only to find that they see me as a free babysitter (I never babysat even when I was a teen) and look down on me because I’m not married.
 
The churches that do this are on the more fundamentalist side, where women are not supposed to be financially independent. They must have male authority over them all throughout their lives. They have this image of women as perpetual minors. They often point to the verse by Paul, where he says that it was Eve not Adam who was deceived by the serpent. Because of this, it is wise to keep women under male authority because women are easily deceived.
 
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I don’t doubt with the huge population of Catholics out there, there are “some Catholics” with every mindset under the sun, but I’m very happy I never personally met one who acted like you described. I know if my mother or any woman in her Irish family had met such a person they would have made probably several Bea Arthur pointed remarks at him or perhaps just given him what for.
 
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