Transgender friends

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I think you should use their correct name, so if Sue changes her name to Sam, call her SAM.

Since Sue is your friend, just have a heart to heart about the issue.

Personally, I do try to use their preferred pronoun but frequently fail. Maybe this is a cop out, but I live in a very liberal area and have not desire to be a martyr on the gender principle. Mixing up he/she still makes a subtle point.
 
Is catering to and building up a mental illness (because that’s what gender dysphoria is) Christian? I mean, i guess it would depend on a casebycase basis…
 
I think you raise a good point. I don’t wish to appear mean but, surely, if you’re referring to a man who thinks he’s a woman as ‘she’, you’d just be affirming him in what is a recognised mental illness. 😦 Ultimately, you’d be causing him more harm than good. I think I know what Jesus would do in this situation.
 
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Yup. Not only that, affirming that person in sin as well, which is not charitable.
 
Some people just choose to be insulted for other people telling them the truth.
 
jjje1995 said:
I think I know what Jesus would do in this situation.
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I don’t have a clue what Jesus would do in this situation. The best I can offer is to treat someone the way I would want to be treated if I was uncomfortable in my own skin. It wouldn’t involve analyzing which pronoun to use. I think that time and energy can be better spent overtly offering a caring smile and a nice remark in an attempt to convey my love for the individual regardless of what they are going through. At least that is what I try to do.
 
I think that’s a good rule for most situations: avoid talking and just smile! 🙂
 
I think it could end up being a serious issue if say you were arranging some sort of male or female only event and couldn’t include them or if they tried to follow you into the wrong changing room and you had to admit you are uncomfortable.
 
I have no idea how to handle this. I know someone from my past who is in the midst of this, and I do not know what I’ll say if I see him…and from childhood, he has been a he, not a she. From my perspective, it is as if he’s committed a sort of a suicide, forbids any mention of the former personality he wants nothing to do with. I have only seen the things he’s said via videotape, but I don’t think he has left himself with the means to accept the truth that he is a man. He only accepts the possibility of putting on the female persona. I guess I’ll treat him as I treated relatives who are demented. You can’t tell them that someone they want to call on the phone has been dead for 30 years; they can’t accept the news that the person is dead. It just doesn’t compute. I think this fellow is in just about that spot. He’s convinced himself he is actually female rather than actually being a male who is (for whatever reason) deeply uncomfortable being a male, and he doesn’t cope with being confronted with reality. I guess I’m in a position to cope with the reality that he’s deluded and that confronting him is not going to help him.
QwertyGirl said:
I don’t have a clue what Jesus would do in this situation. The best I can offer is to treat someone the way I would want to be treated if I was uncomfortable in my own skin.
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Exactly. Our Lord could heal him. Our Lord could know what’s going on inside of him. I can’t and I don’t. I can only guess at what would be the best thing for me in the same situation. I don’t know if going along with the delusion would be the best thing, but I know I wouldn’t blame someone who decided to just humor me because they couldn’t talk me out of something my psychiatrist allowed me to talk myself into.

This is very hard, because it feels as if it is on a different plane than keeping my mouth shut about people who know what the Church teaches about marriage and yet refuse to follow it. This feels more like 14 year olds being talked into plural marriages–that is, someone very vulnerable being lead into something very wrong. Part of me feels I ought to speak up, but part of me says to recognize when saying something will only compound the problem. I’m also unhappy with the number of people who target the people with the dysphoria as the “problem.” Good grief, no one makes up this mental issue. That part, we know is real. They may be wrong about whether they are male or female, but they surely know they are suffering. It is very difficult to know what to do.
 
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QwertyGirl said:
LOL that isn’t proper. They is plural.
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Quite. This practice of referring to a singular party as “they/ them” grates against my grammatical conscience. I know it’s because English has no real neutral gender, but egads. It just seems lazy to me!
 
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This is coming up a lot, I have a friend that I’m 99% sure is transgender(other friends call her “he” and she has a different name she uses)

I’ve often questioned what I would do if she every officially comes out to me as trans. I do think I’d be uncomfortable calling her “he” and by this new name, but I value her friendship greatly so I certainly don’t want to cut her off by continuing to call her “she”
 
I have been thinking about this issue quite a bit. I have a few friends who have come out as trans, and as a teacher, at least a few students every semester who are trans.
I don’t think it is about controlling what words come out of your mouth. It’s about meeting people where they are. I have spoken to some individuals (including ones who are faithful Christians and do not necessarily consider themselves as part of the LGBT community) with gender dysphoria and there have been moments in their lives when people deliberately calling them something other than their preferred name/ pronoun has truly caused them deep pain and even led to suicidal thoughts.
I think there are better and more sensitive ways to affirm the Church’s teachings. Using a particular pronoun/ name, or going as far to cut someone off just for being trans does nothing but cause pain and conflict. Even though it is not our intention, it could send the message that we care more about “being right” than the person in front of us. If my transgender friends want to have an honest discussion about my beliefs regarding human identity and sexuality, I’d be happy to do so- I am not hiding anything or speaking up against Church teaching (and I do not think the Church has a teaching on what pronouns to use!) but I want to be compassionate.
 
Are we doing anyone who is living in a dangerously sinful lifestyle a service by playing into a false reality rather than staying true to God’s word?
Are some of us capitulating to a false narative rather than to face shunning and derision by so called “friends”?
Being forced to completely change my Kings English in order to accomodate someones sinful nature/lifestyle is not the answer…trusting in God’s divine plan and staying the course…running the race with honor is IMHO.
We can still show our love by living and praying and serving the Truth…
 
CoeurRempli said:
If my transgender friends want to have an honest discussion about my beliefs regarding human identity and sexuality, I’d be happy to do so- I am not hiding anything or speaking up against Church teaching (and I do not think the Church has a teaching on what pronouns to use!) but I want to be compassionate.
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I enjoyed reading your post. You sound like a very loving person.
 
If you even have to think about this question, then you and the person aren’t “friends” and you’d be better off being honest and distancing yourself from the person.
 
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QwertyGirl said:
I enjoyed reading your post. You sound like a very loving person.
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Aw you are very kind 🙂
BlueMaxx said:
Are we doing anyone who is living in a dangerously sinful lifestyle a service by playing into a false reality rather than staying true to God’s word?

Are some of us capitulating to a false narative rather than to face shunning and derision by so called “friends”?

Being forced to completely change my Kings English in order to accomodate someones sinful nature/lifestyle is not the answer…trusting in God’s divine plan and staying the course…running the race with honor is IMHO.

We can still show our love by living and praying and serving the Truth…
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Again, I don’t think it’s necessarily playing into a false reality but meeting somewhere where they are at. Not a perfect analogy, but if someone had a very intense and irrational fear of something, telling them to get over it, that their fear is not real, and refusing to accomodate them isn’t going to help.

Let’s not forget that for many transgender people, the issue is not just one of ideology and being right. Many of them are hurting and experiencing a lot of pain due to their dysphoria.
 
Oh, I whole heartedly agree.

A lot, if not the majority who are struggling with gender identity issues are truly suffering inside. I think that is why the suicide rate for these folks is so great unfortunately.

I have known a lot of homosexual folks with the same internal struggle…and some of those have passed by their own hand. Some by living such a dangerous lifestyle they ended up dying from the consequences.

To me, this is the saddest thing in the world.

I often think to myself…especially of a very dear childhood friend who killed himself just recently “how would Christ have counseled him?”

I had know “Chris” since we were small children…he always struggled with his sexuality. What, if anything could have someone done different?..I digress…I just do not want anyone to think I am being cold hearted in my view…this stuff does affect me personally.

I just think about times in my life where someone who really not only loved me but cared about my soul took a hard line and told me what I did not want to hear at the time. I resented them, and some I never spoke to again. Now, many years on down the line I see they were not only right in doing and saying what they did, but also loving.

I am merely suggesting that by not playing the pronoun game, not advocating bodily mutilation, not allowing myself to be dragged into delusional science may in fact be beneficial and not as hard hearted as it first may sound.

To be clear, if I was introduced to a person who was X and now identifies as Y (no pun intended) I would call them whatever name they tell me. I would not refer to them as “it” or any other derogatory term. If it was someone I had known since forever, that would be a different.

But I will not be “forced” through PC mania run amok to perpetuate what is basically a lie…we are what we are. God did not make a mistake…I think that gets lost a lot in these conversations. We all just have different crosses to bear…

Just my .02

M
 
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