Uncharitable response to request for help

[57classic]

The remark about “repeat offenders” was my clue to what they not only think but are willing to say to my face.

Here is what the bulletin item will look like:

Sodality will host gift card shower for XXXX XXXXXX House residents on May 16th at 7:00 pm.
Did you know that XXXX XXXXXX House takes in mothers from age 10 to 21? Many girls come from foster care so in their own homes, they did not receive the love they needed and were not taught about self respect so in looking for love may have mistaken what they see on TV for love. These mothers have chosen to have their babies instead of the other choice available to them, they should know we appreciate them! Other mothers who announce they are having a baby get excited responses from the father, their families and friends. They also get Mother’s Day cards and gifts for years to come. They have an home to live in and raise their children together with the father of those children. That is not the case for these moms. Please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life! “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”
Per phone call to the director of the House, the residents are most in need of gift cards for their own needs such as places where they can purchase clothing and health and beauty items. The mothers-to-be would also appreciate gift cards for local restaurants and a movie. From their website are these suggestions: Gift Cards: Walmart, Dillons, Cerv’s, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Taco Shop, Burger King, Subway, etc…
At the moment, the home has all the baby items they can use.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

The remark about “repeat offenders” was my clue to what they not only think but are willing to say to my face.

Did everyone you speak to, make such remarks? All the women in this group have a hive mind? Your attitude reminds me of Obama supporters who assume anyone who disagrees with him, must be a racist. Sure, SOME of the women might see unwed mothers as whores, much as SOME who oppose Obama, are indeed racist. But it would be unfair, indeed, uncharitable, to assume this is the case of everyone who disagrees with a policy, that they do so out of hard hearts or prejudice.

Here is what the bulletin item will look like:

Sodality will host gift card shower for XXXX XXXXXX House residents on May 16th at 7:00 pm.
Did you know that XXXX XXXXXX House takes in mothers from age 10 to 21? Many girls come from foster care so in their own homes, they did not receive the love they needed and were not taught about self respect so in looking for love may have mistaken what they see on TV for love. These mothers have chosen to have their babies instead of the other choice available to them, they should know we appreciate them! Other mothers who announce they are having a baby get excited responses from the father, their families and friends. They also get Mother’s Day cards and gifts for years to come. They have an home to live in and raise their children together with the father of those children. That is not the case for these moms. Please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life! “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”
Per phone call to the director of the House, the residents are most in need of gift cards for their own needs such as places where they can purchase clothing and health and beauty items. The mothers-to-be would also appreciate gift cards for local restaurants and a movie. From their website are these suggestions: Gift Cards: Walmart, Dillons, Cerv’s, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Taco Shop, Burger King, Subway, etc…
At the moment, the home has all the baby items they can use.

I actually think this isn’t bad, but I think the “please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life” is enough, you don’t need to harp on the concept that the mothers chose life as opposed to abortion.

And for the record, I do NOT think unwed mothers are unrepentant whores.

ETA: I have actually seen some people on CAF object even to baby showers that involve gifts meant to meet the needs of the babies of the unwed mothers, as somehow being the same as a “party” or “reward” for a mother’s sinful behavior. Such people find “standing their ground” and “not supporting sin” to be more important, than even helping the actual innocent baby. But this isn’t the case for these women, since they were willing to donate the baby items. Think about that, before you condemn them and make such uncharitable assumptions about them.

 

[57classic]

Did everyone you speak to, make such remarks? All the women in this group have a hive mind? Your attitude reminds me of Obama supporters who assume anyone who disagrees with him, must be a racist. Sure, SOME of the women might see unwed mothers as whores, much as SOME who oppose Obama, are indeed racist. But it would be unfair, indeed, uncharitable, to assume this is the case of everyone who disagrees with a policy, that they do so out of hard hearts or prejudice.

I actually think this isn’t bad, but I think the “please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life” is enough, you don’t need to harp on the concept that the mothers chose life as opposed to abortion.

And for the record, I do NOT think unwed mothers are unrepentant whores.

ETA: I have actually seen some people on CAF object even to baby showers that involve gifts meant to meet the needs of the babies of the unwed mothers, as somehow being the same as a “party” or “reward” for a mother’s sinful behavior. Such people find “standing their ground” and “not supporting sin” to be more important, than even helping the actual innocent baby. But this isn’t the case for these women, since they were willing to donate the baby items. Think about that, before you condemn them and make such uncharitable assumptions about them.

I know I said I wasn’t going to post again but here goes.
I spoke to one small group over coffee and rolls Sunday morning and asked if they planned to come to the shower. After the initial response, I realized I needed to rephrase my bulletin announcement before next weekend thus, I came here and encountered more misunderstanding of my own motives than I thought possible.

When the director asked me to focus on the mothers, it was a V-8 moment for me, we had been going along doing what we always do for so many years without giving a thought to other facets of the needs of the home. I thought, ok I assumed, others would have the same ah ha moment. The prior president did just as I did and she would be horrified if I told her the other responses which I will not. I have saved that for you, strangers who will not ever know who we are or where we live.

One poster asked if am I worried about the response of the director. Not really, I don’t think she will be as hard on me as I am on myself for bungling this project.

 

[PhiloMed]

I know I said I wasn’t going to post again but here goes.
I spoke to one small group over coffee and rolls Sunday morning and asked if they planned to come to the shower. After the initial response, I realized I needed to rephrase my bulletin announcement before next weekend thus, I came here and encountered more misunderstanding of my own motives than I thought possible.

When the director asked me to focus on the mothers, it was a V-8 moment for me, we had been going along doing what we always do for so many years without giving a thought to other facets of the needs of the home. I thought, ok I assumed, others would have the same ah ha moment. The prior president did just as I did and she would be horrified if I told her the other responses which I will not. I have saved that for you, strangers who will not ever know who we are or where we live.

One poster asked if am I worried about the response of the director. Not really, I don’t think she will be as hard on me as I am on myself for bungling this project.

Because you phrased it poorly both times.

The responses you got were actually very reasonable explanations for why you got the chilly reception you did from your small group.

And for the record, I have worked on many fundraisers for a local womens’ home similar to the one you are describing.

Not once have we asked people to provide fast food and movie tickets for pregnant women. Not once. The fast food request particularly would raise eyebrows. Why feed a pregnant woman junk?

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Because you phrased it poorly both times.

The responses you got were actually very reasonable explanations for why you got the chilly reception you did from your small group.

And for the record, I have worked on many fundraisers for a local womens’ home similar to the one you are describing.

Not once have we asked people to provide fast food and movie tickets for pregnant women. Not once. The fast food request particularly would raise eyebrows. Why feed a pregnant woman junk?

I don’t know if you read the whole topic, but to be fair to the OP, I think she might have listed the fast food eateries due to some posters suggesting some would find a gift card to McDonald’s to be less frivolous, compared to a gift card for a more expensive restaurant, such as, say, the Cheesecake Factory, though neither chain is exactly known for healthy eats.

 

[Eliza10]

Why the strawman? No one posting on this topic has even implied that an unwed mother residing at this home is or must be an “unrepentant whore”.

So, I guess you are just going to ignore all the reasonable responses here that tried to explain why you got the response you did. No, you can just look into the hearts of every woman you spoke to, and know that the only reason they were disappointed, is because they thought you were soliciting donations for “unrepentant whores”.

I do wish you luck in your quest. I assume you won’t be actually stating “I know you’re all a bunch of closed-minded, nasty biddies who think all unwed mothers are unrepentant whores – but I want you to donate these items and cards anyway.”

Yes, unfortunately, that seems to be where 57classic is coming from. Are we wrong, 57classic??? I hope so.

Yes, 57Classic, I sure hope we are wrong. But it sounds to me like you are thinking just along the lines of ToeInTheWater here, above. And if such is your attitude, besides being false and misjudging, its *not going to serve you in the long haul. *Its going to *bite you back. * You are going to lose your helpful base of people, instead of *increase *them, in productivity and number.

Its just not wise, or right, or godly to look at people and make false bad assumptions about them. And its pretty hard to miss that you are being seen that way when you are - so you can be sure they are sensing it from you. And most people will just quietly leave you when they sense that. And take their charity somewhere where it seems needed and appreciated.

Those giving of themselves are probably are good at heart, and if you believe that, you will draw it out of them. But if you see them as selfish, uncooperative, unkind people, - well, it just might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Its going to come back to you. Some would say that you get the karma you send out right back at you.

[To be more specific, 57classic, it seem to me you falsely judged the disappointed faces of the older women, deciding that they were uncharitable persons, and further, it seems as if you are saying they are uncharitible in spirit, as well - considering unwed mothers to be whores! Wow. Serious accusation! I feel certain you are wrong if you think that’s what is in their hearts. .]

 

[57classic]

Because you phrased it poorly both times.

The responses you got were actually very reasonable explanations for why you got the chilly reception you did from your small group.

And for the record, I have worked on many fundraisers for a local womens’ home similar to the one you are describing.

Not once have we asked people to provide fast food and movie tickets for pregnant women. Not once. The fast food request particularly would raise eyebrows. Why feed a pregnant woman junk?

Did you see where I said that was copied from their website. I don’t know why they would want to feed them junk I didn’t ask, its NOT MY BUSINESS. One night out, even with junk food is not going to harm a baby as much a depressed teenager might harm herself and her baby.

I have seen other posters in regard to homeless people state that they might slip into a quick stop and get them a sandwich instead of giving cash. I’ve never seen anyone attack them for not giving the homeless a salad instead.

 

[heidi_storage]

Because you phrased it poorly both times.

The responses you got were actually very reasonable explanations for why you got the chilly reception you did from your small group.

And for the record, I have worked on many fundraisers for a local womens’ home similar to the one you are describing.

Not once have we asked people to provide fast food and movie tickets for pregnant women. Not once. The fast food request particularly would raise eyebrows. Why feed a pregnant woman junk?

Second this post. I think you would get better responses if you didn’t have an antagonistic attitude to people who are donating their resources. There is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting a particular line of donations, but your tone is (no doubt unintentionally) coming across as scolding and holier-than-thou. Would you consider a slight rewording?

“Sodality will host gift card shower for XXXX XXXXXX House residents on May 16th at 7:00 pm.”

Did you know that XXXX XXXXXX House takes in mothers from age 10 to 21? Many girls come from foster care, and have not experienced the kind of love and support that is so critical to healthy emotional, social, and spiritual development. Some may not have a stable home, loving relationships with their families, or the support of the father of their child. Let’s show our love for these young women, who have chosen to give their babies the gift of life.
Please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life! “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”

At the moment, the home has all the baby items they can use. Per phone call to the director of the House, the residents are most in need of gift cards for their own needs such as places where they can purchase clothing and health and beauty items. If you would like to give the mothers-to-be a nice outing, gift cards for local restaurants and a movie would be much appreciated. Here is a list of suggestions from the home’s website: Gift Cards: Walmart, Dillons, Cerv’s, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Taco Shop, Burger King, Subway, etc…

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Did you see where I said that was copied from their website. I don’t know why they would want to feed them junk I didn’t ask, its NOT MY BUSINESS. One night out, even with junk food is not going to harm a baby as much a depressed teenager might harm herself and her baby.

I have seen other posters in regard to homeless people state that they might slip into a quick stop and get them a sandwich instead of giving cash. I’ve never seen anyone attack them for not giving the homeless a salad instead.

Actually, it IS your business. Do you actually think that “charity” is something that should not involve any discernment at all, that we should just give to charities without making any effort to determine if doing so will actually accomplish what we want?

As I mentioned before, I stopped donating to WWP when I found out about their excesses. I suppose I should have just figured, “I don’t know why they would want to spend so much money on “team-building” exercises, but I won’t ask, it’s not my business, I have a moral obligation to donate to them anyway.”

There are many Christians who refuse to donate to charitable groups that contribute to embroynic stem cell research. Are they also being “uncharitable”?

Christian charity is a thing, but “I don’t want to donate gift cards that will pay for unhealthy food” is discernment. Exercising discernment in one’s charitable giving, is not the same as being uncharitable.

 

[57classic]

Second this post. I think you would get better responses if you didn’t have an antagonistic attitude to people who are donating their resources. There is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting a particular line of donations, but your tone is (no doubt unintentionally) coming across as scolding and holier-than-thou. Would you consider a slight rewording?

“Sodality will host gift card shower for XXXX XXXXXX House residents on May 16th at 7:00 pm.”

Did you know that XXXX XXXXXX House takes in mothers from age 10 to 21? Many girls come from foster care, and have not experienced the kind of love and support that is so critical to healthy emotional, social, and spiritual development. Some may not have a stable home, loving relationships with their families, or the support of the father of their child. Let’s show our love for these young women, who have chosen to give their babies the gift of life.
Please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life! “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”

At the moment, the home has all the baby items they can use. Per phone call to the director of the House, the residents are most in need of gift cards for their own needs such as places where they can purchase clothing and health and beauty items. If you would like to give the mothers-to-be a nice outing, gift cards for local restaurants and a movie would be much appreciated. Here is a list of suggestions from the home’s website: Gift Cards: Walmart, Dillons, Cerv’s, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Taco Shop, Burger King, Subway, etc…

Heidi
I have submitted the first and also your edited version and will leave it up to the church secretary and/or Father to decide which best suits the parish. I have not confided any of this to anyone except here where we are virtual strangers. If it appeared that I am uncharitable to my fellow parishioners, thankfully they haven’t noticed it as we all had a jolly time at bible study yesterday with no undercurrent of tension. I don’t mean to come off as mean. This is a project near my own heart thru many family experiences. This is an opportunity for people to give in just the way we have been studying in our sessions and I was hoping for more enthusiasm.

 

[57classic]

Actually, it IS your business. Do you actually think that “charity” is something that should not involve any discernment at all, that we should just give to charities without making any effort to determine if doing so will actually accomplish what we want?

As I mentioned before, I stopped donating to WWP when I found out about their excesses. I suppose I should have just figured, “I don’t know why they would want to spend so much money on “team-building” exercises, but I won’t ask, it’s not my business, I have a moral obligation to donate to them anyway.”

There are many Christians who refuse to donate to charitable groups that contribute to embroynic stem cell research. Are they also being “uncharitable”?

Christian charity is a thing, but “I don’t want to donate gift cards that will pay for unhealthy food” is discernment. Exercising discernment in one’s charitable giving, is not the same as being uncharitable.

Then they could give a gift card to a place where the moms can buy underwear, shoes, and deodorant. There were several possibilities offered.

A lot of things are being assumed that just aren’t true. I am not an unthinking, uncaring person who wants others to give their hard earned dollars to some unvetted charity to use for goodness knows what. This is a local house in a town where most of us shop regularly being that it is the nearest town of any size. Many of us have sent our kids to college there and the Home is just a few blocks from campus. Many of the ladies have in the past toured the Home, met the director and seen those who were in residence at the time. There is only so much that can be conveyed in an initial post and past that, it begins to sound like a rant or gossip without the names. That is not why I came here. I came for help and have been told over and over how badly I have done this thing and the more I try to explain the situation, that the conversation stopped soon after the negativity started, that I am the only one who knows there is a perception problem, the worse I am piled on. I have explained that one of the reasons I was dismayed was because we had just studied the works of mercy and this seemed like a perfect project as was presented to us in our workbook. I am working thru problems just as everyone else is and thought I was making progress until I came here. I guess you should have seen me a year ago.
Anyway, thanks for your thoughts.

 

[PhiloMed]

Then they could give a gift card to a place where the moms can buy underwear, shoes, and deodorant. There were several possibilities offered.

Have they considered doing donations of maternity clothes? Our church does this yearly. They take childrens clothes, which are in abundance, but many women find that they have a maternity winter coat in the back of their closet or piles of maternity pants. Having some well-fitted maternity clothes makes ALL the difference in not only appearance but general sense of well being for a pregnant woman. I always found that pajamas were problematic for me too. It’s difficult to sleep comfortably and if your pajama pants are too tight that makes it even worse.

I don’t mean this as an alternative to personal care items, but in addition to.

EDIT: I’ve always found that maternity clothes are difficult to find at consignment stores and it’s annoying buying clothes to only wear for a few months.

 

[Xantippe]

The remark about “repeat offenders” was my clue to what they not only think but are willing to say to my face.

Here is what the bulletin item will look like:

Sodality will host gift card shower for XXXX XXXXXX House residents on May 16th at 7:00 pm.
Did you know that XXXX XXXXXX House takes in mothers from age 10 to 21? Many girls come from foster care so **in their own homes, they did not receive the love they needed and were not taught about self respect so in looking for love may have mistaken what they see on TV for love. **These mothers **have chosen to have their babies instead of the other choice available to them, they should know we appreciate them! ** Other mothers who announce they are having a baby get excited responses from the father, their families and friends. They also get Mother’s Day cards and gifts for years to come. They have an home to live in and raise their children together with the father of those children. That is not the case for these moms. Please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life! “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”
Per phone call to the director of the House, the residents are most in need of gift cards for their own needs such as places where they can purchase clothing and health and beauty items. The mothers-to-be would also appreciate gift cards for local restaurants and a movie. From their website are these suggestions: Gift Cards: Walmart, Dillons, Cerv’s, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Taco Shop, Burger King, Subway, etc…
At the moment, the home has all the baby items they can use.

Nah, the “repeat offender” remarker tells you what** one **person (the person who said it) was thinking.

I’d swap in “hygiene” for beauty. I would probably also point out the obvious, that with a changing shape, the mothers need different clothes and possibly shoes. I know it’s obvious, but a lot of people won’t immediately put 2 and 2 together and realize pregnancy = needs bigger clothes and shoes. Connect the dots for them.

Otherwise, not bad.

 

[Xantippe]

Second this post. I think you would get better responses if you didn’t have an antagonistic attitude to people who are donating their resources. There is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting a particular line of donations, but your tone is (no doubt unintentionally) coming across as scolding and holier-than-thou. Would you consider a slight rewording?

“Sodality will host gift card shower for XXXX XXXXXX House residents on May 16th at 7:00 pm.”

Did you know that XXXX XXXXXX House takes in mothers from age 10 to 21? Many girls come from foster care, and have not experienced the kind of love and support that is so critical to healthy emotional, social, and spiritual development. Some may not have a stable home, loving relationships with their families, or the support of the father of their child. Let’s show our love for these young women, who have chosen to give their babies the gift of life.
Please come to the shower and celebrate their choice of life! “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.”

At the moment, the home has all the baby items they can use. Per phone call to the director of the House, the residents are most in need of gift cards for their own needs such as places where they can purchase clothing and health and beauty items. If you would like to give the mothers-to-be a nice outing, gift cards for local restaurants and a movie would be much appreciated. Here is a list of suggestions from the home’s website: Gift Cards: Walmart, Dillons, Cerv’s, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Taco Shop, Burger King, Subway, etc…

That’s very good.

I especially like the part about “a nice outing” because it makes it clear that it’s a special occasion for the girls.

 

[heidi_storage]

That’s very good.

I especially like the part about “a nice outing” because it makes it clear that it’s a special occasion for the girls.

Thanks! OP, I understand the cause is close to your heart. It’s great that any misunderstandings have been confined to us, a group of internet strangers, and that your Bible study was warm and jolly.

 

[57classic]

Thanks! OP, I understand the cause is close to your heart. It’s great that any misunderstandings have been confined to us, a group of internet strangers, and that your Bible study was warm and jolly.

Better here online where no one can know the names of the women with whom I was conversing than to attempt to request advice here in my community where many people know who was sitting with me on Sunday. I realize “virtual strangers” can be taken as an insult to the many people here who have formed relationships. However, here, not online, when we have serious conversations about the behavior of other people, those persons can be identified and it becomes gossip. Bible study could be warm and jolly because after coming here, I glimpsed another perspective and I was able to not express my initial dismay.
I don’t have to agree with them just as they don’t agree with me, but this way no one is aware there was any disagreement and with your help and the help of the other posters, I may have been able to show them a perspective they hadn’t considered and can in the end, support.

 

[57classic]

God bless you and thank you for sharing. If I have made you feel “piled on” in any way I sincerely apologize. I meant only to discuss your thoughts and your thought process. I rather enjoy thinking about my own thought process, as I have often in my life discovered errors quite frequently in fact! I am a work in progress as is everyone really.

What stood out for me in your posts the most, and kindly forgive me if I am wrong, was not that your announcement was wrong, or that the notice was wrong or that the women in your parish are rude, but that you have been clearly and beautifully moved to be compassionate to the women in this shelter, but the women in your parish have not been and this is upsetting to you in a big way but if you take a step back, perhaps this isn’t fair of you because the Holy Spirit doesn’t always move everyone, every time.

You know sometimes at Mass we have people come and speak and they ask for money and I don’t donate anything, other times I feel so compelled by what they say I might write a large check on the spot! Either way I pray for them. Have you been at Mass and had that same feeling? I know your heart is in the right place and you had high hopes for this shower, I know you want to help and I know you are trying to do the right thing. Since I couldn’t see the women’s faces I can’t say for sure if they were nasty.

Perhaps pre-conceived notions are at play here too. You probably had pre-conceived notions about how the women would behave as well as pre-conceived notions about the responses you might receive on this Catholic internet forum. God sometimes keeps us on our toes, I know in my life I have been blindsided many times, some good some bad. Clearly you are a kind soul trying to do your best! Please know I am praying for you and wish you peace.

Thank you, I needed that. I really thought the women would see this as I did, an oversight because we all get googly eyed over babies and forget the mothers who are in an unfortunate situation. Everybody should be happy about babies, but that just isn’t reality. I was mentally kicking myself for never in all those years thinking of the mothers and their suffering or what we could do for them. It just happened that the first group I asked if they planned to come after it was announced in the bulletin was unhappy with the change of focus. At that point, I paused and asked the forum for help before the next bulletin comes out.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

I wonder if the woman who scrunched up their faces felt what I felt when I asked a friend what her daughter might want for her wedding. I have known her daughter since she was a child and I know she loves pretty things and has a romantic heart and I have a good idea about what she likes, but I was very curious to see what she would choose for herself in a registry. And with plenty of advance notice maybe I would be able to find things that go with the things she likes - like the perfect tablecloth for her china, or, a little furniture piece I fixed up myself to go with their style and color. Some kind of personal touch. Was I disappointed when she said they really need cash for a car… Ug - a car is something I personally do not invest in, becaseu I know the depreciation. I buy practical not pretty in a car, and make it last. And wedding gift, IMO, should be something they always enjoy, and hopefully sentimentally they will remember this is something they got on their wedding day for years to come - especially if you choose carefully for that bride. Which is why crystal and silver were once always popular gifts - because you always have it. I really like the challenge of finding something that just might fit that bill… Cash is always useful, and for those who do NOT like to shop, choose, think and ponder, or feel they are bad at that, or do not want to offer their time to the task of shopping. So cash is always welcome! But to put out that you want cash-only takes away from the joy of giving, from those who like* that* aspect of it, who feel they are giving of themselves that way more than with money. Its a big disappointment.

Maybe in the same way these women enjoy the shower for the reason that they make useful use of their excellent shopping experience. Perhaps one feels particularly good at finding fantastic bargains - and here is a chance to use that gift for good. It makes her feel useful. Another likes to find the very thing that, if they were a Mom, they would love to have for their little one - and choosing it gives their heart happiness that this Mom will feel as they did, gazing at their little one.

Instead, they hear: your gifts, your talents, your loving intentions - those aren’t need here. Cash only, please. Which is basically all a gift card is. A trip to Supermarket’ gift card end-cap. And its really inefficient to send all the ladies on the same errand that takes no talent anyway. Just collect their money and send one person to pick a passel of gift cards.

So, those who wanted to use their gifts and talents and love to participate in a shower *really *aren’t needed. Only their cash. That’s the reason for the disappointed faces.

It seems you are better off having a fund-raiser for the cash, and having a shower for those who love gift-giving. Because while gift-giving may not seem very important to everyone, it really is a gift of value they are giving - themselves. And their gift or talent they have just been told is not needed.

I am explaining this as thoroughly as I can so you do not make the mistake of mis-judging those squinching faces as being those of selfish and uncaring people. That would not be fair, right or just of you, and in fact would be a sad sin that hurts *you, *to misjudge like that. Disappointment is a natural human emotion, and its disappointing to hear that something you value about yourself is of no value, especially to those you thought it DID matter to.

Facing the need you have, it would have been better to get these people involved in the decision, rather than dictate to them that you decide that all you want from them is their money. Like, asking them how they think the need of these Moms should be met. If you let them brainstorm on it, they might even even come up with more ideas - fundraisers, etc., that they would be willing to act on, since they had the idea, that in the end, would meet the need in a way that exceeded your expectation.

While that may all be true, we aren’t called to be generous because of how it makes us feel or what we get out of it. Where’s the sacrifice in only doing things that are easy or make us feel good? Plus, in this case, the home is looking for what they believe the moms and children need. Wedding gifts, while all generally useful, or gifts moreso than an answer to pleas for help.

Charities like this, who specialize in what their supportees need, are the ones who request certain things. This wasn’t a “hey, I have a unique idea this year!” moment. The people most in touch of what is needed put out a request. Again, if that request is not something you are comfortable with, so be it. Snarky comments and making faces is something I don’t tolerate from my children. No one is frankly privy to whether or not these women or babies actually need anything that is requested. They are free to choose not to donate, but neither them nor any of us is in a position to say whether or not women’s underwear versus diapers versus gift cards are actually needed. That is a bit presumptuous. However, this topic will do nothing to change the scrunchy faces, since they are not here.

I would emphasize in the bulletin why the items are being requested, why they are needed, who made the request (“The Smallville Pregnancy center has requested that…”), and end with some sort of quote about selfless giving or generosity from scripture. At that point, if people decide not to, it is between them and God, and there reason are their own. Not much else you can do.

I sympathize, especially for someone volunteering for such a worthy cause, but unless the Catholic Daughters of America are reading this topic, it isn’t going to change their understanding of what is needed.

 

[57classic]

While that may all be true, we aren’t called to be generous because of how it makes us feel or what we get out of it. Where’s the sacrifice in only doing things that are easy or make us feel good? Plus, in this case, the home is looking for what they believe the moms and children need. Wedding gifts, while all generally useful, or gifts moreso than an answer to pleas for help.

Charities like this, who specialize in what their supportees need, are the ones who request certain things. This wasn’t a “hey, I have a unique idea this year!” moment. The people most in touch of what is needed put out a request. Again, if that request is not something you are comfortable with, so be it. Snarky comments and making faces is something I don’t tolerate from my children. No one is frankly privy to whether or not these women or babies actually need anything that is requested. They are free to choose not to donate, but neither them nor any of us is in a position to say whether or not women’s underwear versus diapers versus gift cards are actually needed. The is a bit presumptuous. However, this topic will do nothing to change the scrunchy faces, since they are not here.

I would emphasize in the bulletin why the items are being requested, why they are needed, who made the request (“The Smallville Pregnancy center has requested that…”), and end with some sort of quote about selfless giving or generosity from scripture. At that point, if people decide not to, it is between them and God, and there reason are their own. Not much else you can do.

I sympathize, especially for someone volunteering for such a worthy cause, but unless the Catholic Daughters of America are reading this topic, it isn’t going to change their understanding of what is needed.

Thank you, and I see you caught the reference to the Land of Oz

 

[Xantippe]

While that may all be true, we aren’t called to be generous because of how it makes us feel or what we get out of it. Where’s the sacrifice in only doing things that are easy or make us feel good? Plus, in this case, the home is looking for what they believe the moms and children need. Wedding gifts, while all generally useful, or gifts moreso than an answer to pleas for help.

Charities like this, who specialize in what their supportees need, are the ones who request certain things. This wasn’t a “hey, I have a unique idea this year!” moment. The people most in touch of what is needed put out a request. Again, if that request is not something you are comfortable with, so be it. Snarky comments and making faces is something I don’t tolerate from my children. No one is frankly privy to whether or not these women or babies actually need anything that is requested. They are free to choose not to donate, but neither them nor any of us is in a position to say whether or not women’s underwear versus diapers versus gift cards are actually needed. That is a bit presumptuous. However, this topic will do nothing to change the scrunchy faces, since they are not here.

I would emphasize in the bulletin why the items are being requested, why they are needed, who made the request (“The Smallville Pregnancy center has requested that…”), and end with some sort of quote about selfless giving or generosity from scripture. At that point, if people decide not to, it is between them and God, and there reason are their own. Not much else you can do.

I sympathize, especially for someone volunteering for such a worthy cause, but unless the Catholic Daughters of America are reading this topic, it isn’t going to change their understanding of what is needed.

Well, if the donors were to start thinking logically about how to do the most good with a particular sum of money, they might just send a check somewhere else entirely. For instance, to medical missionaries in subsaharan Africa or to special needs children in Eastern European orphanages.

Also, come to think of it, people are more likely to make deeper sacrifices for causes they believe in.

Humanly speaking, you will also get more out of people if they feel a personal connection to the project.

The OP needs to 1) help her fellow parishioners believe in and understand the project she is asking them to fund and 2) help them connect emotionally to the project. The great virtue of the old baby shower model was that achieved #1 and #2. If the OPs wants to achieve the same level of engagement and giving for the new project, she’ll need to figure out how to achieve that level of understanding and emotional engagement for the new project. As she is discovering, that’s easier said than done. I don’t think it’s impossible, but it will require some thought and sensitivity.

I agree with you that the WHY is very important. I expect that that’s the missing link. It hasn’t been spelled out exactly why the mothers need particular items, and I think the donors need to be spoonfed the reasons, rather than it just being assumed that they are selfish or evil-minded if they don’t immediately understand why the mothers need new shoes. So explain it to them.