I’m the mom of two grown daughters, and I still do a lot of (volunteer) work with children and teenagers.
I would say that once a girl has started her period, it is very difficult to keep her from getting interested in boys. You can try, but God made females to develop an interest in the opposite sex once they are fertile, and I believe your efforts to keep her a little girl will fail and create much conflict and unhappiness in your family.
So I think that it is better to encourage, yes, encourage, interest in boys, but to guide your daughters so that they learn how to be friends with boys, who, up until the hormones kicked in, were “icky” to most girls!
Keep in mind that there is nothing evil happening when a girl is interested in a boy. That’s normal. Even if the girl is young, if she is fertile, it’s still normal. God made her to want children–that’s a good thing. So don’t try to give your daughters the impression that they are doing anything wrong. Just guide them.
IMO, a girl should be allowed to go out with mixed groups (boys and girls) starting around age 10, if she has enough friends (boys and girls) who are interested in going out together. Obviously these groups will be driven to their destination by their parents, and I don’t have a problem with parents chaperoning the activities–in fact, I think a chaperone hovering somewhere in the distance, but within shouting distance, is a good idea.
I’m thinking of the following activities for these mixed groups:
A movie (rated G; e.g., a Pixar animation film, or a Disney cartoon movie)–this should definitely be chaperoned, but Mom or Dad should sit away from the group of kids.
A sports event, especially a school event at their own school, but also a city team (E.g., going to see a Bears game).
A concert or play/musical. The play or musical should be something fairly “G-rated.” I know that plays and musicals don’t have ratings, but use common sense and the internet to research the plays/musicals. E.g., “Spring Awakenings” would be a big “NO!” for younger teens and pre-teens. “Fiddler on the Roof” would be a “yes.” “Putnam County Spelling Bee” would be a “Maybe,” but I’m guessing that the boys would be so embarrassed by it that they would beg their parents to please move away from their city to a new home across the country, so I wouldn’t allow it for a young mixed group.
A service project; e.g., serving in the rescue mission soup kitchen, or picking up trash in a city park or at the school.
A church service or Mass.
A family get-together, if there is enough room to accommodate the group of friends.
A meal at a family-style restaurant (e.g., Culvers) that does NOT serve alcohol. I’m certain that no decent restaurant would sell alcohol to a group of young teens, but it’s just the atmosphere. Why take a chance?
Now–as for dating–I would say two couples can go out together by around age 13-14, and to the same type of events as above, and again, they will be driven to their destination by their parents. I don’t think chaperones are necessary at this age.
I would say dating with just a boy and girl could happen as early as 13. Certainly by age 16.
You might think that 13 is too early, but I don’t agree. I think that it’s good when “children” start working on their relationship young. They “grow up together,” and form their values and opinions and worldview.
But most importantly, when the dating couple is young, they are still very much under the authority of their parents, and so there is someone outside of themselves to control their relationship. Because they don’t drive, they have no choice but to rely on their parents, and this means that they have to demonstrate respect for parents who are quite capable of locking up the car and saying, “No, you will stay home tonight.”
Once your kids are 16 or older, you’ve lost them. Even if they are close and you love each other, realistically, you no longer have much control over them. They can drive and work, and often teens of this age figure out how to work and earn enough money to buy their own car and insurance and then they can drive.
I think that by age 16, the "child’ is no longer a child, and should have all the adult skills necessary to survive and thrive in the United States. So IMO, it’s useless to try to deal with them as “children” and forbid any dating. You’re bucking all of God’s creation to do this. GOD created children to grow up and become parents themselves. The best you can do is guide, and if you have done a good job of guiding while the child is growing up, you will still have some influence once the child IS grown up.
That’s my opinion. Hope it’s helpful to some and harmful to none.
)
