The Quiet Epidemic of Lonely Catholics

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I so fervently agree!

In my experience, the Catholic churches I’ve attended build networks but not communities. I’ve made a lot of acquaintances at church, but no genuine friends. When members of my parish get a hold of me, it’s invariably for utilitarian reasons; they need or want me for something. It’s never to go out for coffee or meet with kids at a park. Perhaps the only way to break that ice is for US to take the initiative in striking up friendships.

One bishop I knew struck up some supper clubs, assigning parishioners to small groups to have each other over for dinner. He knew what he was doing; people with friends at church are less likely to leave!
 
I’ve long noted at my parish and others that there are active “young adult” groups and active “retiree and/or widow/widower” groups. Then there are also a lot of family events, especially families with young children. So there’s very little, usually nothing, for never-married single working people past the age of the young adults. And I think this group tends to be the ones who start to stay away from Church. It can be lonely going by yourself.
 
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I usually only go to church for Sunday mass or Holy days of obligation.
I also go for reconciliation.

Other than that, activities are geared for families with young children or retirees, so I stay away. I know I have no place among them.

My social circle consists of mostly atheists.
 
My social circle consists of “nones.” Not militant atheists, but those who consider religion, especially Catholicism, as some kind of crutch for the uneducated deplorables. If they are church goers at all, it tends to be Unitarianism. None of them are even mainstream Protestants (ie. Lutheran, Methodist, etc) any more.
 
A lot of people in my social circle are militant atheists but they don’t consider believers stupid. They just don’t accept the existence of God. I understand that.
 
I know such people but I don’t understand it. I tell them but then how do you make sense of existence? the end is cosmic dust so no matter what you do, good or bad, it is meaningless! Then they say we don’t think about it, while alive just enjoy something along those lines…
 
Dan_Defender said:
I know such people but I don’t understand it. I tell them but then how do you make sense of existence? the end is cosmic dust so no matter what you do, good or bad, it is meaningless! Then they say we don’t think about it, while alive just enjoy something along those lines…
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I can attempt to answer this question if you really want to listen to the answer.
 
It is off topic here I didn’t mean to discuss that here. Create another thread if you like.
 
EnglishTeacher said:
The Quiet Epidemic of Lonely Catholics
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The stronger one’s faith, the less one feels lonely. And that’s not because strong faith creates a sense of togetherness with other believers – it doesn’t necessarily. It’s because the stronger your faith, the less being alone feels lonely. In fact, the stronger your faith, the more being alone feels alright – alright as in all right. Hence hermits.

The 9 examples given in the list at the top of the article are all examples of relatively weak faith. I don’t say that to condemn those who feel lonely, but to point out that the ultimate fix for feeling lonely is stronger faith, not an adjustment in one’s social circumstances. The article’s exhortation that we must “initiate relationships, build friendship and real community” (etc. etc.) is excusable, and possibly helpful as an intermediate measure for those who cannot yet do without. It is not, however, fundamentally edifying. Total faith does not need companionship either as a prop or as its necessary expression, no matter how understandable the desire for companionship is.
 
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I think we either need to do more to create bonds in our parishes or accept that there are lone Catholics. In practice this means accepting that there will be Catholics without other Catholics in their lives and they may prefer to receive sacraments of initiation without sponsors and they are more likely to marry non-Catholics.

I’ve experienced this as on the one hand being told “it’s not a social club, you are there for the Eucharist not to make friends”

Then “you have no one to be your confirmation sponsor/child’s Godparent? Why haven’t you made any Catholic friends?”

I mean make your mind up 🤔. It’s either ok to do your faith alone or it isn’t.
 
edtaylor51

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The Catholic Church is not too hospitable to those who have any level of doubt. The lack of tolerance for dissent and discussion leads many to just not speak up, especially those who are introverted or who lack confidence during a debate. Contrast that with the Jewish tradition of welcoming doubt and debate - secular/agnostic Jews are still considered Jewish and their ideas are considered and discussed, even if they are not agreed upon. That simply does not happen in the Catholic Church, instead we are left feeling belittled and less-than…at least until one reaches a certain age and/or level of confidence where others opinions don’t matter as much.

I will be specific here rather than general and pompous. What I have seen in a couple parishes I have belonged to locally is that people are clannish – they tend to hang with just the people they are comfortable with, rather than seeking out that person who looks lonely. They don’t work at making people feel comfortable. I am in the older generation of big families. But, even the family split apart before I was even old enough to know what happened. I didn’t get connected with big networks of friends and families. I wasn’t accepted in my own family. My father died and my step-father was murdered a couple years later. My family was shattered and dysfunctional. As a boy, even my male relatives weren’t around to help me grow up. I learned to be alone. I had no choice.
 
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Yes

This also applies to the parishes I’ve been a member of. The members know each other from way back when. I’m talking mostly about the elderly who make up the majority of the churchgoers.

The first parish I attended when I decided to be a Catholic (being baptized Catholic but raised as an atheist), had the reputation of being a country club. Wealthy parishioners and very, very conservative. The parish I now attend was more working class but still the families all know each other.

It seems like attending mass alone will guarantee that you will be treated forever as an outsider.

Sometimes I feel like an atheist cosplaying as a Catholic.
 
Roguish said:
The stronger one’s faith, the less one feels lonely. And that’s not because strong faith creates a sense of togetherness with other believers – it doesn’t necessarily. It’s because the stronger your faith, the less being alone feels lonely. In fact, the stronger your faith, the more being alone feels alright – alright as in all right. Hence hermits.
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Loneliness is an emotion. We cannot always “bootstrap” ourselves out of loneliness. To infer that loneliness = lack of faith, would you provide me some references from Scripture, Catholic Doctrine, etc.? I’m not familiar with that teaching (outside of the Protestant “Health and Wealth/Prosperity” teachings).
 
Sarcelle said:
I usually only go to church for Sunday mass or Holy days of obligation.
I also go for reconciliation.

Other than that, activities are geared for families with young children or retirees, so I stay away. I know I have no place among them…
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This is common. I once signed up for a lenten group bible study and was shuffled off to a group for singles. I was TOLD that I wouldn’t fit in with the married couples. Apparently segregation is a policy in some places. Not very evangelical or inclusive.
 
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Did you ask why?

I’m curious. It’s as if the married people are some special exclusive club.
 
it was 40 years ago, don’t recall. Church needs some diversity training. The bishops just passed a statement confessing their racism. LONG way to go on diversity
 
Um, if it was 40 years ago, there’s a good chance that the policy has changed since.

It may be that some of the spouses didn’t feel comfortable back then having singles in their group for reasons of jealousy or fear that someone’s attention might wander from their spouse to the single person. Petty, but that’s how people often thought 40 years ago.
 
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