Traditionalist & Bisexual; Question for the ladies & be honest!

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For me, it works like this: there are a lot of attractive people. Beautiful people, handsome people. I consider them attractive, but I do not consider myself sexually attracted to them because I am not and will not have a relationship with any of them that will be sexual. So that line of thought would just lead to temptations towards a path I do not want. I am not open to sexuality with anyone but my spouse, no matter how sexually attractive they might be if I decided to make them the object of my attraction, so they are not sexually attractive to me. Sure they are attractive, but that is a door I closed myself and it is going to stay closed because there is only one door for me.

When people talk about their sexuality openly, it feels to me like just an open admission that they don’t know how to close all the other doors. And even if they do close them for now, they may not really be committed to keeping them closed, because they have been comfortable with having them all open before.

Hope that makes sense.
 
Prodigal_Son said:
I find it bizarre, since to me, both sexes are so obviously sexually attractive. But many people think that my experience of the world just doesn’t exist. Perhaps because it confirms their own simplistic understandings of sex?
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Spot on, thank you! Most bisexual people aren’t freaks who are obsessed with having sex. (I know I’m not!) I also wonder what if the tables were flipped and it was a trad bisexual woman trying to find a trad guy?? Would guys have a problem dating a bi girl?
 
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Teek said:
For me, it works like this: there are a lot of attractive people. Beautiful people, handsome people. I consider them attractive, but I do not consider myself sexually attracted to them because I am not and will not have a relationship with any of them that will be sexual. So that line of thought would just lead to temptations towards a path I do not want. I am not open to sexuality with anyone but my spouse, no matter how sexually attractive they might be if I decided to make them the object of my attraction, so they are not sexually attractive to me. Sure they are attractive, but that is a door I closed myself and it is going to stay closed because there is only one door for me.
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I think this is a very viable view of marriage. But I would suggest that – in this pornified world – it is very difficult for most men (and many women) to even conceive of having the emotional control you describe. Once we combine a strong sexual drive with a culture which objectifies women so deeply and perniciously, finding a man with that sort of emotional control is 1 in 1000, or less. You’re much more likely to find a man who’s basically asexual, or a man who lies to you.
 
RuthAnne said:
The question I would like to know from the Trad Girls is what your thoughts are on dating a regular guy who is openly Bisexual? Would you consider it?
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I think it may be one of your problem, @StillWandering. If you are open with everybody to your attractions, some Traditionalist Catholic girls may repulsed you. They would not want to deal with the reactions/prejudices/jokes of others in the secular circles, as in catholic circles…
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For the OP, exactly who are you open with your attractions about? If you wear it on your sleeve like a badge of honor, I wouldn’t think that that would be considered charming by most Catholic women. If sharing about it is central to some sort of evangelistic witness you want to give, that would be different.
 
I’m not sure I would say I’m a “traditionalist”, as I attend Novus Ordo Mass, though I do have some traditional leanings. I myself am a young “bisexual” (for lack of a better term) woman. I don’t like to refer to myself as bi since it has so many connotations and I feel like I’m defining myself by my sexuality. Instead, I like to say I am Catholic. I had romantic/physical relationships with women in the past, and that is where I am leaving them. I still find women attractive, but would never be in a relationship with one ever again, as they were not good experiences, and I know it goes against God. It can be hard to find someone who is accepting of our pasts, but we all have our struggles. As long as you are not acting on your attractions and recognize that doing so would indeed be a Mortal Sin, I do not think there is anything preventing you from being a good Catholic husband and father. It is important to be upfront about these types of things. There are some women who may never date you because of your attractions, and that is their right. Everyone has deal breakers. Since I have been through the same issues myself, I am sympathetic to your situation, and to me, dating someone who has a past of indulging in homosexual desires is no different than dating someone who has dealt with any other mortal sin (most of us), but has since left it behind. This is just my opinion! Again I may not be the most “traditionalist” but I feel like I do have some perspective because of my similar situation.
 
Gay means a man who exclusively attracted to men. As in, no interest at all in women. Just like a lesbian is a woman who is exclusively into women and has no interest at all in men.
 
It’s not like a switch that flips on and off, like one day it’s an attraction for guys and the next it’s for girls. Perhaps to oversimplify it, you don’t stop finding cookies delicious simply because you want a slice of cake.
 
A lot of gay men wouldn’t be able to have sexual relations with women as they wouldn’t be able to get to the necessary state. I hope I am putting it vaguely enough.
 
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Right. It’s not like on Monday he’s straight and Tuesday he’s gay. Both attractions can exist simultaneously.
 
By that definition, I’m also gay. Yet I managed to have a happy 23-year marriage to a man, and date or be attracted to lots and lots of other men.

Some of us have internal wiring that just doesn’t care so much about gender. The good thing about it, when you are truly bi, is that you can often choose to focus on the opposite gender exclusively, and dodge a lot of moral issues that the person who is exclusively only same-sex attracted cannot dodge so easily.
 
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Teek said:
I am a “traditionalist” woman. No, I would not consider it. Knowing I could never be the fulfillment of half of your sexual desires would break my heart. If you have to sacrifice half of your sexual identity to be in a committed relationship with me, I would not feel secure.
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Totally agree, this is how I would feel too.

I also don’t understand the need to be “openly bisexual”. What exactly does that mean? If you are a practicing Catholic and never plan to act on it, what exactly is the point of “identifying” as bi to other people? It is a misnomer if you are a traditional catholic. I think that anyone who wears the bisexual identity on their sleeve is going to have an impossible time of finding an orthodox Christian wife. Finding a culturally catholic or lukewarm Christian woman is much more within the realm of possibility.
 
Gingersnaps4 said:
I think that anyone who wears the bisexual identity on their sleeve is going to have an impossible time of finding an orthodox Christian wife.
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Nothing is impossible.🙂
I have considered, but not concluded, that maybe the OP is more forthcoming with this “identity” on the forum than he is in the public sphere.
 
I understand the people here who say it is a dealbreaker. For me, it might be a matter of averages. If my guy is 100% hetero, then over the course of our relationship I may only need to be concerned that he would find 50% of the adult .population attractive. If he is bisexual, then that becomes 100%. Of course, I wouldn’t marry someone unless I was 100% sure it was destined to be a true, monogomous relationship, so one could say those percentages don’t matter. But, as we all know, what we hope for and anticipate doesn’t always pan out. Therefore, planning to be in the best possible situation in the future, I don’t know that I could go with the 100%. I am a numbers person.

I can’t disagree more with the posters who suggest you don’t need to identify yourself as bixexual. If that is what you are, then of course you need to, especially to a potential spouse. Your spouse deserves to know what and who you are attracted to. She will deserve to know everything about you, and of course you should want that kind of a healthy relationship (one where you don’t have to hide things about yourself).

Keep being honest about who you are, and eventually you will find a good match.
 
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Well, the OP made it a major point to make sure that we all know what a good catch he is, and that many women have found him attractive. I felt like I was reading a singles ad for a moment there, and it was not at all edifying.

I would think that a woman, especially one contemplating marriage, would not be OK with a prospective mate having no sexual preference for either gender. She would want a husband who exclusively appreciates feminine beauty, and above all, hers. That would guarantee the physical spark that is needed, especially where having children is concerned.

Speaking of children, I noticed that they weren’t mentioned anywhere in the OP’s lengthy opening post. This concerns me, because I don’t think that the discussion of a potential marriage is possible without extensive reference to children, since that is the primary purpose of marriage. I find that there was great concern given to being financially ready, especially getting a house. While getting a house is a wonderful thing, modern society places too much emphasis on it, almost as a precondition for marriage. This is a secular ideal, and in no way relates to the Catholic understanding of marriage, or being ready for it. The fact that this was mentioned, but children weren’t, in addition to what I pointed out above, makes me think that the OP is not ready for marriage, by a long stretch. Sorry, don’t mean to sound ugly, but that’s the way I see it.
 
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As long as you were emotionally and physically faithful to me, I wouldn’t care.
 
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