The reason why young men are leaving the church

[on_the_hill]

I blames the women-folk, consarnit! Don’t matter whether it’s down t’the union hall or the Church. Dadgum wimmin!

 

[on_the_hill]

I don’t know about earthquakes in Peru, but they are ruining the soil in Iowa.

 

[jfz178]

Yee doggies! Yer rite!

 

[Shakuhachi]

I am reminded of when I was young and discerning vocation. One thing I was totally not interested in was diocesan priesthood. I wanted something like the marines so I went the Trappist direction. But I ended up getting married. Of course a married man can still be a great Catholic.

So what do young men want that the Catholic Church is not providing?

 

[joeybaggz]

Don’t know if anyone above posted this, but one of the reasons it seems the church is feminized is, if you look at the office staff, it is in general, predominantly women. You don’t see many men in charge of most of the office/parish function. Why, because what the church pays the women, (if the office is not on a volunteer basis) is a pittance. It is generally “part time” money as far as it being an amount needed to maintain a household these days.
Not to be anti-woman in any way, but most men could not provide for their families on what church salaries are. The claim that the church is feminized, at least at the parish level, needs to take this into account and realize there is a false basis to the claim.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Low expectations could be a factor. In the UK (not sure about other countries) there is a real problem with boys being more likely to be disengaged from education and this too seems to start at a very young age. I wonder if something similar is going on at church.

There are also low expectations in general with church, when I was 21 and questioned why the Catholic church doesn’t do anything for people my age I was told a. They don’t usually bother as people like you don’t tend to stick around, b. It’s normal for people to stop going to church and then come back to get married.

Does the Catholic church actually want young single men or only responsible father type men? There can be mixed messages.

 

[guanophore]

If really feel like if priest were to read the entire bible and not skip around the politically incorrect stories, then more men will start to become passionate about God and the church.

Actually, Martinez, the best way for men to become passionate about God and the Church is for them to read their own bibles.

It would also help to affiliate with a group of men, like the knights of Columbus. Having one’s faith experience restricted to Mass does not meet the needs of any believers. Mass/Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith, which must be lived out in the world. Being “manly” at the Mass does not necessarily accomplish that.

 

[adgloriam]

There are also low expectations in general with church, when I was 21 and questioned why the Catholic church doesn’t do anything for people my age I was told a. They don’t usually bother as people like you don’t tend to stick around, b. It’s normal for people to stop going to church and then come back to get married.

Both a) and b) are wrong, whoever said that tricked you into believing a lie. The church isn’t only the priests, it’s all of us. It is hard however, to organize anything, since most of it would have to be done by the laity. Not all parishes have the organization they should, in the sense of organized youth groups and gatherings. Some parishes however have that, and the youngsters quite enjoy being part of those groups since they tend to be very healthy and moral, full of excellent folks.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

The funny thing is I don’t think the people who said this were intending to be mean at all. I think a lot of parishes have just got into a rut and stopped trying outreach with certain people.

 

[Norseman82]

I have found that people leave the church mainly over laziness and lust.

There is a subset of people who leave in anger over God not answering a prayer, but they are significantly less.

All the other stuff? Tends to be excuses after the fact.

I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen this scenario play out:

Practicing Catholic finds a boyfriend/girlfriend willing to have sex; they resist at first, then give in; can’t reconcile abstaining from sex and their new relationship; finds reasons for why the church is “wrong” (priest scandal! Inquisition! Sister kept me in for recess detention in the third grade!)

Boom. Get out of jail free card.

I recall seeing a comment from Jason Evert that the loss of faith is linked to teens starting sexual activity.

At the same time, some people have been hurt by people in the Church (whom God often uses to answers prayers), so I understand their anger.

On the other hand, we also have the case of those who do “play by the rules” who are “taken for granted”. Example: look at the threads on the old-format CAF forum where a virgin male seeks a virgin female as a wife - he has all sorts of abuse heaped on him, and even is shamed for seeking marriage in the first place. Then, when a woman or man becomes a parent out of wedlock, they are congratulated. What is a young man to think when he sees that - he thinks it “pays more” to not put in the effort to obey the rules, and it was all because of “Catholic” posters right here on CAF! As Pogo said, “We have met the enemy, and it is us”.

I would guess that the biggest issues are that we have been poorly evangelized and poorly catechized. If I don’t believe that following Jesus is a good thing, I have no need for any religion. Even if I think following Jesus is a good thing, if I don’t have a good understanding of the sacrifice of the mass and what that does for me, I have no need for the Church. A young man is presented with an alternative of no God, free sex, pursuit of pleasure and goods. We’re not doing a good job showing men that God’s way is the better way.

Yes, we live in a society where we have many choices, and we may have to look at evangelization and catechesis as “selling” or “marketing” ourselves. Why choose Catholicism over other religions? What makes our “product” better? What can we offer that others cannot? In short, we have to point to the “final things” and get back to basics - it’s about getting to heaven, and at some point we may have to ask the person “do you want to go to heaven”? Once we refocus things in that light, other things may fall into place.

 

[Norseman82]

And if their Dad isn’t in there nudging…the boys don’t form as they should.

Pray for the boys who don’t have a role model at home. That is the strongest weapon we have.

Boys learn best from their father.

If the fathers live an indifferent, selfish, pusillanimous life…their boys miss a big part of the formation that God was hoping they would

This sounds to me that the sharp rise in divorce has a lot to do with this.

 

[Rozellelily]

I think this may be an issue in countries like USA,Australia and England more then other countries.
In Croatia there’s a pretty even proportionate of men and women (because the focus is on families attending) at Catholic Church.
My guess is that this is the same for Italy-well at least we know there are plenty of men at the Vatican

Serbians and Russians are usually Orthodox but there’s a pretty even ratio between men vs women attending again.

I think relatively younger people (and not even necessarily younger) people are becoming more disillusioned about Catholic religion or just religion in general including in European countries but even more so in countries like AUS and US.
I live in Australia and a lot of people under 40 are not believing in church/religion anymore-both males and females equally.

The ones who are, more times than not attend the more “youth orientated” church’s like Hillsong.

I don’t really see Catholic Mass as feminine.
I think that’s more perceptual as European men are masculine and don’t really perceive Mass this way.

At the same time,I think the Catholic Church has very little creativity or initiatives to encourage envolvement from younger people and is quite “passive” in that respect.
It can hardly “compete” with the conferences and passionate worship music and social world of church’s like Hillsong (not my interest but the views of others).

By initiatives I don’t mean that cheesy try to “reach the youth” stuff because most people can see through that but I mean more like they could have conference nights like about relevant topics like how to be Christian in today’s world,what it means to be a courageous man etc…
And they used to hav those spirituality in the pub nights which I thinks a good idea.

 

[MamasBoy33]

We need to share the Word more, when it comes to talking about Jesus we don’t do a good job on what he did for us. We need to preach a more powerful message about His blood and His return.

 

[adgloriam]

I think a lot of parishes have just got into a rut and stopped trying outreach with certain people.

In my experience, (I speak for myself) you need a solid knowledge, and mature faith, of the catholic doctrine to try reaching out to someone. I’ve known some that without the knowledge have success at reaching out, but when lifes questions start to demand intricate applied answers (as youngsters are faced with) the one reaching out incurs in not being up to the task. There are plenty of forces in society actively dissuading church going, and without proper support a youngster tends to yield do captious sophistry.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

At the same time, some people have been hurt by people in the Church (whom God often uses to answers prayers), so I understand their anger.

This is very true–there were real live persons hurt by the clergy abuse crisis.

But in my actual experience, I don’t know a single person (personally) who left the Church over the abuse scandal. I know a lot of people who had already left, who used the scandal as an excuse to say “See? I was right!”

Other people have other stories.
That one is mine.

 

[ChunkMonk]

Multiple topics to explore here. First, I would say that people who don’t participate have no right to complain.

HOWEVER, there is also something called ‘scandal’ and if we’re supposed to feel sorry for the lost little lamb who murdered her own child, then I think we can spare some pity for the lost little lambs who are too cowardly to come to Mass and fight the dismal tide.

The Ven. Bishop Fulton Sheen once talked about Christ without the cross as a way of understanding this exact topic, and that’s what we have here. Careful though, because it is easy to slip into the other extreme of the cross without Christ. We serve the King. He will smash the unbelievers and slay the wicked… But he will also forgive the sinner and lift up the meek.

As long as the form of the Mass is geared toward women, it will alienate men. As long as the clergy send the message that all faiths are equal, there will be those who listen. As long as men are weak, they will sit on the side-lines. Everyone is at fault here. Nothing to do for the common man but shrug his shoulders and disengage from the whole process. Times like these never last.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

It can feel like a passive faith. My non Catholic husband is very put off by this. At his church you are expected to read the Bible, get involved in a prayer group and perform some sort of outreach. His perception of being Catholic is that you turn up to mass once a week and go through the motions and nothing else is expected.

 

[ChunkMonk]

Plenty of places to go that believe in God. If no one seems to take the Sacraments seriously than why would a person believe in them? If the clergy send the message that Hell is not a real risk then why would the uneducated layman bother with it?

Of course they don’t believe. The way it appears to them, almost no one in the Church believes either.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

The church has become “feminized”?

All you see up front are priests, popes, cardinals, apostles, Jesus, saints–mostly males.

All that apparently flies right out the window if the Church brings in a couple female altar servers and a woman lector, and lets women come to Mass without veils on. Total feminization everywhere!

 

[TINYAD]

Referring to a few posts, and treating the subject of FEMINIZATION, it is imperative to note the drastic changes that have taken after the II Vatican Council.
In my boyhood, the women were given the rear portion of the church and the males in the front.
The males do not watch a single woman’s face during the Mass.
Slowly the changes have brought in and in last few decades we see women every where.
The PRIEST HOOD IS SPARED.
Martha and Mary had a role. Mary Magdalene had a role. Mother Mary played a role.Jairus daughter played a role. Lazarus kith and kin played roles.
Now focus on the question , THE REASON WHY YOUNG MEN ARE LEAVING THE CHURCH -
Is such feminisation not liked by young men?
Some comment, that many young men are going to church to watch girls. As if there is no other better gathering than in the church.
Do the girls come to show themselves before the young men, dressed up , to catch their attention.
Does this become a distraction for themselves, and for the young men in turn.
Do the girls come to church to catch the attention of men or Jesus at the altar?
Do the young men come to meet Jesus or are so weak that they get distracted the moment a girl come in between. One cannot help the design. But how to live with it. ???
Does it no call for introspection and clearer understanding on the attitude on how to live out the situation.
Are we not brothers and sisters of the same Lord Jesus.
Are we failing to relate ourselves as brother and sister.
Does Satan has a say in these dealings. ARE WE NOT THE VICTIMS. Hapless ones.
Isn’t there a purer way of relating oneself between brother and sister, especially in the context of assembly of the faithful.
Can the elders in the church,TAKE UP THIS RE-ORIENTATION in the attitudes, so that we can love one another.
At the moment we crave for that love, because we are designed for that. We deny ourselves of it, because we are not prepared to live it the way church would desire us to.

If the atmosphere is set right, young men and women would yearn for that moment in the assembly, as the children of God to meet each other.
The kingdom of God is not an Utopia, but something that we experience in different pockets , in parishes in remote places. There we experience the REAL LOVE PRACTICED.

It is the change in the mindset. Tyrrrany of Satanic forces shall be squarely defended.

Yong men shall come come to the church to meet their sisters of their Lord Jesus.
Halleluia.